CHAPTER TEN .2
Grant
I believe him when he says he won’t meet up with the witch again. I have never felt the wave of possessiveness come over me like I had when he told me he met up with her.
Erik squeezes my hand to get my attention. “I’m serious. Shit with her is done and only going to go through our lawyers till the divorce is final. After that, I don’t plan to interact with her at all.”
I move my head away from him and look at him. The music playing changes songs and I don’t think a more fitting song could come on. Clay Walker’s “Love to be Your Last”
lyrics are spot on.
I can’t help but look at him, the man who’s had my heart for most of our lives. The one who I tried more than anything to replace with stand-ins who knew they never had my whole heart but never knew why. Before I can speak, he finds his voice. “I know I’m not the first love of your life, but—”
I can’t help but put my hand to his mouth to shut him up. “Look at me.”
The way he does stirs something in me and makes me momentarily forget what I was going to say, but he tilts his head as he waits, bringing my attention back to our current topic. “Erik. You have to know you aren’t the first love of my life. You’re the only love of my life. I tried to find substitutes over the years, and I don’t regret at least two of them ‘cause they brought me my kids, but fuck if I ever felt anything close to real love for them. How could I when I’ve been hopelessly in love with you since we were nineteen?”
His eyes start to water, and I know I’m about to get one of the few moments of genuine emotion from him with all his walls down. He lets a couple of tears fall before he speaks up with a smile. “I’ve been in love with you that long, too. You have to know that through all these years, you’ve not only been one of my best friends and confidants, but you’ve had my whole heart. I’m just sorry I wasn’t strong enough to—”
I stop him from talking ‘cause I have to kiss him. To put everything I can’t put into words into this kiss. When I break the kiss, I touch my forehead to his again and wrap my arms around him. I have to tell him. “We were both kids back then, really. I didn’t fight for us after you…well, after you said what you said. Just know you aren’t getting away again. I will fight for you, for us. We may have taken the long fucking route to get here, but I’ll be damned if anyone or anything is going to come between us ever again. It’s you and me, you get that?”
His body shakes with emotions that have been pent up for so many decades. He takes a few minutes to answer but never once breaks our physical connection. “I get that, and that’s what I want too. I’ve spent so much of my life being miserable, swearing I was doing it for my kids, when I realized I was doing it because I was afraid. Afraid of change, afraid of losing them, but mainly afraid that I’d lost my chance to be happy all those years ago when I shut us down. So we’re on the same page. I can’t imagine not spending the rest of our life together. You’re it for me.”
He moves and looks at me with his watery eyes. “I want you for all the rest of my days. You’re my today and all of my tomorrows. What matters most in the end is that I have you, and you have me.”
I see him get the same shit-eating grin Jeremiah gets when he’s about to say something smartassy. “You’re the one I want to wake up to. Even though when you sleep, you use me as a body pillow, I still want that.”
I can’t help but chuckle at him. “It’s called spooning, and you’re the little spoon, babe.”
He rolls his eyes at me but with a smile still on his face. There’s a knock on the door, and it opens. “Dad! You home?”
I must show my surprise ‘cause Erik asks me, “Were you expecting Kinsley tonight?”
I shake my head, step away from him, and head toward the front door. “Of course, I’m home. What are you doing in town again? Not that I’m not happy to see you or anything. You just weren’t the one of the three of you I expected to see tonight.”
I meet her at the entryway and pull her into a hug. I hear a bike sound like it’s in front of the house. I look outside, and I’m surprised again. I call out to Erik, who I think is still in the kitchen. “Jeremiah just pulled up!”
He comes out of the kitchen with an equally surprised face. “Seems our kids are trying to keep us on our toes.”
He nods at me and gives my girl a smile in greeting as he steps outside. I look back down at my youngest, and I feel like I’m not the reason she came into town this evening. “Not that I don’t love seeing you more often, but what’s the reason for the surprise visit?”
She doesn’t make eye contact with me right away, which is a telltale sign that she won’t tell me the complete truth. “I’m getting closer to being done with school, and I just feel like being home more. School isn’t home anymore. It’s just the place I need to be for the next couple of months to get my degree. This place has always been home, and lately, I am ready to be back. I know I’m the one who wanted to go to school there, and I’m still glad I went, but a part of me feels like I’ve missed out on a lot of our family’s lives, ya know? I just don’t want to do that anymore.”
Before I can say anything she continues, “I’m gonna look at apartments and places to rent this weekend with Mary and Christy. They want independence, and I’ve gotten to know them. I think it would be fun to have them as roommates for at least a while.”
There’s a commotion at the door, and then Erik rushes in and runs to the bathroom. Jeremiah walks inside with a concerned look on his face. I hear Erik making heaving sounds in the bathroom. “We were just talking when he got a look on his face and ran in here. I hope his stomach issues aren’t back. He’s been fine for a while, and I was hoping he was past it.”
I bite my tongue with my suspicions. He saw fucking Celeste today. He hasn’t had any issues since he moved out of that house. I just don’t know if he ate anything while he was over there. Jeremiah’s talking to Kinsley, but I can’t help but listen to the sound of my man heaving and losing whatever he ate today. They both look at me, like I should’ve heard what they just said, so I raise my eyebrows in question. Jeremiah starts to speak when there’s a loud crash down the hall in the direction of the bathroom. All three of us take off down the hall. Jeremiah’s in the lead ‘cause fuck if he ain’t fast. “Dad!”
He rushes into the bathroom, and as soon as I get to the door, I see why there was a crashing sound. Erik is in the fetal position on the floor and almost foaming at the mouth. He’s not responding to Jeremiah’s questions. “Call 9-1-1!”
I hear Kinsley behind me already on the phone. I get on my knees and try to grab one of his hands to comfort him and get him to acknowledge one of us. Jer looks up from his dad, and I can see he’s completely freaking out. “What the fuck is wrong with him? This is more than just a fucking stomach issue.”
I don’t have any answers. “I don’t know, Son. I have no fucking clue. He’s breathing and awake. That’s something.”
Kinsley pipes in, “Ambulance is just a couple of minutes out. I think Logan might be working, but not sure.”
Jeremiah snaps back. “I don’t care who it is, even if it is that Amanda chick I can’t stand. If she can help him, I don’t fucking care. I can’t lose him!”
He voices a very real fear I’m having right now. That, on top of the fact that I know he’s not ready to tell the world about us just yet, so I can’t out him by kissing him, is killing me right now. I take solace in that no one seems to be focused on the fact that I’m still holding his hand.
I vaguely register that Kinsley tells us both she’s gonna go open the door and let the paramedics in. I’m still holding Erik’s hand, but I realize that Jeremiah has his other, which means I can hold on till help gets here. I hear Jeremiah mumbling something that gets my attention. “...if Mom has something to do with this, I’m gonna kill her myself.”
The sirens are coming closer, and I know they’re almost here. “Son, don’t mention what you just mumbled in front of the paramedics, even if one of them is Logan. However, you and I will be having a conversation about what you just said and why that thought even crossed your mind. Not saying you’re wrong, just need to discuss what put it there in the first place and if you’re gonna need some assistance with it.”
He nods at me since we hear help coming down the hallway.
There’s a rush of movement and the paramedics at the door. One is that girl who is friends with Logan and some of the girls in the club. The other one is some lumberjack of a young guy. Amanda speaks first. “I’m gonna need y’all to clear out of this room so we can access him.”
I squeeze Erik’s hand one more time before I stand up and move out of the way, even if that’s the last thing every cell in my body wants to do. Jeremiah gets out of the way by standing in the bathtub. I can hear the fear in his voice when he speaks up to Amanda. “You can hate me and bitch at me all you want, but please help my dad. He’s…”
She doesn’t take her eyes off what she’s doing. “I’d never do anything to compromise my helping someone. Shows just how much you don’t know me.”
She and the guy speak quietly to each other as they assess Erik. They move around and get him on their gurney. “Okay, we’re gonna get him loaded and head to the hospital. I’m not sure what’s going on with him, but we want to get him there, have the doctors see him, and start running tests. We can only take one of you with us.”
Jeremiah speaks up that he’s gonna go and looks over at me. “Will you call Leif on your way over? Ma and Pa, too?”
I nod and pat him on the back as he follows right behind them out the door.
“I’ll drive my SUV so we have room to bring Jer and Erik back with us, and you can make the calls,”
Kinsley speaks up behind me, always being the optimist that we’ll all be coming home tonight. From her mouth to the gods' ears. He has to be okay. I finally got him as mine. The universe couldn’t be this cruel.
We hurry out to Kinsley’s SUV. Luckily, I was a doting dad and installed a remote start last year, so it’s already on and ready to go when we get in. I pull my phone out of my pocket and call up Leif first. As soon as I tell him what I know, he starts cussing and mutters something along the same lines as what Jeremiah said in the house. It makes me think they know some shit that no one outside of who used to live in that house knows. Leif tells me he’s leaving the clubhouse now and heading to the hospital. We hang up, and I call Jonah, knowing he will need to tell Linnea and get her calm enough to head to the hospital. She and Erik have always been closer than Gretta and I were. Don’t get me wrong, I loved my sister completely, but I think their childhood and being Irish twins made them even closer.
The phone rings twice before he answers. “Well, hello to you, brother. What’s going on this evening? Thought you were babysitting my grandbaby tonight?”
I shake my head, even though he can’t fucking see me. “No, Kierstie’s not feeling great, so they rescheduled their date. Brother, you need to grab Linnea and get to the hospital. Something’s goin’ on with Erik. He started throwing up. I dunno if he had a seizure or what the fuck is goin’ on. Ambulance is taking him to the hospital now. Jeremiah’s with him, and we’re right behind them.”
“We’ll be just a few minutes behind you, brother.”
We’re almost to the hospital when Kinsley’s phone goes off for the fifth time on our short drive. “Who the hell is trying to get a hold of you so badly?”
I look over at her, and I can swear she’s blushing, but in the darkening SUV, it’s hard to tell.
“Just a friend I was gonna go see tonight. As soon as I park, I’ll text them and let them know things have changed, and I’ll have to meet them tomorrow or something.”
I want to question her more but, I can’t seem to think about anything else other than Erik. He’s got to be okay. I don’t know what the fuck is going on, but he’s got to be okay.
Jeremiah
We’ve been in the ambulance for a few minutes, and Dad’s not really conscious. He’s breathing, and his eyes are partially open, but he’s not responding to anything. Amanda’s been busy checking him out while the guy I don’t know is getting us to the hospital. I haven’t stopped holding his hand in case he can feel me here for him. Amanda looks at our joined hands and then at me, but not with the usual hate or annoyance she always throws my way. “Talk to him. Talk to him about anything and everything. He may hear it, and even if he doesn’t really hear the words, your voice will comfort him.”
I nod and start rambling about nothing really. “You know you were right about my bike, Dad. Your suggestion worked like a charm. I went for a ride after we worked on her earlier, and she’s running better than ever. You gotta get better from whatever this is ‘cause you gotta go on a ride with me to see for yourself you were right.”
I don’t really know what else I say to him, just mundane things, all while wondering what the fuck is going on. One minute, we were talking outside, and the next, he was running into the house and straight to the bathroom. When I heard the crash and ran to the bathroom, seeing him almost convulsing on the floor was one of the scariest moments of my life. He’s the one I go to for everything, and he’s more than just my dad.
Amanda interrupts my rambling. “We’re almost there. When we get there, you gotta let the doctors take your dad back and run their tests. They won’t let you back there right away.”
She must know I’m gonna say something because she gives me a look. “The best way to help your dad right now is to let the doctors do their job. When we get there, go into the waiting room. I will tell the nurse in charge you’re out there. She will come find you as soon as they have news or an update. The faster we let the doctors do their job, the faster we can get answers, okay?”
I look at her and then my dad. I know she’s right. I’m just worried about leaving him alone.
The brakes screech and we slam to a stop. The doors open, and there are nurses and doctors standing there. I hear Amanda start rattling off information to them, and I watch them rush my dad through the bay doors just as I get out of the ambulance. I head to the waiting room. All I can think about is that Dad hasn’t even had a chance to find his happiness. He’s gotta be okay.
Grant
For the first time in my life, I’m thankful for my daughter’s lead foot. She pulls up to the emergency doors and slams on the brakes. “You get inside and see if you can find out anything and find Jeremiah. I’m gonna park, and I’ll be in.”
I nod and get out. I hurry to the entrance and rush into the waiting room, where I see Jeremiah just about to sit in one of the chairs. He looks up as I head over to him. “They wouldn’t let me go back with him. He didn’t acknowledge me or anything else during the ride. What the fuck is going on with him?”
I shake my head because fuck if I know. “I don’t know. I wish to the gods I did.”
I sit down next to him and look up just as the doors open and Leif rushes through with Linnea and Jonah right behind him. Kinsley and Max follow behind them. Leif stops in front of his brother. “What the fuck happened? Even with his stomach issues before, it’s never been anything like this.”
I zone out on Jeremiah filling everyone in.
A few minutes later, a nurse comes out and walks toward us. “Family of Erik—.”
Leif interrupts her. “That’s us. Can you tell us what’s going on with him?”
The nurse gives him a small smile. “The doctors are working on him now and running tests. Can you tell me about his day? What did he do today?”
Jeremiah tells the nurse “We worked on my bike and he had grabbed some burritos for us for lunch. Those burritos we’ve had my entire life so they weren’t a new place or anything. I left around two-thirty or three. He said he wasn’t gonna join me ‘cause he had to take care of something, but I don’t know what it was.”
I add in. “He went and saw his soon-to-be ex-wife. Said he was there for like an hour.”
I get glares from both boys and Linnea, who speaks up for the first time. “Why in the hell did he go see her?”
I shrug my shoulders. “Said she’d been blowing up his phone, so he went to see what she had to say. He said he wouldn’t be going back to see her. He got home only about fifteen minutes before everything happened.”
The nurse has been taking notes this whole time. “Do you know if he ate anything when he was there?”
I shake my head because he didn’t mention anything to me. Leif, looking at his phone, speaks up. “He might have had some coffee and coffee cake. My mom just texted that our-er-her now former housekeeper made some for her last day of work, and my dad has always been a sucker for it.”
Jeremiah immediately chimes in, “Trina wouldn’t do anything to hurt Dad.”
The nurse cuts into the conversation again. “Would your Mom?”
I look at both of them and see them do that silent communication thing.
Leif is the one who answers her. “I hate to say this, but I can’t say that she wouldn’t. She’s really angry that my dad filed for divorce. Mom’s not a happy person and seeing Dad happy would be something that could tip her over the edge.”
The nurse goes on to ask about allergies that they might know about, and I kinda zone out while they and Linnea answer that question. After a couple of minutes, the nurse says she will update us as soon as she can. Before she heads back, Jeremiah speaks up again. “Is my dad going to be okay?”
The nurse gives him the slightest of smiles. “We’ve got the best doctors working on him, and his vitals seem stable. Your dad is in the best of hands. I better get this information back to the doctors.”
She turns and heads back through the doors to the exam area.
Leif slumps down in the chair on the other side of Jeremiah. “Notice how she didn’t say he’d be fucking fine. That was a whole lotta nothin’ in what she said.”
Linnea, who was sitting on Jonah’s lap, gets up, walks over to the boys, and stands in front of them. “I know your dad has always told you to not borrow trouble.”
They both nod and say what I know they’ve heard a million times from Erik. “You don’t ever borrow trouble ‘cause it’s the one thing you can’t ever give back.”
Jonah speaks up for the first time from his seat over by Max and Kinsley. “I’ve spent more hours than I’ve liked, sitting in these seats, praying to the gods for a family member to be alright. In every single one of those times, your dad has been sitting right next to me. Hell, he was sitting here next to Linnea when I was back there myself. It’s time we pray for him. He’s been a quiet supporter of all of us for so long. Maybe we need to be loud in our support back.”
Leif huffs. “Never been one for religion and God. Think he abandoned our family a long time ago.”
I can see Jonah shaking his head out of the corner of my eye. “I didn’t say pray to God, Son. Prayer and religion aren’t mutually exclusive. A wise man once said that religion is for people who are afraid of going to hell, and spirituality is for people who’ve already been there.”
Linnea, who sits back down, this time next to Jonah, picks up where he left off. “We weren’t raised to believe in a religion or God, but Mamma, she definitely felt that a force greater than us was at work, and her belief in the gods was ingrained in us. Your dad has lived his life with the same beliefs as me. Prayer doesn’t mean you have to believe or not believe. It’s putting out to the universe our hopes and wishes, usually at a time of crisis or need. I know there’ve been times in life that I don’t think I would’ve survived without praying to the gods and to the universe. Right here, right now, seems like a pretty good time to send that out to the universe, don’t ya think?”
No one says anything, but there are nods all around. I send up my own thoughts and prayers.
Please let him be okay. I need more time with him. A lifetime’s not gonna be enough, but I’ll be grateful for every day we’re given. He just has to be okay.