Chapter 16
MASON
The “Welcome to Northwood” sign threatens him as it flies by the passenger seat window.
Mason lays his head on the window of his dad’s car, letting the chill of the glass fog up from the heat of his cheek.
It’s a bitter reminder of the promise he’s made to his parents that he would come visit them for a weekend in the middle of the semester.
He’s happy to try and forget about what he left behind in Northwood. He doesn’t have to face his parents every day, lying to their faces and pretending that he’s having the dandiest time ever in journalism.
Funnily enough, journalism has taken over his entire life anyway.
All the drama and attention he gets is directly caused by his involvement in the paper, which was thrust upon him by his parents; therefore, by his calculations, all of the blame for his mental health spiraling could be blamed on his parents.
But he knows he can’t put the blame on them. It’s easier to, but ultimately, his own choices led him here. He has to make do with what he’s decided for himself.
He figures a weekend away could actually be a reprieve. No Callum or football team drama, just him doing homework with some family time here and there. Plus, his cousin, Elena, and his aunt were apparently coming down for the weekend too.
Even with the amount of schoolwork being piled onto him, he can’t stop thinking about Callum. Every article he writes, every test he takes, every problem set he finishes, it all winds up back to Callum some way, somehow.
Mason’s glad that Callum is listening to the boundary Jenna placed for Mason, but for some reason over the past week, he’s had fantasies about Callum throwing pebbles at his dorm room window in his dirty football gear, or barging into the library, calling for Mason and getting down on his knees, trying to apologize to him.
It would never happen in reality, Mason knows that. That kind of stuff only happens in the movies, and Callum is never one to embarrass himself like that, even if that is how he feels.
His dad, in the driver’s seat, turns to face him. “What’s got you so down?”
Mason immediately doesn’t want to answer. Everything makes him feel down. Callum’s absence. The expectation of being a good student. His lie to his parents.
“Exams have been pretty tough. Trying to get used to it,” Mason answers, keeping his head rested on the window.
“You have exams in journalism?”
Mason tenses, forgetting that he’s successfully managed to convince his parents about his lie. He thinks about coming clean and spilling his guts.
His dad would be better to tell first than his mom, the journalist. His mom is always the one thrusting this dream she has on Mason, and his dad just follows whatever she decides.
“I took a couple physics classes as electives. You know, to boost my GPA,” Mason says plainly. His parents know his passion for physics well, so it isn’t surprising for them to know he’s taking a couple physics classes.
He’s best at lying when it involves half-truths. He’s taking physics classes, and he’s taking journalism classes. He just didn’t tell them that one supplemented the other rather than being a main focus of his degree.
“Already in your first semester?”
“It calms me down. Physics always calms me down.”
His father says nothing to this, probably questioning Mason but decides not to say anything. His father never questions much. He’s the novelist. He lives in his own head most of the time.
His mother, however, is the one to question everything. She is a journalist after all.
His dad maneuvers the car to downtown Northwood.
Everything looks the exact same, like it’s a place that’s stuck in time. The hole in the wall cafe he used to study at. Northwood High and its seemingly endless football field. The bookstore he’d spend hours in.
He feels longing settling in his chest for a time that he isn’t sure was even real.
Nostalgia is a dirty liar, and he knows that despite his desire for comfortability, he never enjoyed this town as much as his head tells him he did.
His dad turns down another street, and Mason plays with the zipper of his jacket, averting his eyes from looking outside at Callum’s house.
However, a gnawing feeling tugs at him, so he briefly glances at the house, and his eyes feel like they’re playing tricks on him as he sees Callum, walking down the stairs in gym shorts and a t-shirt, about to go on a run.
His dad scoffs. “Callum’s in town too, how about that?”
Mason glances at his dad. “It’s the anniversary of April’s death.”
His dad purses his lips and nods. “That it is.”
Callum starts running in the opposite direction down the road, and Mason watches his figure disappear in the rearview mirror.
Callum is back in Northwood at the same time Mason is.
The car veers down another street and finally comes to a stop in his driveway.
Mason sighs, unbuckling his seatbelt reluctantly. For the next three days he has to pretend that everything is fine and that he’s being a perfect journalism student with perfect grades, perfect writing, and doing everything so damn perfectly.
He actually planned a script for this weekend.
It’s simple, but it’s effective. It avoids all things Callum Brown and includes all things journalism and The Goldberg.
He gets out of the passenger seat and slams the door, his dad getting his duffel bag from the trunk.
“Welcome home, bud,” he says, like Mason has been looking forward to it for the past two months. In reality, he hasn’t been as happy as he was when he dropped his bags on the floor of his dorm room at the end of August, closing the door behind his parents after a hurried “goodbye.”
“Glad to be back,” Mason says with a tight smile.
It’s a lie, but that’s nothing new. If only his parents knew how much he’s been lying ever since he left Northwood.
The afternoon and evening pass without much of a hassle. He stays in his room most of the time, promising he’ll socialize more in the morning with his parents.
He uses the good ol’ “midterms” excuse. Since they’re pulling him away from his usual study routine, he says it’s only fair that he has some time to study before he can commit to his family commitments.
It’s mostly a way to get away from them, but he really does have to study.
He feels an odd sense of comfort studying in his old room again. It’s the same as he left it, with his posters and knickknacks covering every square inch of the space. Back when he dreamed of getting into Montgomery and getting out of Northwood.
He did get out. He just didn’t know the price he would have to pay to do it.
He eats his dinner in his room, and as nighttime rolls around and he says goodnight to his parents, he decides he’s due for a walk.
He puts on his jacket and steps out into the brisk October air.
He blows out a long breath and watches as the fog dissipates in front of him.
He’s not sure why he thinks going out for a walk will clear his head. He’ll just get reminded of everything he left behind as he passes by all of his neighbors houses, but he doesn’t feel like he has another option.
He treks for a handful of minutes before he stops in his tracks as a familiar, hulking, vertically gifted frame walks down the street.
Callum’s also going for a walk.
Mason starts walking behind him. He has no intention of following him, but for some reason, his feet are carrying him in Callum’s direction, feeling this magnetic pull like they’re both opposing electrical charges.
Callum’s fast, so Mason has to pick up his pace, and after a couple of minutes, Callum turns into a gated area.
Mason looks up at the archways of the gate and sees that it’s Northwood’s graveyard.
Guilt and grief churn in his stomach as the realization dawns on him. Callum is going to visit his mom.
He knows he should turn around and leave Callum alone. That’s what the more mature version of him would do.
But right now, being back in Northwood, he feels the need to support his old best friend through the grief of his mom dying.
Against his better judgment, he quietly follows Callum into the graveyard, making sure to sidestep crunchy dead leaves and sticks as he walks down the main path.
He keeps walking around aimlessly, trying to listen for other footsteps. He’s forgotten where Mrs. Brown’s plot is. It’s been years since he last visited her, a month before he and Callum stopped being friends.
Mason stops as he hears a voice coming from his left. He whips his head around and sees the glow of a flashlight in the distance, a few plots away near a mausoleum.
He can see by the person’s frame that it’s Callum.
He steps behind a tree and listens.
“…I thought by now I’d feel happier. I have everything I want. I have everything I could ever ask for. Why do I feel like I’ve been given the wrong end of the deal?” Callum says.
His voice is strained, pleading for the answer to a question. One that’s plagued him for years and that he’s turning to someone dead to get the answer to.
“Everything I do is for you. If you really are watching over me… then you’ll see that.
But I’ve been such a disappointment to you.
I know I have been. I’ve done everything I can to be where I am…
but the people I’ve hurt to get there… I can’t even forgive myself.
I did it all for you, Mom. I wanted it so badly and now I have it.
But what did I give up to get here? My dignity?
My honor? The person who knew me better than anyone else ever could?
I screwed it all up for everything I have—” the voice breaks, a sob breaking out of him. Mason sees his chest heave.
Grief sits on Mason’s chest like a fifty-pound weight. He can’t believe that a version of Callum like this still exists. That feels remorse and grief for his dead mother. He’s only imagined a self-absorbed and egomaniacal caricature of a person ever since they stopped being friends.
“I need you to forgive me, Mom. I know you loved Mason so much, but I don’t think I can ever make it up to him. I can’t pick up pieces of the mess I’ve made…”
Realization hits him like an autumn chill.
Callum’s talking to his mom about him.
If he doesn’t feel like he was already, Mason is surely intruding now. This is a private conversation between Callum and his mom; this was not the time to pretend like they were childhood best friends.
He takes a step back quickly, but he steps on a twig, making it snap. Callum’s head whips up and looks behind him.
Mason’s vision is blinded with a flashlight, and he puts his hand out in front of him, trying to block it.
Embarrassment floods over him.
“Callum—” Mason begins, but Callum’s already hurrying off, with his hands in his pockets and his head hanging low, his tall and burly frame reminding him of a Sasquatch.
Mason sighs and walks over to the tombstone.
There’s a bouquet of chrysanthemums placed on top of the headstone and a lit candle on the grass.
They were April’s favourite flower because of their association with autumn.
She’d plant so many of them. He and Callum used to help her plant them in her garden.
Mason’s lips tremble and that familiar sting of tears comes back.
Mason knew her. He knew Mrs. Brown very well.
He used to dance around her living room to his favorite songs. Bake apple pies with her. She would sing lullabies to him when he would sleep over.
She would tell him he could be whatever he wanted to be. Even as the cancer overcame her. She still said it.
He stuck by her until the bitter end.
The loss was just as much his as it was Callum’s when she passed away.
He thinks back to those days he saw her in the hospital. When she kissed his forehead for the last time and told him he was going to do great things. When he went to her funeral and saw Callum sadder than he’s ever seen him.
Mason sniffles. He wants to kick himself for spying on Callum.
Now, Callum surely would never want to talk to him again. Even if he feels bad for what he did, Callum holds his pride. He doesn’t know how to admit to his mistakes or how to make up for them.
He would never admit everything he said to Mason himself, and now Mason has torpedoed that possibility if it was ever there in the first place.
“I have to go, April. I’ll see you soon. I’ll take care of Callum.”
Mason kisses his hand and places it on the tombstone. He pats it twice before blowing out the candle, his shoes crunching on the dead leaves surrounding Mrs. Brown’s grave.
He has no choice but to talk to Callum now.
They will always be in each other’s orbits, and now it is up to Mason to close the distance between them.