Chapter 35 Outside – Rory
OUTSIDE
RORY
I continued to pace, about to jump out of my skin, when Rhodes finally returned. His tie was askew, his eyes stormy. “Can I talk to you for a minute?” he asked.
“Actually, I need to talk to you.”
“Let’s get some fresh air.”
I followed him down the hall to the grounds, relieved to be out in the sun, relieved to be wearing shorts and a T-shirt and not some stupid traitorous pantsuit, relieved to be away from Barrington Manor.
The walls had been closing in on me. I glanced at Rhodes.
Still in his suit, he stalked across the manicured lawn like a man on a distinctly unpleasant mission.
My stomach turned over. I could only imagine what he thought of my mother, and what he thought of me now.
The fresh air suddenly seemed heavy with doubt.
“I’m sorry about my mother. Thank you for sending her back to Nashville,” I said.
“It’s not like I had much of a choice.” Rhodes stole a glance at me. “Are you okay, Rory? That must’ve been hard.”
I shrugged. “I’m used to it.” It was sad, but it was also true.
We wandered down a path to a garden I’d never seen before. It was shaded by trees, private and peaceful. But there was no peace within me. I had to tell him the truth about Miranda. It would be a double-whammy of doom after the visit from my mother, but I had little choice.
We found a bench canopied by shade. Rhodes sat down, slouched over, but I paced the path. Tell him!
I took a deep breath, fearing that Rhodes would never look at me the same way again.
“There’s something I need to tell you,” I said, my voice halting. “Miranda found me in the library yesterday and said she knew I wasn’t really your fiancée. She said she was going to have me investigated, find out everything about me, and then tell the board.”
Rhodes looked thoughtful as I swallowed over the lump in my throat. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, but I didn’t want to upset you before the meeting. And then my mother showed up! She said a detective offered her money—it must be whoever Miranda hired, I’m so sorry—”
“Rory—”
“But I offered her more, so we might be okay.”
Rhodes blinked at me. “You did?”
I nodded. “I didn’t know what else to do. I’m so sorry she came here. I hope it doesn’t get out. I never meant to ruin things for you.”
“You didn’t. And… This is my fault, not yours.” His shoulders sagged.
“Don’t be ridiculous.”
Silence stretched out between us for a moment. “It wasn’t Miranda’s detective that offered your mother money,” he said, his voice low.
I stopped pacing. “What?”
Rhodes’s brows were furrowed, a dark slash. “I knew she might erupt when she got served the guardianship papers. I was having her followed. I had my team offer her money to settle out of court in order to diffuse things.”
He scowled. “It obviously backfired.”
“You were having my mother followed?” I felt like he’d slapped me. “And you offered her money without even coming to me to discuss it?”
I stared at him. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I didn’t have a chance.” He met my gaze, then looked away.
“You should’ve come to me first—at least talked to me!”
“I have my business to protect, Rory. The stakes are very high. You know that,” Rhodes said.
Silence stretched out between us. I’d been so worried about the secret I’d been keeping. But his disclosure knocked me completely off balance.
It hit me then. I had been keeping a secret from him, and it had been eating me up.
But he had been keeping a secret from me, too—and the secrets did not feel equal.
I hadn’t told him because I cared about him.
I didn’t want to upset him or ruin his meeting, and honestly, I was petrified he would send me away.
But he hadn’t told me about my mother because he was trying to protect his business.
“I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to worry. I wanted to protect you,” he said, and I softened a little.
“And I wanted everything to move forward without disruption,” he added.
“Well, I wanted everything to go smoothly, too. Which is why I didn’t blurt out Miranda’s threats five minutes before the board meeting,” I explained. “But I had every intention of telling you as soon as we were done.”
I faced him. “Can you say the same? Were you going to tell me the truth?”
The muscle in Rhodes’s jaw worked. He didn’t answer me, which was an answer in and of itself.
I turned away from him and looked at the garden. It was pristine. Every hedge trimmed to a perfect angle, every flower in its appointed place, nothing left to chance. It was just like Barrington Manor—immaculate, perfect, intentional.
It was just like Rhodes.
He’d wanted to protect me from my mother, which I appreciated. That made me feel like I meant something to him, maybe. But there was an ‘and’ here that was tearing me apart. He wanted to protect me, AND he wanted to protect his company.
Was that at my expense?
“I feel like you were hiding this from me.”
He scowled at a nearby bush. “I was managing it. And I needed you to stay focused—I didn’t want you to worry.”
“You didn’t want me to worry, or you didn’t want my performance to be affected?” I’d been so upset about Miranda’s threats, dying inside, so anxious about how it could impact Rhodes. Because I cared about him. Because I’d thought that there was something real between us, no matter how tenuous.
But Rhodes had concealed something from me, something close to home and deeply personal, and he hadn’t given it a second thought.
This conversation was making me feel more than ever that I was just another employee, the hired help, like Philips the butler or Chef.
I was necessary, but just like any other hireling, I was replaceable.
My feelings weren’t what mattered most: it was the job.
“I think I understand the arrangement better now,” I said. My voice came out steadier than I expected. I was grateful for that, at least.
“Rory—”
“No, I mean it. I do.” I crossed my arms against my chest. “I signed a contract. You signed a contract. You need me to be convincing, and you needed the variables managed. My mother is a variable. I get it.”
“That’s not…” He shook his head. “That’s a massive oversimplification.”
“Is it?” I searched his face. He was watching me with those dark eyes, unreadable as ever.
I pressed my lips together, regrouping. “You manage risk, Rhodes. That’s what you do. You saw a liability in my mother, and you had her handled. I get it. You left me out of it because you wanted it to be a non-issue.”
“She showed up, anyway. She was never a non-issue—she’s a person.” He raked his hands through his hair. “I should’ve told you, Rory.”
“I should’ve told you about Miranda.”
“Does that mean we’re even?” he asked, sounding hopeful.
The breeze moved through the garden, stirring the leaves, carrying with it the smell of cut grass and flowers.
It was so beautiful here. I had been so gobsmacked and intimidated and stupid and so Rory about the whole thing—mooning around his manor, falling for both Rhodes and little Luke, letting myself imagine that being needed was the same thing as being wanted.
Like I said, I had a broken emotional compass. Just look at my mom. She’d had a history of trading her family for a string of men who’d ended up leaving her. Nothing ever lasted. Nothing ever got better. No one stayed.
I was my mother’s daughter. The apple hadn’t fallen far from the tree, no matter how hard I’d tried to get away. I had no business ever falling for anyone, let alone a man like Rhodes Barrington.
“Sure,” I said carefully. “We’re even. And I think that’s good—a clean slate.”
Rhodes watched me.
“I also think we should be clear with each other going forward. About what this is. I’ll do my job, you do yours. If there are developments I need to know about—things that affect my family or me—I’d appreciate being informed. And I’ll extend you the same courtesy.” I paused. “No more surprises.”
Something shifted in his expression. I couldn’t tell if it was relief or something else, but I looked away before I could talk myself into trying to decipher it into something positive.
“That’s very reasonable,” he said.
“Good.”
“Rory.”
I looked at him in spite of myself.
Rhodes was frowning. “I didn’t mean to hurt you,” he said quietly.
I steeled myself against him. “It doesn’t matter,” I said. “I’m fine.”
The real problem wasn’t Rhodes’s intentions.
The real problem was me—what I’d let myself feel, and how quickly I’d started being attached to him.
He could tell me all day long that I wasn’t just a line item in a contract, and it wouldn’t change the fact that I had no business believing him.
My mother showing up here proved that point.
Unless and until I pulled off my performance flawlessly, I was nothing but a liability.
No matter how much money I made from the contract, I could never afford the luxury of assuming he cared for me.
I’d gotten confused for a minute. It happened.
“I’m not mad. And I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Miranda sooner.” I straightened my shoulders and gave him the most neutral smile in my repertoire. “We should probably get back. The board will be looking for you.”
I walked back up the garden path without waiting for him, and I didn’t let myself think about the sound of his footsteps behind me, steady and close, as he followed me all the way to the door.