Chapter 18 #3
"Oh, so there's a power dynamic as well." He turned to focus on Lily. "How do you feel about him being the captain of the ship?"
"I respect it," Lily said, sticking her chin out.
"And you?" he asked me.
"I feel I have a greater responsibility to both her and the ship as a result," I replied honestly, before realizing we were in couples therapy so there needed to be some problems. “But… I do feel like I’m constantly being watched.”
“Do you watch him?” the doctor asked Lily.
“Of course. All hours of the day. Waking or sleeping, I like to keep an eye on him. After all, it’s my job to keep him safe, and admittedly, he’s adorable when he’s asleep,” she gushed.
The doctor’s tablet nearly slipped out of his hand, and he cleared his throat when he realized she’d seen it. “Right. Well… how do you feel about her finding that respectable?"
I blinked, realizing he’d just completely jumped over Lily’s comment. "I don't know," I answered.
"Better answer than most." He scribbled something on his tablet. "I'd recommend a little role play, if you don't mind."
"I didn't think that part of our life was any of your purview." I coughed into my hand.
"Oh, nothing is off topic here. In fact, I would say that intimacy is a very important part of a healthy relationship," he replied.
"Yes, I think it’s the center of the engine of love we are building." Lily nodded with wide eyes, smiling at me.
"Ah." He frowned, glancing between us. "Usually, it's the other way around. It's the man who isn't getting enough," he said the word purposefully and delicately, presumably for my sensibilities.
"Well, our first time wasn't long ago. I was reluctant to engage on account of my position on the ship," I told him.
"But now you have," the doctor said astutely. "And now that you've started something, you have a responsibility to see it through. And if you feel that you can't, you must amicably end the relationship."
"No." Lily shot to her feet with a glare that looked ready to kill the man for suggesting such a concept. "I don't think ending this is in either of our thoughts."
"Well, that's good. Being dedicated to working through a relationship together is always a good sign." He pulled at his collar under Lily’s intensity.
I smiled at him, then glanced over at Lily. "Wasn't there something we needed to do after this?"
"Oh, no, dear." She laced her hands in her lap. "We shouldn't waste any of the time we have available."
The doctor leaned forward and put a hand on my knee in what I was sure was supposed to be a comforting gesture, but it felt a little invasive. "Just relax. We're all here to help. There's no need to run from conflict. In fact, embracing some of the conflict will be the best way to work through it."
Lily's head bobbed up and down. "In truth, Doctor, we're not so much in conflict as still trying to understand more about each other. Think of it as more preventative." She offered him a smile.
He frowned, scratching at his cheek with his pen. "I suppose I can't fault someone for that. But I wish you had been clearer on your intake form." He began flipping through the pages.
I cleared my throat to get his attention and pull him away from the forms that were from a very different couple. "Well, maybe it's me who needs help." I didn't want him reading through those and potentially realizing we weren't who he was supposed to be meeting.
"Well"—he put the pad down—"why don't we continue then? What has bothered you the most?"
My mind froze and ran through a dozen different answers before it snapped shut, and I truly focused on the question. "Well, if I'm honest, I didn't believe that someone like Lily could have as many feelings towards me as she has developed. And that denial held us back considerably."
"A feeling of unworthiness towards your partner. Not uncommon," he translated into therapist speech. "And?"
I fidgeted a little before answering. We needed to stall for time, and ultimately dipping into a little truth would help us pull this off.
"There were several instances of her trying to conform to me rather than being herself, which made it hard for me to understand if she was being genuine or simply conforming. "
"And why did you do this, Miss?" The doctor leveled his pen in her direction.
"I simply attempted to please the captain to the best of my ability," Lily said, "though I now understand he took it more as"—she searched for the word—"dishonesty than I had expected."
"Miscommunication is the source of most relationship issues." He smiled. "I'm sure with the two of you being open and honest and working together, we can sort these out handily." He paused. "I assume there's no incompatibility between you two… in the bedroom?"
"Oh, no." Lily shook her head, a giant smile on her face. "It's wonderful."
“She certainly keeps me happy there,” I said, returning the smile on Lily’s face.
"Yes, well. Honest communication there is what will make the outcome even better for both of you." The kikai doctor chuckled.
Lily stared at me, and I could practically see the wheels turning in her head; however, I had no idea where they were going.