Chapter 3 #2
“But I was older,” he insists. “It was my job to think the best of you, instead I decided you were doing it on purpose to make me look bad. It seemed easy for you. I . . . gods, I had to get away.” He gestures around us and swallows hard.
“From Dad, the compound, and the whispers that followed me everywhere: ‘there goes Callum Casanell, the only incubus demon in the Hall of Nightmares.’ I didn’t think about how it would affect you, and I’m sorry for that. ”
I clear my throat, my knuckles turning white around the metal tumbler.
“And if I had asked you to stay?” It’s the question I’ve been tormenting myself with since the day he and Gideon left.
I was fourteen years old at the time, but eleven years hasn’t erased the pain.
I can still picture it clearly: Callum’s fists clenched at his side.
Dad’s face purple with rage. The tears Mom wouldn’t let fall.
The world was ending—my world at least.
A phantom ache runs the length of my jaw, exactly how it did when I clenched my teeth to keep from screaming as he drove away without me.
“I wouldn’t have stayed,” Callum says. “But I would have figured out a way to bring you with me. I swear, I would have. I’d have gotten Starfall Academy to admit you early or found us a place and waited to enroll until you were old enough, too.
I didn’t—fuck Ciprian—my life was falling apart.
You asked me if I ever felt like I didn’t exist, but it was different for me: I existed wrong and I hated it. ”
A tear rolls from the inner corner of my eye and drips off the tip of my nose. I wipe it away with the back of my hand. “Don’t say that,” I hiss. “Don’t ever say that. You were my hero.”
Callum makes a choking noise and bumps his shoulder against mine. “I’m not going anywhere this time. I want . . . shit, I don’t know how to explain it, but I don’t want to make Dad’s mistakes.”
“You want to be brothers again?”
Two birds rocket out of the hedge, chasing each other into the sky and loudly bickering.
I watch them disappear into the mist. It’s bluer now than when we first sat down in the dull, heavy grayness of early morning.
I’ve always thought this was the most embarrassing time of day.
Getting out of bed before the sun is rude, like showing up at someone’s house unannounced and using their hide-a-key to let yourself in before they’ve had a chance to brush their teeth.
Which is exactly what I did to Callum.
“Ciprian.” His voice is stern, bossy even, and the urge to roll my eyes is hard to resist. “You have always been my brother, every moment of every day—even the shitty ones. Fuck, especially the shitty ones.”
The squabbling birds return and perch on the same bush, whatever beef they had, squashed, at least for now. I smile. “Friends, then?”
“I’d like that.”
“So will Sheena.”
We both laugh, and I feel lighter. For a few minutes, we sip our coffee in silence, before Callum twists to face me, his knee bumping against mine. “This shit about not knowing who you are, is that the Casanell in you talking or just Ciprian?”
I think about it, but I don’t know the answer.
“I’m not sure,” I whisper. “I’m scared I can’t have both.”
“What do you mean?” Callum asks. “Celine and the shifter? Because they seemed fine with sharing you based on their lust outputs.”
I wrinkle my nose at the idea of Callum sensing their desires, but I know he can’t help it. “No, I want them—Alistair, too. They feel . . . fuck, Cal, they feel like family. Sometimes, I think they see me even when I can’t.”
He thinks about that for a while. “You’re worried about us.”
I release a puff of air and nod. The weather is getting crisper as fall arrives in Colorado, but it could drop twenty degrees overnight and still be balmy compared to the monster realm.
“The Fringes are a long way from this compound, and it’s got nothing to do with the physical distance.”
Callum shrugs. “I can’t speak for anyone but myself, but as long as you’re happy, I’m good.”
“Really?” I raise my eyebrows. “Because you were ready to crack heads in Celine’s apartment.”
He snorts. “My little brother had been missing for weeks. Forgive me if I forgot my manners.” Cal waits a beat, his tattooed forearms flexing. “Are you ready to tell me what happened yet?”
Gods, I think I am.
I clear my throat and tell him everything. The cold, the fear, how terrible it was to watch helplessly from the sidelines as Celine fought to save my life. I tell him about pushing my magic past its limits, and the terror of reaching for more and finding nothing left.
Callum listens without interrupting.
I tell him how in love I am with Celine, and how my feelings for Luca and Alistair snuck up on me.
When I’m done, he pulls me into a hug. It’s too tight, and his fear rolls over me in waves. It’s tangible, and it only shrinks when I squeeze him back harder.
A door slams in the distance, then Gideon’s booming voice shatters the quiet morning, a foghorn penetrating the peaceful silence. “Should we send out a damn search party?”
Cal sighs, his lips twitching as the birds take flight.
“First of all, never tell Mom any of that shit. She’ll mount my head on a spike for not telling her you were missing.
And second, maybe make the monsters sound less cool when Gideon asks about them.
The last thing anyone needs is for him to demand a field trip. ”
“You got it,” I say.
We leave the maze, and I feel better. Not great—my nervous system is in shambles—but I needed to tell someone. It was festering, and bringing it up with Celine, Luca, or Alistair would force them to relive it too, and that’s not fair. We all need time to heal.
I glance at Callum’s profile, so similar to mine, and let myself smile.
I’m pretty sure the Casanell brothers are back.