37. Lazarus
Lazarus
Two apostles hold my wrists, their shadows tangling with mine as they force my arms out wide and my head to the side, exposing my neck.
“You’re not one of us, Asa,” Clement, the head apostle’s son, snarls as he brings the knife toward me.
I fight back with every ounce of strength I have. I fight with the only thing I hope he still cares about. “You do this, and it will kill her. Cutting a mate out of a bond, will —”
“We’ll take care of the omega. But we won’t have your kind tainting the ideas of packs and bonding.
Bonding is sacred between alpha and omega.
You taint it with this idea of it being between disciples.
” Clement spits at me, barely missing where I’m kneeling in the dirt.
“It’s bad enough that she undermines me by deferring to you.
But then learning you think bonding with other alphas is a good idea .
. . Asa, you disgust us, you’ve fallen too far from God’s path. ”
“God’s path or yours?” I snarl, unable to do anything else to defend myself. “The tome talks extensively about the bond between alphas.”
“Don’t fight this.” Apostle Jerome, my mentor, sounds so much less sure, like he’s begging to make it all stop rather than just to make me accept my fate. He’s not one of the alphas restraining me, just standing here as witness. “Don’t make this worse than it already is.”
“This won’t stop with me.” I lock eyes with Apostle Jerome, ignoring how Clement brings the knife up to the junction of my neck and shoulder. “If he strips me from the pack, this is just the beginning of an end. One that comes after a long period of suffering.”
“Desperate words from a desperate alpha. I thought you’d be stronger than this, Asa.” Clement presses the knife against the skin of my neck.
The blade stings as it cuts into my flesh. I grit my teeth, fighting a scream against the agony.
I can’t feel Ruth Mary in the bond. She’s asleep with whatever tonic they gave her to make her blessedly ignorant of this anguish.
My vision cuts in and out. In and out.
“Lazarus.”
Small hands shake at my shoulder while a soft voice calls my name. I fight against feeling the pain and try to brush the voice away.
“Shhh, Lazarus, it’s okay. You’re having a dream.”
I open my eyes to find Honey, her golden-brown eyes glowing in the lamplight from my bedside. I try to blink the bloodied dream away from my mind, focusing on Honey instead. Was I that loud that she left the comfort of the twins’ bed to come to my side?
My shadow slithers up around Honey and rests its serpent head on her shoulder, looking at me. They look so comfortable together.
I’m coated in sweat, my shirt and sleep pants plastered to my body, and I struggle to draw breaths but push myself to sitting.
“You’re Asa,” Honey whispers, and I lock eyes with her, but I can’t bring myself to confirm that statement.
Asa died first when Ruth Mary was cut from his neck and again at her graveside. Honey doesn’t need me to answer.
“You were saying Ruth Mary. Her mate was Asa. They banished him. Omegas swooned over their relationship. They used to tell stories about how much Asa loved her and that she di —”
“Enough.” I bring my hand to my shoulder, hoping that squeezing the afflicted area will stop the pain that’s throbbing through my head. It doesn’t help.
Honey steps back away from me and my anger but into my shadow. When it constricts around her, she gasps.
My hand falls away from my shoulder, and with steady breaths, the pain clears from my body and my consciousness. Without the grief, the rage, and other useless emotions clouding my mind, I see Honey for what she is. A frightened omega just trying to help.
“You were shouting. Phoenix said it happens sometimes. But I couldn’t stand hearing you in pain. Not for one more night.” Tears well up in the corners of her eyes, and she wraps her arms around herself. “I did not mean to upset you.”
I let my shadow constrict around her, then recoil, pulling her toward me and then right into my lap. I can’t stand that she is scared and hurt from my pain. The pain I had inflicted on her and the pain I’ve presented to her now.
Honey’s body is tense, and shallow breaths quake through her. I center my mind, and my shadow wraps around us, cloaking us in darkness. Trapped with her, I draw a breath, and my nose is assaulted by her sweet cider scent. It triggers a yearning I have not experienced in far too long.
“I was Asa, but he’s dead. He died when they cut the mating mark from his flesh. Then again, for every day after, until he found purpose. I’m Lazarus now.” I explain as her breathing steadies.
Honey rests her head against my shoulder, her forehead pressing against the tender spot where my mating mark used to be.
It’s soothing.
“Lazarus, because he rose from the dead?” she asks softly. Her fingers playing with the fabric of my shirt tickles.
Honey seems dead set on breaking down every last one of my walls. Her gentle spirit is a gift among the harsh reality I’ve been forced to relive night after night. The way she’s been bringing out a caring, nurturing nature in Zephyr and taming the wild unpredictability of Phoenix is admirable.
Is it possible to find that sort of love twice? Honey deserves a pack who will make her whole. Could that be with me?
I adjust how Honey is nuzzled against me and push her away from my chest. She startles, trying to move away. It can’t be me. It’s impossible.
Fear and regret taint the air with thick scents and tension. But I pull her back to me. I can’t hurt her. She deserves . . . everything.
I know what an omega needs and how to care for one. Can I do it again? Should I?
Without her glow, we’re entirely surrounded by darkness, and it emboldens me.
I trail my hand up along her shoulder to her neck and finally cup her jaw. She could push me away.
I’m delicate with my touch as I pull her closer and place my lips against hers.
She is quick to kiss me back, and my reservation falls apart. Our tongues meet behind her lips. A needy little moan escaping her throat threatens my resolve. My cock twitches with my knot already pulsing at the idea of having her beneath me.
I break the kiss, and Honey nuzzles back under my chin, head resting against my collarbone and pec. She circles her arms around my neck as she holds me close. She whispers, “Please, let me stay with you too. I don’t want to leave you. Don’t ask me to go away again.”
Tears burn in my eyes, and I close them, nuzzling against her hair. The prayers I never said, the ones I was too ashamed to offer up, are answered with this curvy young omega.
“It was my mistake. It was my fault. Please forgive me, please stay. I won’t ask you to leave as long as you stay.
” I run my fingers through her hair, stroking slowly.
A soft purr unfurls through my chest, and a second passes before she releases an equally soft purr. “I promise, you’ll never have to go.”