Chapter 7
SEVEN
Chemistry is more magic than science.
CELINE
I can’t be attracted to him.
Riven agreed to work for my father, tormented me in the monster realm, and—this is the most important part—he isn’t fucking interested in me. I’m sure of it. Positive. So, why does it feel like a big, fat lie?
We leave the sparring room in silence.
My heart is racing, but I’m not winded. I’m hot and achy, and it has nothing to do with grappling and everything to do with the amber assassin who notices everything.
Riven won’t make eye contact with me, and I wonder if he could tell I was turned on while we fought. He tapped out and jumped away from me as if I was on fire. Something obviously upset him.
If Riven was into me, I would know it, right? His occasional flirty comments are calculated. Designed to rattle me. I recognize the strategy because I use it myself.
But when he broke my hold and landed on top of me, I felt something, and I can’t deny that. It was hot and needy and I wanted to get closer, even if it burned me.
You have other things to focus on, you idiot.
I turn to Gideon and Quaid. “Have either of you heard about any gateways to the celestial realm?” I keep my voice casual, but my question gets Riven’s attention immediately. A band of snowy static rolls over his features.
“Not me.” Gideon shoves his unruly curls back and shakes his head. “We were shocked to hear you were living in our territory.”
Quaid grimaces. “The hunters once had me track down a rumored gateway in Virginia. They were interested in disabling it or capturing an angel for questioning. I checked out the coordinates but found nothing.”
I activate enough of my magic to verify that he’s telling the truth. I’m surprised to hear he used to be part of the human cult that hunts supernaturals. I can only assume—given where he lives and who he loves—that he’s retired from that line of work.
“Did you notice any markings?” I ask. “The gateway wouldn’t have activated for you unless you had celestial blood.”
His brow pinches. “I took pictures and brought those back to the elders, but if I’m remembering correctly, they decided it was a rumor.”
I nod, my heart sinking. “No worries. I was just curious.” As far as lies go, it’s a small one, so I’m able to scratch my ear and disguise the flinch. I hope I’m as successful at hiding my disappointment.
Another band of static rolls over Riven’s face.
I ignore it and him, focusing on the problem at hand. There will be dead ends. I know that, but a concrete lead would have been nice.
We walk the rest of the way to our rooms in silence.
Quaid and Gideon disappear into their room and close the door. I wait a few beats to be sure before pinning Riven to the wall and wedging my forearm under his chin. “You didn’t hear me ask them about gateways,” I say. “Not a word. If it gets back to them, I’ll blame you.”
My hold is tight, but not tight enough to hurt him. Riven studies me steadily, and this time, no bands of static interrupt the glass-smooth amber mask covering his features.
“Heard what?” he asks.
I release him and wrap my arms around myself. He didn’t argue or fight back. He responded exactly how I wanted him to. Why am I cold? And why am I still standing here? Walk away, Celine.
“Is there something else?” Riven tilts his head.
He’s the picture of calm, unfazed by being pinned to the wall.
I have the strangest urge to tell him I don’t want to hurt him anymore, but that doesn’t make any sense.
We were enemies before we became reluctant allies.
I don’t have a clue what he is to me now, though.
Even more unsettling, what the fuck am I to him?
“Why?” I ask, unable to help myself.
“Why what?” He adjusts his position against the wall, leaning as if he doesn’t have a care in the world.
I know better. He’s alert, incredibly so, focusing on me, my meaning, and how it might impact him.
It’s familiar. Something you do when your survival isn’t guaranteed.
You fucking pay attention because your life depends on it.
It’s a learned behavior; one we obviously share.
My stomach flips. I wish I hadn’t noticed.
“Why did you help us escape?” I ask. “Why did you let us hide in your safe house, Riven? And why did you destroy your life to do it?”
He swallows. Shifts his weight to his right foot.
I don’t expect an answer. If he lies, I’ll know it, and there’s no point lying if you know you won’t get away with it. At best, it’s wasted breath. At worst, it’s the dissolution of an alliance. With one as fragile as ours, it wouldn’t take much.
“The life that I destroyed?” He pauses and crosses his ankles.
I nod to show him I’m listening, even though it’s already painfully obvious. I’m leaning forward with my body angled toward his, desperate to hear what he says next.
“I hated it.”
Blinking, I wait for him to go on. Expound, elaborate, anything really.
He doesn’t.
I try to read his face, but it’s set in an impenetrable mask—a sign of his veydran training. He’s good at it, I’ll give him that. Without my magic, I wouldn’t be able to tell if he was lying or telling the truth.
“You wanted a change?” My fingers twitch. I’m not even sure what I’m asking. A change from living in the monster realm or being an assassin for hire, maybe? Am I witnessing the change, or am I the cause of it? Shit, that sounds egotistical, but I don’t have the guts or the hubris to clarify.
Riven nods once, his jaw clenched.
Okay. That’s it. He answered me. I should leave him alone.
I turn to walk away, then freeze. “Pinning your neck . . .” I clear my throat. “I’m not exactly sorry, but I don’t want to hurt you, Riven. I-I don’t enjoy it, and I don’t ever want to be the type of person who does.”
I flinch as I hear my own words out loud. They’re too revealing, and he already knows too much. I spin to face him again. “What I mean by that is I don’t hate you anymore. And I don’t want to see you hurt. If something happened to you, I wouldn’t be happy about it.”
Shit, I’m making it worse, and I sound stupid.
Why did I have to get turned on while we sparred?
Riven blinks and pushes off the wall. He steps toward me slowly, stopping only when there’s barely enough space between us for light to pass.
I shift my weight, and a floorboard creaks. I should back up. I don’t.
“I don’t want to see you hurt either, darling.” His voice is husky. Almost mesmerizing, and I’m hanging on his every word. “So much so that I find myself invested in making sure it doesn’t happen again.”
He catches my hand in his, and I curse myself for the sharp intake of air I fail to hide. We were grappling a few minutes ago. I had my hands all over him and felt his all over me. Why can’t I handle this? Get a fucking grip, Celine.
“Don’t worry,” he whispers. “I’m as alarmed by this development as you are.” He kisses my knuckles, then disappears into his room before I can consider how to respond.
I wipe my sweaty palms on my thighs.
I don’t have space for this in my head; it will have to stay in this hallway for now.
What I need to do is figure out how to convince Alistair to ask his connections about celestial gateways without admitting that I plan to go get Malach without them.
Since my rant in the street after the portal spat us out, no one has questioned me.
I don’t know if that’s because they’re scared of my answer or if they think I was letting my grief do the talking.
It doesn’t matter either way. I won’t change my mind; I just have to be smart about it.