9. Gemma
Chapter nine
Gemma
“ W hat the hell am I going to say to her, Eoghan?” I ask after telling Eoghan about the conversation with Alessia. We’ve just gotten back to my apartment from Luca and Giada’s going away party, having left in separate cars ten minutes apart. Though I’m not sure what good trying to keep up pretenses is doing at this point.
After Luca and Giada left the bar, the mood was still sour, thanks to the Russians. Not to mention, I felt a bit weirded out by that Andrei guy who thought I looked familiar. The way he eyed me like he knew exactly who I was but was asking to see if I would admit it was fucking strange. The last thing I want is attention from the Russian Bratva for any reason whatsoever.
There was also the way Alessia kept eyeing me. Thank God no one else noticed my appearance. At least, I hope they didn’t. I’m not prepared to have that conversation, especially since I’m still wondering what the hell is going on with Eoghan myself. The sex is absolutely phenomenal; there’s no way in hell I could or would deny that. It’s the feelings part I’m having a hard time with. The first time we slept together, we were just scratching an itch. At least, that’s what I told myself. But every night after that? I haven’t been able to reason that out.
“What do you want to tell her?” Eoghan asks, opening a bottle of wine from my fridge and pouring us each a glass. After bringing them over to where I’ve settled into the corner of my couch, he takes a seat at the opposite end. His body is turned toward mine with his arm thrown over the back of the couch like he doesn’t have a care in the fucking world.
“You seem way too casual about this. I believe it was your brother who told you to stay away from me.”
Eoghan shrugs and takes a sip of wine, then makes a disgusted face. “I really need to bring over some beer or a bottle of whiskey, at least.” He sets the wine on my coffee table, then leans back into the couch.
“I don’t like beer. Or whiskey.”
“I do. And I’d like to enjoy both of them while I’m here. Unless you’d like to start spending our nights at my apartment. I’ll make sure to pick up some of your favorite wine.”
“You honestly expect me to spend the night in the bed where you’ve had countless women before? No thanks.” That was a bitchy thing to say, and honestly, I’d like to suck the words back in my mouth as soon as they’re out, but Eoghan barely blinks an eye at my comment.
“Blondie, contrary to apparently popular belief, I have never had a woman spend the night at my apartment. Never wanted anyone in my personal space.”
Well, shit. I can’t deny that his statement doesn’t spark something in my chest, but it doesn’t change the fact that our little secret is now out in the world before I’ve had a chance to wrap my head around it. Now there are going to be expectations. Instead of being Gemma Dalton and Eoghan Monaghan, we’re going to be Gemma and Eoghan, like Finn and Alessia and Luca and Giada . People are going to lump us together like the couple I’m not sure we are.
I let out a huff of annoyance, but he ignores me. Instead, he leans forward and unwraps my legs from the cross-legged seated position I’m in and pulls my feet onto his lap.
“Eoghan, I don’t think you’re really understanding the gravity of the situation. My best friend’s figured out there’s something going on between us. The same best friend who’s married to your brother. You remember him? The head of the Irish mob who forbade you to pursue me.”
Eoghan tilts his head back and forth. “I think ‘forbade’ is a little strong. He just told me to stay away from you.”
“And what does that mean to you exactly?”
“It means he was warning me off from messing around with his new wife’s best friend and fucking things up for him. Since that isn’t the case, I’d say there isn’t an issue.”
My eyes stay fixed on his relaxed smile for a few beats. Are we actually having the where do we stand conversation? Why isn’t he freaking out? I’m freaking out a little. Or a lot.
“Why aren’t you jumping up and running out of my apartment like your hair’s on fire?” That’s more along the lines of the reaction I would’ve expected from him. Never in a million years would I have imagined Eoghan as the let's talk about our relationship type. In fact, I’ve never pictured him as the relationship type. Then again, I thought I had found the perfect man once who told me all the right things, and look where that got me.
Eoghan tilts his head back and laughs. I mean, I’m well aware of the fact that I’m a funny person, but that question wasn’t actually a joke.
“Listen, blondie. I don’t care what you tell Alessia, and I care even less about what my brother has to say about it. Tell her whatever you're comfortable with. You want to tell her I’m just some lucky bastard you’re fucking until you get tired of me? Fine. Whatever you want.”
“Is that what you are? I mean, is that what you see this as?” I’m just going to ignore the knot in my chest as I wait for his answer.
When Eoghan speaks again, he doesn’t have the same laissez-faire attitude from moments before. He looks me square in the eye before opening his mouth. “What do you want me to say, Gemma?” Uh-oh. He’s using my actual name. Why did I open my big mouth? “The last thing I want to do is have you run scared with the idea of this being more than the fling you keep trying to tell yourself it is.”
“You don’t know what I tell myself.”
Eoghan rolls his eyes. “You don’t think I pay attention? It’s not like the only thing we do when I come over is fuck then roll over and go to sleep. We’ve had plenty of conversations, Gemma, and for the most part, you keep them as surface level as you can.”
I don’t say anything because he’s right. I’m good at making jokes and giving him a hard time, which he likes to give right back. But so far, I haven’t tried to get to know him on a more personal level. Which is insane, considering I let him into my body every chance I get. God, I’ve been treating him exactly how I was afraid he was going to treat me before we started this thing between us.
Letting my guard down has never been easy for me. How could it be? I tried with my ex, though at that point, we were so young and driven by our need to prove ourselves in our respective careers. I didn’t let him in, not entirely. Though his boss had no problem letting him between her legs. Even though it hurt like hell in the moment, I suppose it was for the best. But this thing with Eoghan feels different, or maybe I’m different with him. He’s managed to slide through my defenses, and the sneaky bastard has done it without me realizing just how deeply he’s embedded himself there. Now that I’ve realized it, the question remains: Do I let him stay there? If I do, he has the potential to shatter me, but if I don’t? Well, I’d be hurting myself before he has a chance to. I’m not keen on either one, but if I don’t take even the smallest of chances here, I know I’ll regret it.
“Why do you stick around then? It sounds like that isn’t necessarily what you’re looking for,” I say.
“Because there’s no other way I can see to break through whatever barriers you’ve erected around your heart. I want to get to know you. I want to be the man you turn to for anything and everything. Whether it be someone to let you carry some of the weight I sometimes see in those devastating blue eyes or a couple orgasms to help you forget whatever darkness occasionally shadows your beautiful face, I’m here for it. I don’t know how else I can show you I care except to keep showing up, even if I’m worried that one day you're just going to disappear on me.”
“Like you’d ever let me do that. I’m pretty sure I tried to shake you a couple times.”
“I’m nothing if not persistent,” he replies with a tilt to his lips. “So, tell Alessia whatever you're comfortable telling her. I’ll follow your lead. But you’re right. Trying to ghost me would probably be completely futile on your part, so you should just accept you’re stuck with me.”
“Like…how stuck are we talking here?” I ask before removing my feet from his lap. Eoghan pouts, but as soon as I change my position to move closer to him so I can kiss him, he relaxes and smiles against my lips.
“Crazy glue stuck, blondie.”
I lay my head against his chest as his fingers comb through my hair. Neither of us says anything for a few long moments, but I keep thinking about what he said about seeing the darkness in me sometimes. The first night he was here, my mother was trying to call. I think it was her, at least. It was from our old area code, and since I never kept in touch with anyone back there, I can only assume it was her. Not that I’m answering her calls ever again if I can help it. But maybe I‘m not as unaffected by it as I thought. Or Eoghan is just that good at reading me, which doesn’t scare me as much as I would’ve thought.
“I didn’t have the best childhood,” I start. I’m about to tell him things about my past even my best friend doesn’t know. Sure, Alessia knows it was shitty, but I never gave her details. “My mom was a dancer in Virginia Beach. And not the kind that performs ballet. She was never really single when I was growing up; more like our apartment was a revolving door for whatever boyfriend she had for a few weeks or months. Some of them weren’t the greatest.” I let out a resentful scoff. “Most of them, actually.” Eoghan’s hand moves from playing with my hair to rubbing small circles on my back. “I don’t remember a time when I felt like she liked me or liked being a mom. I was an afterthought. I don’t think she ever loved me.” It’s a fucking blow to admit, but it’s a truth I came to accept a long time ago. “I studied my ass off in school and worked from the time I was fourteen. Paper routes, yard work, babysitting—whatever I could do until I was old enough to get paid legally. Then I had a job at a convenience store, which I ended up getting fired from because my mom came in high off her ass and walked out with a bunch of alcohol under her arm. The owner knew who she was and thought having me there was a liability. Of course it was. I should have called the cops, but I didn’t. I didn’t want my mom arrested. I got a job at a car wash after that. Thank God there was nothing she wanted there.”
“Did any of her boyfriends…”
I look into his tortured gaze and watch as his jaw tics with anger. “Hurt me?”
His head jerks in a tense nod.
“No. There were a couple that tried. I guess that was the one thing she did right. If they ‘accidentally’ came into my room, I would start screaming my head off. She’d storm in, but these assholes told her they just got confused about what room they were walking into. They were usually drunk or high, along with my mom, and she would believe their flimsy excuse. They never got more than a squeeze in here and there.”
“Jesus fucking Christ, Gemma. That’s still too much. The fact that anyone touched you at all is too much.”
I suppose, over the years, I watered down the events in my memory. It stopped before it got too far. It was one of the many things I left in Virginia Beach when I took off. I wasn’t the girl who was molested by her mom’s slimy boyfriends. I became Gemma Dalton, the kind of woman who would have no problem kicking someone's ass for trying. But I still can’t sleep by myself without that damn light on.
“You’re right. I just don’t allow myself to think about it too much. I’m not saying it’s the healthy way to deal, but it’s how I coped when I finally got out of there. I shut out that part of my life. I even changed my name.”
I look up from my spot on his chest to see his eyebrows nearly up to his hairline.
“What? Your real name isn’t Gemma?”
“My real name is Gemma. But it’s not the name I was born with.”
“What name were you born with?”
I scrunch my nose in distaste. “Jennifer Wilkins.”
Eoghan’s eyes narrow as he studies my face. “Nope. Doesn’t fit you.”
I roll my eyes but smile at him. “Agreed.”
“Does Alessia know all of this?”
“Not the details, just that I grew up in a crappy situation and I don’t talk to my parents. Not that I ever knew who my dad was, but I cut my mom out of my life sophomore year of college. Alessia never really pried.”
“I guess if you grow up the way we do in this life, you allow others their secrets since you’re keeping so many of your own,” Eoghan comments.
When Alessia told me who her family really was, I didn’t pry further either. I only cared about her as a person, not as the daughter of a Mafia boss. She was just my friend and vice versa.
“That’s what you picked up on. My mom found out who I am now and called me a few weeks ago. She wants money. Again.”
“I hope to hell you told her to fuck all the way off.”
I smile at the gruffness in his tone. “Of course I did. God, it’s like you don’t even know me,” I joke.
“Oh, blondie. I may not know everything about you yet, but I’d say I’m having a hell of a time figuring you out.”
I wake the next morning to Eoghan putting on his pants and let out a groan of disappointment.
“It’s too early. Come back to bed,” I say with a yawn.
He turns his blue eyes to me and gives me one of his sweet smiles. “You have no idea how bad I want to.”
I pull the blanket from the upper half of my body to give him a little tease of what he could be doing instead of getting dressed. The tortured groan that releases from his chest makes me laugh.
“Goddamn, blondie, you’re fucking killing me right now.” He leans down and places a light kiss on my lips, which I attempt to take further, but he pulls away with a growl.
“Evil temptress.”
A wide smile covers my face, and I flutter my eyelashes.
“I have to get to one of the bars. My opening manager called, and there’s a problem with one of the walk-in fridges. Then I have to head to Freddy’s and check out some of the progress Javier’s made with the trainer. Then I’m going back to the bar to close it down for one of my other bartenders who has the night off for his little sister’s graduation.”
“Okay, fine.” I sigh and pull the blanket back over me.
“I have Sunday brunch with my family tomorrow, but how about I come over afterward? We can have a lazy Sunday together, just the two of us. Unless you want to come to brunch.”
“Oh, no,” I say, shaking my head. “I’m not ready to face Alessia yet.”
“You chicken?”
“Hell yeah, I am.” I’m not, but it’s a pretty big jump from fucking like rabbits to going to Sunday brunches after not really figuring out where you stand, but you know it’s more than just the fuck-buddy scenario you were trying to convince yourself of. There still might be a few things I need to unpack before I see my best friend.
“I’ll give you time, blondie. But think about what you’re going to say to Alessia. I want to introduce you to my family.”
“I know your family.”
And there's another one of his smiles. “But they don’t know you as my girlfriend.”
“That’s something you usually ask a girl, not just declare it so.”
“Huh. Well, it doesn’t change the fact that you are, so we’ll just have to agree to disagree.”
“I haven’t even agreed to anything to begin with.”
“No need. It’s already been decided.”
“Eoghan, you can’t—”
He cuts me off with a deep kiss, and before long, I’m not the one trying to take it further this time.
Then his damn phone rings.
He pulls away with regret in his gaze when he answers. “Yeah, I’m on my way now. I’ll be there in thirty.” He hangs up and kisses me briefly before standing from the bed. “I really do have to go. I’ll call you later.”
“We aren’t done talking about this,” I tell him as he walks out of my bedroom.
“Didn’t think we were,” he calls back, then I hear the door close behind him.
I let out a perfectly ladylike growl of irritation and rise from my bed, throwing on a robe before walking to the kitchen to start the coffee. Just as it’s finished brewing there’s a knock at the door.
“What did you forget?” I ask, opening the door and expecting Eoghan because no one else would be showing up unexpectedly, especially this damn early on a Saturday.
Only it’s not Eoghan on the other side.
An older man in a suit is standing at the threshold with a stony expression on his weathered face. Immediately, I take in the other two men behind him, recognizing one immediately. It’s that man from the bar—Andrei.
“Hello, Gemma. I’m Viktor Petrov,” the man in front introduces himself. “I believe you met my associate, Andrei, yesterday.”
I stare at the man and nod faintly, shock warring with the intense urge to slam the door in the man’s face. And what? Jump from my fire escape?
“May we come in?”
“I’d rather you didn’t.”
The man obviously isn’t used to hearing the word “no” and pushes past me; the other two follow him, one shutting the door once they’re all inside.
“This won’t take long,” Viktor says, completely nonplussed that I asked him not to come in. “I spoke to your mother.”
My head rears back, shock ricocheting through me. “How the hell do you know my mother?”
A knowing smirk crosses Viktor’s face. “We had a fling back in New York when she was younger. A little over thirty years ago.”
A little over thirty years ago means he could be…no. No, absolutely not. But I study his features, in particular his bright—yet cold—blue eyes. My mom has brown eyes, dulled by years of alcohol and drug abuse. His high cheekbones and straight nose are also familiar. Much different than my mother’s round face. More like mine .
“Your mother hasn’t changed much since I knew her. Still looking for her next big score. My wife wasn’t fond of the whores I kept around. The one agreement we had in our marriage was I would never father another woman’s child. It only came up a time or two, but those women were…shall we say, disposed of. Seems your mother decided not to tempt fate and ran away before I knew she was pregnant. Probably the only smart move she’s ever made.”
Can’t fault his logic there.
“She called asking me for money in exchange for information about you. Family is important in my life—having not only a son to carry my name and legacy but also a daughter to marry into a powerful family. My wife was only able to give me one son. Seems your mother was able to give me a daughter.”
What the actual fuck?
“I’m not your anything, Viktor. And you sure as hell are no father to me.”
He takes three long strides to me, and when his palm collides with the side of my face, the urge to claw his eyes out is like nothing I’ve ever felt. The only thing stopping me is the two other men inside my apartment—and the bulges I see under their suit jackets.
“You’d be wise to not push me. I realize you weren’t raised in my house, so that was your warning. Your only warning.
“What do you want?” I don’t cower or cover my face. I’m not going to fall apart with him standing in front of me.
“I saw the Monaghan scum leaving your apartment this morning. Considering your involvement with the Monaghans, I’m willing to make you a deal.”
I stay silent, but what I really want to tell him is he can fuck right off with whatever deal he thinks he’s going to be making. Self-preservation is the only thing keeping my lips firmly together.
“I want Boston. The Monaghans are in control of Boston, and after that fuckup Cataldi screwed up, the Monaghans have no interest in any sort of dealings with me.”
Somehow I doubt Finn would have rolled out the red carpet to them regardless. Not that I would know since I’ve always purposely kept away from any and all details of anything in the criminal life. Guess that’s all changing now.
“You’re going to be my mole inside the family. Worked well for Finn when he planted his cousin in the Cataldi organization, so I think I’ll take a page out of his book. And before you ask, no. You don’t have a choice. I will make sure your mother suffers before I kill her, and I’ll make sure you disappear where no one will find you. The Monaghans are powerful, but they don’t have the ties to Russia that I have. And my comrades do enjoy breaking pretty little things like you.”
“How do you expect me to get any information? I’m not involved the way you think. I don’t know anything about the Monaghan’s business dealings.”
“You’re a smart girl. I’m sure you can figure it out. You did graduate from Yale, after all.”
Yeah, with a degree in marketing, not espionage.
“My son, Nikolai, will be your liaison to my family. It will be a nice little brother-sister bonding exercise.”
The sickening smile on Viktor’s face tells me everything I need to know about his son.
“Nikolai will be here in the morning to give you the rest of the details.” Viktor turns toward the door as Andrei opens it for him. Before crossing the threshold, he turns his penetrating stare back to me. “If you think running to the Monaghans is going to save you, think again. If Nikolai thinks—even for one second—you’re betraying our family, not only will you and your mother pay the price, but I’ll finally let him have the Cataldi girl. She’s in Italy with her new husband now, yes? And then there’s Finn’s beautiful wife. I think I’ll give myself some time with her before gifting her to my men.”
I think my heart has actually stopped beating.
“I’m willing to let them live, Gemma. This doesn’t have to get bloody. That is one-hundred-percent dependent on you.”
With that parting shot, he turns and walks through the door, and I sink to the floor. It takes the briefest second before tears are pouring down my face.
What the hell am I going to do?
The answer to my question comes from the most unlikely source the next morning when I open my door to find another stranger on the other side.
“I’m Nikolai Petrov. If we play this right, our father will be dead by the end of the year.”