2. Adam
two
Adam
C alm the fuck down, or you're going to get us kicked off this ship and dumped at the nearest drop-off.
Seth's voice is an annoyance in my mind, breaking through my seething rage like he's perfectly fine with everything that's happening. The asshole's been in my mind since we stepped foot on this ship. Telling me over and over to stay calm, not to pick fights, not to ruin our chances of starting over.
She's being fucking terrifying right now. Look away. Look away, or you're going to ruin this. You're going to blow this whole thing if they find out how fucked up we are.
That was the warning he gave me over and over when the golden-skinned woman was staring me down. I couldn't stop myself, though. She was so easy to rile, and then she came and touched me. She touched me, and I saw the pity. It was masked underneath her own frustrations, masked by the rage she seemed to feel at seeing the scars. But there was still pity, and I'm not going to be fucking pitied.
Seth was screaming in my mind to avert my gaze, just to submit. He's not broken in the same way I am. He can still feel fear. He still has self-preservation baked into his genetics. Me? That shit was some of the first things they burned out of me. No one needs a soldier who has fear. A soldier meant to be fodder in an invasion we lost. Fear has no use when you're just a body meant to be a meat shield. Seth wasn't a meat shield, or he was, but in a different way.
"How much do you know about our crew? About the crew we're supposed to hand you off to?" the purple-skinned alien in front of us asks.
He told us his name was Alik right after the golden-skinned woman left. I didn't catch introductions when I was still staring after her, trying to see if I could get her even angrier. I don't know why, but it's the closest I've ever felt to any kind of thrill from someone other than Seth.
How much are we telling them? Seth asks.
I should probably figure it out with him in our minds, but he's annoying me right now. I got us this far, and he's still so skittish. I get it. We're one bad stop away from being back in the lab, back to having slave collars around our necks and being forced through experiments. But I'm bad about risk assessment. Who would've ever guessed that when you get rid of fear responses, you also become bad at fully thinking things through?
"You're a crew that works for the Intergalactic Alliance, but you don't mind breaking laws if it means helping others. You see us as helpless, so you're willing to take on this job even if the IA didn't sanction it," I say, shrugging my shoulders before continuing. "The crew we're meeting with is one that doesn't work for the IA. They're known amongst runaway clones, though. Not that there are many of us. They can help with fake identification and new lives. Like you, they take pity on helpless creatures."
"I doubt they're doing it to be altruistic," Alik says.
"This is the payment they asked for." Seth pulls out the vintage sewing patterns we managed to find on Earth. "We don't know why they wanted these, but it's what they asked for."
Jovi grabs one of the paper envelopes. The patterns are neatly folded inside. The image on the outside is a colored sketch of a woman in a dress with way too many layers. I've never seen someone wear something like it on Earth except for the period dramas I remember from Original Adam's memories.
"Okay, so here's the plan. You're trapped on the ship with us for the next few weeks while we act like everything's normal. The crew we're sending you off with is busy with a run right now. It's safer for all of us if you stay here until they can safely come to get you." Alik tosses the envelope back to Seth, who stuffs it into his pack.
We don't have a lot of possessions, one backpack each. It's helpful to keep light possessions when we've been on the run for the last couple of years, not staying anywhere long enough that we might get tracked down.
Do you trust this? Seth asks.
We have no choice. I answer, hating that this is our life now. We have to put our trust in strangers. I don't like relying on anyone but myself.
"Fine by us," I say.
Alik looks between the two of us. He has three eyes, and all three hold more suspicion than any other emotion. Yeah, this crew is willing to help us, but that doesn't mean any of them trust us. Good, there's nothing we've done to make them do that. In all honesty, they shouldn't have allowed us on this ship at all. They don't know us.
Stop staring everyone down. Seth's words are exasperating, but he's probably right.
Nothing good comes from me questioning everyone's authority on the ship. I might have issues with authority figures, but that doesn't mean I should be openly hostile to all of them. I mean, I want to, and I could, but Seth is here, and as much as I hate relying on someone else, we're a pair at this point. Wherever he goes, I go. We keep each other centered, and sometimes, I have to listen to him even if I don't want to.
I drop my eyes, letting Alik think he's won this round of seeing who can stare down who the hardest. It's a stupid game that I'd easily always win because I have no fear. This male is stronger than me, taller than me, and more powerful in every sense. I have secret weapons, though—one none of the people on this ship need to find out about.
"You'll be staying in the pleasure crew room," Jovi says. He smiles at both of us, his features smoother, less filled with apprehension than his partner. "We aren't sure how much you want to interact with us, so you can have this." He tosses something over to us, and Seth grabs it. It's a pendant attached to a chain. Seth's brows furrow as he looks at it.
"It's a pleasure crew pendant." Jovi laughs. My jaw tightens, eyes hardening.
"We're no one's fuck toy," I snap.
Jovi's easygoing attitude is gone in an instant, his gaze turning just as deadly as Alik's. "Our mate was a pleasure crew. Seeing as you didn't know that, I'm going to let the disrespectful comment slide this time."
Apologize now.
My nostrils flare as I stare up at Jovi, not blinking. He growls low in his chest, the sound rumbling through the room. It makes my teeth pull back until I bare them at him, a movement he mirrors.
You're going to get us killed, you stupid fuck!
My jaw is stiff as I force words through my teeth, my lips barely wanting to form the movements. "I'm sorry."
Jovi's eyes narrow slightly, but he nods, his expression softening, but it doesn't return to the easygoing smile he was wearing earlier. Alik stays staring at me, but I don't meet his gaze. Seth's already told me I pushed him too hard. I shouldn't be trying to push anyone, but I can't help myself.
"Look, just use the pendant to let us know if you want us to acknowledge you," Jovi says. "Green means we can hang out with you. Red means to leave you the fuck alone."
I snatch the pendant away from Seth, finding the notch to change the color. I click through it a few times until the pendant lights up a bright red. I hold it up, cocking one of my brows up at them. I can feel Seth cringing beside me, but I don't care about that. I care about getting all of these aliens to leave us alone. I'm being asked to be civil around them, and that's hard enough in small bursts.
Alik and Jovi share a look before shaking their heads. As they leave the entertainment room, I can hear Jovi mutter under his breath. "Fucking assholes."
I should feel bad that Seth is getting lumped into my assholeness, but I don't. I may not be able to act like a normal human, but I've kept us alive this long. And the way to survive is not to grow attached to anyone. I've already broken that rule when it came to Seth. I can't let us get close to anyone else.
Why do you have to act like that? Seth asks.
I don't answer his question. He doesn't need me to. I'm this way because I was made to be this way. As much as he hates how I act sometimes, he loves me. I won't let anything happen to us. Never again, and if that means I make enemies all across the cosmos, so be it. As long as he's safe, there's nothing I wouldn't do.
I want to get you back to the room. I say, ignoring how upset he is with me.
His cheeks are burning bright red, either because he's flustered from our interactions with the golden female or the two purple males. Or maybe it's because he knows exactly why I want to get him somewhere more private.
You can't fuck me to make how you just acted okay. Seth's trying to sound stern right now, but it takes just one side eye from me to know he's full of shit.
I take a deep breath and stand from the loveseat. Good thing I have no plans on fucking you.
He follows me out of the entertainment room. The red pendant dangles from my fingers as we walk down the halls, trying to find our room. Maybe I shouldn't have turned it to red until we were told where to go. No one stops us, though. In fact, we don't see anyone as we try every single door until one finally opens for us.
The room is nicer than any we've ever had. It's filled with a large bed and a couple of small closets. A handful of drawers are built into one wall, and when I pull one out, it's filled with various types and flavors of lube. I take special note of that, knowing Seth and I can get some use out of this room. We both ignore what I'm almost positive is a sex swing in the corner. Maybe we'll return to that when I feel better about being on this ship.
There's a small bathroom attached, which means the only reason we'll need to leave this room is for food. This is good. The less we have to interact with everyone else, the better.
Seth takes in the room with more awe than I do. It's a room with a bed. It's not like we're staying somewhere really nice. He finds joy in everything, though.
It should warm my cold, dead heart. Normally, it does a little bit. He's the only one who can. I'm too hyped right now, though. I want to fight someone or show them that I'm not weak. Seeing as I can't do that with anyone on this crew without risking our chance of starting over, I'm left with using Seth.
"On your knees." I grab the back of his neck and use some of my strength to push him down. His eyes flash a mixture of confusion and surprise before he follows my lead and falls to his knees. He might be confused, but it doesn't stop him from working the button of my jeans.
"I said I wasn't fucking you." I grab a handful of his hair and guide his open mouth over my cock as soon as it's free. "I didn't say I wasn't coming."
Seth makes a sound of protest that's muffled on my cock as I thrust deeper into his throat. He gags once before relaxing. My hold softens in his hair because he only needs minor instructions to keep up the pace I want.
When I spill down his throat, and he pulls off me, gasping for air and looking up at me with devotion and blown out pupils, I let out a contented sigh. That's exactly what I needed. Some of the sharp edges of my tension have been dulled, and I'm in a much better mood.
"What about me?" Seth asks, still kneeling in front of me, his lips swollen and pink.
I guide him over to the bed. Not letting him get off his knees until I nudge him onto his back. I unbutton his jeans, bring the zipper down, and pull him out. I spit into my hand, rubbing it over his head, causing him to whine and moan.
If we were somewhere safe, I'd make him wait longer, but we're not, and I can't risk anyone finding us in a vulnerable position. I stroke him in the way I know he loves, and when he blows, I wrap my lips around his tip and drink him down.
Promise me you won't cause problems here. Seth says as his breathing starts to level out. We're both back to being fully clothed, lying on the bed on our backs next to one another.
"I can't promise that," I tell him.
I try to sound amused, but it's taken out of me right now. There's always a short period after we're together where my emotions almost feel normal. Where I think I might be a normal human. It never lasts long, but for the few minutes I have, I savor them.
"Promise you'll try." Seth turns to face me, his eyes probing.
I can't look at him right now. He'll get me to agree to things I won't be able to do when I'm back to being who I am. So, I ignore the statement, hoping he drops it. But it's Seth, and he knows me and knows there's only one person in this universe I care about.
"I want to get to know them," he says, flopping back onto his back. "Don't ruin that for me."
I clench my teeth together, my emotions starting to numb, my attitude turning dark. "Whatever you want. Just don't let her touch you."
I regret the words as soon as they're out of my mouth because Seth's whole body stiffens like I've struck him. I don't need to tell him which her I'm talking about. We both know it's the golden one.
He thinks she's pretty. I could see it in how he acted when we were all in the same room. It's why I hated her so easily. Seth and I have shared women before, but I chose them and told Seth what to do. This wasn't like that. He chose her when I was right there. He wanted her when I was right fucking there, and it made me hate her. My hands fist on the bed, but I don't take the words back.
"You're a fucking asshole," Seth says, pushing himself off the bed and leaving the room.
I should tell him I'm sorry, that I'm jealous, that I don't want to lose him because he's the only person who makes me feel like I'm worth anything. I don't say anything, not even in our shared mind. Yeah, I'm a fucking asshole. But I'm an asshole who will keep him alive.