7. Sian
CHAPTER SEVEN
SIAN
I ’ve been playing out what I saw last night in vivid detail. I thought it was a dream, but then I remember hauling ass out of the club, dragging Rowan behind me. I couldn't tell her what I saw then, and I don't think I can now.
I doubt anyone saw me, but if they did, I don't want to bring her into it and put her in danger as well. That way, it's only me I need to worry about if someone comes knocking.
The taxi dropped her off first, and once I reassured her I was fine, she went inside. The rest of the night I spent awake, paranoid I was being followed, and they were waiting for the right moment to strike and take me out. I sat on my bed with a kitchen knife and hid the rest, just to be on the safe side, which was a stupid mistake on my part, as clearly, they like to use guns. I'd witnessed as much.
I knew the moment I met Tate that he was dangerous, but did I think he could kill someone in cold blood without batting an eyelid? Hell fucking no.
Who is he?
If he can do that with no mercy, what else is he capable of?
I don’t know what to do with this information. I could go to the police, but would that put me in more danger? I’ve read stories and seen movies where the key witness is murdered. Doing the right thing never ends well for them. I don’t want my body to be found in a ditch because I opened my mouth about something I had no right to get involved in. So, for now, I’ll keep it firmly shut.
I can never show my face in his club again. How I'm going to explain that to Rowan, I'll never know. But I have at least a week to come up with something.
I keep myself busy by cleaning the house; a deep clean. I must have lost track of time because when I'm almost done, it's dark outside. I'm putting the duster and polish under the sink when there's a thud on the door. I freeze and hold my breath.
They’ve found me.
I'm going to die.
The knocking turns impatient, and my heart is hammering in my chest. There's nowhere to hide, and I can't escape. There's only one way in and one way out. I can't even escape through the garden out back as the gate wraps around the house and leads back to the front.
I'm screwed.
I don't want to die. There's still so much I want to do in life.
The banging gets louder and more impatient. I'm expecting the door to be kicked in, but it isn’t.
Stop being so paranoid, Sian. If someone saw you, they'd have come for you by now and you’d already be dead.
After giving myself a pep talk, I gingerly head towards the door. With shaky hands, I turn the key and unlock the door. I open it up slightly and peer through the crack. My whole body shakes uncontrollably, but it's not because of Tate or his men have found me. It's someone far worse.
I take a deep breath and hold my head high. “Daniel, what are you doing here?” I hear the nerves in my voice.
“That's no way to greet the love of your life.” He smiles, but there's no kindness behind it. It’s sinister, and it scares me. I don't correct him; that would only anger him more.
“Wh…. what do you want? I have stuff I need to get back to,” I lie.
“We both know you've got nothing important to do.” He laughs, pushes the door open, and glides in like he's welcome. “Can’t I drop by and wish my girl a happy birthday?” He spins and holds out a small gift bag.
“Daniel, I’m not your girl anymore.” I want to tell him he’s a day late, but I bite my tongue.
“You know you still have feelings for me, Sian.”
“I stopped having feelings for you the first time you hurt me.”
He’s on me in a matter of seconds. He wraps his hand around my throat and pushes me against the wall by the door. The wind is knocked out of me, and I’m shaking.
He gets in my face. “You don’t get to speak to me like that. You know it won’t end well for you. Now, thank me for getting you a birthday gift.”
“Tha…ank you.” I struggle to speak from the grip he has around my windpipe. He smiles, satisfied, and releases my neck. I suck in a huge lungful of air and hold my throat, that is now burning and sore. He holds the gift bag out in front of me. “You didn't have to get me anything,” I say breathlessly and hesitate to take it from him.
“Stop being ungrateful and just take the gift.” He shoves the bag forward, giving me no choice but to accept it.
When I look inside, there's a lingerie set and a photo frame I can't quite see. When I pull it out completely, I feel sick.
“When did you take this?” I turn the photo frame around, unable to look at it any longer.
He steps closer, taking it out of my hand. “That is my favorite photo of you. Look how gorgeous you look.” He runs his finger slowly across my naked and utterly exposed body as I'm spread open on the bed for him. I vaguely remember this night. We had a fight moments before, and when it was all over, he wanted what he called ‘make-up sex’. I wasn’t feeling it after he hurt me, but if I said no, he’d have hurt me again, so I consented to it, even though I didn’t want to. I don't recall him capturing the moment, though.
“Why would you take a picture of this, and why give it to me now?” I'm trying to hold back the tears. He's playing games and fucking with my mind like he’s done many times before. It’s what he does. How he gets his kicks, but I want no part in it. This is sick and twisted, even for him.
“Just a reminder of what we once had, and what we’ll have again.”
I don't like the way he's looking at me or the words coming from his mouth. I recoil, filled with a sickness I’ve never felt before. I'd never get back with him, not even if he were the last man alive.
I peer into the bag, and lying at the very bottom is a small, clear zip bag. I pull it out and investigate it. “Is this what I think it is?” I'm mortified. “Why would you think I’d want these?” I don't understand what he's trying to achieve.
“These are the best you can get.” He closes the distance between us. His eyes linger on my lips for far too long. I try to step back, but he grabs my arm, halting me. “Try it on.”
“Excuse me?” My heart is beating so fast that it's uncontrollable.
“Your gift. The least you could do is try it on for me.”
“You want me to put the underwear on?” I ask, praying I heard him wrong.
“Yes, and you know I'm not a very patient man. So, don't keep me waiting.”
“Daniel, I don’t think that's a good idea. I-”
“You'll do it, Sian. Unless you want me to do it for you.” There is no way I'm letting him put his hands on me. “The sooner you do it, the sooner I'll be gone,” he adds, stepping away and getting settled on the sofa.
I really don't want to do this, but I know if I don't, he'll be here for longer, and his temper will surface. He's never liked the word no, and if I ever said it, I would be punished.
I wordlessly start to pass him for the bedroom, but he stops me.
“No, no. You can undress here.”
“I'm… I’m not going to do that, Daniel,” I stutter.
“You are, and you'll do it now.” His voice changes, and it has me walking on eggshells. “Strip, now.”
I'm sweating in fear and holding back tears of embarrassment. He knows exactly what he's doing to me, but he doesn't care. He never has. He's never respected me, cared about me, or valued me as his girlfriend, let alone a human being. I feel belittled and degraded in my own home. There's nothing I can do to change the outcome of the situation other than by giving him what he wants. It's safer that way. I thought I'd grown stronger since I ended things with Daniel, but it seems he still has a hold on me.
On shaky legs, I stand in front of him and start to remove the clothes I'm wearing. Starting with my sweater, then my T-shirt, followed by my leggings. I'm now in my underwear, covering up what little modesty I have left and trying to hold back my tears. I haven’t looked at Daniel once. I know the smug look he'll have plastered over his face. I stare at the floor, head down.
“Now the rest, Sian,” he demands.
“I don't want to do this, Daniel.” It comes out as a whisper.
“I'm sorry, what did you say?” He stands abruptly and is by my side in an instant.
“I don't want to do this,” I repeat, a little louder.
He slaps me across the face, hard. The sting to my skin is instant. “You're an ungrateful bitch. I brought you a gift for your birthday and you won't even model it for me!” I've angered him, rattled the beast within him, but just how much is still to be determined. “Forget the underwear. Let's just skip to the finale.”
“What… what does that mean?” I look at him for the first time since I started stripping, and the person staring back at me is someone I've never seen before. “Daniel?”
His lips curl up in the most sinister of ways. “I’m going to enjoy this more than I thought.”
The next thing I know, I’m on the floor, and Daniel is on top of me.
“Daniel, what… what are you doing?” I struggle against him, trying to get free.
“Taking what’s mine.” He grabs my arms, holds them above my head, and traps my legs between his so I can’t move. “You may think you’ve got rid of me just because I’m no longer around, but you haven’t. I know everything you do, Sian. Where you go, the people you talk to. I’ll always be around because you belong to me and always will.”
I freeze, afraid of what he’s saying. He’s been following me. Watching my every move. He’s completely lost it. He’s not the person I once had feelings for. I don’t even think that person exists anymore. The whole time we were together was fake. I never knew the real Daniel. I get the feeling I’m about to find out who he really is and what he’s truly capable of, and I’m terrified. He beat me, berated me, but never has he taken it this far before.
“I think you should leave before you do something you’ll regret.” I try making him see sense, but when I look in his eyes, there’s nothing there. He’s no longer with me.
“I’d never regret getting to feel or touch you, Sian.” He dips his head and runs his nose along my collarbone and up my neck, only stopping when he’s at my ear.
My stomach drops, and I feel sick with nerves and apprehension about what he’s going to do with me.
“Daniel, please don’t do this,” I beg, praying it gets through to him.
“I always loved it when you begged me and told me exactly what you wanted from me. Do it again. Beg me, Sian.” He bites my ear harshly.
I scream in pain and try wiggling out from under him, but it’s no use. I’m trapped.
My earlobe feels wet. He cocks his head to one side and studies the ear he bit. He adjusts his hold on my arms, transferring them both in one hand, and with the other, he wipes my ear. When he brings his hand back up, there’s blood on his fingers.
He bit me so hard that he made me bleed, but what sickens me more is when he takes his fingers in his mouth and sucks my blood clean off them.
I’ve never been so disgusted. This is so wrong. Daniel is a monster, and this confirms just how fucked up he really is. I’m hyper-aware of how unsafe it is for me to be around him, especially on my own. My legs shake, my arms ache, and I want to throw up. I fight with all my might, but it’s no use. He’s got plans for me.
His free hand lazily runs from my neck, over my breasts, and down my stomach. My breathing spikes when he pauses at my hip bone.
“You won’t be needing these.” He bares his teeth, and at the same time, he rips the sides of my knickers and pulls them from my body, the material cutting into my skin. I fight harder, not wanting this, but he’s managed to unclip my bra, toss it aside and then tied the torn material of my underwear around my hands, binding them together. I’m completely naked, and there’s nothing I can do about it.
The tears I’ve been holding back slowly leak down the side of my face, and my bottom lip trembles.
“This body was made for me and me only, Sian. You need to remember that. I’ll kill anyone who so much as looks at your body, let alone touches it.”
I can’t form any words, as my breathing is out of control. I close my eyes tight shut, not wanting to believe what’s happening, hoping it’s all a bad dream and when I open them again, Daniel won’t be here.
Suddenly, a sharp pain has my eyes springing open, and I yelp in shock and agony. I glance down at where the discomfort is radiating from and find Daniel has bitten my nipple so hard he’s broken the skin. He repeats the same on my other breast, sucking and biting like it’s his last meal. It's torturing me that I can't do anything to stop it.
“Daniel, you’re hurting me. Stop,” I shout over his sickening moans of pleasure.
His head pops up. There’s blood lining his lips, my blood, and my nipples are now on fire, and he huffs, “Darling, I’m only just getting started.”
I feel the color drain from my face. I’m lightheaded and feel like I’m about to pass out from the shock. I feel my body start to fade out, and my head leans to one side, but another slap across my face snaps me back to reality.
“I can’t have you passing out and missing all the fun, can I?” He laughs.
“Why are you doing this to me?” I ask through my tears, feeling weaker by the second.
“Because it’s who I am. I like being in control. And doing this with you… well, that just excites me more.” He smirks.
My mouth is dry. I can’t believe this is happening.
I feel his hand running between my legs, and my fight or flight kicks in.
“No, no. You don’t get to do this to me.” Using whatever strength I have left in me, I wiggle my legs and pull against the restraints around my wrists. I use all my strength to get him off me. I manage to get my knee up and catch him in the balls. He lets my hands slip to grab his junk, and it gives me some time to free my other leg. My muscles are weak from fighting him, and I’m unable to stand, so I crawl away from him as fast as I can.
“You fucking bitch. I’m trying to show you a good time, and that’s how you repay me?”
Is he serious? He really has got a screw loose. How can he possibly think I’m enjoying this?
“Where do you think you’re going?” He grabs my ankle and pulls me back.
“No,” I scream and claw at the carpet, reaching out in the hopes my hands can grab hold of something to help me. “Let go of me.” I kick at his arm with my free leg, but the hand on my other leg is hurting and burning the skin as it’s being pulled tight.
“Stop fighting the inevitable. We both know you want this.”
“I don’t want this, Daniel, and I don’t want you,” I yell.
I’m past the point of playing it safe with what I say in fear of his temper. It doesn’t matter what I say anyway. He came here tonight for one reason, and he won't be satisfied until he gets it, but for the first time since I met him, I’m fighting back with everything I have.
“You really are an ungrateful bitch.” I sense the resentment in his voice. “You need to be taught a lesson.”
My hair is pulled with force at the roots, and then my head bounces off the carpet as he slams my head down against the floor twice. My vision blurs, and my head pounds. I’m confused about what’s just happened, but the sound of a zipper unfastening has me tensing up. My legs are spread wide open, and he situates himself between them. I can feel his fingers pinching my thighs and his nails digging into my skin. He inserts his fingers deep inside me, and I scream in agony at the unwanted intrusion. His fingers are bruising and scraping my walls as I fidget, uncomfortable.
I'm now wet, and I’m disgusted that my body is betraying me. I’m not excited by any of this, but I can’t help what my body is naturally doing.
Daniel slaps my ass harshly with his free hand, ignoring my pleas and cries.
But I know the worst is yet to come, and it does.
He removes his fingers and hums, “My favorite taste ever.”
I throw up in my mouth at the thought of him licking his fingers clean of me. I swallow it down again; this ordeal is bad enough without me lying face down in my own vomit. He’d probably rub my face in it.
I don’t get a break, as the next thing I know, his penis is at my entrance. I try to squeeze my thighs together to restrict him, but he just forces my ass cheeks apart and enters with a piercing thrust. I hiss as he stretches me. He’s not bothered that I wasn’t ready for him, or the discomfort I’m in as his dick rubs against my walls.
I scream out in distress. My throat is sore from all the yelling and screaming I’ve done, and the more I scream, the harder he pounds into me.
“Scream for me, baby. Tell the world how much you’re enjoying this.” He continues thrusting, his rhythm picking up pace.
I'm not enjoying this at all, and he's delusional in thinking I am. The fact that he wants me to yell and shout has me shutting down completely. I bite my lip to stop any noise from coming out, and I don’t let up. I can taste the metallic iron on my tongue, and I know I’ve drawn blood, but I don’t care.
I zone out after that. I don’t think about what he's doing to me or the words he’s saying. I don’t think about the marks he’ll leave on my body and how that will only please him once he’s finished. I’m just waiting for the end to come and for this to be over.
I don’t know how long it goes on for or how many times he took what wasn’t his. I blocked it out. Numbed myself from the pain. It’s only when the cool air hits my skin and the weight of him on top of me is removed that I come crashing down to earth with an almighty thud.
The words he utters next leave me feeling helpless and distraught. “Until next time, Sian.” He sniggers, pulling up his trousers like nothing ever happened. “I didn’t need you to take the ecstasy in the end.”
That confirms what I thought was in the clear bag. Drugs. He was going to drug me.
My lips quiver and my body shakes. The sound of the front door slamming is the only noise that lets me know I’m alone.
Only then do I let the tears fall.
Daniel has taken away a part of me that he had no right to. How do I get over this?
I'll never be able to forget this night for as long as I live. I'll never fully trust another man because of what he's done to me. I've never felt so dirty, so scared, or so helpless before.
He raped me. I was just raped in my own home.
No matter how many times I repeat those words in my mind, I can't wrap my head around it. You hear of people being raped all the time, but you never imagine it will happen to you.
I can still smell him on me. In my hair, over my skin. I can still feel the touch of his unwanted hands over my breasts and down below. His penis inside me. My stomach turns, and I gag. I need to wash him off me.
I knew he left when the door slammed shut, but I wait a beat just to make sure he isn’t coming back. When I hear his engine start, I struggle to get up. Every inch of my body aches, but I slowly pick myself up and head towards the front door, bolting the lock and turning the key. I lean my head against the wood, taking a breather as I’ve used a lot of energy to make it over here. I give myself a moment before I carry myself to the bathroom.
I turn the water on as hot as it'll go, and as I'm already naked, I step under the spray. I cry out when the water hits my skin and turn it slightly colder, then begin rubbing at my skin. I grab the cloth and scrub as hard as I can until my skin is raw, but nothing is working. All my senses lead back to Daniel and what he's done to me, and my movements become frantic.
How do I get over something like this?
Will I ever be able to?