Chapter 19
Colson cupped my chin, his grip firmer than usual, his eyes searching mine with a mix of frustration and something I couldn’t quite place. “Why am I bothering?” he asked, his voice low and edged with irritation as he turned onto his back.
Guilt gnawed at me, and I quickly shifted, resting my head on his chest, hoping to soothe him. “I’m sorry, Colson. It’s not you,” I murmured, trying to push away the thoughts swirling in my mind.
His fingers traced the length of my spine, sending shivers through me as he stroked with a tenderness that contrasted his earlier frustration.
“You’re distracted,” he said, his voice softening.
“Are you angry about this afternoon? I couldn’t have you and Vaughn arguing in front of the other executives. ”
I sighed, knowing he was right. “No, you were right. I have my issues with Vaughn, and they should be discussed in private. It’s something else.”
He continued to stroke my back, his touch almost hypnotic. “What is it, then?”
“Simone,” I whispered, the word heavy on my tongue.
He let out a long sigh, his hand pausing on my back. “I thought we were past this. She hasn’t done anything recently, and it will stay that way, or I’ll take more of her trust fund away.”
“That’s not necessary,” I said quickly. The idea of benefiting from Simone’s punishment didn’t sit well with me, no matter how tempting the extra money might be.
“Then what has she done?”
I took a deep breath, trying to steady my nerves. “She’s seeing Logan.”
Colson’s body tensed beneath me. “Excuse me?”
“My brother,” I clarified. “I saw him walking to the guest house, and I confronted him this afternoon. It’s true. She even stopped by and asked for my forgiveness.”
He pressed a kiss to the top of my head, a gesture that was both comforting and bittersweet. “And will you?”
“I have, but I won’t forget what she did,” I admitted, my voice wavering.
Colson shifted slightly, his hand moving to my cheek as he tilted my face to meet his gaze. “Joey, I’ve learned several things about bitterness. It’s a corrosive emotion that slowly eats away at the soul. It anchors us to past hurts, preventing us from moving forward and finding peace.
While it may feel justified in the moment, it ultimately serves only to keep us trapped in a cycle of pain and resentment, robbing us of the joy that life has to offer.
Letting go of bitterness is not about forgetting or excusing wrongs but about freeing oneself from the chains that bind the heart. ”
His words hung in the air, heavy with truth, but I couldn’t fully accept them. I sat up, meeting his gaze directly. “Did you when it came to that mechanic? Did you forgive?”
His expression darkened, a frown creasing his brow. “That was different. He was sloppy, and that sloppiness caused the death of my wife and trauma to my son. It’s not the same.”
I grabbed his hand, squeezing it tightly as I pressed on. “Colson, what if Simone had killed me?”
His grip tightened, his voice strained. “But she didn’t, and I’ve punished her.”
I moved to straddle his hips, needing to feel closer to him, to remind myself of the connection we shared. I tucked my head into the crook of his neck, breathing in his familiar scent. “I’m not ready to let it go. I’m sorry if that upsets you.”
Colson didn’t respond with words. Instead, he rolled us over, pinning me beneath him as his lips captured mine in a searing kiss that left me breathless. My heart pounded in my chest, not just from the intensity of the kiss but from the weight of everything unsaid between us.
His hands moved with purpose, shoving up my t-shirt as his mouth descended on my breasts, nibbling and sucking in a way that sent jolts of pleasure through my body. I moaned, arching into him, my fingers tangling in his thick hair as I wrapped my legs around his waist, pulling him closer.
I knew I was past due for my birth control shot, and a part of me hoped, desperately, that this would be the time I’d get pregnant. Colson would be forty-eight soon, and I wanted him to experience the joy of fatherhood again, to have a child he could play with, without exhaustion pulling him away.
Colson's lips trailed down my body, leaving a line of heat in their wake.
My breath hitched as he reached the apex of my thighs, his hands tearing away the last barrier between us.
His fingers slipped inside me, and I gasped when his mouth found my clit, sucking with a fervor that made my back arch off the bed.
“Colson,” I moaned, my voice a mix of pleasure and desperation.
He didn’t respond immediately, just continued his relentless assault. Then, in a low, almost absent-minded murmur, he said, “You taste delicious. I’m going to miss you.”
The words cut through the haze of desire like a cold blade. I bolted upright, my hands gripping his shoulders. “What? What do you mean, you’re going to miss me?”
Colson lifted his head, our eyes locking. His expression was unreadable, his words measured. “I have a trip to Vancouver,” he said, but there was something off in his tone, something unconvincing.
My heart pounded, a knot of unease forming in my stomach. “When? You’ll be here for Christmas, right?”
His lips curled into a smile, but it didn’t reach his eyes. He sank his teeth into my inner thigh, sending a sharp jolt through me. “Of course,” he muttered against my skin. “I wouldn’t miss the first Christmas with my new bride.”
But as he returned to his ministrations, I couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something else he wasn’t telling me, something hidden behind his words.
The pleasure was still there, but it was tinged with a new edge of anxiety, making me wonder what he was really thinking, and what other secrets he might be keeping from me.
And because of this, I couldn’t find my release no matter what he did.
"Joey?"
I lifted my head, pulled from my thoughts. "Yes?"
Colson’s voice was soft, but I could sense his concern. "You’re not into it tonight, are you?"
I sighed, feeling the weight of exhaustion settle over me. "I’m sorry. I’m just tired."
He climbed up next to me, pressing a gentle kiss to my cheek. His behavior was so different from what it had been months ago. The old Colson wouldn’t have cared about my mood; he would’ve taken what he wanted, emotions be damned. But this man beside me—he was different now, softer somehow.
"Sleep," he murmured, his voice soothing. "Hopefully, tomorrow your mind will be clearer. And don’t let your brother’s relationship with Simone upset you."
I frowned, a question forming in my mind. "Why wasn’t she arranged the way Vaughn was?"
Colson smirked, a hint of amusement in his eyes. "She was."
I raised an eyebrow, intrigued. "To who?"
"Scott Thorsen."
I blinked in surprise. "The tech billionaire? Why didn’t it happen?"
Colson’s expression turned wry. "As you know, Simone is a bit much. She had an argument with him before their engagement was announced. I guess her throwing a crystal decanter full of brandy was too much for him. He broke it off."
I couldn’t help but laugh at the mental image. "He dodged a bullet."
"She wasn’t too keen on marrying him in the first place," Colson added, a smile tugging at his lips. "He had terrible hygiene."
I wrinkled my nose in disgust. "That’s disgusting."
"She thought so."
He pulled me closer, his body molding around mine protectively.
But even as I nestled into his warmth, my brain refused to shut off.
Long after Colson had drifted into sleep, I lay awake, my mind spinning with everything I had to process.
The night felt heavy, filled with questions and uncertainties I wasn’t sure how to answer.
After a restless night where I finally drifted off in the early hours, I woke to the sensation of Colson’s tongue moving between my legs. His strokes were slow and deliberate, his pressure on my clit just right. A moan escaped my lips as I wiped the sleep from my eyes, the pleasure overwhelming.
"Oh God," I cried, my voice thick with need. "It feels so good."
"I want you to come for me," Colson growled, slipping a cool finger inside me.
He curled it expertly, finding that spot that sent waves of pleasure through me.
I ground my teeth, trying to hold back, but the sensation was too powerful, like trying to stop a speeding train.
My belly tightened as I brushed a hand over my breasts, and when Colson gently bit my swollen nub, it sent me careening over the edge.
I arched my back, my body trembling as I came.
But Colson didn’t give me time to recover.
He moved over me, sliding inside with a frictionless ease that made us both groan.
As he began to thrust, I met his rhythm, wrapping my legs around his waist. We moved together, our bodies in sync, and our lovemaking was fast and intense as we climaxed together.
I didn’t mind the quickness; the more we had sex, the better my chances of getting pregnant. It was a thought that lingered in my mind, especially with the new year just three weeks away. As Colson hovered above me, he planted soft kisses on my neck and chest, his breath warm against my skin.
"I hope you get pregnant soon," he murmured, his voice tinged with a regret I wasn’t used to hearing from him. "I never got to enjoy Poppy’s pregnancies because I was too busy, always traveling, always making deals."
I reached up, touching his face gently. "I hope it will be different with me."
A shadow passed over his expression, and a sadness crept into his eyes. "I’ll make my best effort," he said, his voice soft.
His words hung in the air, a promise wrapped in uncertainty. I could feel the weight of his past bearing down on him, and while I knew he wanted to do things differently with me, there was no denying the doubts that lingered in both of us.