Chapter 23
CHAPTER
TWENTY-THREE
DO YOU THINK I’D BE A GOOD MOTHER?
Juniper
My eyes pop open, and it takes me a moment to remember everything that happened. But last night still burns between my legs, reminding me that I took them both . And they’re here, in my arms. Sound asleep.
I had them unsheathed, the way I wanted. The only men to ever be inside me, the only ones who will ever come there, too. Sitting up, I carefully unlock my limbs from the tangle, and slip out of bed over Sterling’s sleeping body. Collecting my satin robe from my dressing chair, I slip it on and quietly pad through the hall, toward the front door. Thankfully I have no squeaky hinges or doorbell camera, and can close it behind me relatively quietly.
Holding my robe shut I carefully tiptoe across the gravel, toward Dolly and Hudson’s house.
We made love, the three of us, that’s what it was to me. Whether we’ve labeled it or not, I felt loved. But now that the chaos of desire or impending orgasms has subsided, I have to face what we did. Quietly, I rap on the front door a few times, hoping I don’t wake Bear and Honey, just Dolly or Hudson. It’s late afternoon, naptime at my sister’s place. But not everyone sleeps at naptime, if you know what I mean.
Soft footsteps gently rattle the door from the other side, and I’m hit with a barrage of metallic pings and twists as someone takes the chain off then unlocks the deadbolt. A moment later, the door swings inward and I’m met by Hudson, naked but for the pillow he’s holding to his groin, his hair sticking up everywhere, his skin flush, teeth marks carved into his belly, chest and shoulders.
“Juniper,” my brother-in-law says, out of breath.
“I was hoping to talk to Dolly for a few minutes?” I chew the corner of my mouth, keeping my eyes on his, and not the pillow covering him.
He sweeps his hand through his hair. “Everything okay?”
I nod. “Yeah.” Lowering to the first porch step I say, “I’ll just wait here.”
He flicks on the porch light. “Okay. I’ll get her.”
A minute later Dolly slips out, her blonde hair twisted into a bun, one of Hudson’s t-shirts swallowing up her frame. She presses a hand to her bump as she lowers to the step, smiling in the dim incandescent light.
“You’re always having sex, aren’t you?” I whisper, smirking at my little sister.
“I can’t get enough of him. I don’t think I ever will,” she admits in a dreamy sigh, dropping her head onto my shoulder. Nodding against me, toward the barn, she says, “I saw Sterling’s truck in there. And I saw the shoes lined up on the porch.” She lifts her face to find my eyes. “What’s the matter? If they’re sleeping over, why are you here?”
I stare at my house. The one where all of my memories are stored. With my parents before they passed, raising my sisters, getting them on their feet, starting my business, everything. Everything happened in that house. I even lost my virginity there.
“I’m just… confused.”
She loops her arm through mine, sighing. “You finally ready to tell me you’re in love with those two? Because we pretty much all already knew,” she says through a yawn.
“How’d you know?” I breathe, pulling back to analyze her face.
“Ivy caught them arguing over who gets to hand you back the jam jars,” Dolly says, twirling a loose strand of flaxen hair around her pointer finger. “They have little hearts in their eyeballs at the farmers market every week, just watching you from afar. Sterling’s route makes special stops for you. You guys are in a bowling league, movie night, and book club together. Just you three.” She taps her bare foot on the concrete step. “If you said jump, one of them would simply jump and the other would ask how high you’d like him to go,” she adds, resting her hand on my knee. “And you? You look at them like they hang the stars. But you’re guarded. And I get that. So we never pushed. But if you’re ready?—”
“I’m ready. I mean, you’re right. I— We—” I struggle with my response because we haven’t had any talks about how our relationship is evolving. We haven’t labeled a single thing. Still. “I love them, Dolly. And I know it seems sudden but it’s not. I’ve loved them both a long time. Only now, I think it could be real—more. My heart is big, I want and need both of them.”
Dolly’s smile is both warm and reassuring, and exactly what I need. Sisters have an amazing way of doing that. “What changed? It seems like you guys have been vibing for a while.”
I let out a sigh because the answer to her questions comes back to me. The murders. Coming clean. The plan. The first retrieval. “I shared some things with them—things I’m deeply ashamed of—and they accepted me. Both of them.”
Dolly knocks her arm into mine, her focus intense on my profile as I stare at my loved, worn home across the way. “What things? You have secrets from me and Ivy?”
I swipe at an unexpected tear. “There are things about me, bad things, things that neither you nor Ivy can ever know. But I told them, and look,” I say, nodding to the house where they are tucked inside, asleep. “They’re here.”
“They want to be with you even knowing whatever the bad thing is,” Dolly repeats. I’m sure she thinks my bad things are like her bad things. Overstepping boundaries or getting too intense. But I have to let her make those assumptions to keep her safe.
On a sniffle, I nod. “Yes.”
She sighs. “When Hudson found out about all the things I’d done, he loved me more, because I was imperfect but perfect for him. I bet that’s how they feel.”
Another sniffle. “Yeah.”
“If they accept you, then why are you on my porch?” Dolly questions, which is reasonable. “Not that I don’t love you, Juni, but I had Hudson’s co?—”
“Stop,” I laugh, twisting to face my adorably innocent-appearing sister. “I saw the bite marks all over that poor man.”
She wiggles her brows. “I told you I can’t get enough.” She shrugs it off, as if her mauling her husband is old news. “So, why are you here, sis?”
I swallow, the energy inside me shifting to something more serious in a heartbeat. “Do you think I’d be a good mother?” I croak, the question bloated with insecurity.
“You would be an excellent mother. Hell, Juni, you are an excellent mother. You raised me and Ivy, and we’re both married and happy with careers we adore and families we love. You did good because you’re meant to be a mama.”
“But the bad things…” I trail off, unable to speak them aloud, unwilling to make her an accomplice after the fact.
“The bad things, whatever they are, aren’t that bad if those men aren’t frightened away. Okay? Now you listen to me. A world where you aren’t a mother isn’t a world I want to live in, that’s how sure I am that you’re destined to have babies and take care of them.”
She wraps her arms around me, and we hug for what feels like forever but it ultimately is just the right amount of time. I help her to her feet, and we hug again. “Whatever is going on and whatever happens, just know, I’m here.” She kisses my cheek. “Now I have to go.”
I step down the stairs and look back toward the front door. “Go easy on that man.”
Dolly winks. “When he’s dead I will.”
She closes her door and I head back to the house, wondering if tonight will yield a new life. Secretly hoping that it does.