Chapter 9
CHAPTER NINE
SASHA
I need to step back—just for a few minutes—to put a lid on this spiraling anxiety. Levi loves me; I know that in my heart. But the nagging fear of being replaced lingers, especially by an omega. And if that omega is a Kismet? God, that thought claws at me. I’ve always worried that someone like that could sweep in and be everything I’m not.
This is happening whether I like it or not. I’m coming face to face with my biggest fear, a nightmare unfolding in slow motion, and I can’t do anything to stop it. Levi and I talked, and I believe he’s sincere—truly, I do. I felt it clear as day through the bond. But it doesn’t erase the doubt in my mind, the gnawing worry that I’m not enough and never will be. That he could have just been feeding me feelings he wanted to. I need time to process this, to wrap my head around it all.
And then there’s Stone. He probably heard every word we said. Normally, I’d be pissed that he was eavesdropping, but I can’t even find the energy to care. He’s not just some random guy—he’s a Kismet to this mysterious omega, too. What started as just Levi and me is suddenly a whole pack. A pack… Is that really what I want?
Is pack life for me? A pack is what most of us all yearn for. But I don’t know if that’s what I want. Especially a pack that involves only Luminary bonds for myself.
This has totally put a damper on my fun times with Jimmy. I’m trying to figure how my night of murder turned into… whatever the fuck this is.
I get in my car and drive home, tears streaming down my face, my hands gripping the wheel like it’s the only thing keeping me grounded. Tate McRae’s You Broke Me First blares through the speakers, each lyric stabbing at the raw wound inside me. Yeah, it’s dramatic, but I don’t care. I’m scream-singing, ignoring every street sign, every stoplight, as if driving away could somehow make this all disappear. I’m not sure Levi can feel me hurting, but I don’t care. I’ll figure out how to block my feelings another time, it’s not like he’s expecting me to be sunshine and lollipops right now.
When firetrucks race past me, headed in the direction of Jimmy’s place, a cold chill runs down my spine. I know Levi wouldn’t leave that place standing, wouldn’t leave any chance for the bodies to lead back to me. I know that, but my stomach knots with anxiety as the flashing lights blur past.
Part of me wants them to find Jimmy and Marsha—see what I did—revel in the handiwork of the lives I took.
When I arrive home, I park my car and immediately go inside the house, making a beeline for the garage. I quickly remove my clothes and dispose of them in a metal trash can, which I then set ablaze. I stand there watching them burn, in nothing but my birthday suit, rubbing the mark Levi gave me.
Too bad I can’t keep them as a memento in a shadow box on the living room wall. Sasha’s second homicide. Oh, the looks I’d get when people came over. The pres’ old lady would be proud, but Levi and the other Renegade brothers would shit a brick.
The clothes turn to nothing but ash and ember, so I head up to shower while the fire burns out. The garage door is cracked, so it’s not too smoky and luckily, our neighbors aren’t close enough to wonder why there’s smoke leaking from under the garage door.
Stepping into the shower, the water comes on with a hiss, scalding hot, just the way I like it. Steam rises around me, thick and comforting. I step under the spray; the water cascading over me, washing away the grime and filth, but not the memories of what I did tonight.
I can’t forget the sight of Jimmy’s terror filled eyes, the gushing blood, the beauty of it all. My breath catches in my throat, and I press my palms against the cool tile wall, letting the water beat against my back. Trying to calm down the heat that’s building inside me at how it felt to be that powerful.
Levi’s soap is on the ledge. I reach for it, relishing in the scent that makes me feel like he is with me at all times and instantly bringing him to the forefront of my mind. The way he looks at me, his piercing eyes seeing right through to the core of who I am, the way his voice soothes the darkest parts of me. I rub the soap between my hands, lathering it up before running it over my body.
As the water continues to pour over me, I hear it—faint at first, but growing louder—the unmistakable roar of Levi’s motorcycle pulling up outside. My heart skips a beat, a rush of adrenaline surging through me. He’s here. He’ll want to talk to me, to dissect what happened tonight, to unravel the mess that’s become my life.
The water begins to cool, and I turn it off with a sharp twist of the knob. The silence that follows is deafening, pressing in on me from all sides. I step out of the shower, reaching for a towel and wrapping it tightly around myself.
I stand in front of my dresser, debating what to wear. My hair is still damp, sticking to the back of my neck as I rummage through my drawers. I’m tired, and I just want to be comfortable, so I grab a pair of short shorts and a loose tank top. My fingers brush against the fabric, soft and familiar, as I let the towel drop to the floor.
Sliding the shorts up my legs, I catch my reflection in the mirror. The faint marks on my skin, reminders of the bond, seem to shimmer under the dim light. A part of me still feels a flutter of disbelief every time I see them—a mix of awe and uncertainty. Levi and I bonded, yet it still feels surreal.
As I pull the tank top over my head, I reach for my phone, instinctively needing to talk to someone. My fingers find Nadia’s contact, and within seconds, the familiar chime of a video call rings out. I bite my lip, suddenly feeling nervous, but when her face appears on the screen, smiling wide with her adorable son perched on her hip, I can’t help but relax.
“Sasha!” Nadia’s voice is filled with a warm love that feels almost touchable. “You look… flustered still. Did you not talk to Levi or did it go bad?”
I exhale, letting out a small laugh. “It’s just… everything, I guess. The bond, new omega, Stone… it’s all so much.”
Nadia shifts her son to her other hip, her eyes softening with understanding. “I get it. It’s a lot to take in. Maybe you should talk to Owen. Beta to beta. You and Levi were made for this, for each other.”
“But—” I start to protest, but she cuts me off with a knowing smile.
“He’s your Luminary bond, Sash. Owen is my Kismet bond, but the guys’ Luminary, and he’s never felt threatened by me. And as an omega, I think of Owen as one of my alphas—there’s no difference. Well, except for, you know, no knot.” She giggles, her eyes sparkling with mischief, and I can’t help but grin despite myself. “But he more than makes up for that. Trust me.”
A warm flush spreads through me at her words, my thoughts swirling. Levi has always been there, solid and steady, never once wavering in his respect or care for me. Could it really be that simple?
“If anything,” Nadia continues, “Owen is more level-headed than the other three. You should call him.”
I nod slowly, her words settling in my chest like a comforting balm. “You’re right… I should.”
“Of course I’m right,” she teases, bouncing her son gently as he lets out a tiny yawn. “Now, go talk to your man.”
We hang up just as the bedroom door creaks open. The room fills with the comforting scent of leather and bourbon as I turn my head to see Levi leaning against the doorframe, his eyes locking onto mine. There’s that familiar smirk on his face, the one that makes my heart do a little flip.
“Hey, Little Brat,” he says, his voice low and teasing.