Chapter 71 Kidan
KIDAN
Kidan pulled her wrist from Susenyos’s mouth, her vision of trees and a relieved Susenyos fading before they were back in the throne room.
She blinked and found him watching her with heavy eyes, and although there was no house to tell her of his emotions, his grief was thick, his guilt an ever-present shadow.
Kidan knew what happened next in his tale.
He’d shown it to her last semester as part of her Quadrantism assignment, glimpsing his worst sin.
When the dranaic army descended, Susenyos had found strength in immortality and became one of the very hunters that had come to terrorize him.
Then he’d forced every member of his court to become a vampire.
She had judged him for it back then, unable to stomach his selfishness, and couldn’t understand why he abandoned them.
But they weren’t the first he’d abandoned. Talaa had died.
No one wants me like this.
“Say something.” Susenyos released a breath. His eyes whirled like a storm. “I can’t tell what you’re thinking.”
Need and desperation gnawed at his voice. Without their house, they were almost strangers, learning one another anew.
“I’m selfish,” he said, gaze searching hers, darting from one pupil to another. “I’m a coward, I’m weak, I made a mistake. He… Samson has every reason to hate me. I should have never left Talaa behind.”
Kidan didn’t break from his erratic eyes. She met them calmly, anchored with a certainty that surprised her.
His fists clenched, green veins lightning on dark skin.
He turned his face and spoke to the wall.
His voice was desolate, heartbreaking. “I kept telling my body to turn back, to go to her, and yet I kept running. I ran so fast my feet bled for weeks. That’s what human me does.
He always clings to life. After Talaa, I needed to cure myself of this cowardice.
I had to by all means. I found Arin shortly after and she helped me become a vampire.
I wanted to hunt down the creature myself, with my Nefrasi army.
“But no, I was brought to my knees again. Lusidio enslaved my people. My vampirism was nothing compared to his strength. For years, under his orders, we hunted for the artifacts. Years of torture. There was only one way to save my people. Acquire all the artifacts and become a Sage.”
Back then, in the space of one day, Susenyos had been scarred by the hand of evil and saved by a trace of good.
It’d made him drown, the insignificance of his existence.
Sages and immortals… this new knowledge wormed inside Kidan, stoking terror like she’d never known it.
Like she was naked in the wilderness. Humans were at the complete mercy of everything.
Wasn’t this why she was so desperate to master her house?
Have a sliver of control in her small palms?
But tracing Yos’s unnaturally smooth skin under her imperfect fingers reminded her of the brutal cost. It was impossible to become all-powerful and human.
Accepting death—that was what it meant to be human.
Kidan prayed she would be brave enough to remain human. But her humanity felt like a candle in the wind, outside of herself, tied to the people she loved. Easy to fold itself into the dark.
“The Sage that saved you, where is she now?” she asked.
Susenyos shook his head with deep loss. “I don’t know. At times, I’m convinced I imagined it all. I’ve looked everywhere for her, but the Sages are extinct. Only my research tells me acquiring the artifacts will raise a new Sage.”
“And the Mad Lovers book? Did she leave it behind?”
A furrow settled between his brows. “Sometimes, I think she did. But it could easily have been another person traveling through the woods that lost it.”
“That makes sense.”
Susenyos reached for her hand and intertwined their fingers. “I’m not strong enough. Even with my vampirism, I’m not strong enough for what’s heading for us. There’s a war coming.”
The sight of him pulled at her heart. Whatever he’d been through under Lusidio’s—Varos’s—torture had scarred him so deeply he was shaking now.
Kidan lifted his chin up slowly. “You are not alone. You have me, you have Taj, you have Iniko.”
He gave her a heartbreaking look. “How can you stand to look at me like that still?”
“How am I meant to look at you?”
“With anger.”
“Yos.”
“I feel it for myself every minute.”
Kidan traced his marble cheek, brushing away his sleek twist. Different from the pores and frizzed hair she’d felt when he was human.
He slipped between those two even now, utterly powerful yet soft in her presence.
She’d found his immortal darkness alluring as much as terrifying.
She understood now, he needed it to draw strength from.
And this true version of him, the humanity he’d shielded for so many years, it felt warm and delicate in her hands.
A true exchange of trust. He’d always carried her fragile life, urging her to live when she wanted to die and she’d carry his too, urging him to not fear death so potently it’d break his soul.
“I forgive you,” she whispered as softly as rain on skin.
Not because she needed to but because he needed it.
His lashes fluttered, hope paining him. “I don’t deserve it.”
She gave him a sad quirk of a smile and repeated his own words to him. Words he’d given her when he could have used them to break her apart but instead lifted her head.
“Enough with the self-punishment and pity. I’m only interested in what you’ll become.”
He gave her such a deep look of adoration, her chest squeezed.
“You asked me once why I didn’t return to my court. You told me to find them from wherever they were and help them.” He kissed the inside of her palm. “I didn’t because I was afraid. For decades… I was a coward. But now… now I’ll lead them out of this hell.”
Kidan nodded, her hand touching the key dangling from his neck. “Always wondered why an emperor chose Uxlay over the rest of the world.”
He smiled and stepped aside, looking to the empty throne. The floor was smeared with blood as he tracked wet footprints across it.
Holding her hand, he led her to it, climbing the small stairs. He touched the armrest lightly and took a seat, sinking backward and tilting his head.
Kidan’s vision became stark. Sunlight streamed from the high windows, making the blood on the floor shine like rubies, touching the edges of his feet. He was the perfect image of the regal portrait of him found in Uxlay’s library.
A true lost king.
“How does it feel?” she felt herself whisper, drawing closer.
He studied her with that smirk she was growing to love. “Something is missing.”
Inky eyes stared at her face, then worked a careful, lazy gaze down her body until she tingled all over.
They stared at one another until their smiles melted into a searing, crackling heat.
Slowly, Kidan straddled his lap, remembering the lounges of Cossia Day. Heat swept through her at once, and she could not hide her desire to save her life. She licked her lips, making his eyes shine.
“What is it about me covered in blood that gets you so…” His hand slipped inside her pants, barely grazing and she tightened, making him grin.
“It’s not the blood, although I do like that.” Her voice fluttered along with her heartbeat. “It’s your protection. I’m usually the one who kills for others.”
He gently lifted her chin. “I’ll always protect you.”
His words washed over her, brilliant and unyielding.
“I believe you,” Kidan said.
Susenyos nodded and parted her collar, the back of his fingers stroking down her neck. He froze after a few seconds, interrupting the pleasure buzzing between them.
She moved to kiss his cheek, but his stiffness didn’t ease. “He gave you this.”
Kidan pulled back to figure out what he meant. Susenyos’s attention was fixed on the burn scar along her collarbone. The heat of the fire poker returned with a vengeance, but Kidan clamped the memory shut. She wouldn’t let Samson ruin anything else.
Black swirls moved along Susenyos’ face, his pupils bleeding a furious red. “He’s lucky I didn’t know before our fight.”
“You tortured him enough.”
“Hardly.” His features became stone. “He could have killed you.”
She smiled again. It was becoming difficult to stop. “I’m fine.”
“You don’t have Adane House to protect you anymore.
What I valued changed, which means the moment you walk in there, the house will try to take you away from me.
It will kill you to punish me.” His gaze flicked back and forth between her pupils, he was thinking deeply.
Frustration and determination flickered on his face. “You should do it now.”
Kidan’s brows furrowed. “What?”
He placed her palm on his damp chest. Strong and unbreakable. “Strength, Kidan. Immortality. Become a vampire.”
Her ears buzzed, unsure she’d heard correctly. The shock traveled to her fingers, twitching out a symbol on him. But he didn’t correct himself.
He was serious.
“I… can’t.”
“Why?”
She scoffed. “Why?”
He glanced around the massive hall. “Everyone you saw in this room matters to me. I helped them become vampires. So they’re protected even when I’m not by their side. Why wouldn’t I want the same for you?” He said this as if it was the most obvious thing.
Kidan let out a disbelieving breath. “Who would even give me their life?”
“Do you want mine?”
The question made her halt, dangerous.
Susenyos, who once valued immortality most, hunted and fought for it, now presenting it to her. What did this say about him? What did it say about what they were to each other? Did he think she was just using him?
“Do you really think I’d take your immortality?” she whispered, eyes falling.
“To be safe, to protect others, your friends, your sister—”
“I’m sorry,” she cut him off.
“What?”
When her gaze lifted, her eyes felt like a forest on fire. “I’m sorry I didn’t make myself clear. That you are under my protection now.”