Chapter Thirty-Six
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
Sophie chose the most direct path to the top of the fell above Sunnyside, climbing until her lungs were fit to burst, because the effort distracted her from the ache in her heart. It was the first day of the new year and she was determined to shake off the shackles of the old one.
Finally she made it to the summit cairn, shrugged off her rucksack and heaved in some breaths. Wow! It was great to be alone at last and to relax in the stillness of it all. No people, no chatter, only the sound of the wind blowing, to disturb the stillness.
The fell was a very modest one, in the grand scheme of Lakeland hills, yet no one else could be bothered to climb it on New Year’s Day, when many people would be nursing their hangovers. Far below her, in the shifting mist, Lake Windermere glistened in the valley. The mist would burn off by lunchtime; she’d learned enough about her surroundings over the past ten months to know that. No smoke spiralled from the fat chimneys. Gabriel must be inside his shelter, although the sheep, with their curly horns, were munching away in the fields.
Brody would be at his future in-laws’, she thought. She’d seen them all hurriedly leave the steamer the previous evening. Tegan’s father, Alan, had seemed well enough to walk off the boat after it had called in at Bowness jetty to let him, and a few other passengers, off early. She’d no idea what had happened after that, and she could only hope he’d been OK.
Hot chocolate from her flask and a brownie from the farm shop were very welcome. She felt both at home here and out of the place, at the same time. She was just finishing the last of the brownie when she heard barking from below. A few seconds later Harold trotted over, woofing and snuffling with delight to see her.
Sophie’s stomach knotted and her pulse quickened. She hadn’t dared contemplate what would happen with Brody, after last night. They’d seemed to be so near to being together, and yet so far away. She couldn’t see any way of them being together without causing pain to Tegan and her family.
Brody appeared at the top of the path, breathing hard and heading straight for her, once he spotted her. He looked gorgeous, but Sophie suppressed the urge to run to him.
‘Hello,’ he said with a grin. ‘Fancy finding you up here.’
‘It does seem a big coincidence,’ she said.
‘Apart from the fact that I did see you – or thought I saw you – halfway up here, when I got home just now. It’s that red coat.’ He gave a sheepish look. ‘I’m afraid I got out the binoculars to check …’
‘You’ve been spying on me through binoculars?’
‘Well, I didn’t want the wasted effort of coming up here to find that you were some pensioner on a New Year’s Day hike.’
‘Do I look like a pensioner?’
‘Not close up, no.’
She gasped in mock horror. ‘Thank you for that!’
Brody broke out in a smile – the old kind of smile that she used to see a lot, before Tegan had come back. She dared to imagine that he was standing taller, as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. It did feel like they’d slipped back into the way things had been between them, with a lightness and ease to their conversation.
‘I came to ask you if I could have my jacket back,’ Brody said.
‘Your jacket?’ Sophie was confused.
‘Do you still have it?’
‘Yes, I brought it home with me last night. You can have it back,’ she said, wondering for a moment if her hopes had been misguided and Brody really had hiked up here because of his coat.
‘No. You keep it, if you like. It looks so much better on you anyway.’
The smile on his face lit the flame of hope in Sophie’s heart all over again. When it melted into a look of such tender concern, she needed to sit down.
‘I came to find you as soon as I could. I came to tell you that Tegan and I spoke to her parents this morning. We agreed to tell them the whole truth, that it’s over – officially over – between us.’
‘Oh!’ Her hand flew to her mouth. This was what she longed for, yet dreaded to hear. ‘But what about Alan? Is he OK? I was so worried that you might not tell him, that you might stay with Tegan. I was even more worried that if you did break it off, Alan might take a turn for the worse. That I might be the reason for it.’
‘No, Sophie. None of this is your responsibility. It was always mine and Tegan’s. Alan is doing much better. Obviously he and Fiona are very sad about the situation but, to be honest, they were also not that surprised. In fact they seemed quite relieved.’
‘Really? It can’t have been easy.’
‘It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do, but now that I have, I feel as if a burden has been lifted from my shoulders. Alan told us he felt far more stressed worrying about what the heck was really going on between us than hearing the truth. He told us he knew that we were trying to protect him, and it was kind, but that it was kinder to be honest.’
‘Alan and Fiona seem like lovely people.’
‘They are. They’ve always been like a second mum and dad to me.’
‘Love isn’t a game with a winner or a loser, is it?’ she said, wanting to reach up and touch his face.
‘No, but without being brave and following your heart, everyone loses. There will be someone for Tegan. A far better partner than I would ever have been.’
‘Would you have been? Would you have married her?’ she asked.
‘Being brutally honest, I hope not. I’m glad Tegan left me initially, for so many reasons.’
‘You only ended it with her this morning.’
‘Yes, but we’ve had a lot of time to come to terms with it. And she’d already moved on. And that’s what I want to do now.’
Sophie’s heart raced and she hoped Brody meant it – that he wanted her like she wanted him.
‘If you need time, or if you want me to take some time, then I will,’ he told her, ‘but I know what I want, and that’s to be with you. You always listened to me, even after I’d had the worst day. However ironic it seems, I always felt I could be myself with you.’
‘Now you can,’ Sophie replied.
‘Yeah.’ He heaved a huge sigh. ‘Don’t laugh, but I feel as if I’ve finally come home.’
‘I’ll never laugh at you.’ She grinned. ‘Well, unless you’re wearing a grubby Santa hat in the surgery, or trying to convince me that a python is cute.’
‘Pythons are cute. All my patients are.’ He laughed. ‘Does that mean that next year you might actually allow a party hat on the premises?’ he asked, holding her gently around her waist. It felt amazing and natural.
‘Hmm. That might be going too far,’ she said. ‘I’m joking … but I’ve also learned that there are plenty of people who find Christmas stressful or lonely, or just can’t face the pressure to have a perfect day. It’s OK to love Christmas, and it’s also OK to want to spend it quietly or simply do something different. But the spirit behind it – people coming together and celebrating life – that’s what we should hold on to and nurture, whether it’s over turkey and tinsel or paella and flamenco. I’ve learned something else too,’ she continued. ‘You might be able to escape Christmas, but you can’t avoid facing up to your fears, or blaming them for you holding on to the past. I also learned a lot from my guests.’
He laughed. ‘Even from Nico?’
‘In a way. He can’t be himself with his family. He’s struggling to find the courage to tell them about his true self. Everyone came along looking for an escape, when what they really wanted was a fresh start.’
‘Did you?’ Brody asked, holding Sophie’s gaze.
‘Yes, although I bought Sunnyside for me , and not to run away from Ben. It was my baby, my business that I could create and manage completely for myself. I wasn’t looking for anything else, least of all love.’
‘And yet … you didn’t count on finding such a handsome neighbour next door?’ said Brody, pulling her closer.
Though she had no words, Sophie realised that she loved every fibre of him, inside and out. His scruffy, wind-tumbled hair, his muddy walking boots, his ancient Barbour, even a wayward dog that stole the breakfast from her guests.
They were kissing. This time she was able to give herself, enjoy every second, every sensation, the touch of his lips on hers, the warm pressure of his mouth, the scent of him. It could go on for ever and no one could stop them.
‘Woof!’
Sophie burst out laughing. ‘Harold!’
‘Thanks a lot, buddy,’ Brody tutted. ‘And would you mind taking your nose out of my crotch.’
Sophie laughed. ‘He’s probably embarrassed at all this lovey-dovey stuff.’
‘He probably wants to go home for a nap – it was a good walk up here.’
‘And do you?’ she asked.
‘Right now, a nap is the last thing on my mind.’
He took her hand and they walked down the fellside towards Sunnyside. Harold barked and raced on ahead. And Sophie wasn’t sure who was more eager to get home: the dog or both of them.