Chapter 51
FIFTY-ONE
Later that day, Rita insisted Sennen and Thomas come with her in the Jimny to their favourite beach. As the little blue car rattled and bounced along the coast road, the three of them were jostled, laughter bubbling out, at each bend that was taken.
‘Is this thing even road legal?’ Thomas grunted, bracing a hand on the dashboard as they hit another dip and managing to stop his head from bashing the roof. ‘Why don’t you use Dad’s… the Land Rover, I mean, it must be a lot safer.’
‘Because Jimmy and I have a very close relationship,’ Rita announced, deftly parking up as near to the beach as she could. Thomas turned in his seat and exchanged a cheeky wink with his sister, quietly amused by their mother’s declaration.
The morning was humid and close. A blanket of low grey cloud hung over the bay, threatening a summer storm. The tide was far out, leaving behind a vast expanse of damp, rippled sand streaked with glistening seaweed and pools that reflected the dull sky. The air smelled faintly of the earlier rain.
‘Now I don’t want you to think your mother is going mad, although she clearly has recently, but we did this at our moonlight mantras session during the first retreat.’
Sennen glanced at Thomas, amused. ‘What is it? Cold-water swimming? I really don’t want to go in there on a day like this.’
‘Worse.’ Rita grinned, pulling a drawstring pouch from her coat pocket. ‘Woo-woo stuff.’
‘Woo-woo, what?’ Thomas frowned.
The beach was surprisingly quiet apart from a few dog walkers in the distance. Rita led them down towards the tideline.
‘Everyone picks a stone,’ she explained, handing the pouch to Sennen. ‘Then you hold it, and you say, or think, something you want to leave behind. Or something you’re ready to welcome in. Then you lob it into the sea.’
Thomas gave a dry smile. ‘And the sea magically fixes our lives?’
‘No, love,’ she said gently. ‘But it helps to say it aloud. To let it go.’
‘Can you imagine what Dad would have said about this?’ Sennen laughed.
‘Yes…’ Rita smiled, eyes misting as she clutched her pebble. ‘He’d probably tell us we were a bunch of sentimental fools and ask if he could go to the Winking Pilchard instead.’
They each took a pebble. For a moment, the three stood in silence, staring out at the endless horizon.
‘I’ll go first.’ Sennen turned the stone over in her hand, then closed her eyes. ‘I want to stop pretending everything’s fine all the time. I want to be allowed to feel things and talk to either of you about it when I can’t process it myself.’
She threw the stone with a firm, clean arc. Rita looked up to quell her tears.
Thomas looked down at his. He swallowed. ‘I want to forgive myself and be forgiven fully for the way I treated my mother. I was angry, and I didn’t say the right things. I want to do better as a son from now on.’
He sent the pebble skipping.
Rita smiled at them both. ‘I want to believe I can still make good choices. To be always ready for open and honest conversation with my children and believe in myself that it’s OK to let other people in.’
Her stone made a soft plop as it disappeared beneath the surface.
They stood together for a moment longer, the wind tugging at their jackets.
‘Right then.’ Rita brushed her hands together. ‘Tea and cake in Betty’s Tearoom?’
‘Always,’ Sennen shouted.
‘Can we listen to my music on the way there?’ Thomas asked.