Chapter 12
12
Swallowing two tablets down with a huge gulp of water to stop my banging headache wasn’t the ideal way to start the day at Growlers. While the filter coffee machine was creating the liquid fuel that I craved and the aroma of fresh coffee permeated through to the bathroom, I stood under the shower for what seemed like an hour but was probably only ten minutes. It did the trick perfectly and woke me up. Feeling much more refreshed and sure that the tablets were working their magic, I wrapped myself in my towelling dressing gown and flicked on the radio. As I poured myself another strong black coffee, I was starting to perk up and found myself singing along and dancing around the kitchen to the radio while waiting for my toast to pop up. When was the last time I had done that? This was a complete contrast to my working life at Ronington’s. I’d been constantly stressed to the max, checking emails, answering calls and rushing around all over the country whilst all the time portraying professionalism. I felt that some of the stuffiness of the old me was being gradually cast aside and a new me was starting to shine through, and to be honest, I quite liked this new Maddy.
Walking into my bedroom with a piece of toast hanging out of my mouth, I grabbed the pair of jeans I had taken off last night from the chaise longue in the corner, as my guess was that a clean pair wasn’t going to stay clean for very long, along with an old sweatshirt that I found at the back of my wardrobe and hadn’t worn for years. That’d do. It wasn’t like I was on the pull or anything. Well, obviously Alex would be there, but he’d seen me look way worse than this over the years. And it wasn’t like I was trying to pull him. Firstly, I’d be punching way above my weight and secondly, he was married to bloody perfect Sophie, so it wasn’t like it really mattered anyway.
I pulled my hair back into a ponytail, swirled some bronzer over my cheeks, gave my lashes a quick lick of mascara and swept a natural-coloured lip gloss on. Looking in the mirror, I thought I looked reasonably presentable considering the state I had come home in, and I headed over to Giddywell Grange where Uncle Tom was waiting at the gate.
* * *
Russell was telling me that he was desperate to become a vet in the long term. If he failed his vet’s exams, he said he would ‘downgrade and be a doctor’, which I found bizarre. If you were not good enough to become a vet you could become a doctor?
We took the dogs back through to the main kennel yard and put them back in the indoor barn where they all went for a lie down in various corners. To be honest, I could have done with one myself. That was the most exercise I’d had for ages. It was so much fun watching them chase the toys. Such a simple game to us meant the world to them. Dogs didn’t ask for much, did they? Just love and food, a bit of company and a play from time to time.
Russell and I chatted about him popping round to the Darbys’ house and he said he’d be delighted to. Every bit of extra cash helped his uni fund build nicely and he was really grateful for any additional work.
I went back into reception to see Uncle Tom and we sat and pondered over another rota to keep the business ticking over nicely, slotting in times so that someone was always nearby and able to check in on Beth from time to time and make sure she was fed and watered at mealtimes, as well as the dogs.
‘So how long is Alex over for, then?’ I asked casually. ‘Do we work him into the rota too?’ I thought it was a good way to satisfy my curiosity.
‘Not too sure, to be honest. He and Sophie have got some stuff that they need to sort out over the next few months or so, so I know he’s definitely going back, but I also know that he wants to be around for Beth too, so who knows? I think we should leave him off the rota, and then any time he can do is a bonus. Russell is prepared to work some extra hours too, so hopefully we’ve got it all covered.’ He covered my hand with his. ‘Thank you, darling, for helping us out like this. I really don’t know what we’d have done without you right now.’
‘Well, like Beth said, perhaps the universe was conspiring and made me redundant just at the right time. At least I’m able to help out here, while I’m looking to get back into the world of PR.’
As the words left my mouth, I already couldn’t imagine myself back in that world. It was as if that life belonged to another person, even though it wasn’t that long ago. The fact that it was all I knew made me quite honestly feel really low and I was struggling to find any excitement about searching for work in that field again. Perhaps the best thing I could do would be to put the feelers out as soon as I could before I took too much time out of the corporate workplace. That would also be frowned upon by future employers. But working here would keep me busy in the meantime anyway. More than that, it was fun, which was something that had been missing from my life until recently.
* * *
Lunchtime soon came around, so I walked across the yard, noticing that Alex’s hire car wasn’t there any more, to the farmhouse kitchen, to make us all a sandwich. It seemed that I’d quickly morphed into Beth’s role and I was actually loving it – loving being needed for something other than facts and figures for a change.
I wandered up to Beth’s room and poked my head around the door and noticed that she was sitting up in bed, reading.
‘Hello, gorgeous, how are you feeling today? I’ve brought lunch and a pot of tea.’
‘Bloody tea! Drinking tea is all I seem to do these days. I don’t feel very hungry either but I suppose that’s because I’m in bed all day and not doing anything.’
‘Oh, you’re a bit bad tempered today. Has someone upset you?’
‘No, I just wish I could do something from here. I feel so useless sat here with you guys all doing the work. I can see you all rushing round the yard from my bedroom window and I feel really miserable. I’m bored to bloody tears!’
‘Make the most of it, lady, because when your new physio starts working on you, you’ll be back to work in no time, I bet.’
She smiled but looked so fed-up and weary. A spark of an idea began to form in my mind. ‘Do you have a laptop, Beth?’
‘Yes, it’s over there on the dressing table. Why, what are you up to?’
‘Well, I know you’re poorly, but maybe throughout the day when you’re feeling up to it, you could set up a Facebook page for Growlers. I know you said it was something you wanted to do but hadn’t had the time. This is something you can do as and when you feel up to it. There are no deadlines at all. We can send you pictures throughout the day, and the people who have dogs boarding here or in daycare can check the Facebook page to see what their pets have been up to while they’re away. How cool would it be for Alice, for example, over in Australia, to be able to see what her lovely little pal Baxter is up to and how much he’s enjoying himself?’
Her face lit up. ‘What a great idea. You’re a genius!’
‘Not a genius, darling, just utilising my amazing PR and social media skills as no one else seems to want them, and also I want to stop having to look at that mardy face every time I bring your lunch up!’ I winked at her and she threw a cushion at me.
‘Just because you’re in bed doesn’t mean you can sit on your arse and read books all day, you know. You’ve still got two hands so you can type, can’t you?’
She grinned at me. I loved that we had fallen back into this easy, teasing relationship that we’d always had which had been missing over the last few years. I didn’t realise how much I had missed Beth. ‘I jest, babe, but maybe you could do short little bursts when you are feeling up to it.’
‘I love it, Maddy. And it’ll feel like I’m still contributing. I feel so guilty that you’re all running around because of me. Hopefully it won’t be for too long. But this is such a good idea.’ She took my hand in hers and squeezed it. ‘Thank you. Not just for this but for being my proper friend again. I love having you around. And I feel like I’ve got the old Maddy back. You changed, you know, when you were working at the old place. You were still lovely, but stiff and no fun. And you never seemed to have any time for any of us. When Mum died, it took me a while before I could cope better with the grief, but it taught me that life is short and you have to make the most of it while you’re here. And enjoy it! Find something you love to do and do it. We just need to find you your thing!’
‘I thought I knew what my thing was, but now I’m not so sure. I feel like in time, it’ll come to me. Until then, I’ll keep looking out for another corporate role to get back into and help out here for as long as you need me. And on that note, I’d better go back and take over so Uncle Tom can have lunch too.’
* * *
Being on my own for a while over lunchtime got my mind working overtime. What would I do if I could do anything in the world? What floated my boat these days? What did I feel passionate about? It was really quite upsetting to realise that I had no idea of the answers to these questions, but I really wanted to find out. Out came a notebook and each of these questions were written on the top of a new page. I’d keep them in my mind and surely the answers would come to me.
Uncle Tom interrupted my thoughts when he returned from lunch and asked me when I’d like to move into the barn. I said that I’d put in my notice on the flat straight away, but I could move in as soon as possible, so we agreed that there was no time like the present and that Friday would be a great day, so I could have the weekend to get settled. We only had a few dogs over the weekend so it wouldn’t be too busy.
Living just over the yard would make life so much easier for us all as I could pop in and see Beth and sort the dogs out at any time without a twenty-minute drive over. Uncle Tom said I may as well have the keys straight away in case I wanted to do any measuring up, so I wandered over when I had a break to remind myself of what it was like. It had been a while since I’d been there.
Light flooded into the open plan lounge-dining area from the dual aspect double doors and there was a back door at one end of the modern kitchen and round a corner, a cupboard and a downstairs loo. It was very simply furnished, but classy too, with two chocolate-brown leather settees either side of a coffee table, with a bookcase in one corner and a Mexican pine dresser on the back wall next to a matching dining room table with matching leather chairs. The cream stone-tiled floors made it look really clean and fresh and easy to look after. A wooden staircase led to the first floor where I had to duck under a beam to go along the landing to the beautiful main bedroom with a half-moon window, which overlooked the fields. It was an incredible view – you could see for miles. There was also an interlinking bathroom which led through to another smaller bedroom. I remembered coming in here when it was first refurbished. Beth showed me round and I totally adored it. I could hardly believe that I was going to live here. I did a little jump up and down on the spot with excitement and then stopped in case anyone could see me through the window.
The simplicity of the décor didn’t detract from it being full of character and I couldn’t wait to get my own things in here. I wouldn’t be bringing much. The flat was fully furnished and so was the barn, so I didn’t have anything major to bring, just my belongings really. And Mum had said that I could have the piano too if I wanted it. She rarely played it these days and said how lovely it would be if I got use out of it. It was strange that I’d lived in that flat for seven years yet already the barn felt more like home.
Mid afternoon, I took a break and walked into the village. I thought I’d pop in and see if Rebecca was around at all, as I knew she alternated between the village and Stafford Library, to see if she needed me to get involved in any more projects for her. Having an afternoon break every day left me with time on my hands and I wanted to make sure I was using it effectively and trying to help someone. Rebecca was just about to finish her shift for the day, so she invited me to go and have a cuppa with her in the Copper Kettle café in the village before she picked her younger children up from school. She was really easy to sit and chat to and I asked her how she came to be working in the library, and I wasn’t expecting the answer that I got.
‘Well, I know you are a friend of Beth’s and if she trusts you, then so do I,’ she said, looking over her shoulder fleetingly to make sure no one else was listening. ‘I was given the job at the library after I left my husband. I was a victim of domestic violence, you see, Madison, and I needed to change my life.’
I could never have pre-empted that. I was surprised she didn’t tell me to shut my mouth because I was doing a really good impression of a goldfish. Rebecca seemed really put together; it just wasn’t what I had been expecting. I supposed it just went to show that you really didn’t know what people went through in their lives.
‘My husband was abusive, both mentally and physically. I protected my children from it and let him hit me instead of hitting them. He was a man who everyone thought was bloody wonderful when they first met him. He charmed the pants off everyone, but the minute the door was shut he was moody and he drank. He had severe depression, we discovered years later, but it doesn’t condone what he did to me. One night he hit me once too often, and I’d just had enough. He was making us all desperately unhappy and it was no life to bring children up in.’ Rebecca took a deep breath. ‘You are very easy to talk to, Maddy. I feel like I’m burdening you here.’
I smiled at her. ‘It sounds like you need to talk about it. It’s not always good to bottle things up.’
‘Thank you, Maddy. I’ve not told many people our background and it’s actually quite cathartic to say it out loud.’ She breathed deeply before she continued.
‘His behaviour was getting worse with each episode. I should have got out years ago, but I couldn’t. I wasn’t mentally ready. I had amazing help from my local Women’s Aid support unit, and they put me in touch with Beth up here. I lived over a hundred miles away. She helped to set up a new home for the children and me without him knowing, and then one night I laced his hot chocolate with sleeping tablets so he didn’t wake for a while and I grabbed the children from their beds, and we just scarpered. Poor lambs; they didn’t have a clue what was happening. They put coats on over the top of their pyjamas, and we left with literally nothing but what we were wearing.
‘Thanks to Beth, we were able to start a new life. There was a local charity who gave us support and clothes and furniture, and when I was ready, I started working at the library, just around school hours so I can take the children to school and pick them up, and I help out where I can at the local women’s refuge, helping women just like me. It’s really important to me that I help others realise that they don’t have to live that way and that there are options. Without the help I had, I’d still be there. It’s also really important to me that I’m around for those school times for the younger ones, and then we go and shut ourselves away in our house where we feel safe and secure.
‘I suppose I want to make it up to them. Make them realise how much I love them and how sorry I am that they had to go through everything that they did. And it’s so wonderful to see them enjoying life now that the look of fear has left them. So that’s my story, basically, Madison. So what’s yours?’
To be honest, I was speechless. I really hadn’t realised before just what victims of domestic violence went through, yet here I was, feeling sorry for myself because I had been made redundant and couldn’t afford the latest Michael Kors handbag. Learning more about Beth’s life was really opening up my eyes to what other people were going through.
I told Rebecca a little of my background and that I’d recently moved to the farm. I suggested that she brought the children over one day and I could show them around. She said that her and Beth had talked about this before, but they were both so busy that they hadn’t got round to it yet, but she said that she would make the time because she knew the children would love it. It would be more fun next spring when the ewes had their little lambs dancing about, but they could come over soon and help me to feed them and help me to find the eggs in the chicken coops. I always found it really fulfilling to eat poached eggs on toast when I’d had to find those eggs for myself. I bet the children would love it too.
Somehow, the chickens over the last few days had become my responsibility and my first job of the morning was to spend a good while rummaging around in the bedding hay to see what delights we’d been left from the night before. And my evening job was to lock them away, which was easier said than done when you had to find and persuade twenty chickens and one gobby cockerel to go into their coop all at the same time, locking them away so the foxes didn’t get them in the night.
The children could come and look round the allotment too and maybe we could find them their own little patch with their own jobs to do, and maybe they could grow some fruit and veg and watch the food literally go from farm to fork. Even though she realised that it would be a long-term project, Rebecca loved this idea and said that they’d never done anything like this, so we arranged for them to come over one evening after school and see how they enjoyed it.
We parted with Rebecca also promising to see if there were any other projects in the community that I could get involved with or whether the women’s refuge needed any help at all. If nothing else, I was sure there was stuff I wouldn’t need any more that I could pass their way while I was moving out. I’d gone from not having anything to do to filling my days quite easily, and I felt that the things I was doing these days, although simpler, were way more fulfilling. I gave her a hug as we left. I’d turned into a right hugger these last few weeks and I felt good that I’d made a new friend.