Chapter Twenty-Four
I make my excuses and leave everyone on the beach so that I can call Elias. The sound of his voice almost makes me want to cry when I finally get the chance to speak to him. The kind tone he has and the way he says my name has me melting from the moment he picks up. We chat about his trip home and what he is planning to do now he is back in Manchester. He is waiting for the insurance payout on the yacht to arrive and then he is thinking of going away again.
‘How do you fancy coming with me?’ he asks.
‘That sounds like a fabulous plan. I just need to…’ I realise I was going to say that I need to run it past my family, but that would go down like a lead balloon. I remind myself that Michael let me down in the most awful way and that my life is now mine to do whatever I choose. Somehow, though, I know the girls won’t accept that right now and will take some convincing. I don’t want to hurt them.
I refrain from telling Elias that Michael stayed over when he asks me what I did last night, and it feels stupidly unfaithful. I feel as though I am going behind Elias’s back, and that is the last thing I want to do. I want us to have a relationship that is out in the open. Free of any baggage as it should be, but now Michael and the girls have decided to play happy families as I finally take steps to create a new life.
A naughty thought crosses my mind of creating some kind of catfish account to trick Michael into messaging another woman. He has never been one to keep his concentration on anything for too long. It can be a sports car or a woman; if it gets his attention, then he will gladly turn his head. Just like a cat, he will go to whoever gives him the most, whether that’s food or attention.
‘Has everything been okay for you since you got back?’ asks Elias. I fear he can sense how distracted I am with everything going on here.
‘Yeah, yeah. Just miserable being back and remembering what a great time we had. Apart from that, it’s all hunky dory.’ Hunky dory?
‘Great, so… I was thinking. Carpe diem and all that, how about I come and visit you this weekend? I checked the trains, and there’s a fast one around lunchtime. I could drive, I suppose, but there’s something about relaxing on a train. Getting a KitKat and a coffee and sitting back with a good book. Better than being stuck on the M5 on a Friday afternoon anyway.’
‘Oh, yes. Indeed.’
‘So, does that work for you if I get in around five-ish on Friday?’ asks Elias.
I think of the girls. Since it’s a study week, they will probably be here for the weekend, which means they’ll want me to pick them up wherever they go on Saturday night. It is far too soon to introduce them to Elias, especially now that they have it in their heads there is a chance that Michael and I could reunite. I will need to handle this carefully.
‘Umm, I’ll have to check,’ I say with a hint of regret, when all I want to say is how wonderful it would be to see him.
‘Yes, of course. I didn’t mean to spring it on you.’
‘Oh, it’s not that. It’s just…’
‘Have you changed your mind about us?’ asks Elias.
‘Oh, heavens. No, not at all. It’s just that… Things aren’t so easy since I’ve come back home.’
‘What do you mean? Are you busy with the book? I totally understand, you know.’
‘Yeah, the book… Look, how about you come next week instead. I’ll work all weekend and take time off next week. You could come on Monday for a few days?’
‘It means waiting a bit longer to see you, but as long as I can see you, that’s all I care about.’
‘Great. We’ll do Monday then.’
‘Monday it is. I’ll look forward to it.’
I manage a few thousand words on the book before the girls return. I hear them chatting outside the door before they put the key in, and I can already detect Michael’s voice among the chatter. I thought he would have at least dropped them off downstairs and finally gone home. I slam the lid of my laptop shut in despair.
‘Hiya, love. We had a fab time, we went bowling after ice creams. Shame you couldn’t have come with us,’ says Michael.
‘Yeah, Mam. Dad said how much he wished you were with us, didn’t you?’ says Jasmine.
‘Yeah.’ Michael does that downcast look as though he is a lost soul, but it doesn’t wash with me. The thought of that catfish account is getting stronger by the second.
‘Oh, well. There’s always a next time. I was saying that maybe Friday night we could all go for dinner somewhere. We could go to the brasserie. I remember how you love the garlic mushrooms there,’ says Michael.
‘Oh, I won’t be able to, besides, I’ve gone off garlic mushrooms.’
‘Why can’t you go? It’s not like you to turn down the chance of a meal out. You’re always moaning about having to cook.’
‘It’s been two years since we lived together. How do you know? A lot about me has changed,’ I snap.
‘Alright. No need to be like that. Calm down.’
‘Anything on TV?’ he says, looking around the room.
The longer Michael is here, the more I feel as though steam will start coming out of my ears. How did I even live with this man for so long?
With a documentary on octopuses playing in the background on the TV, I grab the remote control and switch it off. It is finally time to snap.
‘That looked good.’
‘Right, can I have a word, please?’
‘Uh-oh, seems I am in trouble…’ says Michael, rolling his eyes at Jasmine and Poppy.
I lead him outside to the hallway, out of earshot of the girls. I don’t want to lambast their dad in front of them.
‘What’s wrong?’ he asks.
‘What’s wrong ? Right. I’m going to put this firmly so there’s no mistaking what I’m about to say. You had an affair for two years behind my back. It came to light, and I realised we weren’t the perfect little family I thought we were. I had to pick myself up and try and show a brave face whilst you swanned around with your mistress. Apparently, it hasn’t worked out with her or anyone else, and so now you’ve come running back to me. On top of that, you then get the girls involved to try and convince me that we should all be back together as a family and play on their emotions. That’s not on at all.’
‘I didn’t play on their emotions. They want us back together.’
‘Yes, you did. You can’t do that to them, and you can’t waltz back in here just because you found out I met someone on holiday. Now suddenly you don’t want anyone else to have me. Am I right?’
‘No, I told you. It made me realise how much I loved you. The thought that you could’ve been kidnapped, or anything happening to you on that yacht, was awful. When you didn’t reply to my messages, I was overwhelmed with sadness. There was so much I wanted to say to you.’
‘But, you know, the one thing you’ve never said is sorry. Not once have you apologised for what you did to us.’
Michael looks at the floor and then picks at a bit of peeling paint from the wall of the corridor.
‘Well, I’m sorry now. Alright.’
‘It’s too little too late.’ I take a deep breath before I tell him about Elias.
‘I’ve met someone else and I’m going to give it a go. It’s early days, but he seems to appreciate me. He encourages me with my writing, and he understands that I have this dream. You never believed in me like that. I know you think me trying to write a book is a waste of time. I don’t think you’ve ever understood my feelings about it.’
‘Well, maybe we should have talked more and then I wouldn’t have run off with another woman.’
‘Don’t even go there and try to blame me for this.’ My voice is so loud that I realise people will hear us as the communal door downstairs slams shut. I try to lower my voice.
‘I’ve said all I want to. Now please stop treating my apartment as your home. You’ve got your own place. We need boundaries.’
‘Boundaries. Pfft. You sound like you’ve been seeing a therapist, have you?’
‘What’s going on, Mam, Dad? You’ve been out here ages,’ interrupts Jasmine as she opens the apartment door and peeks around.
‘Nothing. Dad’s just leaving. Aren’t you?’
‘Yeah. Alright. Your mam seems to have made her mind up. I lost a good woman and it’s all my fault.’
Unable to get around me, Michael says goodbye to the girls and makes his way to his car. Meanwhile, Jasmine and Poppy aren’t amused that I have made their dad leave.
It seems I may have drawn the boundaries with their dad, but helping the girls understand that I have moved on from him is going to be much harder.