Chapter 17
Seventeen
Irest my head against the car door, careful not to mess up my elaborately styled hair. I’ve sprayed it with three times the amount of normal hairspray to combat the early August Japanese humidity. Without it, my hair would be ultra frizzy.
“Do you want me to wake you when we arrive at the Imperial Palace, ma’am?” Art asks from the seat beside me.
“No, I’m just resting my eyes. There’s no chance of me falling asleep. I downed an entire can of Red Bull before we left the hotel so I could get through the banquet tonight.”
“Not coffee?”
“No. It won’t last long enough. I needed something stronger. The banquet’s going to be at least four hours long.”
“Which means we won’t be back before midnight.” Art sighs, glancing at me with concern. “Ma’am, would you like me to see about canceling your morning engagements so you can have a lie-in? You’ve been working nonstop since we arrived.”
“I’m exhausted, but I feel like it would come across as a massive insult to our guests if I cancel anything.
The main reason I’m here is to make up for the PM’s mistakes.
We only have to get through two more days.
And tomorrow shouldn’t be too bad. We’re finally doing some sightseeing in Kyoto between engagements!
I promise I’ll sleep when I’m on the plane home. ”
We’ve been in Japan for four days, and from the moment the plane touched down at Narita International Airport, it’s been all cylinders firing.
The scheduling office in London somehow miscalculated the time change.
All the dates were off. Instead of having a day to recover from jet lag when we arrived on Monday morning, after a fourteen-hour flight, I was faced with a full day of events, including lunch with the prime minister of Japan.
Tuesday, Wednesday, and today haven’t been much better.
It’s almost as if the planning offices in London and Tokyo couldn’t agree with one another on what events were the most important, so they decided they’d squash their schedules together and hope everything worked out for the best. It seems like every minute of the day is accounted for.
I’m either in a car on my way to meet with government leaders, or attending a reception held in my honor.
I haven’t been able to do much sightseeing.
At first, it was difficult to be under so much scrutiny.
The press and photographers are everywhere.
However, unlike back at home, the members of the Japanese media have been extremely polite and respectful.
I’ve even had a few of them bow and say “Thank you” to me after snapping a photo.
It’s helped me relax into my role and served as a reminder that not all members of the media are out to get me.
Now that we’re a few days in, I feel that I’ve finally gotten the hang of things.
Some of the frost has melted away from this Ice Princess.
Today is Thursday, and I’m off to a banquet at the Imperial Palace.
I’ve had little downtime to myself, which is fine.
I can handle this knowing that it’s temporary.
I’m more worried about the toll it’s taking on Art and Angela.
They’ve had to be up ready to go before me every day and haven’t been able to call it a day until I’m in bed.
I’ll wager they’re only averaging four hours of sleep a night, like me, but both of them tell me they’re fine every time I check.
“If you ask me, ma’am, I don’t think canceling one or two engagements would be insulting.”
Art’s right. Events at home get called off and rearranged all the time.
I could have my morning cleared, and it probably wouldn’t bother anyone, except me.
Clearing my day tomorrow would be the easy way out.
Being raised by a father who is a military man at heart, I’ve always been taught to keep calm and soldier on.
It’s probably why I’m so stubborn. I’m not giving up if I can help it.
I refuse to let anyone down on my first official engagement.
“I can do this,” I urge, picturing Kyoto’s temples, castles, and forest landscape that I’ve seen in all the photos of the city. It’ll be my reward for all the hard work I’ve put in.
A few moments of silence pass between us. “Do you promise you’ll let me know if you change your mind?” he asks in a tone so quiet, I almost don’t hear it.
“Mm-hmm.” I open my eyes and turn my head slightly to the left. My thoughts go to my bodyguard. It’s one of the rare occasions Art is sitting in the back seat with me. He looks incredibly handsome tonight in a form-fitting black tux. Every time I see him, I lose my breath a little bit.
Angela is riding in the car ahead of this one with the three other temporary members of my expanded detail.
She also looked elegant in a long, sequined dark-green evening gown.
I’ve been meaning to ask her where she hides her weapons and radio.
She has to be using something like a thigh holster.
Or maybe she plans to rely on hand-to-hand combat in the rare event there’s an attack.
“Do you need me to quiz you on any of the people you’ll see tonight?” Art asks.
“No. Thankfully, I can give my brain a little bit of a mental rest. I’ll probably be seated next to the emperor’s eldest daughter, Princess Kaori, or by the empress. They’re both easy to talk to and we actually have quite a few interests in common. I like them a lot.”
“The princess is around your age, isn’t she?”
“Yeah, she is. She’s twenty-one and has been attending uni in the States the last three years. I’m hoping maybe we can pick up where our conversation left off on Monday. We were talking about roller coasters.”
“Roller coasters? Are you both wild thrill-ride seekers?” he jokes.
The laugh lines around his eyes and his mouth crinkle.
I lick my lips. It’s like he’s playing a game with me.
It’s the one expression I find irresistible on him.
I rip my eyes away from his mouth and focus on an interesting spot on my clutch.
“No, nothing like that. They actually make me motion sick.” I laugh.
“Kaori is working toward a hybrid civic and structural engineering degree. She hopes to become a theme park attractions designer. I was curious about the different programs she’s been using to render the 3-D models of her designs in the computer. ”
“Huh, I’d never really considered designing roller coasters could be a full-time career.
That sounds like a brilliant job.” Art crosses one long leg over the other.
His shoes are polished to perfection. I can’t stand it any longer and lift my chin to meet his gaze.
He’s still smiling. My insides are beginning to melt like an ooey-gooey ice cream sundae.
“Doesn’t it?” I say enthusiastically. “Kaori is so passionate about it; she lights up like a Christmas tree. I don’t have any doubts she’ll be snapped up by a top design firm when the time comes.”
“Aren’t members of the Japanese imperial family not allowed to hold jobs?” he asks.
“They aren’t. In the long-term she’s planning to resign her title. She can’t inherit the throne. And if she marries, she’ll become a commoner. In her words, she’d like to make her own mark and do things on her own terms, rather than be subjected to antiquated standards.”
“She sounds a lot like somebody else I know.”
I decide not to answer him.
Art’s eyes linger on me. They’re overly large, and in this lighting, the color of a warm butterscotch.
My sundae is melting faster the longer we’re seated next to one another.
I hope we’re almost at our destination. “There’s something else on your mind—you can tell me anything, you know.
Whatever you say to me is confidential.”
“That’s what Bruce used to say.” He’s beginning to be able to read me with scary accuracy.
It’s been a long four days, and even after having a Red Bull, my brain is still mentally exhausted.
I lower my shields and open myself up to him.
“I know I shouldn’t be comparing myself to Kaori, but when I’m standing next to her, it’s hard not to.
She knows exactly what she wants to do, and the path she needs to follow to get there.
Me? I have no clue what I’m doing. I feel like an imposter.
I’m registered for the structural engineering course at Imperial because that’s what I’m interested in.
But I’m not too sure what I’ll do with it.
“Then there’s all this royal stuff to consider.
” I take a deep breath. “Everyone expects me to start taking on more responsibility now that I’m an adult.
While I’m at uni, it’s fine. My schedule is light.
But what happens after? I don’t know if I want to give up on my dream of becoming an engineer.
I think I might want to live a quiet life.
I loved being an anonymous person during my gap-year travels.
I hate the spotlight; speaking in public makes me queasy.
That’s why I come off as being so cold.”
For the first time ever, I’ve said what I’ve always felt aloud and shared it with another person. It’s no longer this deep, dark secret I have to hold back and pretend doesn’t exist. With Art, I’m free to be me. Plain old Alice. He sees me. Not just a girl with a title. I lick my lips.
Being so exhausted and near Art in a tux is testing me in every possible way. I’m trying hard to keep a tight grip on the emotions that are swelling inside of me. It’s like there’s a seed that’s been planted that’s yearning to break free of the soil to reach the sun.
Art stays quiet for a second. “I know you hate the limelight. I see it every time someone points a camera at you—your eyes have this tiny bit of panic in them that you try to hide.”
I manage a nod. He knows me. Even my brother and Jenna haven’t ever noticed. They think my time with my therapist has helped me conquer all my fears. But it hasn’t. At least not completely. I’m dying to let him know exactly how much his little observations mean to me.
“When it comes to your future, I don’t think you should worry too much. You haven’t even started uni yet. Everything will fall into place when the timing is right,” Art says.
I suppress a wince. I don’t want to appear young to him. I want to appear mature—a woman worth dating. Not a first-year student.
“Look at me. I’ve changed my mind about what I wanted to do a number of times. I jumped from wanting to attend culinary school to being a physio. And I didn’t end up doing either of those things. I became a police officer instead.”
My eyes widen. I never knew he’d considered culinary school. “What stopped you from becoming a baker?”
“Fear.” Art stares out the window and takes a moment before continuing.
“I love baking. It’s the way I relieve stress.
It’s something I did growing up with my mum and my nan.
I was afraid that if I chose to bake professionally, I’d lose my passion for it, and that’s a risk I wasn’t willing to take.
So I held back and decided to follow a different path. ”
My lips twitch as I picture the normally perfectly turned-out Art standing in a kitchen with his mother, coated in a light dusting of flour.
He wears an apron over the tux. His jacket has been removed, and the sleeves are rolled up to his elbow.
I picture discarded bowls and measuring utensils spread out over every square inch of space as he rolls out a dough, the muscles in his arms rippling from the effort.
My pulse increases. I chew on my lip. I. Must. Keep. Myself. In. Check.
“Do you think you made the right move?” I ask.
“For where I am right now in life, yeah, I think I did. For the most part, I’m pretty happy.
I know if something changes, I can always go back and change careers.
” He clears his throat. “For what it’s worth, I think you’re exactly where you need to be right now too.
Have you thought about having a proper chat with your parents on your thoughts about being a working royal? ”
“No. I’ve been too afraid to.” My voice is shaky. I try picturing my parents. Try thinking about anyone other than Art right now.
“Well, when you get home, I think it’s a conversation you should make a top priority.”
“My father is going to disown me.” For a moment it works. I imagine the scowling face of my papa.
“Ali, I’ve seen you interact with your father.
You two are close and he loves you. If you decide to just be Alice Wales, I think your father will still love and respect you.
I highly doubt he’d ever disown you. I think that right now, everything seems ten times worse because you’re exhausted.
After a good night’s sleep, things will seem better. I promise.”
All thoughts of my father disappear as Art starts to reach for my hand, but stops himself, setting it on his knee instead. I inhale deeply. He’s playing with fire. Is he feeling the same intense spark that I am? My fingers itch, longing to touch his hand. “You know exactly what I need to hear.”
“I’m always here if you need me, Alice.”
Hearing my name on his lips sends a wave of pleasure through my body. I stare at them again. They’re so full and the perfect shade of pink. I watch as he blinks slowly. My breath quickens, and suddenly, the urge is so unbearable, I can no longer fight it.
The car has stopped. I unbuckle my seat belt. I know I only have seconds before the door will open. “Art.” I twist my body toward him.
“Hmm?” He turns his head.
Leaning forward, I give in to my body and press my lips to his, stealing a kiss.
His eyes are wide with surprise, and he freezes.
His lips are just as soft as I’ve imagined them to be.
His cologne is like catnip, sending my senses into overdrive.
I don’t want to stop. This is the moment I’ve dreamed about for weeks.
I want my lips to stay locked with his forever.
Except we don’t have forever. The door opens. Immediately, I spring apart from him, and dash out of the car and up the steps to greet one of the palace stewards. I don’t risk looking back. I’m too afraid. I can’t believe what I’ve just done. Everything between us has just changed.
My entire body burns with shame. I didn’t think anything of the consequences that kiss could have. I lost a grip on my emotions and now I might have ruined everything. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.