17. Sian
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
SIAN
I follow Mary in silence, climbing the stairs and stopping when she does. I don't know where I am in the estate, as I wasn't paying attention to my surroundings, but I'm past the point of looking for an escape.
I know Rick was right in saying I’m safer here than in my own home, but I’m walking on eggshells.
Tate's distant attitude towards me at dinner threw me off. One moment, he's kind and thoughtful, and the next, he's cold and distant. I know what he's truly capable of, and I know I've only seen the real Tate once, but I keep thinking back to the night he barged into my bathroom like nothing was in his way, how he respected me when I was in a horrible state, and then again when he pulled me from the burning car without a care for his own safety. Was that the real Tate? The side he doesn't show anyone, or is it all in my head?
Mary is speaking to me, but I don't hear a word she's saying. She's pointing at some clothes she's laid out on the bed, then she leaves.
I grab a quick shower and clear my head.
I thought the cool water would wash away my conflicting thoughts of Tate, but it doesn't.
The short time we've spent together plays out in my mind. He's all I can think about. Why do I feel a strong connection between us? And more to the point, why can't I shake it off? He's a dangerous human being, capable of some disturbing things, and I should fear him for what he could do to me. Yet a small part of me knows he won’t do anything to harm me.
I could laugh at myself. I'm becoming delusional. Maybe the trauma of what happened to me has messed me up. Is this my new norm? I'm so messed up that all logic ceases to exist now. Will darkness follow me wherever I go? If the last few days are anything to go by, then it would seem that's the case. Maybe I've always been surrounded by darkness, and I've never known it until now. Daniel has been in my life for years, and I never knew the full extent of what he was capable of. I would never have stayed with Daniel if I knew who he really was.
Maybe the fear he evoked in made me stay through all the beating because, before Daniel, I never saw myself as someone who was easy to manipulate. Before him, I was fun, outgoing, and always down for anything. Now, because of what he did to me, I feel like I've lost a part of myself that I may never get back.
I want to overcome this, be more like my old self, but stronger than before. To do that, I have to reevaluate my life choices and decide who I want to become now.
I stare at myself in the mirror as the droplets of water evaporate from my skin, at the bruises and marks that are fading away. I make a silent vow to myself to let the old me fade away with them. No more mourning the past, only looking forward to my future.
I wrap a crisp white robe around myself and exit the bathroom.
I jump in fright at a figure sitting in the corner of the room. His head is in his hands.
“Jesus, Tate. I almost died of a heart attack,” I hiss, covering my racing heart with my hand.
He lifts his head slowly. “I didn't mean to scare you. I apologize.”
“What are you doing here?” I ask, pulling the robe around myself.
“I live here.”
“I mean, in this room.”
“I don't know. I was going to head to the office, but somehow, I found myself drawn this way.” He leans back in the chair, his legs parting slightly. The material of his trousers is tightening. His shirt is buttoned down, showcasing a tiny bit of his smooth chest, and peeking out from one side is some kind of tattoo. The sleeves are rolled up to his elbows, and again, I spot more ink. Something I'm finding myself highly attracted to, and I'm struggling to compose myself.
His head tips back, giving me a clear view of his strong neck, and I cross my legs. I know he's dangerous, and possibly a reincarnation of the devil himself, but my God, he's beautiful. He's strong, with a demanding presence you can't help but admire. His body is sculpted to test every woman on Earth and welcome them to the dark side. His voice is so deep I could drown in it. I know I should be running in the opposite direction, but I can't. No matter how dangerous he is, he's the only person who’s ever made me feel entirely safe. I know that sounds stupid, knowing what I do about him, but I feel like he'd protect me until his last breath.
The hairs stand up on the back of my neck when I see him glaring at me. “Was there something you needed?” I ask slowly, taking a step towards the bed.
He's silent but never takes his eyes off me. Eventually, he releases a small, humorous huff. “I need something, but I don't think you're the person for it.” His hand moves to his jaw, where he gently begins rubbing his finger over his lips.
“If that's the case, you should leave and find someone who can help you.” I meant it in a nice way, but when he angles his head to the side, I don't think he took it that way.
“That's my problem. There isn't anyone who can. At least, not right now.”
His cryptic words only confuse me more. I scrunch my brows. “I'm not sure I follow.”
He rises from the chair and glides across the room until he's standing in front of me. “You're delicate. You don't fit into my world. Your heart is too pure.” His fingers slide down the wet strands of my hair, his eyes following his movements until he reaches the end of my hair that happens to be sitting across my breast.
I shudder, and he withdraws his hand. He looks into my eyes and steps closer to me. I can feel the electricity between us, and it’s intense. The way his eyes bore into mine. He steps a little closer, and I catch my breath as I feel something hard pressing against my hip. I realize after a moment that it's his gun, and the spell that's been wound around me comes crashing down.
He's a mobster. He has no issue killing people. He could kill me with no feeling or remorse.
I take a step back and pull the robe around me tighter again.
Tate watches me before he takes a few strong strides and exits the room, slamming the door behind him.