6. Evan
6
Evan
L uke didn’t come home. I didn’t sleep. He has never been this upset with me. We’ve never gone this far with each other, and it has made everything more weighted. I’m so torn that my chest physically hurts. Is there even a world where I could let myself…no, I can’t even consider it. I can’t! ! It’s not—for me. I have to take control of my urges. Discipline . That’s all I need, right?
I sit on the edge of the bed with my head in my hands. I feel like utter shit. Memories of Luke’s fingers inside of me flicker across my brain until I squeeze my eyes shut tight. I open them and look down at my erect dick.
I want…
I can’t even admit it to myself…that I still want it.
Maybe if I let myself think about it for just a moment.
Would that be wrong? Is it really a sin?
I close my eyes and imagine Luke over me, sinking his cock into me. My dick bounces as my pulse races. I fall back onto the bed and take hold of my cock. I just hold myself because I shouldn’t…
But I can’t stop thinking about it.
Someone else has already done it to me. What difference would it make if Luke did?
It wouldn’t make me more perverse.
At least we love each other. Doesn’t that alone make it less of a bad thing?
But I’d never be able to stop. I know that’s the truth no matter how much I don’t want it to be.
What would be the cost of giving in? Of not giving in?
I let go of my cock. I can’t do this now. I get up and opt for a cold shower, a really cold shower.
No matter how long I stand under the icy water, it doesn’t help. The more I try not to think about it, the more real it feels. I want to think about Luke fucking me, so I do. While I’m in the shower. While I’m brushing my teeth. While I’m getting dressed. Even while I’m fixing my coffee for my tumbler.
I stand against the counter and stare at the sofa wishing he was lying there. If he were, I’d probably skip work. It would be too tempting to crawl over his long, strong body and rub my dick against his.
“ Fucking hell!” I yell to an empty room.
The coffee maker sputters, and I grab the cup. I suddenly feel so pissed at him. Pissed for the way he makes me feel. Pissed that he wants more. Pissed for the way he makes me forget who I am supposed to be. Pissed that I want to throw caution to the wind and break all the rules. Pissed that he didn’t come home. Mostly pissed that he’s not here to touch.
LUKE
I wait until after 8 am to go back to Evan’s apartment. I have the key he gave me, so I knew I could avoid seeing him. I’m fucking exhausted. I hung out at that same bar until it closed. Kari wasn’t working, which is probably for the best, because after my fight with Evan , I was hell-bent on fucking her.
Who am I saving myself for anyway?
Rachel’s texts didn’t help either. It angered me that now that I was hundreds of miles away, she could confess that she misses what we once had. It felt too easy for her to confess when I couldn’t do a damn thing about it.
Rachel doesn’t want to be with me, and Evan won’t let himself.
Until I came to visit him, I hadn’t so much as gotten a hand job since he left Wyoming . That is practically all he and I have done up until this point anyway; handjobs and blowjobs. Never at the same time as the other night. My dick hardens with the all-too-fresh memories. It is a relief that I’m alone in the elevator, because the bulge in my jeans is becoming obvious.
I breathe easier when I unlock the door and find the apartment empty. All I want is to be alone and to sleep.
Yeah , fucking sleep. I still haven’t gotten rid of the idea to find a woman to fuck. Maybe it’s for revenge. Maybe I want to hurt Evan like he’s hurt me. Mostly I want to feel good, for me, feel close to someone and not so damn alone. I should have gotten Kari’s number, and not just given her mine. I have no idea how I’m going to find a woman in this huge ass city.
Stripping off my clothes, I let them fall into my open bag. When I walk into the bathroom, I’m met with humid air. He was here, and not too long ago. Fuck , it smells like him. How am I supposed to get the thought of him out of my head?
I walk under the shower and slam on the faucet. Cold water reigns down on me causing me to jump away. Finally , it changes to warm, and I ease back under the spray. It makes me wonder if he took an ice-cold shower.
I cringe at the thought. Cold shower? Because of me?
I hate to admit it, but I hope so. I fucking hope so! My cock hopes so. I hope he was so hard for me it hurt. He deserves to be uncomfortable.
My stomach rumbles. Food is the farthest thing from my mind, but I can’t ignore my hunger. Still , I take my time in the shower. Enjoying the warm water and the quiet. No one is looking for me, or needing me. There are no responsibilities or expectations I need to fulfill for the day. I am free, as free as I can be, trapped in a big city with no idea where to go.
When I’m finished, I wrap a towel around my waist and trudge into the kitchen. When I open the fridge, I find it’s barren. I can’t help but roll my eyes. I don’t know how he lives like this. I start searching the cabinets and find a box of cheese crackers. Guess it will have to do. Coffee and crackers, breakfast of champions.
Taking my coffee into the living room, I sit on the sofa. He left the pillow and blankets for me. I’m half tempted to knock them across the room, but I intend on passing out as soon as I finish my coffee. Fuck that! I’m going to sleep in his bed. No one is going to tell me no.
I eat two handfuls of crackers and drink half my coffee. I’m too tired for any more. I leave the box and my cup on the table and go to the bedroom. It takes me a minute, but I figure out how to close the damn blinds. I can’t stand feeling like the entire city can see my ass. Thankfully , it darkens the room well enough. I let the towel drop and crawl into the cool sheets. Evan’s scent surrounds me, so I bury my face into the pillow. My dick throbs as I roll onto my stomach. Shamelessly , I rut and slide against the mattress and breathe in the scent of him, too exhausted to feel regret or hesitation. I just think about his body beneath me and the feel of his fingers in my ass, and pretend he wants me, pretend he loves me as much as I love him. I easily come against the sheet. My body throbs with pleasure, but sadness overtakes me.
Rolling over, I embrace his pillow. My brain shuts down, unable to deal with everything I’m feeling. I fall asleep imagining he’s here, and I’m holding on to him.
EVAN
LUKE: Kari called. Meeting her for dinner. Be back late.
The text arrived around four. I haven’t gotten shit done since. I’m supposed to be finishing up a project. The deadline is today, so I had to work late—again. Just as well. I don’t want to be home without him, knowing he’s on a fucking date. I finish my work around nine, and since I haven’t eaten all day, I’m starving. I decided to pick up some takeout on the way home because apparently, I’m eating alone.
Luke has been the center of my thoughts all day. I regret making him feel as if he’s not even worth kissing. He’s right. I have kissed the lips of women whose names I didn’t even know. I can give him that. I want to give him that. A kiss is just a kiss. People kiss all the time. There is no sin in that.
When I unlock my door, the apartment is dark, but the flatscreen is on. My heart picks up speed knowing he’s here. I take my food into the kitchen. “ How did your date go?” I toss the take-out on the counter and open the drawer for a fork.
“ It’s going great.”
I look up and see the waitress curled up next to Luke . “ Hey , Kari ! Sorry , I didn’t mean to interrupt.”
She waves her fingers at me and smiles. “ No worries. Not much happening on a Monday night.”
Luke stands and stretches. “ So I suggested we come back here and hang out.” He picks up her empty beer bottle and asks if she wants more to drink. I turn my back away from them and dive my fork into my General Tso’s . Luke enters the kitchen casually and smiles. He’s barefoot, but otherwise fully dressed.
“ How was work?” he asks.
I shrug. “ It was work.”
“ You should have told me you were working late.”
I look over my shoulder. “ What difference would it have made? Wasn’t even sure you wanted to hear from me.”
He frowns. “ I didn’t, but I don’t want to spend my time here like that.”
I breathe a sigh of relief. “ Neither do I .”
“ Is that General Tso’s ?” He knows full well it’s the only Chinese dish I order. He sticks his fingers into the box and snags a piece of chicken. After he pops it in his mouth, he licks his fingers, and I forget for a moment that we’re not alone.
“ Thought you already ate?” I ask once I’m able to regain my composure.
“ Some place that serves Indian food,” he whispers. I chuckle at the face he makes. He is probably as hungry as I am.
“ Grab a bowl. I’ll share.”
He leans his back against the counter across from me. His bare foot brushes against my ankle. “ I’m sorry,” he mouths.
I shake my head. “ Don’t you dare. I’m the one who should be sorry, and I am.”
He slides his foot along the inside of my ankle. “ Come join us. I caved on dinner, but she had to give when it came to watching John Wick . I refused to watch some historical drama.”
I laugh and almost choke on my food. “ I don’t want to interrupt.”
Luke smiles and angles his head for me to come with him. He grabs three beers out of the fridge and pops the cap on one before handing it to me and opening the other two. I follow him, and we sit on either side of the sofa with Kari in the middle. Maybe it should be awkward, but it isn’t, well not for Luke and me.
The movie is still in the early scenes, so I kick off my shoes and get comfortable.
“ Give me some more of that,” Luke says, stretching his arm across the back of the couch.
I chuckle and hand him the box of take-out. He stuffs his face with two huge bites and hands it back to me. Poor guy. I know for a fact there is not a good place to get Chinese food in all of Wyoming .
At first, Kari is reserved with me there, but eventually, she relaxes against Luke . His arm remains across the back of the sofa. If I leaned to the right a few more inches, he could touch me. It doesn’t go unnoticed that he doesn’t put his arm around her. I wonder how far he planned to take this.
What am I thinking? He has no intention of sleeping with her. That’s not what Luke does. He probably just wanted to piss me off by going out with her.
I finish my dinner and my beer. After I take the trash to the kitchen, I change out of my work clothes into an old pair of Levi’s and a T -shirt. I grab everyone another round of beers, and when I start to sit down. I see Kari has stretched out her feet, taking my spot. I hand her a beer and pick up her feet. She starts to pull away, but I place them in my lap. She smiles at me, and I tip my beer at her. “ Make yourself comfortable, darling.”
She gives me a look, as if she’s asking if I’m interested. It’s a small glance, but I’ve become very attuned to those cues from women. I raise one corner of my mouth in a grin and caress her bare ankles. Luke glances at my hands. and suppresses a grin before turning his attention back to the movie. Kari shifts but leaves her feet in my lap, so I relax into the cushions. Just to make sure I know who she’s here for, she slides her hand around Luke’s ribs. He looks down, and this time, he can’t keep from smiling like a damn Cheshire Cat .
I hope he remembers our conversation. I really did intend on having Jenny over to play around with us, but this works too, especially if it makes him feel more comfortable.
Kari lays her head on his chest, and he catches my eye. “ What the fuck?” He mouths and points at my lap.
I shrug and slide my hand over the top of her feet without taking my eyes off his. His head drops back as he shakes his head and mouths ‘no’ . When he looks up, I nod. He rolls his eyes and looks back at the flatscreen. His hand moves down to Kari’s side as he caresses her curves.
We take turns for the next half hour, caressing her, seemingly innocently enough, but far from it. Luke and I have tag-teamed before, but not with someone we don’t know.
Kari is cute, slender, with nice tits. She is wearing a boho skirt and a ribbed tank. Her sandals are on the floor next to my shoes. Luke’s fingers have slipped under the edge of her shirt where he’s stroking her skin.
I love the buildup, the chase. It’s like running the play to attempt a touchdown. The surge of adrenaline pumps me up. I wait a little longer until Kari starts caressing Luke’s leg. He shakes it nervously. While I do this all the time, he doesn’t. He would never admit it, but he hates not being in control of the situation. This is my playing field. Lucky for him, he’s on my team.
I slide my fingers lightly over the arches of her feet, and her head pops up. I wink at her, and she smiles. She watches me but puts her head back on Luke’s chest. He starts playing with her hair while I take one of her feet in my hands and begin massaging. Kari moans and closes her eyes.
“ Feel good?” Luke asks as his fingers weave through her hair.
She hums in approval, and the smile that breaks out on his face makes my cock twitch. This is going to happen. I wasn’t worried about her. It was Luke I was afraid would chicken out. I take in a breath. He still could so I can’t get ahead of myself.
Her hand starts inching further up his thigh. His eyes lock with mine, and there is so much heat in them I want to crawl over this waitress and actually kiss him. I mean really kiss him, as if allowing myself to consider it has completely changed everything.
I slide my hand up her calf. Luke sinks down spreading his legs further apart. His eyes haven’t left mine. I can hear my blood pounding in my ears. If she wasn’t here…hmm...but it’s good that she is. This is something we can do together. This is safe.
A rush of pleasure bolts through me as a torrid of thoughts flip through my mind; double penetration, fucking her while she sucks him, the feel of his dick against mine inside her, watching Luke fuck her. I squeeze my eyes shut trying to stop the flood of illicit thoughts, but it’s too late. My dick has turned to steel. I glance and see Luke’s is as well.
Is he thinking the same things? I fucking hope so. I want all of it, and I plan on making it happen.
Before I can think better of it, I slide my hand up her skirt and caress her thigh. It startles her, and she sits up. She looks from me to Luke and back.
Fuck ! Fuck ! Fuck !
Luke caresses her arms and kisses her neck. I see his tongue flick out over her skin, and her eyes fall closed. His tongue is causing chill bumps to pop up all over her skin, even on her thighs. “ Does it feel good?” he asks again.
She looks at me, and I arch an eyebrow and lick my bottom lip. Her nipples are hard. She seems torn between what she wants to do, and how far she should let this go. When he moves to her ear and sticks his tongue inside, that does her in, and she sinks back into his arms.
“ Yes !” she finally answers.
“ We can stop,” I offer. No matter what, I want that to be clear.
“ I don’t want you to stop,” she whispers.
I finger the edge of her panties, and one of her feet drops to the floor. Lightly I caress the crotch of her panties with my knuckle. “ How about this? Does this feel good?”
She moans and shifts her body, spreading her legs a little. Needy girl, just the way I like them. I slide my hands slowly down the outside of her thighs, teasing her. Leaning over her, I kiss the skin that’s exposed between her skirt and top.
“ You should know. I only have one bed.”
“ Huh ?” She peeks down at me.
“ There’s only one bed, Kari ,” I clarify.
“ Oh !” She acts surprised at my implication, but I don’t buy it.
“ Are you okay with…sharing?” Luke asks.
Fuck , he is adorable.
She looks between us again. “ You mean…the three of us share…” A slight tremble starts in her thighs.
“ You want to share with us, darling?” I ask.
“ Which room?” she asks.
I will take that as a yes.