Chapter 12
“Iwouldn’t know…” I paced around Burke and Jared’s living room, my hands gripping my hair so tight it stung, but I couldn’t contain the fucking huge smile on my face. “I wouldn’t know.” I could feel my cousin’s eyes on me while he sat and waited for me to get it all out. “He’d said straight guys don’t kiss other guys on the forehead and I’d actually fucking said…I wouldn’t know! As in, I’m not straight, Burke!” I let go of the stranglehold I had on my hair and hung my head back, laughing.
“Shit, I’m… I can go.” Jared stood in the doorway, thumb hiked over his shoulder toward the door, looking back and forth at Burke and me like a deer in headlights. His dog, Brutus, rushed over to his side, eager for attention.
Through my rant, neither one of us heard Jared come in. I shot Burke a desperate look, but for once, Burke looked like he had no idea what to do. He was waiting for me to make the decision. Waiting for me to decide if I was going to lie my way out of this or trust Jared. “I’m too fucking happy to deny it.” I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face if I tried. Burke released the breath he’d been holding and grinned back with obvious pride. He loved the man who was standing there looking at us like he didn’t know if he should be in his own goddamn home. “It’s cool, Jared. Sit down.”
“Are you sure?” He scratched the top of Brutus’s head, still looking like he owed me some kind of apology, which he sure as hell didn’t. Plus, Burke trusted him, more than anyone else in the world. That gave him the seal of approval in my book. I needed to start trusting people again.
“Of course. This is your house, man.” I crossed my arms to hold my hands still and stop them from shaking. Oddly enough, the trembling wasn’t from fear but, instead, was a result of the rush of adrenaline flowing through my veins.
Jared cautiously walked over to the couch, but when he sat down by Burke and looked at him, the expression on both their faces softened. “Hi.”
“Hey.” Burke leaned in and pressed a kiss to Jared’s lips. Jealousy, hot and fierce, ignited inside me. I almost asked myself why I couldn’t have that, but then remembered I’d taken two huge leaps in the right direction. I had every right to be proud of that.
“You guys make it look so easy,” I commented, hearing the longing in my own voice.
Burke shrugged happily, his arm stretched on the cushion behind Jared’s head. “Loving Jared is easy.”
Jared snorted and cocked an eyebrow at my cousin. “Now, maybe. It sure as hell wasn’t easy gettin’ here.” Jared’s Southern drawl had a way of softening everything he said, including when he was telling it like it was to Burke. He didn’t let my cousin get away with shit. I was convinced that was how they managed to make things work.
Burke opened his mouth, like he wanted to argue, but one look at me and he admitted, “It really wasn’t. My stubborn ass almost fucked up the best thing to ever happen to me. I had to shut out all the other bullshit I’d convinced myself was what I needed.” He took a deep breath in and put his hand on the nape of Jared’s neck. “I don’t even like to think about what life would be like if I hadn’t pulled my head out of my ass.”
Jared smiled, gripping Burke’s big thigh. “Damn, Cave Dweller, sometimes you say the sweetest things.”
With a completely serious face, Burke said, “Jared’s ass is a much better place for?—”
Jared slapped a hand over Burke’s mouth, the poor guy red up to his ears. “And sometimes you go and say shit like that.”
Burke laughed against Jared’s hand until he finally let him go.
“Jesus, I want what you guys have.” The admission sort of slipped out, but I realized I didn’t want to try and deny it anymore. Denying it hadn’t made my life any easier. If anything, it made things so much harder than they needed to be.
“You can have it. The decision is yours, Enzo. No one else’s.” He looked at Jared. “You got any advice?”
Jared looked surprised. “Uh, can we clarify that I heard what I think I heard before I put my foot in my mouth?”
Burke again looked to me, giving me the decision.
“I may have, possibly, admitted to Evian last night that I uh…” I grabbed my beer off the coffee table then dropped down in the nearest comfy chair and took a long drink followed by a slow exhale.
“Enzo, you don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to.” Jared’s eyes were so sincere, so accepting…
“I want to. I think I need to.” I swallowed hard and focused on a spot on the floor because saying it to him on purpose was a big fucking deal. “I admitted to Evian that I can’t relate to things straight guys do.” My gaze flicked nervously up at Jared and then immediately back down. “I don’t know if he heard me. He was seconds away from falling asleep.” And because I needed to face my fears on my terms, I admitted, “I really hope he heard me.”
“How did it feel?”
I was dumbfounded by Jared’s question. I’d been focusing so much on the fact that I couldn’t believe I’d said it, wondering if Evian heard me before he fell asleep, that I hadn’t given myself time to truly check in and see if I felt any different.
“Well, I don’t feel like my world’s gonna come crashing down around me. I kind of feel like my world just got bigger.” I thought about it for another second. “I think I’ll be disappointed if he didn’t hear me. How crazy is that?” Nervous laughter bubbled up again.
“I’m so damn proud of you.” Burke stared at me, his eyes almost intense with that pride.
I blew out a breath and leaned my head back, staring at the ceiling. “There’s still a chance he didn’t hear me and I’m here celebrating over nothing.”
“Uh uh…nope,” Burke said firmly, causing me to look at him again. He shook his head, giving me a hard stare. “Not gonna let you diminish the moment you finally let yourself be vulnerable with someone.”
That was the thing about doubts. Those shitty little things showed up like an uninvited houseguest, made a huge fucking mess out of your home, then took off while you were left to clean up the mess.
“Yeah, but is it smart to be vulnerable with a guy who made it clear he’s not looking for anything? Oh, and let’s not forget, the one and only time I went on a date with a man, it ended in a crash fucking landing I’m still feeling the burns from.” My eyes flicked nervously to Jared again. If there was any more confusion, I just blew it out of the water with that admission.
“There you go again, letting your mom’s opinions skew something that made you happy. Because, correct me if I’m wrong, but you had fun on that date before she showed up and ruined everything…” He snapped his mouth shut and side-glanced at Jared.
I appreciated the gesture, but keeping the rest of it from Jared felt like saying fuck you to the huge step forward I’d taken minutes before. I blew out a breath and said to Jared, “My mom caught me with another guy and let’s just say, she is the complete opposite of Aunt Sophia. She ruined the first time I’ve ever kissed a man. The best kiss I’ve ever had…so far.” Holy shit, I’d just said that out loud. My face was on fire and my hands were shaking, but damned if there wasn’t also a sense of relief under the surface. Evian may not be looking for anything, but that didn’t stop me from wanting him. Even if nothing happened between us, I needed to at least be honest with myself.
“The same way you felt the first time I kissed you, right, Fisherboy?” If I had to bet, Burke knew I needed a minute to compose myself after that admission.
Jared looked at Burke with wide eyes. “Are you kiddin’ me, Cave Dweller? He just trusted me enough to tell me all that. No way am I losing that by lyin’ to the guy.”
I burst out laughing. “Oh, man. You should see your face.”
“What the hell? I thought you loved me?” Burke complained, but the look in his eyes for Jared said it all.
“For some reason, I do love you.” I almost choked on my beer when Jared patted Burke on the head like he would their dog, Brutus.
Burke pushed Jared’s hand away. “Get the hell outta here. I kissed you so good the palm trees shook.”
Jared barked out a laugh and pecked a quick one on Burke’s lips. “You’re right. There definitely wasn’t a hurricane raging outside.”
“See!” I motioned between them rapidly. “It shoulda been like that. A story I could hold on to and get all flustered and shit when I thought about it. Instead, I just want to forget it ever happened. I want a do-over, dammit.”
“So, forget about that one. That was a practice run—I mean the kiss, not the other shit that happened. You still get to have a first kiss with Evian. Let’s come up with a plan to?—”
Jared held up his hand in protest. “Nope.”
“Why the hell not?” Burke argued.
“Are you or are you not your mother’s son?”
“What difference does that make?” Burke asked, crossing his arms over his chest defensively.
“It’s in your blood to try and fix things,” Jared said, like the answer should be obvious. It was to me, that was for sure.
“What’s so wrong with that?”
“Family helps family is all well and good as long as that family member wants help.” Jared shook his head in exasperation, like he shouldn’t have to explain this to his man. “Enzo’s still findin’ his way, and if you haven’t noticed, he’s really damn proud of the steps he’s taken.” He pinned me with a serious face. “As he should be.” Then he focused on Burke again. “I’m sure he doesn’t want his cousin tryin’ to set things up for him. If he needs help, he’ll ask for it.”
I stared at Jared in awe. The man not only had Burke figured out. He pretty much had our entire family figured out. Well, most of them. “Okay, I can totally see why my cousin fell for you, Jared. What I don’t understand is, why the hell did you fall for him?”
Jared sighed dramatically. “I ask myself that every damn day.”
“Hey! Fuck you both!”
While Burke and Jared teased each other, I pulled up my text thread with Evian. Watching my cousin and his partner interact, seeing how happy they were, gave me a sudden boost of confidence. How are you feeling?
Evian immediately responded, Like I wanna be sick more often so you’ll make me yummy pastina.
I barked out a laugh. You don’t have to sacrifice your health for that.
I watched those three bouncing dots. Thank fuck, because being sick sucks ass. Fever broke, though.
That’s good.
“See! That’s the same smile you had on your face yesterday when you were texting Evian.” Burke pointed at me sharply. “If you want to find your hurricane and your happy, flustering story, he’s the guy you should second kiss.” He paused. “That made more sense in my head, but you get the idea.”
All three of us lost it.
“Yeah, somehow, I get the idea.” The excitement that had been pumping through my blood when I first walked in the door came rushing back. No matter how hard it was facing why I was in Coral Pointe, I could admit it had been months since I’d laughed as much as I did here. That was just as important for my soul as confronting my demons was.
“‘The guy you should second kiss?’” Jared repeated through his laughter. “I think the Cave Dweller came out with that eloquent speech.”
They went back and forth again, teasing and laughing with one another. My cousin deserved to be as happy as he was with Jared. He was one of the best men I’d ever known, but I sure as hell wasn’t telling him that.
My phone vibrated in my hand, kicking my pulse into overdrive again as I read Evian’s message. Thank you…for doing all that.
No problem. I winced after hitting send, pretty sure I could’ve come up with something better than that.
Next time, I’ll cook for you.
Holy shit. Next time? As in next time I go to his place? What the hell did I say to that?
You don’t have to…I held my finger down on the Backspace button. Don’t say that. He’ll get the wrong idea. What the fuck was the right idea?
What will you make me… Delete, delete, delete.
“Why do you look green?”
My head snapped up, wide eyes fixed on my cousin. “He said next time he wants to make me dinner. What do I do?”
“You say hell fucking yes and go get you some.” Burke’s wiggling brows were eclipsed by Jared’s hand, which Burke quickly pushed away, those brows pulled in a scowl.
“Do you want to go?” Jared asked.
It took me seconds to reply without hesitation, “Yes.”
“Then maybe you shouldn’t make him stare at those bouncy dots waiting for you to answer,” Jared said, his light eyes sparkling in amusement.
“Fuck.” I looked down at my screen again, ignoring my cousin’s laughter, and typed the only thing that came to mind. Sounds good. I hit send and exhaled, my hands shaking. “Holy shit. Do you think he meant like a date? Nah, he probably meant as friends, right? Yeah. I’m sure he meant friends. I need to stop freaking the hell out. Friends make each other dinner, right? But do I want us to be just friends?”
Burke stared at me with wide eyes. “Dude, breathe.”
“Again with the fucking ‘breathe’ shit.” My phone buzzed in my hand, my eyes staring at the words on the screen while my brain tried to figure out where to file them.
Oh, it will be.
What do you fucking know? I forgot how to breathe.
Evian
“What if Ifucked it all up, Lucas? I totally innuendoed him with that last text, and he didn’t respond to that. Instead, he texted me like we never even had that conversation. ‘How are you feeling?’ and ‘How was work?’” I paced the store, phone pressed to my ear. Neil wasn’t working, but my dad was back in the office. “Now I’ve probably ruined our friendship, too.”
“Innuendoed him?” He laughed. “Ev, calm the hell down. First of all, it’s only been a few days.”
“That’s a long time.”
“You were still getting over being sick, remember?” He didn’t give me time to respond. “Second of all, he’s still texting you, right?”
“I guess so,” I muttered.
“Third of all, did you or did you not say you’d cook for him?”
“Yeah, I did, but he obviously doesn’t want me to if he’s texting like we never had the conversation.” I straightened the rack with the bow ties—the same rack Enzo had bumped into the day we met—for the umpteenth time, counting down the minutes until my first appointment came in.
“Why would he text you and invite himself over? He’s probably thinking you don’t want to anymore because you haven’t given him a day or time.”
I stopped short in the middle of the store and sucked in a breath. “Oh my god, I’m so stupid. Shit, Lucas, what should I do?”
“Uh, text him and ask him to come over, Ev. This isn’t rocket science. You’ve done this before.”
“Yeah, but for friends, I don’t need to set the fucking mood or give you special treatment. With dates, I put on something sexy, pull out the candles, and use plates that aren’t made of paper. How can I figure this out if I can’t even figure out what category he falls into?”
“As one of your best friends, I think my feelings are hurt that you don’t set the mood a little bit. Maybe one candle and only give Topher the paper plate. I draw the line at sexy outfits, though.”
I laughed. “Shut up. I’m being serious!”
“Everything okay out there, Evian?” my dad said from the doorway of the office, his face pulled in a frown.
“Yes, sorry. I’ll keep it down.” My dad gave me a strange look before turning around and going back to his desk. “Oops,” I whispered to Lucas. “I got a little too loud for Lloyd’s liking.”
“Nice job. Hang on a second.” He sounded like he covered the speaker which meant he was most likely in the breakroom at work. I heard a muffled, “Okay, thanks, Sharon,” then he came back on the line. “Listen, I’ve gotta go, Ev. My break’s over and there’s a line in the lobby. I fucking hate Saturdays. Haven’t people heard of online banking?”
I huffed in amusement. “Have fun, Mr. Bank Teller Bossman.”
“Oh, tons. And, Ev? Invite him over. You’re gonna drive yourself crazy making up scenarios in your head instead of facing it head on…as my friend Ev, not Evian, Like the Water.”
“I’m beginning to resent that guy,” I grumbled.
“Good, because plain old Ev is so much better.”
“I love you, but if you ever refer to me as plain old again you will not only get the paper plate, but I’ll make your ass sit in the hallway to eat.”
Lucas barked out a laugh. “I dare you to try.”
After hanging up, I walked around the store, making sure everything was as it should be. I stared in pride at my newest creation on the center display. I had a habit of adding black material to my designs because it brought out the rich tone in other colors. This time, I’d opted for a baby blue and white pattern, getting ready for the upcoming spring line.
I was stalling.
Lucas would kick my ass if he knew.
I took a deep breath in of a little grow-some-fucking-balls air and pulled my phone back out. I stared at the screen, trying to come up with something clever to write. What I ended up with was a well-thought-out… Plans tonight?
Hanging my head back, I groaned at my lack of game. “What is wrong with me?”
“Are you sure you’re okay, son?” My dad came out of his office, which was located on the raised level where we also did fittings. He looked uneasy, his hands tucked in his pockets and a line between his brows. Was he really that concerned?
“Yeah, I’m fine, Lloyd.” My head jerked down as I stared wide-eyed at my phone screen.
This guy’s supposed to make me dinner.
The smile that spread across my face was so big it hurt my cheeks. I wasn’t misreading this, right? He was so flirting with me. He sounds amazing.
Damn those bouncy dots, making me wait… Eh. He’s alright.
I loved the way he could make me laugh. Inviting him over was so damn dangerous. I could feel myself breaking my own rules. Having any kind of relationship with him would have to be long distance. I couldn’t even hold onto a guy who lived in the neighboring town. Oh, and there was that one little assumption that he was, in fact, flirting with me. What if I was misreading this?
“Stop it, Evian,” I whispered to myself, typing out my response. Well then, ditch him and come over at 7:00.
I held my breath until his text came through. See you then.
“Yes!” I pumped my fist in the air, turned around, and froze. My dad was still standing there. “Oh, sorry.”
He nodded, his expression one I couldn’t read. “I thought about what you said.”
“What I said?”
“Hmm, yes, about the, uh, frozen meals.” He shook his head and laughed softly. “It’s a good thing your friend made you soup the other night. I almost grabbed a can of chicken noodle for you, but then I remembered what you said about the sodium.”
I really had no idea what to say. Honestly, I didn’t think he was even listening to me the other night. “Well, don’t feel bad. He used to work in a restaurant. Food’s his thing.”
My dad pressed his lips together in almost a sad smile that caught me off guard. “Ah. That explains it. Luckily, he brought you medicine from the pharmacy before I had a chance to. You didn’t have to wait on me.”
Something about the way he said that sounded almost like he was disappointed, or maybe even annoyed with himself that Enzo had beaten him to it. Enzo’s words from our phone call the other night when I needed to vent popped into my mind. Maybe he doesn’t know how to say it. Some things are fucking hard to say out loud…
My phone buzzed in my hand again. Problem. My cousin needs his car tonight.
“I’ll let you get back to it,” my dad said, turning to walk into his office again.
“Dad?” I waited for him to turn around. “How about I pick up some ingredients and come by Sunday night? We can make a meal together.” My heart was pounding, even though it was ridiculous that I was afraid my own father would say no.
“I’d like that, Ev.” There was a glint in his eye I hadn’t seen in years. Not since my mom had put it there. He smiled and returned to his office.
I made a split-second decision when the bells dinged above the door and in walked my first appointment. I greeted the customer, then quickly replied, I can come there, if you want.
I shoved my phone in my pocket before he had time to answer, hoping like hell that didn’t come across too needy or pushy. One of my biggest pet peeves was making a customer wait too long, so when my phone pinged in my pocket with an incoming text, I held off on looking. Honestly, I was afraid of his answer. After I finished with the customer and he left, I couldn’t wait any longer.
Another, Sounds good. It was better than him canceling altogether. When the last text was his address, I took it as a good sign.
I’d made not one, but two nights of dinner plans, each with a man I had a hard time figuring out. The relationships may be vastly different, but both caught me off guard. I knew my mom would be proud of my dad and me for making the effort. And, damned if I wasn’t proud of myself, too.
And with Enzo? Well, time would tell.