Chapter 45
Hannah would have been content to remain in her cabin for the remainder of the cruise.
She’d wanted to do so right at the start, to be given the opportunity to wither away and be found, desiccated, no longer in need of anything from anyone.
Ready to be tidied up with a dustpan and brush and forgotten about.
And yet the knocks on her cabin door kept coming.
Mostly from Ruth, or Ruth’s children, attempting to coax her out.
But when April knocked, on a pretence about the painting she was supposedly still working on in the gallery, before explaining about the job opportunity on the Ballygowan, Hannah finally allowed herself to be led back into the wider environment of the ship.
April’s idea was ludicrous. At least, it was now.
Had it been suggested when Hannah had been having crazy thoughts and feelings about Louis, it might have offered the possibility for her to have everything – the man and the new direction in her life she thought she wanted, alongside the ability to submerge herself in art.
Something she’d always dreamed about but had never achieved.
Hannah heard April out, regardless, as they walked the promenade deck and admired another fantastic view.
‘I will miss this bit so much,’ April said, a dewy fondness in her eyes as she gazed out over the ocean.
Then she frowned. ‘Actually, do you know what – I’m going to miss every single part of the job.
But I think you could be exactly what the Ballygowan needs, Hannah.
A fresh brush with a new palette of colours – you can bring all new ideas into play. ’
Hannah shook her head. ‘There will be applicants who are far more qualified. And it would be too big of a change for me. I promised to go back and work in the deli. Plus, I’m not sure I should leave my brother for such a long time. It’s too big, April. It’s not me…’
‘Nonsense,’ April replied. ‘It was the same when I took the job. Everyone at home thought I was crazy, told me I’d regret it, I’d lose my roots back home, what about my friends…
Tried to frighten me into conforming. They thought I’d be back with my tail between my legs but look how it’s turned out for me! It’s been brilliant.’
‘Yes, but—’
April held up a hand. ‘This is not too big for you, Hannah. I’d say it was perfect.’
Working alongside the man she’d burned? Anything but perfect, in Hannah’s mind. Not that she was about to explain that to April. ‘I can’t work with Captain King, April. It’s as simple as that.’
‘It’s never that simple. Listen, I’ll leave you to have a think.
There’s no rush. Applications are still open.
Consider all of it, Hannah, not just your present challenges with Louis.
There’s no saying he’ll remain captain of the Ballygowan anyway – when Captain Crowther returns, he might take control.
Louis could end up on a different ship – this is about more than you and him.
This is about you. Doing something you never thought you’d have the chance to. ’
Hannah frowned. It sounded more appealing couched in those terms.
‘I’m holding a New Year’s Eve drinks party in the gallery tomorrow night, starting at six. Let me know then what you think. Marianne Neilson will be there, too. If you like the idea, I could introduce you. I’m sure it wouldn’t do your chances any harm.’
‘I’ll try to make it.’
‘World is your oyster, Hannah…’ April said as she flowed away.
For Hannah, New Year’s Eve, spent on the beach paradise of Antigua – the final stop on the cruise – went past way too fast. Although perhaps that was to be expected. The end of memorable holidays always seemed to speed up – and this trip had been memorable, no question.
It hadn’t given Hannah much time to think about April’s suggestion, so without a clear plan in mind, she’d dressed and headed for the art gallery a little after six.
Ruth and Millie were already there – Nathan having opted to spend the time with Keisha instead.
‘It’s going to happen, isn’t it – sooner or later he’s going to leave. Properly go. This is like a safe precursor, easing me into when he has a serious girlfriend and I’m nothing more than a speck in his rear-view mirror,’ Ruth said.
‘He says Keisha is a really serious girlfriend,’ Millie said earnestly. ‘I can’t believe we’re going home tomorrow, though.’
‘Some of us might get to come back, though – mightn’t we?’ Ruth asked, her gaze sharp and focused on Hannah.
‘I don’t know. There’s too much still up in the air for me to be able to see clearly,’ Hannah said.
As she turned, she caught sight of a couple of new arrivals into the gallery. Teddy led the way, followed by Louis, resplendent in full evening uniform. Ruth moved closer and lowered her voice.
‘Try very hard to see clearly, Hannah. Before it’s too late.’
Then, mentioning something about a soft drink, Ruth led Millie away. As though choreographed, Teddy turned and said something to Louis, before he too wandered off, leaving Hannah staring straight at Louis. He frowned, then smiled as professionalism took hold and he closed the gap between them.
‘I think I might buy this one for my cabin,’ he said, gazing at the soaring birds in the painting Hannah was beside.
‘It is lovely. It would look great above your bed.’ Hannah’s cheeks flooded with colour as she realised how it sounded, and looked away.
Louis stifled a laugh. ‘Well. You should know,’ he said.
There was a pause, one of those long moments when bits of dust are supposed to float in meaningful ways, but the lighting in the gallery was too low to be able to see any, and eventually they both spoke at the same time.
‘— I’m so sorry I was such a coward,’ Hannah said, but couldn’t be sure he heard her.
As he said, ‘— I can’t begin to apologise enough for leaving you in Bridgetown. It was unforgivable.’
‘It wasn’t your fault, Louis. Nobody could know I’d left my mobile in my cabin. Although it’s funny, isn’t it, how reliant we are on them. I could really have done with it when I got lost, and then there were these men…’
Louis’ expression changed, became incredibly intense. ‘What men?’
‘I went for a walk but ended up getting lost. It was raining by then and there was nobody else around except a group of men and I tried to ignore them, but they said a few things and I thought… I panicked, I suppose, and ran.’
Louis looked completely horrified. Glancing around he led her to the quietest corner of the gallery space. ‘What the hell, Hannah? I can’t bear this. It’s all my fault.’
‘No, it’s not.’
‘I left you on the quay, didn’t I? Nobody else did that. What happened?’
‘Nothing happened. They helped me find Martin. It was fine. But I was a bit scared to begin with, if I’m being honest.’
The matter-of-fact way Hannah was telling him about what sounded like a terrifying moment had Louis desperate to hug her tight.
It was an incredibly strong response, unexpectedly so – the thought of how he would have felt had something happened to her pushed past his thoughts of having failed her, even overrode his bruised ego where her flip-flopping with her ex was concerned.
‘Let me get you a drink,’ he said. ‘And one for myself, while I’m at it. I would never have forgiven myself if… if—’
His sentence remained unfinished, partly because he couldn’t bear to say it out loud, but also because a waiter with a tray full of champagne flutes came close enough for him to take firm hold of two glasses, handing her one before downing half of his own.
Hannah cocked her head at him, a smile edging onto her face.
‘I know, I know – but serious times call for serious measures. If you don’t tell, then I won’t.’
It was enough to break what was left of the ice and she began to giggle, a sound he hadn’t believed he’d ever hear again.
‘I’ve been such a fool,’ she said, her laughter subsiding. ‘I should have known better than to give Ian another chance – and to choose him over you? I need my head read, Louis. Really.’
‘I can’t help but blame Ruth,’ he said. ‘She had no business stirring things up.’
‘No, don’t. It was my decision to make. And I did understand what she was trying to say.’
Hannah pulled in a deep breath. She glanced across at Ruth. ‘You do realise she only said all that stuff because she completely regrets leaving your father.’
‘I tried hard not to feel like my mum was being eased out of the frame, in favour of someone I never even knew about. It’s the strangest sensation – made me angry and frustrated. All kinds of emotions bubbled and so when it seemed Ruth was the cause of our problems too…’ He shook his head.
‘I noticed you arrived with him – have you patched things up?’
Louis wrinkled his nose. ‘Sort of. Work in progress, I suppose you could call it.’
‘Well, that’s better than what you had before, isn’t it?’
April appeared in a graceful waft of joy, hand reaching for Hannah’s elbow as she clocked Louis’ drink and grinned.
‘About time we all loosened up a bit, Captain. I approve, especially tonight of all nights. But right now, I need to borrow Hannah. Marianne Neilson is desperate to be properly introduced. Promise I’ll bring her right back.’
Louis made small talk with the other gallery guests, checking in on Hannah every now and again as she chatted with Marianne and her husband.
Their conversation stretched past the end of the drinks party and into the buffet-style dinner.
Louis was loath to interrupt, but desperate to try to reclaim Hannah’s attention.
He didn’t have a chance to speak to her again until they all headed into the ballroom, the space decked out to celebrate the arrival of a new year with enough twinkling lights to power a small town, bunches of mistletoe hanging at regular intervals throughout the dance area and lit now and again by the gently rotating stage lighting.
The Ballygowan’s resident band were already set up and playing – would continue to do so until a DJ took over at eleven to keep everyone awake until midnight and continue for those with stamina into the small hours.
Hannah was already dancing when he approached the floor, her smile bright as she twirled across the space with Marianne Neilson’s husband.
Their discussion must have gone incredibly well, and Louis felt a surge of adrenalin; he was jumping ahead, there was no guarantee he would remain in command of the ship, but if he did, and Hannah was as successful in her job application as she seemed to have been shmoozing with the Neilsons, he and Hannah might have all the time in the world to explore what they had found together.
Marianne Neilson was dancing with the ship’s Head of Entertainment – Hamish had all the moves, but stepped aside gracefully when Louis asked if he could cut in.
Marianne grinned, and they swirled across the floor, Louis doing his best to catch the snatches of her conversation he could hear above the enthusiastic band.
The gist seemed to be that she found Hannah charming and hoped she would seriously consider applying for the role on board. Louis found himself agreeing.
When they swirled into the same part of the dance floor as Hannah and Conrad Neilson, Marianne took the opportunity to thank Louis before reclaiming her husband, leaving Louis and Hannah to dance together.
Hannah grinned at him, then looked a bit sheepish. ‘I’m not as drunk as I was that night in the Vivaldi,’ she said. ‘But I have had a few. I think I’ve decided, though.’
He gathered her up in his arms, something he’d been longing to do for hours, and when she reached up to run her fingers across the collar of his jacket, he smiled.
‘Oh yes, decided what?’
‘I know I’m going to have to go home for a while, but I think I’m going to go for it.
I’m going to apply for the job as gallery director.
I thought I should go back to my old life, but I really don’t want to, Louis.
I thought playing it safe would make me happy, but if I don’t go for this opportunity, I think I’m always going to regret it. ’
Hannah grinned, her eyes sparkling. Then she ran a hand across the epaulet on his shoulder, pulling in a deep breath before her fingers came to rest on the top button of the jacket.
‘One thing hasn’t changed, though.’ Her words were quiet enough to have him leaning closer to hear. ‘You’re still far too hot for this jacket.’
He thought he’d misheard her, his eyebrows furrowed as he tried to correct her.
‘No, I’m not too hot in it, I’m fine.’
Hannah held his gaze. ‘Not what I said, Louis.’
It took him a few moments to process, as her grin became wider and he undid the top button, allowing her to help him with the rest before abandoning the jacket on the nearest chair.
He allowed himself to enjoy her expression, hungry with desire and heavy with longing as he took her in his arms again and they continued to dance.