25. Sian
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
SIAN
I watch as Tate leaves, my hand pressed against the glass. I have the sheet wrapped around me as I stand here, and it takes me a moment to realize his guards can see me too. Blushing, I shut the curtains and go to shower. I don't really want to wash Tate off me, not like I wanted to scrub Daniel off me until I was raw. Tate erased Daniel from my body. Everything about him is perfection. I can't believe how drawn I am to him. It’s only been a short time since I first bumped into Tate, and my world came crashing down around me in so many ways, culminating in that moment with Tate last night.
He was so gentle. I get the feeling he’s been holding back for my benefit, but both times we’ve had sex they were the most intense I've ever had. I think back on when Daniel and I were dating, how Daniel always took and never gave. Then he would say it was my fault that I didn't pleasure him enough, so I didn't deserve to be pleasured, though everything I did was to please him. There had been boyfriends before Daniel, but they hadn't been giving lovers. Not like Tate. The way Tate pleasured me is something I’d never experienced except on my own.
As I stand under the hot water and let it run off me, I remember how he touched me, and I run my fingers along my body. It only dawns on me now that a lot of his kisses focused on where I was hurt. Where the burns and bruises still linger from Daniel's attack. I asked him to make me forget, and he wanted to make sure I did.
Still, everything is moving so quickly. I normally take the time to get to know people. Find out what they're about, although it's not like Tate isn't open about who he is and what he does. He's certainly not an easy person to read. He's dangerous and lives a dangerous and dark life, but there's more to him. I've seen it. I've seen it in his eyes and the way he treats me. There's a softness to him. A gentle touch that I don't think he shows anyone else.
I think about my other boyfriends, Jake, Michael, and Troy. Jason was never gentle and was rather pushy. We were together for a year, and when I didn't put out, he found someone who would. Michael was gentle at first, but he was dramatic and explosive at times. He was unpredictable, and looking back now, I see how much like Daniel he was. Maybe there's a trend. Maybe I just attract the wrong sort of guy.
Troy was also an asshole. He was narcissistic and self-absorbed and everything was my fault.
Daniel was like that too. He was a combination of all three.
Daniel had started out okay. We went on a date, and he was the perfect gentleman. He didn't even want to come upstairs after he walked me home. Then we had a few more dates. I realize now that was his way of drawing me in. Making sure that I believed he was a good man, that the fault must lie with me.
The first time he abused me was gaslighting. I remember it clearly. He was a manipulative son of a bitch. He would hide my keys and tell me I lost them. He would lie and then deny it, saying he never said that. That I imagined it. I started to think I was imagining it. Something would happen and he would say it didn't, or something wouldn't happen, and he would say it did. That's how it all started, and I thought I was going mad.
Then we went out to a bar one night and a guy flirted with me. Daniel had told me he was leaving, and when I followed him, he screamed at me. Told me I was a slut; told me I was easy. Told me I was cheating on him. I cried so hard that night. I begged him to believe me. I begged him not to leave me. We'd been dating for six months by that point. He said we would have to prove our love and move in together. I thought it was too soon, but I also thought I was in love, and I didn't want to lose what I thought was an amazing man in my life.
He moved into my grandma’s house with me, and things were great again. He was kind, loving, and so attentive. Then, one evening, I went out for work, and we sat in the smoking section. When I got home, Daniel smelt the smoke on me and started yelling at me that I'd been smoking. He loathed smoking. He told me how inconsiderate I was. How I had a death wish. I had tried to reason with him, and things escalated quickly to the point where he slapped me across the face. He then told me it was my fault. That he had lost his composure because of me. That he wasn't the bad guy, I was. I asked for his forgiveness, and that was when he knew there was no line drawn. He could do whatever the fuck he liked.
He cut me off from my friends. I was too afraid to even speak to work colleagues because he would come into work at random times to check on me. To make sure I was a good girl, as he liked to call me. But it was never enough.
It was just never enough.
I would get beatings. I would get thrown around and pushed and shoved. I swear, if I had been dying, Daniel would have left me to die.
Tate, on the other hand, may be just as dangerous as Daniel, but never to me. He’s never raised his hand to me, belittled me, or called me cruel names. I was apprehensive at first, but he called his goons off when I threw champagne at him. He invited me to the VIP section with drinks when I returned. He flirted with me. He made me feel seen. Then he saved me when Daniel had raped me, calling Imogen and making sure I was watched over while I slept off the worst part of the attack. Then he brought me here and saved me from the burning car, risking his own life, which I'm sure is far more valuable than mine. He didn’t have to do all that. He could easily have killed two birds with one stone. He knew I saw something that could potentially damage him, but he chose not to hurt me. That shows me there’s more to Tate than meets the eye.
Now, he’s made me forget what Daniel did to me. Maybe forget isn't the right word. I'll never forget what he did. There are emotional and mental scars that will affect me for a long time, but he's washed away that feeling of Daniel on me. I thought I would always feel his hands and body on and inside me.
I feel Tate on my skin now, inside me. I feel his fluttering kisses and tender touch. I feel him on me, and I’m relieved. I feel, when I thought I would never feel anything again. It has filled the hollow feeling.
Tate... I think I'm in love with him.