Chapter 11
MASON
“What if I told you that I used to have a crush on Callum Brown.”
“WHAT!?” Jenna almost yells, getting everyone in the immediate vicinity’s attention, getting a few jolts and clatters of pens and pencils.
Even the librarian gives Jenna a withering look.
Jenna winces and shields her face as she notices the dirty looks she’s being given and turns back to Mason.
They’re in the library studying and they’d gone for a couple hours of complete silence. Mason was doing problem sets on derivatives in polar coordinates for his calculus course.
It’s a whole new system for him, and he had to have complete focus and quiet so that he could get through the problem set. As much as he loves math, sometimes it trips him up. He just didn’t expect it to happen this soon into the semester.
“I’m going to pretend that you’ve been hit in the head with one of the footballs at the game,” Jenna whispers.
“It was before we stopped being friends,” Mason whispers back. Jenna closes her eyes and sighs through her nose.
“Why are you only telling me this now? We’ve been close since freshman year of Northwood.”
“I didn’t want to admit it. I hated him so much.
I still kind of do. I just—it was easier to hate him and push down how I felt than deal with the rejection and pine after someone who clearly didn’t want me in the way I wanted him to,” Mason said, picking his pencil back up and putting it in between his teeth.
He wants to stop himself from talking but he can’t help himself. All the years he pushed it down. It’s all coming back up.
He isn’t sure why he’s telling her now. It’s like doing math helps him process his thoughts and lets them be ready to speak about, like it’s his own personal therapist.
Jenna sighs. “Well, it makes sense in hindsight now. You always had a bit of an obsession with him.”
Mason takes his pencil out of his mouth and slams it on the mahogany table. “I did not!”
Jenna tightens her lips and juts out her thumb and starts counting on each finger.
“Throughout high school, the person you talked about most was Callum. You knew everything he was doing. When his football practice was, where his classes were, and you even memorized his schedule at one point just so you could avoid him in junior year.”
Mason’s shoulders sagged. Jenna was right. It was easier to avoid and never see him again, lest he be reminded of how much he still liked Callum as more than just a friend.
“He just—really hurt me, okay? And it didn’t help that all his new friends liked to make fun of me from time to time.
He became exactly the person who I hated.
He hung out with all the guys who he used to defend me from in elementary school.
He became a different person. It was like he woke up one morning and forgot about me. ”
He feels tears prick in his eyes and he takes off his glasses and rubs at his eyes like he does when he’s tired. Jenna can’t know how much it still hurts him to talk about it. He doesn’t want anyone to know how much it still hurts.
“He very much remembers you now,” Jenna says with a smirk.
“Well, he hated me back. It’s hard to forget someone you hate too.”
Jenna shrugs her shoulders and checks her nailbeds. “I don’t think he’s ever hated you if I’m being honest.”
Mason scoffs and puts his glasses back on. “He most certainly did.”
Jenna slams a finger on his notebook. “And I don’t think you ever hated him either.”
He swats her hand away. “Okay, now you’re the one sounding like you got your head conked by a football.”
She puts her hands up in defense. “Deny it all you want, but I see things. Just because I’m not in psychology doesn’t mean I can’t see patterns in behaviors and be able to read people.”
Mason grits his teeth. He’s tired of his feelings being analyzed. It’s always what happens whenever he’s incapable of shutting his trap. Math never analyzes his feelings. He can always depend on math to figure something out for him.
“Why are you and Callum always accusing me of my feelings not being true? You keep saying I’m denying whatever it is you’re accusing me of,” Mason whispers more harshly this time, feeling his cheeks heat up.
Jenna smirks. “Maybe because you get so hot and bothered over whatever it is you think you’re not doing.”
Mason sighs. He shouldn’t have said anything to Jenna. He should have kept his thoughts to himself and just studied like he promised he would.
“Anyways, I was just telling you that this sudden random wave of Callum positivity is not so random. I was able to… I don’t know… tune into my old feelings for that article I guess.”
Jenna nods and goes back to typing on her computer, likely realizing how she can’t afford to get sidetracked with her assignment being due at midnight.
“And it’s only feelings you’ve had… in the past?” Jenna says, her eyes focused on her computer, but her tone is accusatory, like she’s seeing something in him that he hasn’t noticed in himself yet.
“Yes?” Mason replies, not knowing why she’s being so off.
“Hmm,” she replies, clacking away at her keyboard. Mason doesn’t like that “hmm.” It seems like an unconvinced “hmm.”
He wants to tell her his Callum obsession is a thing of the past, but then he figures she will push back on it, and they’ll end up arguing again. He doesn’t have time for that; he has a midterm to study for.
Mason gets an email from Fiona the following week asking for him to do another football game coverage for the first October issue of The Goldberg.
He mulls over going to another one since the one he originally went to, but he doesn’t see any point in going if he doesn’t have notes to take. If he focuses too long on the game or on Callum, he fears that he might grow attached to the actual game.
Sometimes Mason wishes they would let him do swim meets or basketball games. Anything except for football. Writing down his thoughts about Callum’s gameplay brings up feelings he doesn’t want to feel anymore and the more he gets to avoid it, the better he can write.
He tried asking Fiona again if they could put him on something else when he handed in another sample of his writing last week and he just got a blank stare from her. He wishes he hadn’t asked.
He’s on his way to his next class, traveling somewhere between the science pavilion and the Lawson Biology building when he hears someone yelling his name from behind him.
An unfamiliar voice, surely a football player voice, but not Callum’s.
“Mason!”
He whirls around and sees Callum’s best friend, Craig, along with Joel. He has this goofy smile on his face when he sees Mason.
Mason stops and sighs heavily, turning around and crossing his arms as Craig approaches him, with Joel squinting his eyes at Mason like he’s trying to understand how Mason could possibly receive any attention from a football player.
“That player profile you wrote about Callum was awesome,” Craig says in his goofy tone.
Joel sneers, but Mason tries to ignore it.
“Thanks. I had to write about the team and how they played so I could get on the school paper and that was my first assignment,” Mason says, a small smile tugging on his lips.
“Well, you are the man, Fanning,” Craig says, punching Mason’s shoulder not-so softly, forcing Mason to let out a grunt and rub his shoulder.
Joel scoffs. Mason wants to ask him what his problem is, but Craig’s bubbly energy is harder to ignore.
“I have to write another piece about the next game so maybe I’ll see you there?” Mason says, not knowing how he’s able to hold a conversation or have something in common with the mammoth-like tight end player.
“Definitely, dude! I’ll let Brown know. I know he’s definitely gonna be looking out for you after how good that article was,” Craig says with his eyebrows high, nodding his head enthusiastically.
Joel’s sneer deepens. “Aren’t you a physics major? Why are you on the school paper?”
Mason opens his mouth “Well, I—”
Joel interrupts him. “And why are you doing sports, anyway? It’s not like you know how to throw a ball let alone what a touchdown is.”
Mason huffs, he opens his mouth, but he doesn’t have a snarky retort to give back to Joel. He’s only able to do it in writing.
Verbal comebacks are a whole other ball game.
“Dude, he so does know what a touchdown is,” Craig defends Mason, as he slaps Joel’s arm.
Mason grabs the straps of his backpack. “Football has a lot of physics involved, and math is the building blocks for any branch of physics. The vertical velocity and the angular momentum of the ball can all be derived using math.”
Joel closes his eyes and shakes his head. Craig’s mouth forms an “o” like Mason just said the smartest thing he’s ever heard.
Craig grabs Joel’s shoulder. “Dude. We need to get this guy in on our practices. I’m sure he can help us be even better.”
“No, you doofus, we don’t. Come on, let’s just leave him and his calculator alone.”
Mason’s cheeks feel slightly hot at Craig’s comment about Callum. Mason knows Callum likely means it as a way to get more praise, but Mason wonders if there’s another reason that Callum wants Mason at the next game.
If their last interaction doing the player profile was any indication, then he’s surprised that Callum is still so adamant to be involved in Mason’s life.
“I’ll see you on Saturday then,” Mason says, doing a two-fingered salute to Craig, not bothering to address Joel.
Craig puts his fist out in front of him, looking expectantly at Mason. Mason grimaces slightly and puts his own fist on Craig’s. Craig then draws his hand back and spreads out his fingers, making an explosion sound.
Joel shakes his head and keeps walking ahead, as if Craig is a dog on a leash and will eventually have to be pulled along with him.
Football players and their weird handshakes.
Craig then points both his fingers at Mason and walks backwards, slightly bumping into someone and profusely apologizing before he finally turns and walks away.