Chapter 9
SOREN
I planned to starve myself while I was here.
Could I even trust the food he was bringing me?
I watched Kade make our mac and cheese, so it wasn’t as big of a deal.
I knew unless he was insanely good at sleight of hand, there was no way that he could have slipped anything in.
I hadn’t felt any different in the days since either.
So when he came knocking on my door and all I could smell was the scent of freshly cooked chicken, I tossed all of my doubtful thoughts out the window.
Whether it was poisoned or not, I really didn’t give a single flying fuck.
I was starving and not made for this kind of lifestyle.
I usually ate in small increments at home, and my husband monitored my diet.
And before that, Lilah wouldn’t let me have a cheeseburger without throwing a gigantic bitch fit.
But I had enough of letting someone else control me, especially when it came to my body and what I put in it.
Thinking about Lilah made me wonder what kind of hell she was giving to Kade and his family for kidnapping me out of my bedroom in the middle of the night.
I knew Lilah didn’t give a damn about me as a person, but I knew she had to be hurting without her investment.
Without me, the alliance she had with Jude and his family was null and void.
I was a pawn in a game much bigger than I cared to understand.
When I was younger and went out drinking close to every night, I would indulge in all the delicious bar food I wanted. It was my little secret, and the one thing I could control about myself and enjoy without Lilah knowing or taking it from me.
How pitiful my life was and has become.
I used the fork sitting on the plate and speared the whole chicken breast, not even bothering to cut it up before taking a bite.
My mouth instantly watered when the spices hit my tongue, and I groaned with how good it tasted.
It was like I hadn’t eaten in my entire life, and this was my first meal.
I used my fingers and picked up a green bean and bit into it, the same feeling washing over me.
Whoever made this is fucking fantastic.
I took another bite of the chicken.
I will marry whoever made this.
I stopped and laughed a pitiful laugh, realizing I was already married, and I couldn’t even joke about marrying someone for their good cooking.
And there was no way I could go back home and request a better chef, or you know, better meal choices.
If I kept eating like this while I was here, when I went home, Jude would probably tell me that I had gotten too fat in my time away. He probably would actually starve me out until I lost the weight.
It’s times like these when I truly realize how fucked I am and how much I miss my dad: when the grief screams at me, causing the biggest pain to my heart.
Grief was a fickle bitch. Sometimes I didn’t feel it at all, and sometimes it hit me out of nowhere like a truck.
I never knew what triggered it, or how to make it ache besides time.
But the grief had become more frequent the bigger the shit storm became, because I knew he would never let my life be this. I may have been a Mafia “princess”, but I at least had free will. At least I knew love.
I don’t even know who I am anymore.
“Soren?” I heard Kade’s voice followed by a knock at the door, bringing me out of my pity party. I hadn’t even realized he was still standing out there, waiting for something. Didn’t he have Mafia business to attend to? I didn’t need a fucking babysitter.
Bitter Betty I am.
I rolled my eyes and ignored him, continuing to scarf down the chicken until the plate was empty and I could have literally licked it clean.
It was then I realized that I had managed to grab the plate from Kade’s hand but not the glass of water he had in the other.
And I was freaking thirsty. All of the salt used in the food was now causing my tongue to scream for hydration.
I rolled my eyes again, thoroughly pissed off because now I was going to have to face him.
I decided after the first night I didn’t want to be vulnerable around him anymore.
I didn’t want him to see that side of me.
I wanted to save that part of me for myself.
I just had to get through my time here, and then go back to Jude’s house where I knew what I had to do, and I was used to the routine of misery.
I wasn’t used to someone actually taking care of me, even in Kade’s own twisted way.
I slowly walked over to the door, knowing he still stood on the other side waiting patiently.
I undid the lock and opened it slowly and revealed a dashingly and devastatingly handsome Kade leaning against the door, glass of water in hand, tapping the side, before looking up at me with those grey eyes filled with fire behind them.
“Need this?” He said, holding the glass towards me. I took it slowly, my fingers brushing against his in the process, feeling a tingle go through my arm, like I had just touched a live wire.
I wasn’t used to the million emotions this man put me through. At least most of them were positive or neutral. He didn’t make me feel anything negatively just yet. But I knew there was still time.
“Thank you,” I said, taking a sip of the water and holding my groan inside this time. I handed him the empty plate and turned back towards the door to my room to make my way back inside.
“Before you go back into hiding, I have something to show you,” he said, gesturing towards the stairs.
I felt hesitant to follow him, but also, why the fuck not? What did I have to lose at this point? I’d given so much of myself, what else did I have to give?
I shut my door, and followed behind Kade, and down the stairs and into the front hallway.
He walked towards the back of the house and into another hallway, one with high ceilings and what felt like hundreds of doors on either side.
At the end of this particular hallway sat two, large oak doors that looked as if they hadn’t been touched in years.
I watched as he placed both hands on the handles and pushed, the door opening with a loud creak, confirming my theory that the doors hadn’t been opened in a long while.
I walked in slowly behind Kade, and I could have pinched myself. What I was seeing in front of me did not feel real in any way shape or form.
There were hundreds if not thousands of books on shelves that went from the ceiling all the way to the floor. Rolling ladders, stairs leading to multiple levels and balconies, and large windows letting in a beautiful stream of sunlight.
From what I’d seen of Kade’s house, it surprised me that there was a library straight out of the Beauty and the Beast movie inside.
Everything else looked fairly new, if not updated.
But this was the son of a Mafia boss we were talking about, and you can make anything look different if you pour enough money into it.
Granted, I hadn’t seen the entire house, or the outside yet. So I suppose I couldn’t pass my judgment on its age just yet.
I didn’t know what to say, or where to look.
I couldn’t read all of these books in my lifetime, but regardless I wanted to jump in as soon as possible.
There were several couches and chairs scattered throughout, beautiful threadbare carpets, and a big stone fireplace begging for a fire to be started in the hearth.
“These books have been in my family for generations, but my brothers and father don’t appreciate literature like I do.
They would have probably thrown them out if I hadn’t saved them,” Kade explained, a small crack visible in his usual icy facade.
But as soon as I saw it, it was gone, and I knew I probably wouldn’t see it again.
As much as he probably didn’t want to admit it, I could see a man behind the monster that Kade Luchetti portrayed himself to be.
This was the second time he’d shown me a hint of kindness, and the true man that lived behind the wall he’d built to be so heavily guarded around himself.
I desperately wanted to break it down brick by brick and see why lie behind it all when everything was said and done.
“You’re welcome to come down here whenever you want,” Kade said. “I’m sure you’ll find favorites just as I have.”
He turned to leave, but I couldn’t help myself from sharing a part of myself.
“Romance,” I blurted.
“What?” He asked, halting his retreat out of the room.
“Romance books are my favorite.”
He was turned almost entirely away from me, but I could still see the look of deep contemplation on his face. He gave a simple nod before turning and walking back out the double doors, closing them behind him. He didn’t even give me the chance to thank him, even if I could get the words out.
I may be a hostage here, but I still was being treated better than anything my husband had ever done for me. The man who was supposed to love me. Who I was supposed to cherish life with.
Jude was anything but my definition of what a husband should truly be.
“The coffee fairy has arrived!”
A voice echoed through the house, sending a bit of panic through my chest.
Who on God’s green Earth was yelling so loudly at eight in the morning?
After I processed the fact that the voice was feminine, and the fact that she had mentioned coffee, I began to feel more relaxed.
Jude had ruined all the remaining faith I had in the male species, what little there was left after growing up surrounded by Mafia men.
Or men in general if I was being honest with myself.
I hopped out of bed and decided I gave no fucks about whoever this woman may be and her judgement of my t-shirt and pajama pants, and tiptoed towards the stairs.
“Contrary to what my brother-in-law may say, I don’t bite,” the voice said with a teasing tone from her spot at the bottom of the stairs.
I finally looked over the ledge and saw a girl about my height with light brown hair trailing down her back, and even from here I could see her dark brown eyes had a playful tone to them.
She looked to be the nicest person I’d seen in a long time, and something told me that I could trust her and she had no ill intentions.
Plus, she was holding cups of coffee and a takeout bag in her hand, and anyone who offers me free food is a friend of mine.
“Well hello beautiful,” she greeted as I walked down the stairs towards her. “I’m Vanessa, and you must be Soren.”
“I suppose I am,” I replied, and took the coffee from her outstretched hand. I wasn’t used to friendly gestures from other human beings, but I could get used to this.
I could especially get used to whatever hot cinnamon flavored latte Vanessa had just placed into my hand.
“I think I’m in love with you already,” I joked after taking numerous sips of my drink.
Her warm laugh filled the room and I couldn’t help but join her. She had a personality that was kind, and her happiness radiated off of her in waves. It was a surprising change of pace for me, and I knew if she was here in Kade’s house she had a deep connection to the Mafia.
My sparkle had been dulled after all of these years, but her’s was still here and shining brightly. It made me jealous in a way, because I had felt like happiness was unattainable to me for so long, but she made me feel like it was possible again just by being her friend.
“I hope I’m not being rude, but who are you?” I asked as we made our way to the kitchen island and took a seat at the barstools.
“I’m Vanessa, Kade’s brother Sawyer’s wife,” she explained, setting the brown paper bag in front of me and gesturing for me to help myself.
“Well Vanessa, it’s great to meet you,” I said back, and gave her the most genuine smile I’d had in a while.
“I think you and I are going to get along just fine,” she said with a smile, and as soon as I opened up the bag and saw a double chocolate chip muffin, I knew she was right.
After Vanessa left, I made my way with my coffee into the library and camped out in my usual spot.
Ever since Kade had shown me his family’s library, when I wasn’t sleeping, that’s where I spent every waking moment.
I was constantly jumping between worlds, reading up on classic romance tales and numerous fantasy novels.
There were books from what felt like every era, even newer books as well.
I was honestly impressed with the selection he had.
I looked at books so old they were in elaborate display cases, and with one touch you could tell they’d turn to dust.
There were several books like that, but overall no matter the age, the books were taken care of and preserved. I could easily tell which books were favorites among the family just by the love of wear in the pages.
It was the library of my dreams, and if I got to sit here every day and read until the end of my days, I wouldn’t complain.
If only that were to be my fate.
Kade and I had only crossed paths a couple times in the last several days, whether I was coming and he was going, or vice versa. Neither of us said much, his cold exterior shield back up. But it’s not like I could blame him. I never liked letting people in either.
Even though he had put all his walls back up, I always came across a mug of coffee and a bagel in the morning when I went to the library.
Anyone who knew me understood my love of coffee, bagels and books so I took this small gesture to heart.
I had begun to expect it every morning, just as I expected a new book to be seated in my spot that I knew he wanted me to read.
What sucked about getting a routine in this house was that it made me not want to leave.
I didn’t want to go home to Jude when this was all said and done.
I know that at the end of the day, a deal has to be made and I’ll have to go home.
But if it was up to me to choose between one prison and another, I’d choose this one.
Nobody bothered me. I got to read all day. The food was delicious, and I had a big comfy bed all to myself.
So many different options went through my mind. I could run away and never come back, but with what money? My inheritance went into my shared bank account with Lilah, so it’s not like I could make any sudden moves without her being able to track my transactions.
I could go back to my life with Jude, and simply survive for the rest of my life. Or maybe I could sweet talk Kade into letting me stay here.
What was he losing by letting me stay?
But each time I saw him, and the ice and coldness in his eyes, I knew there was no way that was an option.
He may have a kind side to him, but no man in this life had a heart of gold and didn’t carry a darkness inside of them.
Although there was a man behind the monster, he was still heartless.