Chapter 16 #3
Layla always says Sawyer is a mini me. She’s not wrong.
Sawyer keeps his emotions to himself most of the time and doesn’t like to show any pain he’s feeling.
Over the last decade, I’ve worked hard to let Layla in on mine but doing this doesn’t come easily to me.
I know my son is always watching and learning from me, so it doesn’t surprise me to find him trying to remain strong and unaffected right now.
“I’m okay,” he says, like he’s simply here to chat to a doctor about something inconsequential. His voice wavers, though, giving me the full picture.
I sit on the chair next to the bed. “Your wrist hurts?”
He shrugs. “No. They gave me some medicine for that.”
“Right. But it was hurting before the painkillers?”
He shrugs again. “A little.”
I take hold of his hand. “It’s okay to tell people when you’re in pain, Sawyer. We need to know so we can help you through it.”
He nods but doesn’t say anything.
I squeeze his hand. “Are you worried about what will happen next?”
This time, he shakes his head no. But he swallows hard.
“If you get worried, I want you to know Mum and I are here for you. We’ve been through hard things like this and can answer any questions you have. Or if you need a hug, we can do that too, okay? Whatever you need, we’ve got.”
His big brown eyes stare back at me, filled with so many emotions he’s trying hard to handle himself. I don’t expect him to say much right now, but he surprises me when he asks, “Does it hurt to have an X-ray?”
My heart fucking squeezes.
This is the stuff no one tells you about parenting.
I remember the first time I realised that having a child was the same as ripping your heart out of your chest and handing it to the world to do what it will with it. Sawyer was barely born when I had that moment of clarity, and fuck if it didn’t hit me hard.
I’m not the kind of father I thought I’d be.
I imagined I’d be stricter, harder, tougher on my children. And while Layla and I have set good boundaries for Sawyer and Elizabeth, and expect certain behaviours from them, I am far softer than I envisioned.
Thank fuck for that.
I know without a shadow of a doubt that if I wasn’t the father I am, Sawyer would not have asked me that question.
He wouldn’t have the trust and faith in me that he has.
My son knows that he can come to me with any question, any thought, anything, and I will not judge or belittle him for it.
I will hold his heart with care and love him exactly how he is while doing my best to guide him through life in the way he chooses to live it.
I keep hold of his hand. “X-rays don’t hurt, but it can be hard to hold still sometimes.
It might be a little uncomfortable, but the actual X-ray doesn’t hurt.
They’re just taking a picture of the inside of your body.
You know how Mum likes to take a million photos of you?
And asks you to smile or stand differently for the photo?
” At his nod, I continue, “It’s like that. ”
He swallows again while nodding. “Okay.”
“I can stay with you during the X-ray. Or you can take Mum in with you. You don’t have to do it by yourself.”
I watch him visibly relax with that information. I should have led with it.
“Okay,” the doctor says, joining us in the cubicle. “We’re almost ready to go up to X-ray.”
I watch Sawyer while the doctor gives us all the information we need, making sure to keep his hand firmly in mine while he listens to it all. After Layla asks a few questions, the doctor leaves, telling us that someone will be in soon to take us up to radiology.
My phone vibrates with five messages throughout this, but I ignore them all. Nothing is more important to me right now than my son and wife. Not even the work situation I know those texts are likely in relation to.
“You should check those,” Layla says softly after giving Sawyer her phone to play the game that she knows will help distract him from any anxiety he’s feeling.
I stand and turn to her. “They can wait.” I narrow my eyes, taking in the worry lining her face. “Are you doing okay?”
She nods. “Yes.” She moves into me, clutching my shirt. “I’m glad you’re here now.”
Layla doesn’t do well in hospitals. It was one reason I was adamant about coming. “I’m not going back to work today.”
She frowns. “You’ve got so much on at the moment—”
“I’ve got you and Sawyer on at the moment, and that’s it. The rest can be dealt with later.”
Her frown eases and she gives me one of her smiles. I fucking live for those smiles. “Thank you.”
“This isn’t something you have to thank me for, sweetheart.”
More of that smile. “I know, but I want you to know it means a lot to me that you’re here.”
We’re interrupted when a guy comes in to take Sawyer to have his X-ray.
On the walk up to the next level, I talk with Sawyer about the game we’ve been playing on his X-box and about the games he wants to get. It helps keep his mind off the X-ray, but I can hear in his voice that he’s not fully distracted from thoughts of that.
He opts for Layla to go in with him for the X-ray and I wait patiently outside. I take the opportunity to check my messages and reply to them. I let Merrick, my right-hand-man, know to handle everything he can and that I’ll be back on deck tonight once Sawyer goes to bed.
Sawyer finishes getting his X-ray and tells me it didn’t hurt, just like I said.
He also mentions that I was right that it might be uncomfortable but that he was okay with that.
I see the new piece of trust in me he files away.
It’s these little bits of trust I’ve been gathering for eight years that I strive for.
My father never gave me any pieces of trust to store.
I’ll be damned if I don’t create a different experience for my children.
We’re taken back down to the emergency room and wait for the doctor to come back to us with the results. She arrives half an hour later with the news that Sawyer has a buckle fracture of his wrist and will have to wear a splint and sling for it to heal.
We spend another hour and a half at the hospital getting his splint sorted. Layla keeps in touch with Harlow who offers to have Elizabeth sleep over at her house tonight, an offer we take her up on.
We arrive home just after seven p.m. Sawyer is exhausted and goes straight to bed after we have dinner of leftovers from last night. I read with him for fifteen minutes at which point he’s fast asleep.
I switch off his light and go in search of my wife. I find her in our en suite, undressing to take a shower.
“He’s asleep?” she asks as I run my gaze down her naked body. Layla’s curves never fail to catch my attention. She works out but only enough to stay fit and healthy, not enough to steal all the softness from her body that I love.
I rest against the door frame. “Yeah. Hopefully, he’ll sleep through the night okay.”
“Oh, God, I hope so. I’m exhausted.” She exhales a breath, and my eyes are drawn to her chest as it rises and falls with that breath.
“If he wakes, I’ll go and sleep in his room with him.” Sawyer might be good at keeping his emotions in check during the day, but he sometimes has the kind of nightmares that require one of us to stay with him during the night.
“Baby,” she says, “You need to stop looking at me like that. I seriously don’t have the energy for what you’re thinking you want to do to me.”
I move into her, sliding my arm around her waist. “I’m not thinking I’ll do any of these things to you tonight, but that doesn’t mean I’m removing my eyes from your body.” I drop my lips to hers, taking the kiss I’ve wanted all day.
Layla sent me enough texts today to ensure she was on my mind most of the day.
She often sends me dirty texts that I don’t reply to but that she knows I like receiving.
I don’t reply to them because if I did, I’d have to spend time I don’t have taking care of the hard-on she always inspires.
Today, before Sawyer fractured his wrist, I thought a lot about the things I want to do to her with my mouth and tongue, this kiss being first on the list.
By the time I’m finished with her mouth, she’s got her body pressed hard against mine, her arms around me, and her fingernails digging into my skin.
“If I thought you could fuck me quickly, I’d be into that,” she says, “But since we both know you’re not a quick-fuck kinda guy, I’m taking a raincheck.”
She’s right in that I like to take my time with her, but I also like giving her what she wants.
Curving one hand around her neck, I shift my other hand to her cunt. “Fuck, you’re wet.” She always is, but tonight, she’s more than ready for me.
Her body arches against mine as she grips my biceps. “I’m wet because you’re fucking hot when you’re in protector mode.”
I dip my face to her throat to kiss her there.
Her grip on me tightens. “And I was already turned on and desperate for your cock this morning. I mean, I planned out an entire weekend of how I want you to fuck me while I was sitting on the beach with Madison and the kids. I certainly don’t deserve a Mother of the Year award this year.
Not when half my mothering time is spent thinking about your dick. ”
I find her clit as I bite her neck. “We’re taking that weekend and you’re going to detail for me all those ways you want me inside you.”
“Donovan,” she moans when I rub her clit, “I was serious that I don’t have the energy for one of your marathon sessions.”
Before she knows what’s happening, I spin her and press her against the wall. I flick the button on my jeans and unzip myself, freeing my cock. “Spread your legs for me,” I growl, pushing my dick against her ass. “This is going to be fast and rough.”
Her legs are spread faster than they’ve ever been spread.
Her cheek is against the tiles.
Her hands are braced there too.
Layla knows that rough means rough, and she’s fucking panting for it.
I take hold of her hips and thrust inside of her.
As deep as I can.
As hard as I can.
The groan that leaves my lips is matched by the sound she makes.
She needs me filling her like this as much as I need it.
“Touch yourself,” I order, but I don’t have to. She’s already got her fingers on their way to her clit.
I pull out and thrust back in.
I do this so roughly that Layla’s entire body is shoved up the wall.
I do it over and over, harder, and with more urgency each time.
Layla’s cunt is so fucking tight around my dick.
This is going to be the fastest sex we’ve ever had, and nowhere near enough for me.
“Oh, God,” she cries out, orgasming while I continue pounding into her.
It takes me another minute or so before I come.
After, I circle my arm around her waist while pressing a kiss to the back of her neck. “I’m going to need more than this tomorrow.”
She reaches a hand back to curl around my neck and keep me where I am. “I love you, Donovan.”
I pull out of her and turn her to face me so I can kiss her. I take my time with this kiss. I use up more of her energy than she probably has to give, but I’m unable to stop myself from being selfish here.
I don’t need anyone as much as I need Layla, and that has been true since the day I met her.
She’s been my rock.
My shelter.
The lover I never imagined having.
She matches me perfectly in all areas, even the areas we differ in because fuck do I need her alternate stance sometimes. Her different way of loving and protecting.
She’s made me a better man simply by knowing her.
Being loved by her has been the greatest gift in my life.
I end the kiss and cup her cheek. “I love you too, sweetheart.”
She smiles up at me. “Just FYI, we’re cutting sugar and fat from your diet.”
I arch a brow. “Are we?”
“Yes.”
“Because?”
She stands on her toes and brushes her lips over mine. “Because I need you to still be able to fuck me like that in your old age.”
With that, she untangles herself from me and steps into the shower, leaving me needing her again in ways I’m convinced not even another fifty years of having her will satisfy.