16. This Isn’t Us
16
This Isn’t Us
Teal
My body stretches, and I lose all thought. All fight. I don’t know why Declan and I are at war anymore, just that everything about him burns me up from the inside out.
Tears stream down my face as he forces my head back, making me look at him.
He buries himself to the hilt and stops moving, settling inside me and stretching me out. Making me feel him in the deepest parts of my core.
Declan doesn’t break my stare as he drags a hand around my body to pinch my nipple, grinning when another tear slips free.
“Do you feel that, Teal?” He leans in to lick the side of my face. “Do you feel me?”
“Yes.” The word is choked.
A whisper.
I don’t know if he even hears it, but if I say it any louder, I’ll scream.
All I feel is him. Inside me. All over me.
His pain. The pressure begging me to break.
It should probably terrify me.
So why do I sense a hint of peace in this silence? In this moment between just the two of us.
Why does his body click with mine when I should be resisting him? Why are his eyes the only ones I find stillness in?
“Who is fucking you, Teal?” He seals his hips tight to my body, his cock throbbing inside me. “Who is your body reacting to?”
“You.”
“Mm-hmm. Exactly.” He releases my hair, and I collapse onto the mattress. “How much do you hate yourself for not stopping this?”
Not at all.
But I don’t admit that to him. I bury my face in the blanket and bite my tongue, refusing him the satisfaction.
“That’s what I thought.” He chuckles.
Declan grabs my ass and pulls out, slowly, almost all the way. And he waits until I glance back at him to see what he’s doing before he slams into me again. It hurts to watch him, but he refuses to move unless my eyes are on him. So I focus on his hips, thrusting forward and breaking me free of whatever chains have tethered me in the deepest recesses of my soul.
He tears through the numbness, and it’s so quick and so intense that I’m already tiptoeing to the ledge. Pleasure creeps through me in a way I’ve never experienced from my own hand. My core flutters, and I’m barely hanging on.
The more it hurts, the more I want him.
The harder his thrusts, the deeper I need him.
“Not yet.” Declan buries himself to the hilt inside me and pauses, smacking me hard on the ass. “If you come before I say you can, I’ll chain you to a cross downstairs and let every single one of Sigma Sin’s initiates fuck you in any and every hole until you learn how to control it. Do you understand me, Teal?”
“You wouldn’t.” I choke on the words as he fucks me harder.
“Do you really want to test me?” He strikes me deep. “Your body only comes when I say it does. It only comes for me. Isn’t that right? Are you ready to admit who you belong to, or do I need to remind you?”
After his test with Cora, I don’t doubt his threats.
His cool-gray eyes watch me, and even as I’m flushed with pleasure, all that radiates from Declan is pain. Anger.
Rage keeping the coals hot as he drags me over them.
I don’t know why he needs me to belong to him in every way, but there’s no denying anymore that I do.
“Do we understand each other?”
“I won’t come until you say so,” I whisper.
I just hope I can keep that promise when I’m a live wire right now. One touch—any touch—and it might be what sets me off.
Declan grabs my arms, pinning them behind my back, forcing my face into the mattress and making it harder to breathe. This time, he doesn’t stop fucking me when our eye contact is broken. He adjusts his stance to thrust deeper.
I’m not sure how that’s even possible. But with every harsh thrust of his hips, my breath catches in my throat.
I try to wiggle, but I can’t. I’m pinned chest down. My legs are spread and aching where the straps wrap around them. Still, he refuses me mercy as he assaults my senses.
Declan’s nails bite into my wrists where he’s grabbing them. His hips strike my ass with his relentless pounding. His cock is so deep I can’t breathe.
Sweat drips down my neck, and tears soak the mattress.
But I’m here.
I’m alive.
I’m awake.
I’m absolved of the fear that’s held me back as I accept the pain. I give in to this need that pushes us past our hate and soak in what Declan wakes.
It could be desire, pleasure, or happiness. It’s been so long since I’ve called any of them a friend that I can’t remember what they feel like. Or maybe he’s unearthing everything that’s wrong with me. The twisted desires he knows I chase in my mind. The things that make me just like him.
“Remember what I said.” Declan leans over me to graze his lips along my neck, and I swear I’m being lit on fire. “You only come when I say you do. ”
Digging my fingers into my palms, I fight against the restraints, but the leather is wrapped tight on my thighs, and there’s no escape.
I’m on the ledge, and like Declan senses it, he releases my arms and grabs my hair, pulling my face from the mattress. It’s a wet mess from crying, but when he tugs me off the bed and forces my back to arch so he can look me in the eyes, his expression flashes with admiration.
With one hand laced in my hair, his other roams my chest. He teases my nipples, pinching them, moving down until he’s at my clit. And when he squeezes it between his forefinger and thumb, I almost lose my connection on this Earth with the scream that rips out of me.
I’m not sure how much longer I can hold on. Sound has faded out; my vision is darkening. I need to come more than I need air.
But as I stare into Declan’s eyes, he holds me there.
I’ve never wanted to give him anything, but he demands this, and I can’t find it in myself to deny him.
Fear. Pleasure. Rage.
It all peaks as one. My body is a gasket, and I’m so close to going off.
“Do you want me to let you come now?” He squeezes my clit again.
“Please.” I’m begging, and I don’t care.
I’ll do anything to come right now.
Declan toys with my clit, rubbing circles as he drives in. I’m squeezing his cock so hard it must be hurting both of us, but his face shows nothing. He’s in complete control always, while I’m on the verge of detonation .
“Such a sloppy cunt dripping for me.” Declan rolls over my clit, steadying his pace as he drives into me. “How does it feel to admit I’m the one your body belongs to?”
I hate it.
I fucking hate him.
But all that comes out is a moan when he hits some spot I didn’t know existed.
“That’s right, don’t try to lie to me with your filthy fucking mouth.” He grins, driving harder and picking up his pace. “Come for me, Tealene. Look into my eyes while you come apart and remember who is defiling you. Squeeze my cock like a good little pet and fill yourself up with my cum.”
It’s a command my body won’t deny because the moment the words come out of his mouth, I’m shattering. I’m dripping down his cock, and my legs are shaking against the restraints. Everything is foggy as I slowly start to crest.
My hate boils into something else, and I’m coming harder than I ever have before, staring into Declan’s eyes the entire time. And as his body jerks and he comes inside me, he stares into mine.
This could be a forced arrangement or a twisted bond. I no longer know the difference as he releases me into a puddle on his bed. Declan pulls back, and I feel him starting to drip out of me. His cum slides down my thighs as he releases the restraints to free my legs.
Once the straps are unbuckled, I expect him to toss me my clothes, but when I lift onto my forearms, he presses a hand to my back, holding me still .
“What are you—”
I’m cut off by him driving two fingers into my sore pussy, and my entire body winces with the pain.
“You doubt that I’m an artist like you, Teal.” Declan drives his fingers deep before pulling them back out.
“A what?” I shake my head, confused and coming down from a high of endorphins.
I don’t know what he’s talking about as I watch him circle the bed. He stops at the headboard, lifting his fingers that were just inside me to my painting.
“I’m going to make art with you.” He smears our cum on the canvas, painting a wet streak that shines in the dim light.
It’ll disappear over time, but that’s not the point. We both know it’s there.
He returns to my side, reaching for my arm. “Come here.”
My head spins when he helps pull me to stand. My vision dots, and I almost fall, collapsing in his arms.
Free falling .
I’m hazy in a way I usually only feel when my doctors change my medication. Slipping from reality.
I’m floating.
Or is that Declan picking me up?
I vaguely feel Declan carrying me to the shower and the warm water running over my skin.
He must have undressed fully because I feel every rock-hard plane of muscle flush with mine as his hands wash us clean. And when we leave the shower, he sets me down on the edge of the tub so he can dry my hair.
“Sorry, I—”
I what?
Lost focus?
Lost myself?
Declan doesn’t need to know any of those things.
“You don’t need to explain.” His hair is pitch black when it’s wet, and it brightens his eyes even more.
How is that possible?
He’s a son of the devil, but those eyes are cut from the night sky. Wishing stars if I’ve ever seen them.
Dew covers his bare skin, and I blink as I take him in. The hard muscle, the deep grooves that trail in a V down below his towel. Solid ripples of his chest. The—
“What are those?”
Seven letters are carved into his skin like he took a razor to his chest and drew them.
ETERNAL
I reach for the angry red scars, but Declan grabs my wrist, stopping me.
“You have to earn that answer.” His words are harsh. “Let’s go lay down.”
“I need to get back to my dorm.”
He catches me when I stand up, still wobbly on my legs.
“Not tonight.” He picks me up and carries me to his bed.
Survival instincts beg me to run. We’ve already crossed the line with the perks we weren’t planning to entertain, and now he’s asking me to get into his bed like we’re playing house. It’s dangerous. Neither of us can give the other more than this .
But as Declan drops the towel and climbs naked into the bed with me, pulling my back to his chest and holding me in his arms, I can’t find the strength to fight him.
My eyes flutter closed, and as my dreams pull me under, I cling to the reminder of who he really is because this isn’t him.
This isn’t us .
If I trust him, he’ll only make me regret it.