Chapter 16
Lazarus~
While the smart thing would have been to go home, I just couldn’t.
Whatever had happened during that kiss, it had left me shaking with the need to be near Elisabeth, something that could in no way be healthy for anyone.
So, despite Elisabeth’s claims that she needed space, I was at her house, sitting on her doorstep, still trying to find a way to explain how I knew where she lived without sounding like a psychopath.
When Elisabeth had refused to answer my phone calls or reply to my texts, I’d gotten desperate enough to follow her home from St. Dymphna’s one evening, and I had sat in my car for over two hours, trying to find a way out of the mess that I had created.
However, I hadn’t been able to come up with anything, and determined not to ruin my entire career by getting arrested for stalking, I’d chosen to cut my losses, and I was regretting that now.
In fact, I’d been feeling nothing but regret since the second that Elisabeth had walked out of that hotel room.
Now, while her doorstep wasn’t comfortable in the least, my guess was that the inside of her house was.
Unlike most physicians, Elisabeth didn’t have a fancy penthouse or two-story manor.
Instead, she lived in a cottage-style house that sat on about an acre of land just outside the city, and I could only imagine how much peace it brought her to be able to live quietly out here.
My eyes squinted against the headlights of her car as she pulled into her driveway, and all I could do was pray that she didn’t go off, all half-cocked.
Now, while I wouldn’t blame her since I was totally violating her personal space, if the world was really coming to an end, then we had bigger fish to fry than my slight obsession with her.
I stayed seated as the garage door opened, Elisabeth driving all the way inside, and either she hadn’t seen me out here, or else she didn’t care that I was out here, sequestering herself in the safety and comfort of her own home.
However, it wasn’t a few moments later that I heard the front door open behind me, and I could feel my lungs begin to work again, because that’s what she did to me.
Her voice hit my ears as she took a seat next to me, and the fact that she wasn’t screeching at me to get off her property was a good thing.
I was hoping.
“I went to go see Ramiel,” she said, and my heart skipped a beat at her referring to Bodhi as Ramiel now. “We had quite the chat.”
“I bet,” I replied quietly.
“I have something to tell you, Lazarus,” she announced, and I felt her voice deep in my chest whenever she called me by my full name.
“What?”
“I have a patient named Luther Daxton, and I’m going to assume that you aren’t familiar with the origins of his name,” she began, making my lips twitch because I knew that she did. “Well, let me enlighten you since it pertains to the mess that we’ve found ourselves in.”
“Please do.”
“Luther is derived from the German version of Ludher, which means famous warrior, or can also be translated to renowned army. Its influence is strength, bravery, and leadership,” she went on.
“Daxton is derived from an English form of mixed origins, but it means warrior who conquers, and it links to someone who can see a future battle ahead.”
“Lovely,” I deadpanned.
As we both stared out into the street, the darkness already set in, the streetlights barely making a dent, she said, “Last week, he told me that God had spoken to him, something that he claimed regularly. However, this time, he said that God told him that I was going to need soldiers soon, and that he needed to be ready to fight alongside me in the near future. He said that I wasn’t going to need help because I was never going to need help, but that I did need soldiers standing with me. ”
“Christ,” I whispered as I shook my head in utter disbelief.
“When I tried to question him more, he said that I already knew what was coming and what needed to be done, which...well, you know that I don’t.
Anyway, he also mentioned how I needed to connect first before anything else could be done, and when I asked him about that, he claimed that I already knew again. ”
“I’m hearing you, and I believe you, Lissa,” I told her. “But...but this shit is wild, and it’s hard to breathe with the possibility that this may be real.”
“I’m not arguing,” she agreed. “Anyway, he also said that if I’m protected, then everything else will be fine. He said that God told him that only those who are not afraid to die can be victorious.”
I finally looked over at her. “What are you saying?”
When her hazel gaze met mine, she said, “Ramiel said that your role in all of this is to protect me, even at the cost of your own life.”
Christ, she really didn’t know.
“I’ve already assumed as much,” I told her carefully, wondering how she could doubt for even a second that I wouldn’t die for her. Even if I wasn’t in love with her, what kind of man would I be if I didn’t protect any woman from danger? “In fact, I thought that was a given.”
After a few seconds of silence, she asked, “Can we go inside and talk? I’m feeling very exposed out here, which sounds goddamn stupid.”
“It doesn’t,” I assured her as I immediately began to stand up. “Knowing angels and demons have been watching our every move is rather unnerving. Never mind that they’ve also been invading our dreams.”
Reaching down, Elisabeth took my hand in hers, letting me help her up, and then I followed like a good puppy when she turned to enter her house. Once we were inside, she automatically locked the door behind her, and then her manners promptly took over.
“Would you like anything to drink?”
While I wanted to scope out her house, I shook my head as I turned to face her. “No, thank you.”
Elisabeth leaned back against the door, then asked, “How did you know where I lived, Lazarus?”
I eyed her as I told her the truth. “When you wouldn’t answer my calls or return my texts, I got desperate.
So, one night, I waited for you in the parking lot of St. Dymphna’s, then followed you home, then sat in my car for two hours, trying to figure out a sensible way to approach you.
When I couldn’t come up with one, I left. ”
Her brows rose in surprise. “Wow.”
My hands slid inside my pockets to keep from grabbing her. “Yeah, wow.”
“And why didn’t you ever stop by before now?” she asked curiously.
“Because I was afraid that you’d call the cops and ruin my career,” I answered honestly.
“But you weren’t worried about that possibility now?”
“I think you have more important things on your plate than me knowing where you live when I shouldn’t,” I retorted seriously.
Elisabeth let out a deep sigh. “Well, you’re not wrong there.”
After a few seconds, I asked, “Baby, what are we doing here?”
While I’d been expecting her to reprimand me for calling her baby again, she didn’t. Instead, she said, “Give me one good reason why I should forgive you for treating me so casually, Lazarus.”
“I didn’t treat you casually,” I immediately denied. “I just questioned your choice in psychiatric discipline.”
Elisabeth gave me a regretful smile. “And that’s the difference between you and me, Russ.”
“Don’t do that,” I ordered. “Do not start calling me Russ again.”
Instead of arguing with me, she said, “Treating my patients isn’t just something that I do.
While I do get paid for it, it’s more than just my job.
My chosen profession sums up everything that matters to me in life, and that means being more than just a passing bystander in life.
I want to make a difference, Lazarus. When I finally have to stand before God, and he asks me what I did with my life, I want to be able to tell him that I listened; that I listened and searched for something bigger than myself. ”
“You say that, yet you can’t understand why Ramiel would claim that you’re one of God’s chosen ones?” I questioned. “What you just said is exactly why God would choose you, Lissa.”
“But if we’re finally listening to Ramiel, then whatever I am, you’re a part of that,” she pointed out. “So, you asked me what we’re doing...well, you tell me, Lazarus.”
I was on her with her back pressed up against the door before either of us could blink.
I had Elisabeth’s face in my hands, my lips on hers, and I kissed her hard, not sure if I had the ability to control my need for her anymore.
Whether fifty years from now, or next week as we faced the end of time, we were in this together, and we were in this together for life.
When her hands wrapped around my forearms to pull me closer, it felt like every nerve in my body was firing dangerously, but I didn’t care. Whatever this was, I welcomed it, and I was never going to go back to not having Elisabeth with me ever again.