CHAPTER 14 #3
Then he bursts out laughing, light and unfiltered, like a kid who’s just pulled off the perfect prank. I can’t help laughing, too.
“Anne’s, of course,” I say, smirking.
“Knew it,” he grins. “The others just don’t have the twisted mind it takes to come up with something like that.”
“Maybe not, but it’s thanks to that twisted mind that you got to escape.”
We laugh again, and for a brief moment, the weight lifts. The tension eases. But I still haven’t changed my mind, walking home is a terrible idea.
Before I can protest, he takes my hand again and holds it tightly. This time, his expression is serious.
“Remi, jokes aside… yeah, I’m tired, but it’s not physical. It’s more like... a mental overload. I took a big risk tonight, and even though it worked out, as soon as it was over, everything I’d been holding in these past few days just... collapsed on me.”
I study his face, my chest tightening. I think back to what Jamie said about the programme. So it’s true, Sebastian did take a risk. And he did it alone.
I need to understand.
“What kind of risk? Why didn’t you tell me? You know I would’ve done anything to help you, Seb…”
He hesitates, eyes flicking away for a second. When he speaks, his voice is low, almost reluctant.
“You’ve barely been around lately, Remi. When would I have told you?”
The guilt hits me like a punch to the gut. He’s right. I’ve been a terrible friend. I couldn’t deal with my own feelings, and in trying to outrun them, I ended up hurting him. But that stops now.
“You’re right, Seb. I’ve been a selfish bastard lately. But I swear, it won’t happen again. I had a lot going on in my head and didn’t know how to handle it… but I never meant to hurt you.”
Sebastian looks at me, really looks at me, like he’s trying to read straight through to the centre of me.
“Did you figure it out?”
“I think so,” I say, surprised by the certainty in my voice. “Actually, yeah. I’m sure I did. It wasn’t easy, but… I made the right call.”
His eyes narrow just a little. “You’re talking about Maddie, aren’t you?”
Of course, he sees straight through me. Sebastian’s never been the type to skirt around the truth.
“Yeah, I am. But… can we talk about it at home? You’ve had a long night, and besides, you still haven’t told me what you meant earlier, about taking a risk. ”
He lifts a finger and presses it gently to my lips, silencing me with a touch.
It’s so tender, so impossibly intimate, I almost lean in and kiss it.
Instead, I take his hand in mine and rest it over my chest, right above my heart.
“Okay. You’re right, I can be pushy. I’m listening.”
Seb nods, satisfied, but doesn’t move his hand. He just leaves it there, warm and steady.
“I just need to walk a bit. Get some air. There’s an entrance to Regent’s Park just over there, let’s go for a stroll. I promise I’ll take the tube once we reach Primrose Hill.”
Then he bats his lashes at me, all innocence and charm, and, just to seal the deal, flashes that devastating dimple.
I’m toast.
I throw up my hands with a sigh. “Fine! Let’s walk. But if you feel even slightly off before we get to Primrose Hill, you’ll tell me. Deal?”
“Cross my heart,” he says, drawing an exaggerated X over his chest with his fingers.
I chuckle, shaking my head. “You’re a menace. Who convinced me to take you in, again…?”
The moment the words leave my mouth, I realize what I’ve said. But Seb doesn’t react. If he noticed, he let it slide.
Neither of us says Maddie’s name, but it hangs there anyway, unspoken, heavy. We both know she’s the one who asked me to take him in.
As we stroll side by side into the warm evening air, Sebastian seems to find a little calm. His voice is soft, thoughtful.
“Don’t worry, Remi. I have no intention of coming between you and Maddie. I respect you both too much for that. Besides… after what I put her through, I’m the last person who should talk.”
I cut him off. I hate where this is going.
“Seb, I appreciate how decent you’re trying to be, but you need to stop beating yourself up over something you did when you were basically a kid, in a really complicated situation. It’s not fair.
And honestly, I think if you talk to Maddie, she’ll tell you the same.”
“But,”
“No buts. And as for what’s going on between me and her…” I pause, taking a breath. “I’m not ready to talk about it yet. But when I am, you’ll be the first to know.”
He nods slowly, letting the words settle, then starts walking again. The silence that follows feels less heavy now, like maybe we’ve laid down a little of the weight we’ve both been carrying.
“For now, just know we’re not together anymore. It was hard, painful, even, but I’m convinced it was the right thing to do.”
He frowns, clearly surprised, but true to his word, he doesn’t press. He simply nods and says Maddie had already mentioned the breakup.
I steer us gently back to what he was saying earlier. “You still haven’t told me what risk you took tonight…”
We reach the gates of Regent’s Park, and Jamie’s comment from earlier flashes back in my mind.
“Wait, is this about that Scriabin piece?”
Sebastian stops in his tracks, caught off guard. “How do you know that? I thought you didn’t know anything about classical music?”
I give him a sheepish smile as we continue walking through the quiet, nearly deserted park. “I don’t. But Jamie does, he’s a dancer, remember? When we read the programme, he pointed it out. Called it a risk, actually.”
Seb raises a brow, amused. “Good for Jamie. I’m impressed. I’ll have to tell him next time I see him.”
Seb already seems more at ease as we leave the noise of Marylebone behind. His tone shifts, more reflective now.
“Scriabin is definitely a niche composer. His music’s technically demanding, and honestly, it doesn’t appeal much to a mainstream audience.”
I nod, thoughtful. “So… basically the kryptonite of pianists?”
Sebastian bursts out laughing, wiping actual tears from his eyes. “Remi, I swear, you’ll be the death of me.”
He finally calms down, though my exaggerated pout keeps a smile on his lips. “Okay, yes, it was a bold choice. But it wasn’t just that. I’d already added Piazzolla to the programme, which was unusual, but not totally out there. May grumbled, but she let it slide. Then I told her about Scriabin…”
He shifts uncomfortably, rocking on his heels. Instinctively, I rest a hand on his shoulder.
“She threatened me,” he says finally.
“What?!” I explode. “That witch, wait till I see her again, I swear,”
“Remi!” he cuts in, rubbing his eyes with a sigh. “Calm down and let me finish. Then you can threaten her all you want.”
He waits until I’ve composed myself.
“She told me that if the audience hated it, I’d have to take full responsibility and find a new agent.”
“That witch,” I mutter again, then clamp my mouth shut before I interrupt him any further.
“Wait, it gets better,” he adds dryly. “If it was a success, she’d reduce her cut. Since, you know, the idea was mine alone.”
He goes quiet for a moment, brows furrowed, like he’s still trying to make sense of it. “Honestly, I don’t know why she agreed to that. But I do know May never does anything without a reason…”
I can’t hold it in any longer. “You’ll figure it out eventually, Seb. But what really matters is that tonight was a massive success. Start to finish. Piazzolla, Scriabin, everything.”
I don’t even try to hide the excitement in my voice. And when Sebastian beams at me, dimple and all, it feels like the night itself brightens.
“Remi, I’m so glad it went well. Better than I expected, actually. It’ll take me some time to process everything, but… knowing you and the others were there for me, that meant the world.”
His gaze drifts off, touched by something I can’t quite name. Then he lets out a long, heavy sigh.
“I spent four years in Paris, drowning in envy and constant competition. Everyone around me was either trying to outshine me or tear me down. Our world… It's a pit of snakes. And after a while, I just got used to it. But since coming back, I’ve remembered what it feels like to be around real friends. People who don’t want anything from me.
People who actually care. People I can just… be with.”
His words hit something in me, something deep.
The thought that I’ve helped give him even a piece of that peace fills me with a kind of joy I can’t fully explain. But it also brings a sting of sadness. He’s lived under so much pressure for so long. Always performing, always proving himself.
And hiding who he is? That must have added a whole other weight. One that no one ever saw.
No wonder his body is crying out for change.
I’m beginning to understand, Sebastian’s panic attacks go much deeper than I realized.
“Remi,” he says quietly, turning to me, “do you mind sitting for a bit?”
We’re near the heart of the park now, where the noise of the city has all but vanished. He takes my hand and gently leads me to a wooden bench just off the main path.
“Of course, Seb. You should rest a little.”
It’s so still, it feels like everything else has faded away, leaving just the two of us.
A few distant figures move quietly through the shadows, the warm air scented faintly with leaves and earth. Above us, the sky stretches wide and clear, a velvet dome dusted with stars.
We sit side by side, still holding hands. Almost without thinking, we both tilt our heads back, eyes drawn to the sky.
But mine don’t stay there for long.
They drift sideways to the far more breath-taking sight right next to me.
Sebastian, his dark curls falling softly around his face, gazes upward with quiet wonder. There’s something so open, so vulnerable in his expression. He’s heartbreakingly beautiful. It almost hurts to look at him.
His pale neck is tilted back, exposed, delicate. It calls to me.
The urge to lean in, to kiss him there, slowly, reverently, again and again, is so strong, I don’t know how to resist it…