Chapter 22
CHAPTER 22
T akeshi
I’m losing my husband and the woman who’s meant to be ours, and I don’t have a fucking clue how to fix things.
For the past two days since their return from Texas, Shinji and Lakeshia have barely spoken a word to each other or me if it doesn’t involve Lakeshia’s revenge.
The only clue I have is Shinji’s cryptic, “Don’t push us to talk about what happened. Just be here for us when we need you.”
From the minimal information I have, they contacted Perla and convinced the woman she needs the Giametti’s protection. Despite the minor victory, no one is celebrating, and I’m about done waiting.
I glance from Shinji to Lakeshia. Despite their distance, there’s an underlying closeness of people who share a big secret.
Our bedroom has become a desolate place where none of us joke, share anything from the silly to the serious, and worse, we don’t touch. I’ve gotten too many, not nows to stomach the cracks forming in our relationship.
“Shinji, a word.” I nod toward the door leading out of our command center. It’s the only room Lakeshia and Shinji seem the most normal around me. I bet it’s Ichiro’s presence. He lends an air of normalcy to our days when the sentiment is far from reality.
I lead my husband to the backyard. As soon as I sit on a patio chair, a black ball of fur jumps on my lap. I’m not in the mood to coddle Tora, however, I scratch beneath his chin while I address my husband.
“First, you told me not to push. Then you rebuff my advances. I’m trying not to draw unreasonable conclusions but you and Lakeshia are making it difficult not to feel shut out of my marriage.”
Shinji shifts in his seat but volunteers nothing.
“I knew this was going to happen.” I shake my head and stand. “She’s already come between us.”
“You’re wrong, Keishi-kun. It’s just not my story to tell. I promised not to pressure her. She’ll tell you when she’s ready.”
I spin away from him. “I wish I believed you, but from the very beginning, she’s gravitated toward you. I’ll never be the one she needs.”
“That’s not true.” Shinji cups my shoulder, but I rebuff his conciliatory gesture and shrug his hand away. “Just give her time. She’ll get the help she needs and one day she’ll share her story with you.”
“And what does she need right now?” I ask instead of demanding why they won’t consider my needs.
What right do I have to put my desires above those of my husband and lover? Is she even my lover if I’m nothing but an unnecessary appendage? My world is only right when I provide for the people who mean the most to me. They give my life meaning when everything else is chaos. But if they don’t need me…
“She doesn’t know what she needs, and I’m at a loss for ways to help her discover it.” A sense of powerlessness colors Shinji’s response.
“So time is the only thing I can give her.” I bob my head up and down, deciding the path I’ll follow despite the pain headed my way. Making sacrifices isn’t hard to do when my relationship with Shinji is on the line.
“What will you do?” he asks.
“The only thing I can.” I re-enter the house to catch Lakeshia by the door.
I hand her Tora but can’t muster up a smile at her awkwardness in dealing with the cat.
Why is she by the door? I shake my head, discarding the flickering hope that she followed us because of concern for me. The way I called Shinji out probably compelled her. I almost convince myself I don’t care if she overheard our conversation. After sparing her another glance, I head toward our bedroom. Shinji and Lakeshia follow behind like wraiths, haunting me without a hint of how to exorcise their demons.
When I retrieve a suitcase, panic replaces the wary look on Lakeshia’s face.
“Where are you going?” She places a hand on my forearm, and I flinch from the unexpected pain of her touch.
It’s the first time she’s initiated contact with me since her return, and it’s not from wanting or needing the connection.
I gently displace her hand and continue packing. “Until there’s a solution one way or the other, I think it’s best if I limit my presence here.”
“You’re leaving us?”
The disappointment in her tone must be my imagination working overtime, I’m so desperate to be needed by her.
“I’ll be at the old house,” I say, referencing the mansion Katsuo lived in prior to moving in with Portia.
I spare them a last fleeting glance before leaving.
At Katsuo’s place, I wander aimlessly until I reach the basement. An image of Shinji pops into my head, but I shake him free. If I dwell on my need for him, I’ll ruin any good I’m doing by going back. With my preferred physical outlet out of the question, I turn to the weaponry on the wall. I don’t know how long I contemplate which to choose, but the shifting air passing me and Katsuo’s body walking to the wall snap me out of limbo.
“How did you know I was here?”
He snaps his head in my direction without answering me. He’s my closest cousin for a reason. We don’t always need words to communicate our thoughts.
“What did Shinji tell you?”
Katsuo returns his attention to the wall and selects two yari spears then throws one for me to catch. “You needed support he can’t give you.”
“I’m married to a considerate asshole.”
“Asshole, yes. Considerate? I’m not convinced. He’s always had more mouth than sense.”
“I may be in my feelings, but I won’t let you talk shit about my husband” I glare at Katsuo until he bobs his head in understanding.
“How intense?” He spins the yari in a wheel so fast, it blurs before my eyes.
I look him up and down. “I don’t want your wife on my doorstep tomorrow, complaining about your cuts and bruises.” I swing the spear, warming my muscles and familiarizing myself with the weapon.
“Remember, blades don’t have eyes or feelings,” Katsuo says, entering a ready position. “And if that man of yours comes knocking on my door, I’ll take my frustrations out on you tenfold.” He rushes me, and our spears clang as the metal meets.
My arms vibrate with the force of his blows. Despite the dangerous blades, we use the butt end of the spear to hit each other. I take his hits, relishing in the distraction the pain presents. I’ve never handled emotional turmoil well. But this? Channeling everything through physical torment? I’ll do this however often and for however long I need to not dwell on Lakeshia’s rejection and Shinji choosing her.
Not enough! I’m not sore or tired enough.
I discard my spear and wait for Katsuo to follow suit before I launch a barrage of kicks and punches. He counters, connecting his foot with my ribs. I shy away, nursing the sore area.
Katsuo shakes his head. “Is Lakeshia pregnant?”
For a second, his question shocks me into stillness. I relax my stance and shake my head.
“If not fear of impending fatherhood, why am I here?”
“You won’t understand.” I retrieve the spears and replace them on the wall.
“Make me.” When I don’t immediately respond, my cousin motions his head toward the door. “Drink with me.”
I follow him to the bar he keeps fully stocked. Although Katsuo no longer lives here, he maintains the home for our sparring bouts and his son’s lessons. I suspect he and Portia sometimes use the master bedroom, but this is his house and what they do is none of my business.
He pours two tumblers of whiskey. While I stare at my glass held within the circle of my hands, he sips from his.
“I think I’m falling in love with her. No, I know I am.”
Katsuo compresses his lips. “What about Shinji?”
Despite his neutral tone, I sense the judgment behind the question. For my cousin, his chance meeting with Portia was the first time he fell in love. As fiercely loyal as he is, he would never understand my current dilemma.
“He fell for her back in Jersey.”
“What do you expect me to do with this information? You married Shinji. You committed yourselves to each other.”
“I’m still committed.”
“Is your husband?”
“For the time being, yes.”
“If she’s the problem, I can?—”
“Don’t end that sentence if you want to walk out of here tonight.” I push my whiskey away and glare at him.
“Shinji—”
“Katsuo, if you touch a hair on my husband’s head, our grandfather will need a new heir.”
“Then explain in full.”
I forcefully push out a pent-up breath. “Shinji and I would share her. He’s damn near got me believing in the complete family he envisions with her as our center, but she doesn’t want me. Or maybe she doesn’t trust me. And I can’t completely blame her. After all, I threatened to kill her if she didn’t agree to carry our baby.”
Katsuo’s lips twitch, the slight movement almost imperceptible.
“What?”
“Your method is more expedient than mine.”
“That’s because I wanted to kill her for what she did to Shinji. You fell after one night with your wife and set up a three-year trap to get her in your clutches again.”
He glares at me, despite my spouting the truth. “My meticulous planning didn’t stop her from having doubts.”
“You still got what you wanted in the end. I don’t have the same hope.”
He swirls his glass while staring into the golden-hued spirit. “I recall you advising me I didn’t have to let her leave me. I think you should take your own advice.”
“Again, different circumstances. Portia was already in love with you.”
“Perhaps.”
We lapse into silence, but my thoughts are anything but. Scenario after scenario bombard me. Nonetheless, without insight into Lakeshia’s past or her guarded mindset, I’m at a loss.
Katsuo swallows the rest of his whiskey and then mine. “If you aren’t willing to fight for her, you need to let her go now before you tie her to you with a child.” With his last words, he stands and leaves me to contemplate my next move.
Times like this, I could use his strategic mind. He’s a master at shogi and chess, using people’s lives as his chess pieces. Yet, I won’t ask him to intervene. If I’m to have any future with Shinji and Lakeshia, I need to figure out where I fit.