Chapter Twenty #2
His answer had Cam’s curiosity. From Isadora, all Cam knew was that her father was in need of a good warrior, but she’d never really said why.
Now, he was starting to realize there was a reason behind his acquisition.
It wasn’t simply because they wanted to spend all of their money to buy a good warrior—there was a reason they wanted to.
“Ye dunna have tae tell me,” he said. “I serve ye, m’laird. I do what ye tell me tae do and ye dunna need tae explain yer reasons.”
Niall had a mouth full of chicken stew. “’Tis yer right, lad. If ye’re tae wield a sword for the Keith, then ye should know why.”
Cam’s curiosity was growing as, across the table, Ewan spoke up again.
“Have ye ever been tae battle?” he asked.
Cam hesitated. “I’ve not fought on a field with a thousand men around me,” he said. “But I have little doubt that I can do what is needed tae be done in battle.”
Ewan regarded him as he shoveled more stew into his mouth. “’Tis not often ye meet a Highlander who hasna seen battle. I—” He suddenly yelped, shoving at Isadora. “Stop pinching, Issie! I’m only speaking civilly tae the man!”
Cam looked at Isadora, who smiled wanly. “He has little diplomacy,” she said.
As Cam fought off a grin, Ewan made a face at his sister and rubbed at his leg under the table where she’d pinched him.
“I’ve got no diplomacy and she’s got strong fingers,” he said, his focus returning to Cam.
“I’m not trying tae be ill-mannered. I’m just trying tae ask questions so we can come tae know ye.
If we’re tae put our lives in yer hands, then I want tae know about ye. ”
It was the first non-belligerent statement Ewan had made. Cam lowered his guard a little.
“Ye canna come tae know a man all in one day,” he said. “It takes time. Ye know I was a smithy. Ye know I was born in Netherton. Ye know I trained for a time at The Cal.”
“Did ye train at The Cal because of what happened tae Netherton?”
Cam knew it would do no good to deny it. “Aye.”
Ewan opened his mouth but Niall caught his attention, shaking his head to ward off yet another question. Satisfied, at least for the moment, Ewan settled down and finished off his meal along with the rest of them.
After that, the meal wasn’t quite so tense. Cam seemed more relaxed but when Niall cornered the innkeeper and secured two rooms for the night, Cam simply went over to the enormous hearth and lay down next to it, using his belongings as a pillow and his cloak as a coverlet.
“Are ye not going tae sleep with the men?”
Cam peeped an eye open to see Isadora standing over him. “Nay,” he said. “I’ve slept alongside them for three nights and they snore loudly enough tae wake the dead. Sleeping in the common room will be a relief.”
He closed his eye again and heard her walk away, but when he was certain she was gone, he cracked an eye open to watch her. As she turned for the stairs that led to the upper floor, he was sorry she had to go. But with her father and brothers around, it was for the best.
Still… he missed her.
Lulled by a full belly and the warmth of the hearth, Cam quickly drifted off to sleep.
*
It was that dream again.
Screaming…
Fire…
Heart pounding, Cam found himself running again. He was back in Netherton, running toward the sounds of screams.
Fear filled him. His heart was beating faster. Those piles of ashes were in his way again, bodies that had become dust. The road was stretching out before him and the faster he ran, the longer the road became.
He could see his small cottage in the distance, but it didn’t look as he remembered it. The walls were running red with blood. Suddenly, he was in front of it, rushing toward the door only to see something lying in the dirt several feet away. He lost his balance and pitched onto the ground.
On his hands and knees, he crawled toward the lifeless figure, half covered in clumps of earth because the garden all around it had been torn up.
He clawed his way toward the body in the dirt.
This time, however, he could actually touch it and he reached out, grasping at the hands that disintegrated when he touched them.
He tried to touch his grandfather’s face, too, but that collapsed until it was nothing but compost.
Everything gone, swallowed up by the earth. Everything lifeless and still.
Until a bony hand reached through the dirt and grabbed him.
In a panic, Cam awoke.
He was sitting upright in front of the fire in a darkened common room, surrounded by two dozen sleeping strangers, hearing the gasps and snores of the weary. It took him a moment to realize it had only been a dream.
That same dream he’d not had in months, not since he’d gone to the Ludus Caledonia. But now, it was back. With a shaking hand, he wiped his face, realizing that he was sweating.
“Are ye well?”
A soft, female voice came from his right and he looked up to see Isadora seated at the table next to him. She was covered with a woolen blanket, her feet propped up on another chair.
He frowned.
“What are ye doing here?” he asked quietly. “If yer father finds ye here…”
“He’s dead asleep.”
“It’s not safe, Is.”
“As safe as it’ll ever be. I must talk tae ye.”
“Go tae bed, Isadora.”
Instead of doing as he asked, she came down off the chair, blanket and all, and sat down next to him on the floor. He eyed her, trying to scoot away from her, but she reached out and grasped him by the arm.
“Nay, laddie,” she said firmly. “Ye’re not going anywhere. We must talk.”
He couldn’t move much further away, in truth, because that would put him right into the hearth, so he stopped moving.
But he could feel her heat through his clothing and it made him want to pull her into his arms and kiss her.
God, he’d missed her so. But instead of acting on instinct, he simply looked away.
“What do ye want?” he asked.
“I want tae know what has ye so moody that ye willna even look at me,” she said. “Have I done something wrong?”
Cam sighed faintly. “Of course not,” he said. “I dunna want yer da tae realize we know each other more than he thinks we do, at least not until I know the man better. I’m trying tae be safe about this, Is.”
“That doesna mean ye canna smile at me once in a while,” she said softly. “Do ye still love me, Cam?”
“Thu fhèin,” he whispered.
Isadora found herself fingering the copper bracelet on her arm, the one she never took off. “Then why are ye so cold?”
“I told ye,” he said. “I dunna want yer da tae become suspicious. And… and coming back tae the Highlands… it has brought back unwelcome memories.”
“Is that what ye were dreaming about?”
He hesitated a moment before nodding his head, once. “Aye.”
“About Nikolaus?”
He looked at her, sharply. “Where did ye hear that?”
“From ye, just now. Ye were calling out for Nikolaus.”
Hearing Isadora mention his grandfather’s name somehow weakened his composure, but it wasn’t intentional on her part. It was simply that hearing the name spoken by another somehow intensified the memory.
It brought back the grief.
“I miss him,” he said simply.
Isadora sat forward, looking at him. She’d spent the past four days watching the man withdraw further and further away. The more they ventured into the Highlands, the more withdrawn he’d become until he was a shell of the man she’d known at the Ludus Caledonia.
Did he still love her? She believed him when he said he did. But there was far more going on inside of him than he was confessing to. He seemed incredibly tormented now.
She wanted to know why.
“I can only imagine how much ye do,” she murmured. “And I know he’s the reason why ye went tae The Cal tae learn tae fight, but the question is why. Do ye intend tae avenge him someday?”
Cam sighed heavily, avoiding a question that would produce an answer she didn’t want to hear. “I had nothing else,” he said. “Everything was gone. Why should I not go tae The Cal and learn tae fight? I was forced tae find a new life.”
He was becoming defensive and Isadora moved to soothe him. “Ye should do whatever ye feel ye need tae do,” she said. “Cam, look at me.”
It took him quite some time to turn in her direction and when he did, his gaze was guarded. Isadora took a moment to look into that handsome face: the straight nose, the square jaw with the dimple in his chin, and the green eyes that were so very tortured.
“I want ye tae listen tae me because it is important,” she said quietly.
“I know ye’re a tormented man, Cam. I’ve seen that since I first saw ye in the arena at The Cal.
Ye’ve changed from the man I knew in Netherton, the one before the destruction of the village.
Ye’ve become moody and sad and angry, and it hurts my heart tae see ye so.
I know the death of yer grandfather has caused these feelings within ye, but if ye ever need tae talk tae someone about it, know that I’ll be more than happy tae listen.
Dunna close yerself off from someone who loves ye and only wants tae help. ”
They were sweetly spoken words and Cam knew she meant them. Her love, her compassion, was cracking his walls of vengeance. How he ever deserved the love of someone like Isadora, he didn’t know. It made what he had to do to her clan that much more heartbreaking.
Reaching out, he lifted her hand for a tender kiss before releasing it.
“Did ye ever tell yer father that we met before?” he asked. “Did ye tell him about the bird eggs?”
He was changing the subject, back to days that were happier for the both of them. Isadora snorted softly. “Are ye mad?” she said. “If he knew what I was doing when we first met, he’d blister my backside.”
Cam’s lips twitched. “Then if ye dunna behave yerself, I will tell him.”
“Do ye threaten me, then?”
“Not if ye dunna give me a reason tae.”
Their conversation had gone from deeply serious to humorous in a matter of seconds. It was like a weight had been lifted and they could both breathe. This was the Cam that Isadora knew before the destruction of Netherton, the man who was open and friendly and sweet.
Only you.