Chapter 28
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
V
D on’t do this to me, Virginia.
The words echo in the darkness I’m drowning in, and I struggle towards them, trying to reach the surface. To break free of these chains weighing me down. But no matter how hard I try, I can’t breach the shadows in my mind. Memories wrap their cloying fingers around me and tug me deeper into this abyss.
I’ve told my kitten that I can’t feel pain other than what she provides to me.
But here? Wherever it is I’m trapped? There’s nothing but pain. And not the exhilarating kind that she causes. For the first time, I understand the idea of being burned alive. Yet, unlike that agony, this isn’t stopping. There’s no sweet relief of death here, taking me to a peaceful rest.
This agony isn’t just physical, though. Maybe it isn’t at all? Is that why I can feel it? The thought fractures almost as soon as it crosses my mind, my memories too strong to avoid.
“Star,” Avril whispers into my ear, her breath barely stirring the hair that’s covering my eyes.
“Star, you’ve got to move,” she whispers again.
Her voice is high and tight, frightened, but I can’t seem to respond to her. I’m so tired.
“Come on!” Her words are more urgent now as she tugs on my arm.
Even her little hand is big enough to wrap around my wrist, as thin and fragile as it is. I can feel it groan underneath her grip, hear the bone as it snaps with an audible pop, but my body doesn’t respond.
There’s no pain.
No urgency.
Nothing through the wall of exhaustion that blankets me. I manage to shift, following the tugging and gagging noises Avril is making as she helps me shift to my knees.
Rapid footsteps make us both freeze in place, Avril trembling like a deer in headlights. I stumble over my own feet, barely able to keep myself upright, but I lift my head. If they’ve come back for me, I won’t just lie down and take it.
“Morningstar! Avril!” The man who steps from the shadows causes me to go limp in relief. Only his quick reflexes catch me before I hit the ground. “Ah, fuck,” my father curses, not stopping as he lifts me gently to cradle me in his arms. “I’ve got you both. You’re safe. I swear it. You’re safe now.”
He shuffles, scooping Avril up to rest her on his hip.
I must pass out, because the next thing I know are soft blankets and bright lights, neither doing anything to hide the hissing whispers.
“You need to calm down. They’re safe.” My mother’s voice is strained and tired as she whispers.
I can almost picture her rubbing at her temples the way she does when she gets annoyed.
“They were taken. Again!” My father chokes on a sob. “Morningstar is barely alive. If we’d been any later in finding them… I’ve lost one child already, Marianna. I never should have stayed here. They should be safe!”
“Being royalty isn’t always easy,” she tells him, her voice tight with tears. “I’d give anything to keep them safe. You know that. I’ve searched every minute since they’ve been gone.”
“And what good did it do?” His words are a roar now, but I don’t open my eyes. “Look at what they’ve done to him!”
“It’s not like he can feel it!” she snaps back, and he snarls. “I didn’t mean it like that,” she hurries to correct herself.
“They beat him. Starved him. They tortured him, Marianna. For weeks. His entire wrist is shattered. God knows when they would have gotten to Avril.”
Probably never… They’d been too fascinated at the idea of making me scream. It only took them minutes to figure out I couldn’t feel pain, and I became a shiny new toy. Any type of abuse they could think of, they inflicted on me, reveling in the tears I shed from shame and disgust, though never from pain.
“The healers have seen to him, and they assure me he’s as good as new,” my mother soothes. “He never felt a thing they did. I’m more worried about Avril. Even without the torture, they starved her as well, and unlike her brother, she can feel it.”
“Let me take them away from here. Away from all of this.” The plea in his voice makes it waver, and I bite hard on my bottom lip to stop it from quivering in response. “Away from politics and secrets and all of this hate.”
“And what… Not have my family together? It’s not like bad things don’t happen to people who aren’t royalty, Leo. Humans aren’t the only ones who have monsters hidden. I killed this group. I hunted everyone down. There’s no reason we can’t all stay together. I want my family with me. I want him to grow up with us, with the skills and knowledge he needs to be a part of this world. Treating him as a human won’t do any good when his powers come in, and you know he needs the healers constantly with his lack of control.”
“I don’t care. I won’t keep exposing them to this. They’ve been hurt too many times. I’ve stayed for you. We all have. But I won’t wait until they’re nearly dead again.” His hands are gentle as they scoop me up, as his lips press to my hair and tears land on my skin.
“I’ll protect you,” he whispers despite believing I’m still asleep, the promise made more to himself than to me, though I let it sink into me, something to hold on to when, undoubtedly, the monsters arrive again.
I force the memory away, trying to slam it in the iron cage where I’ve kept them for all of these years, but it does me no good. The pain drags them all forward, knocking down the barriers I’ve used to protect my mind over the years. I don’t want these memories back again. I don’t want to deal with how I felt then. Before I learned to shut down, to separate myself, to give in to the differences inside of me.
That frightened little boy isn’t me. He’s something I forgot and will never let myself return to.
I am Death Incarnate.
I am the Angel.
I am…
Dying.
That’s what this darkness is. The brief window of sanity brought a new wave of agony to me, one that I have no way to prevent. If I’m dying, my mate would be on this Earth without me. She’d have to face all of the darkness here without me by her side. Yes, she has her other mates, and my kitten is strong, far stronger than I’ll ever be. But she’s my reward, my one soft, bright spot in a world full of shadows and sharp edges.
“Serafina!” I may have whispered her name. I may have screamed it. I may not have made a sound.
I’m trapped too deeply inside of myself to know for certain.
I feel another wall inside of my mind shatter, another memory dragging me down, no matter how hard I fight it. I’ve heard people talk about the tunnel they’ve seen at the end, but this… This is so much different. There’s no light or peace calling to me, no happy flashes of holidays or my mate’s sweet face.
Just an endless darkness, reliving the dark moments that forged my soul into the fractured mess it is today.
“Kitten!” I try screaming her name again.
If I’m leaving this world, I want to do it with the taste of her on my lips.
“Our mate isn’t here,” a deep voice informs me, and I instinctively try to lash out at it. I don’t want him. I want my kitten and her sharp, sweet, little claws. “She’ll return from Faerie soon.”
From Faerie? She went back without me?
I try to force my body to move, to head towards her. She has no idea of the dangers that await her there, or the secrets that place holds. Rather than obeying my directive, though, I sink again, another memory shredding into my mind.
“Dad?” My voice doesn’t crack, the cold that permeates me keeping me frozen and still as I watch him.
I know the look he’s wearing means he’s sad—I’ve seen it often enough.
“V,” he clips out, using the name I’ve chosen for myself.
One that he hates.
“You’re meant for more than this, you know,” he murmurs, his eyes darting around the blood-spattered room and taking in my most recent work.
I ignore him, scrubbing the remains from the tips of my fingers, but he doesn’t leave, his disappointed gaze not faltering as he watches me.
“Politics?” I finally ask, and I snort at that. “Not my speed.”
“But being a murderer is?”
“Call it public service.” The grin on my face isn’t sane. I know that.
“You’re fourteen years old!”
“And a fully recognized member of supe society, as well as the heir to the throne,” I remind him. “I take care of what needs to be done. And I’m late.”
I have another job lined up, another rebellious, evil supe acting out and needing to be put back in line. I don’t have to look at the notes my mother gave me about him, how he’s killing children, preventing them from touching the artifacts and coming into their power. I have it all memorized. Every dark, sordid piece.
The trip to find my prey is short, my ability to teleport making it easy. The fact that my father has insisted on coming along for this little escape should probably make it harder for me to focus, but I simply tune him out.
He’s not who I’m here for.
The tingle of power in the air reveals my father has shifted, and I don’t bother looking to see him stretch out in his massive, golden sphinx form. I’m only steps away from the door to the house when all hell breaks loose.
Dozens of supes come pouring from the woods, frothing and feral as they aim right for us. I don’t bother cursing, merely spreading my wings and attacking the way I’ve been taught. It means nothing to me when they cut me or stab me, only the slight pulling sensation indicating their touch. I don’t care if I bleed out. I’ll accomplish my mission.
A roar I know well rattles the air, distracting me and allowing a hippogriff to rake his claws down my face. Blood flows, covering my field of vision in a wash of red even as I stab him through the heart. My father lies on the ground, blood pooling rapidly around him, my prey kneeling above him with a manic laugh as he saws at his thick hide.
I’m on him in an instant, and his neck snaps under my hands. As though that was a sign, the few strangling warriors melt back into the trees as I press my hands against my dad’s wounds.
I may be only fourteen, but I know it isn’t going to do any good.
I teleport us anyway, yanking us from the woods with a snap and spilling us into the hall of the healers. They’re scurrying around me, but my eyes are only for my father as his lips try to form words, the blood coating his mouth making it hard to read his lips.
“Love. You. Not. Monster. Safe.”
The light fades from his eyes before the healers’ fingers touch his skin, and I know he lied.
There’s nothing about me to love, and there’s nowhere safe.
There never will be.