Chapter 10
CHAPTER TEN
Outside, the air is cooler, the wind chilling my skin as I cross the quad and find a bench near the library. My mind is racing, and as I think over what just happened again, processing it for the first time, tears sting my eyes. The tears that fall aren’t from grief anymore, I’m certain of that.
This is white-hot fury radiating from my core, begging to be released.
My phone buzzes, and I tug it from my pocket, turning it over in my hand.
An Instagram message from…Naya Sanchez.
Holy crap.
I can’t open it fast enough.
Hey, I’m still around if you want to talk. I’ll be at the library café for the next half hour or so. Are you free?
My fingers are stiff from the cold as I rush to reply.
Yes, I’ll be there!
I stand, shoving the phone back into my pocket and heading inside. I take the long way around the building, killing time so I don’t arrive too soon. Inside, the café is buzzing with students. I search the crowded tables for her face.
There.
I spot her in the corner, alone at a small table by the windows. She looks exactly like her photos—not one of those people who edits them into oblivion. She looks up from her phone, eyes sharp as she scans the crowd for me.
Her gaze lands on me, and I watch recognition flash in her eyes. She doesn’t smile or stand, just watches as I approach her table.
“Lila,” she says, her voice cautious. She gestures toward the chair across from her.
“Hi.” I start to wave as she holds out her hand for me to shake.
We both laugh. It’s painfully awkward. Eventually, I take a seat with no other greeting.
For several seconds, we just watch each other, waiting to see who will take the lead.
I’m trying to read her, and I suspect she’s trying to do the same.
“I, um, I wasn’t sure if you’d see my message. Or if you’d message me back.”
“What, you mean I might not be a chronically online millennial?” She smirks, then looks down. “I saw your message this morning. It took me until now to decide whether to answer.”
“I get it. And thank you. It’s…weird being back, huh?”
“It is.” She stirs her iced tea with her straw.
“Have you seen her yet?”
I don’t even have to say whom I mean. We both know.
“Seen, yes. We haven’t spoken.”
“Do you plan to? I mean, is that why you came back?”
She pauses, weighing her words. “I don’t know, honestly. I got the invitation. I didn’t know if I wanted to be here, but…here I am.”
“I found your name among her list of…favorites, I guess. Along with mine and a few others. I thought we should meet. I figure…we might have a lot in common.”
She nods slowly but doesn’t say more.
“Ralston was everything to me, once,” I tell her, weighing every tick in her expression. “But that changed. She…she took things from me. I guess I’m wondering if she ever did that to you. Stole things. Ideas. Words.”
She studies me. Her expression remains mostly unchanged.
“It’s like I said in my message, I don’t expect anything from you. I don’t really know what I expect from anyone. I’m just trying to put the pieces together. You’re one of the only people who might understand.”
Still, she’s quiet. Watching.
Finally, she opens her mouth. “I don’t know. I mean, does it matter anymore? It was a long time ago.” She looks as if she’s trying to brush it off, but I can see the pain behind her eyes. It matches mine.
“It still matters to me,” I tell her.
“Ralston is invincible,” she says. Her tone is cautious. Too even. “Untouchable.”
“Only as long as we don’t try. We can come forward. We can tell people what she did. Who she is.”
Her eyes widen. “There is no we, Lila. I’m here because I was curious, but I’m not going to speak out against Ralston, if that’s what you think.
Look, you’re not wrong. She used me in a lot of ways, but isn’t that what successful people do?
They lie, and they cheat, and they manipulate to get to the top.
Ralston isn’t unique in that. She’s just a woman, so you want to make her out to be a monster for doing what men have been doing for centuries. ”
I blink, my thoughts all scrambling to catch up.
“She’s not perfect, but she did help me. She changed my life. Plucked me out of obscurity when I was just a nervous freshman. She gave me confidence. Opened doors that would’ve otherwise stayed closed. She taught me so many lessons about life and this industry—good and bad.”
“And then when she was done with you, she dropped you back into obscurity. There are other ways to get to the top that don’t involve being a terrible person.”
“Maybe for you. Not for all of us.”
I swallow. “She does this in cycles. You realize that, right? Every few years, there’s someone else. A new girl—full of ideas and hope. We all disappear. One by one.”
“I didn’t go anywhere. I’m still here.” Her tone isn’t so certain anymore. It’s brimming with determination and pain.
“Barely,” I reply, my tone cutting. “You aren’t writing anymore. Not that I could find, anyway. You aren’t even teaching. I read some of your stuff. I know being an influencer wasn’t your dream. You wanted to be a journalist.”
Her eyes flash with rage. “I gave up on that on my own, not because of her.”
“You actually believe that?” I watch her face, searching for something. Anything.
She doesn’t respond.
I release a breath and turn my head. Outside, students walk across the green lawn with bright scarves and paper coffee cups.
“Look, none of this matters. Ralston is brilliant. We’re nothing. Even if we tried—”
“She’s a fraud, hiding behind our brilliance. Her only accomplishment is figuring out how to build a legacy on our backs.”
She laughs. She actually laughs. “Wow. You really think you’re that special?”
Her words sting. “Ralston’s brilliance is a mask, and behind it is an empty void hungry for credit. If you can’t see that, I feel sorry for you.”
She sighs, rubbing her forehead as if I’ve exhausted her. “Look, you reached out to me. If you want my advice, here it is. Let it go. Move on and start over. Don’t keep clawing at this. Learn from it. Take that from her. Fighting her won’t give you anything but pain.”
“If we don’t fight, she wins.”
She pushes her chair back from the table. “She already has.”
I ball my hands into fists in my lap. She’s only right if I allow her to be. “Thanks,” I say finally as she stands. “For meeting me.”
She shrugs on her jacket and leaves without another word. For a long time, I just sit there.
In this crowded room, no one is paying me any attention, but still I feel the burn of eyes on my skin. Ralston isn’t here, but I swear I feel her watching me.