51. Jenny
JENNY
My text conversation with Cole’s father left me rattled. I felt like I was doing something wrong—and that’s because I was. I plastered a smile onto my face and held Cole’s hand on the way to Logan, but I felt like shit. I hated liars. Right now, I hated myself. You’re doing it for the right reasons, I thought. It was true; I had people I loved that I needed to protect, including Cole. But there was no denying that lying felt like carrying a smoking gun; it felt so heavy, hot, and noticeable that I was worried I was going to set off a smoke alarm.
But I just kept smiling and holding Cole’s hand. Fuck.
James was waiting for us at the airport, looking as dapper as ever in a suit that I’m sure was custom. “Audrey’s buying some magazines—she’ll be right back.”
“I have to make a call right now.” Cole scowled as he marched off to a quiet corner of the lounge. On the way to the airport, he’d apologized, saying he had a deal about to go sideways that would require his attention. As I’d just secretly repeated every detail of his business conversation to his scheming, blackmailing father, I could hardly be mad.
James turned to me. “Hey, Jenny.”
I smiled at him, happy to distract myself from my tortured thoughts. “Hey, yourself. And congratulations!”
James grinned. “Thank you. And thanks for agreeing to be Audrey’s maid of honor. It wouldn’t be the same without you.”
“Aw, thanks.” His words touched me. “I’m getting emotional just thinking about you guys getting married. I’m happy for you.”
“Thanks, Jenny.” James smiled, but it wavered as he watched Cole. “How is he?”
“Cole? Um… He’s good.” I nodded. “He seems good.”
“He was a mess without you,” James said quickly. “He wouldn’t want me to say that, but it’s true. He was a wreck.”
“Huh.” I didn’t want Cole to be upset. I wished that things were different—that I was different, a different person. “Well, he seems okay now,” I said, brightening my voice.
“Good,” James said. “Ah, here she is.” His face visibly brightened as Audrey appeared in the terminal, hustling toward us, an enormous stack of magazines in her arms. She wore a pale pink sheath dress that showed off the vestiges of her tan and pulled her hair back in a low bun. She looked classy, beautiful, and elegant.
I grinned at my best friend. “You sure clean up nice, girl!”
“Jenny!” She practically threw the magazines to James and pulled me in for a big hug. “Oh my God, I missed you so much.”
My eyes filled with tears. I clutched my friend, inhaling the scent of her familiar perfume. “I missed you, too.”
“How many bridal magazines did you get?” James asked, teasing. “I didn’t realize they made this many.”
Audrey’s cheeks flushed. “I thought Jenny and I could look at them on the flight.”
“And you should.” James beamed at her. “Do you want me to hold on to these?”
“No! We’ll take them,” Audrey said, grinning at him like a kid in a candy shop.
I glimpsed the cover of Brides , which showed a model in a long, formfitting gown. “Ho my frickin’ God, Audrey, you would ah -mazing in that dress!”
“You think so?” Audrey’s eyes lit up. “I saw another one in here that was pretty, too…” She started whipping through the pages.
James took that as his cue to leave. “I’ll let you two catch up. See you onboard.” He gave Audrey a firm kiss and a hug, then fled the bridal magazine bonanza.
Audrey and I hunkered down in two seats, spreading the glossy magazines between us. We had serious business to attend to. “I’m so glad you asked me to go on this trip,” I admitted.
“Me too, Jenny. I’m glad it worked out.” She glanced over at Cole, who was barking into his phone. “How’s it going?”
“It’s going,” I said. I snapped my fingers and pointed at Brides. “But we’ll talk about that later, all right? I’ve been waiting to pick wedding dresses with my BFF since I was a kid. And I’m not getting any younger!”
We spent a lot of time working our way through the magazines, dog-earing pages, and talking about strapless gowns versus backless ones. We boarded the plane, still engrossed in a conversation about color palettes. James and Cole wisely left us alone, sitting off by themselves so we could have an area to spread out. By the time the flight took off, Audrey’s skin was flushed, her eyes wide. She motioned to the pile of magazines before us. “I can’t believe this is real. I’m getting married.”
I squeezed her hand. “I can,” I said. “I knew it all along—you were always going to get your happily ever after. Nobody deserves it more than you.”
Audrey turned to me. “Thank you, Jenny. It’s all a whirlwind, but that’s not what I’m currently worried about.”
Uh-oh. I knew my friend would get around to it eventually. “You shouldn’t be worried about anything,” I said, keeping my voice light. “You should just be happy.”
“I am happy. But I’m also worried about you. “
“I seem to be doing okay for myself. Cole took me out on his super -yacht yesterday,” I shared.
Audrey’s eyebrow shot up. “What’s a super yacht?”
“It’s a yacht. Just, like, a super one.” I tossed my hair. “I don’t know what makes it so super, but we took him out for a whale watch. It was pretty incredible.”
“It sounds nice,” she said lightly. “It sounds like you two are having fun. Are you relieved that you guys made up?”
“Cole hired me to come back,” I corrected her. I needed to keep up the appearance that the arrangement was strictly business. I leaned closer to her and whispered, “And he’s paying me a million dollars.”
Audrey and I just looked at each other for a beat. “Holy smokes,” she said eventually.
“Right?” I asked. “So you might not believe that you’re getting married, but I really can’t believe I’m about to be a millionaire.”
“I’m happy for you—that’s life-changing money. But I guess I’m still worried, too.” Audrey took a deep breath. “Because I didn’t think you only cared about Cole’s super yacht. Or about the money.”
“I don’t only care about his yacht or the money,” I admitted. “But it might be better if I did.”
“I thought you were in love with Cole,” she said quietly. “That’s what you told me, that you wanted to be with him. So what happened? I know he hired you back, but why did you leave in the first place?”
I shrugged. “Nothing. I mean, something. It’s just that I thought about it. We got back to Boston, and I realized that it wasn’t exactly a smart idea to be pinning all my hopes on a billionaire. I have to be okay with myself. I can’t depend on anybody. If I’ve learned one thing, I’ve learned that.”
Audrey went silent momentarily, contemplating the fluffy white clouds as we passed them. “You can depend on me. I’m always going to be here for you, Jenny. “
“I know that,” I said a little defensively. “That’s not what I’m talking about.”
Audrey gave me a sad smile. “Isn’t it, though? I know the feeling that you’re talking about. I get it. But at some point, you have to take a leap of faith. Otherwise, life is just kind of… sad.”
“Kind of sad is better than getting the crap kicked out of you,” I said. “Listen, don’t turn this around on me. I’m different from you. I know you and James are the real thing.”
“If you love each other, like I think you do, then you and Cole are a real thing, too,” Audrey said.
“We can’t be a real thing,” I said. I longed to tell Audrey about all the trouble I was in, but I couldn’t risk it. “I can’t feel safe with anybody,” I said instead. That was also the truth—another truth I didn’t care to discuss, but at least I wasn’t completely lying to my best friend.
“Why is that?” Audrey asked.
I grimaced. “Let’s not get all psychological. You know we all have our reasons, every single woman in the business. Mine aren’t any different.”
“I get it. I do.” Audrey hesitated, then said, “You know my mother is an alcoholic. I never had a father. I grew up rough and always had to look out for myself. I also had to look out for Tommy, which was hard because he needed help. My mother needed help. Everybody needed help.”She took a deep breath. “But I didn’t get to ask anybody for help because I had to be the one who kept it together. So it’s tough for me to trust that James wants to take care of me, you know? But I have to believe him. I have to take a chance. Otherwise, my whole life will be about pushing people away.”
Audrey didn’t say anything else. She was waiting for me to share; I knew that. In genuine relationships, you were honest. You showed people parts of yourself that you hid from the rest of the world.
I loved Audrey. But I did not love doing that shit.
“I grew up rough, too,” I admitted. “I have an alcoholic brother, an alcoholic father, and a mom that disappeared when I was a kid. I’ve been homeless since I was sixteen.” I left about the part about the aunt that took me in and the shit show that tuned into.
Audrey’s eyes were wide in her face. “I didn’t know that, Jenny.”
“S’okay,” I said. “But nobody ever took care of me except for myself. And I get what you’re saying, but I don’t know if I could ever live any other way. I don’t know if I have it in me to rely on someone, you know?”
Audrey nodded. “Of course, I know. But there’s this thing; have you ever heard of it? It’s called baby steps.”
I arched an eyebrow. “What d’you mean?”
“It means you just take things one tiny step at a time and don’t worry about what happens next—just one tiny step at a time, one happy day at a time. Like, you enjoyed today with Cole, and you don’t need to worry about anything else. It’s a baby step. What about that?”
“I’ll make you a deal. I will baby step my ass through this trip. Then, I will try to baby step through your wedding. Does that sound okay?” I asked.
Audrey smiled and nudged me playfully. “That sounds great. This trip is going to be fun.”
“What the heck are we doing in Wyoming, anyway?” I asked her. I still had no idea what this trip was about.
Audrey grinned at me. “Two words: dude ranch.”
I gaped at her. “I’m sorry. What? ”
Audrey laughed. “Ha! I’m the one who’s sorry. Remember that when you’re lassoing a cow!”