25. Essa
twenty-five
Essa
S leep is easier when I'm sandwiched between two males or sandwiching one male with another, as I'm doing tonight. Adam and I each fell asleep with Seth nice and snug between us. My arm is around Seth's waist, and my front is pressed to his back. Our legs are so tangled that even Adam's are in here somewhere, and my tail has lashed itself to his thigh, tugging him closer even though he fell asleep a hairbreadth away from Seth's lips.
It takes me a moment to figure out what's pulled me from my slumber, but I startle fully awake when I hear a low, pained moan. My males give me a hard time for sleeping heavily, but I'm only hard to wake when they aren't in danger. Hearing one of them in pain wakes me in an instant. I carefully extract myself from Seth's body, leaving my tail as entwined around my restless male as I can.
Adam lets out another sorrowful moan, this one causing my pupils to constrict as I think about all of the things he could be thinking about while he's meant to be peacefully asleep. I wish to growl and bare my fangs at his nightmares, to tell them they are not welcome anymore, but that's not how the mind works.
When he starts shaking his head back and forth, I get out of bed and move to his side. I don't think he'd appreciate being in the middle of our sandwich, but he's unconscious. Plus, it isn't like I'm about to lie beside him and hold him. No, he's in the middle of his terrors, and constricting his movements won't be good for anyone.
"Adam," I say his name clearly, keeping my hands to myself in case he takes them as a threat when he regains enough consciousness. I'm kneeling over him, which probably isn't the best either, but my instincts are begging me to make this better for him, to ease his pain.
"Adam," I repeat, trying to pull him back into wakefulness. I've never dealt with someone who has nightmares. Maybe I should ask Phial how he helps Avery with hers.
"He's going to be out for a while." Seth's voice is a surprise, though I suppose it shouldn't be. He's lying right next to the male, who's making sounds of anguish that have my heart breaking. I'm sure Seth feels the same as I do, but he's had to deal with these for far longer. "I haven't been able to wake him from them once. Even banged some pots together one night and he was still passed out."
I grind my teeth at the idea that Adam's to be put through his terrors with no escape. "What are we to do then?"
"I usually just play with his hair and try to soothe him as much as I can."
Seth shrugs as he sits up in the bed. His pale fingers slide over Adam's dark hair in a rhythmic motion. He leans his head against the headboard, eyes closing like he expects to find sleep while Adam's like this. Maybe he will. Maybe that's how often this occurs.
"He'll wake up eventually, and he'll be pissed. Just be prepared for that."
"I can handle him when he's upset," I mutter, mimicking how Seth sits against the headboard as I wiggle underneath the blankets. My tail tries to wrap around Adam again, but I don't wish for him to feel constricted in his dream, so I grab it and hold it close to my leg until it settles.
"Let it around him," Seth murmurs, his voice already sleepy again, but he keeps his hand moving through Adam's hair as though this is natural and normal for them. "He won't tell you, but he likes it. He likes that you claim him."
I don't need more prompting than that before my tail snakes between Adam's thighs and twists around the upper one until I'm sure he's nice and secure. I might also flick the tip of his cock with the end of my tail, but that's mostly an accident.
Seth snorts, and I think I've been caught. But his eyes are still closed, and his movements are still lazy. I narrow my eyes on him, trying to figure out what could be amusing about all of this when we were woken from our sleep by our shared male in pain.
"You're going to turn his nightmare into a fucked up wet dream if you do that," Seth tells me, his eyes finally cracking. With very little light in the room, his eyes look almost entirely white except for his pupils. "I've tried making it better by blowing him before. It doesn't. He just ends up in a nightmare that's also somehow erotic. The experiments they did on him, on Original Adam too, they weren't always just cutting into him or seeing what injuries he could survive."
I grip the bedsheets underneath my hands hard as the tip of my tail moves as far away from the juncture of Adam's thighs as it can. "I didn't know. I'm sorry."
Seth shakes his head, offering me a small smile. "I just told you I tried the same thing. We both want to help him, but there's nothing for us to do other than be here for him when he wakes."
I nod as Seth speaks, his words reassuring me. I'm grateful he's the male I share with Adam. He's much more easygoing than his partner, and he doesn't make me feel bad for things I don't know. He's an easy male to love, and I see how Adam has done it so effortlessly.
"You don't have any scars on you," I say as my fingers drift over the open skin on Adam's back. I steer clear of the many patches of puckered scar tissue that crisscross all along his skin in shiny pink lines. There aren't many places that haven't been marred, but there's enough that I can touch him without touching places that might bring him even more bad memories.
"I was treated better than either Adam was," Seth says, his head turning to face me, his eyelids still half-hooded with sleep. "He was created to be a super soldier. Which, if you've seen any superhero movies from the time our originals were around, you'd know it's mostly the bad guys who do that kind of shit."
I open my mouth to tell him I have no idea what he means by superhero movies or which bad guys he's referring to, but I don't want to interrupt this insight into their lives before they came aboard the Jolly Folly. Seth's told me some about himself but avoids discussing the research facility and never speaks about what happened to Adam.
"Anyway, they kept our originals separated for most of their time together. I was given pictures of Adam in various forms of distress and asked to read his emotions as though that's how it worked." Seth rolls those pretty blue eyes as he smirks. "I was useless to them for so many years. When I finally had a purpose, it turned out that I was still useless. It was pretty funny since I didn't want to help them. I was kidnapped off the street with the pretense of pay that never came. I was more than a little defiant by the time they brought Adam in. Honestly, I was hoping the invasion would wipe out the facility we were kept, but that didn't happen."
"How did you finally connect with Adam then?" I ask, wanting to know more about the two, about what they can do for one another and how they grew close. I'm joining their relationship and wish to know them as well as they know one another, but I can't share my thoughts with them like they can with each other. So, I'll settle for stories.
"They made me watch one of his sessions through a glass partition. I was strapped to a chair while they cut into him to see how quickly he could heal. It was the first time I saw him as another human being. That was the sickest part about it because up until that point, I hadn't realized how much I'd detached myself from him, how much I pretended he wasn't an actual human that was being hurt over and over again."
A low growl fills the air around us, and it takes me far too long to realize it is coming from my chest. I clear my throat, but the growl still rumbles for a second longer. Seth's cheeks are tinted the prettiest shade of pink. I'd love to run my fingers across them, but Adam makes another low groan. We both move to him, trying to ease his pain.
"I'm not growling at you," I tell Seth when Adam has calmed again. "You did nothing wrong. You were trying to survive in an impossible situation. Your mind wished not to be burdened with the knowledge that horrible things you couldn't stop were being done to someone. There's nothing wrong with protecting yourself."
Seth's cheeks are even pinker now. My words are sincere, but I can understand why he might not believe them. The male he cares about more than any other was suffering, and he chose not to believe it. I've never gone through what either of them has, and I won't cast judgment on either of them for how they handled those situations.
"Well, protecting myself ended that day." Seth shakes his head as he pulls his hand away from Adam's hair and curls it into a tight fist before shaking out the tension. He's shaking when his fingers resume their scratching of Adam's scalp. "Whatever weird mental thing they wanted to happen happened. I just might've pretended it didn't for a little while."
I bite back my smile when I see the small one playing on Seth's lips. "I don't know if that was the right call or not, but I was so mad at the scientists that I would've done anything just to spite them."
"Was this when you were Original Seth or after?" I hope the question isn't too prying, but I want to make sure I have the timeline right. Adam never talks about Original Adam as though they are the same man, but Seth has no such issue. I assume it's because Original Adam had a wife and family, a whole life outside the research facility, whereas Seth didn't. He was all alone until he found Adam. Even then, he doesn't know what happened to his clone once the memories stopped.
"This was Original Seth and Adam," Seth says, looking down at Adam, whose face is screwed up in pain but isn't making any sounds. We keep moving our hands over him, and where I touch, his muscles relax. I wish he'd wake soon so I can know he's no longer in pain, and if he is, I can find a way to fix it.
"We spent the next little while talking in our head. Adam thought he was losing his mind, but he was so dead inside that he talked to me. It wasn't for a couple more weeks before we met face to face in one of what we called the interrogation rooms that he finally realized I was real," Seth says it all with a softness that betrays the horrors of what they went through. "We weren't together back then. If anything, we clung to one another as brothers who wanted to survive what was happening to us. He went through his experiments. I had to listen to everything they did to him."
"But they did free you both," I say, reaching over to squeeze Seth's arm to remind him that whatever suffering the originals went through, they were eventually freed. "You both survived it and moved on with your lives, I assume."
Seth gives me a sad little smile. "I assume as well, but we don't know for certain. I've wanted to look it up, to search databases and records to learn if I lived a long, happy life after what happened to me. I know Adam wants to do the same, even if he'd never admit it. I'm just scared of what I'll find. What I went through wasn't nearly as bad as what Adam went through, but he had people on the other side. He had a family and a support system."
Seth's words trail off, and he doesn't need to explain more for me to understand his unspoken words. Without the crew, I don't know where I'd be in the universe. As far as most species are concerned, I was still a child when I applied for my first crew—a female child at that.
I'm lucky the first crew I worked for was good and that two Varons accepted me easily and offered protection without asking anything of me. No, I don't want to think of what might've happened to me if Jovi wasn't the first person I befriended after running away.
"And what about when you were created?" I ask, hoping to remind Seth that he isn't his clone, even if they share the same memories up to a certain point. "Were you and Adam able to bond quicker?"
Seth lets out a choked laugh at the question, "You could say that, yeah."
I study his expression, the flush in his cheeks, the way he refuses to meet my eyes now. Interesting.
"Tell me about it."
Seth rolls his lips together before licking them and finally opening his mouth to speak. "Look, I had a thing for Adam the entire time, but I was good about keeping it to myself. At least, I think I was. Original Adam never said anything about my crush if he knew, and it's not like we were ever left alone back then for anything to happen. I do know he didn't feel the same for me. Even if he did, he was devoted to his wife."
"You loved your male before he was yours. I understand those feelings," I say before thinking through how open this statement makes me. I haven't told either male I love them yet, and here I am, telling Seth that I understand his yearning for someone else's mate.
"Which of us?" he asks, his voice rougher as he leans over Adam and asks the question against my parted lips. "Which one of us did you crave even though we belonged to each other?"
I swallow hard. The answer should be obvious, given how Adam and I started our relationship, but maybe Seth needs to know that he wasn't the only one with what were thought to be unrequited feelings.
"You," I whisper so small that the word is barely audible. "I wanted you first."
Seth smiles, his lips brushing mine for a moment before pulling away. There's another growl rumbling in the air, but it isn't me this time. Oh no, it's a furious male squished between Seth and me as we slowly part.
"The fuck are you two doing?" Adam asks, his voice raw as if there are emotions inside him that he's forcing to be covered by his anger. I'm almost positive he covers all the feelings he wishes not to deal with or to show with rage.
"Essa was asking how we felt about one another after our creation," Seth says with humor in his words. He's not scared of Adam. I don't think he's ever been scared of him. Their bond is strong, and I hope it's as strong with me one day.
"Did you tell her you dropped to your knees the first moment we had alone?" Adam asks, pushing himself up so he's no longer lying between us but sitting beside us. He faces Seth long enough to watch his face turn a pretty shade of scarlet before looking at me. "My memories weren't even fully in place yet, and this overeager man was between my legs sucking me down."
I squeeze my thighs together at the thought of Seth so eager to be with Adam that his way of greeting him is to take him in his mouth. Adam's lips kick up in the corners as he watches my reaction.
"I'm assuming you enjoyed it?" I ask, my voice hoarse as I try to hide how badly I wish to see Seth's devotion to his male.
"I did," Adam says.
He wraps his fingers in Seth's curls before bringing their mouths together in a kiss. Adam devours Seth, his dominating kisses meeting no resistance as Seth allows him to take and take. When he pulls away, Seth's pupils are blown out, and his lips are swollen.
Adam tugs the blanket away from his groin before urging Seth down. "When I wake from my nightmares, he always takes care of me."
Seth's lips wrap around Adam's engorged cock, the angry red tip sliding into his mouth, coming back out slick with spit before he repeats the process. I run my fingers through Seth's hair, urging him to take our male deeper, and Adam lets out a groan that sounds much more pleasured than the ones he was letting out in his dreams.
"Next nightmare, I want you on my cock, sweetheart," Adam murmurs, his fingers playing with the ends of my hair as he lets me guide the rhythm and depth of Seth's mouth. "Fuck, I want both of you."
"You'll need more cocks if you're to have everything you want," I tease, flicking my gaze over to him in time to see the smile on his lips before he can hide it with his usual scowl. How a male can have himself lodged down his mate's throat and still scowl is a mystery to me, but that's Adam.
"I have enough cock. You two just need to share," Adam says lazily as he tugs on the ends of my hair until I turn to face him fully.
When he kisses me, I don't submit like Seth does. No, our kissing is a fight, just as is our relationship. A fight for dominance, a fight to show the other which of us can care for the others the best, a fight to prove our devotion. It only stops when I nip at his lower lips with my fangs, drawing blood. I drained them before bed, but they're still sharp.
Adam's hips jerk upward, and Seth gags once before settling into his new position. It's amazing to watch Adam's abdominals squeeze, his hips thrust eagerly, and his eyes close in euphoria as he finds his release inside Seth's mouth.
I'm jealous of them both in equal measure, but my jealousy lasts only a moment because Seth is crawling between my legs next, his hands wrapping around my waist as he tugs me down enough to bury his face between my legs. Adam's there, his hand guiding Seth this time, and his lips are back on mine.
"Everything we went through was worth it," Adam mutters. He sounds angry, vicious even as he forces the words out. "Everything was worth it when I had him, and it's made more worth it because it led us to you."
I let out a strangled cry as Adam deepens our kiss. His tongue dominates my mouth and licks at my fangs as Seth plunges two fingers inside of me, letting me milk him as I grow closer and closer to the pinnacle of my pleasure. When I find my release, I don't know which of their names I call or if I say anything at all. I only know that Adam is right. Everything that has led us to one another has been worth it.