Chapter 26
Ethan stared at her. His entire body was numb. He couldn’t feel anything.
And then, like a tidal wave, rage crested inside him, bubbling over the walls he erected to hold it. Spilling over the sides, poisoning everything in its path. He wanted to howl, and he wanted to destroy.
He closed his eyes, folded himself in half, and sucked in air with his head between his knees. He was angrier than he’d ever been. Closer to exploding, too.
Trey McCann had stolen Paisley from him, ruined the beautiful thing they had, and violated her.
In the process, he’d stolen Ethan’s child.
Because there was no doubt in his mind that Violet was his.
He’d been thinking about those eyes for days, how similar they were to his own, and he’d been thinking about his mother.
She’d been blond while he and his brother were dark-haired.
He’d thought it was a fantasy, the desperate and sad longings of a man who’d lost the woman he loved and wished her child with another man was theirs instead. He hadn’t realized the timing—and hadn’t asked either because the situation was fraught—but now that she’d told him?
Fucking now he knew. And he wanted to kill Trey with his bare hands.
“I’m sorry.” Paisley sounded like she was speaking to him through a body of water, like he was forty feet down and everything was distorted. He clawed for the surface, seeking that voice.
When he straightened again, she was there. Blurred, but there. Still standing across the room with her arms around her body, still looking miserable and sad.
No more. No fucking more. It ended here and now.
Ethan was on his feet and at her side in two seconds. Then he wrapped her in his arms and held on tight.
She was stiff at first, and then she relaxed. Belatedly, he realized she must have expected a different reaction.
“It’s not your fault,” he said. “Not your fault.”
They cried together. Cried for all they’d lost and for all they would never get back. Ethan didn’t think he’d ever cried as an adult, even when Eric overdosed for the last time. He’d been numb by then, numb and resigned to losing everyone he’d ever cared about.
Tears slid down his cheeks while he held her, her body shaking against his. He didn’t know how long it lasted, but eventually the shaking subsided. He hooked an arm behind her knees and carried her over to the couch, sinking down on it with her in his arms like he had just last night.
They sat together in silence until the shadows creeping across the living room lengthened. It would be dark in another hour, and Violet would be coming home.
His daughter. Even if he was wrong, even if she was biologically Trey’s kid, she was his. He was claiming her here and now. Forever.
“I wanted to tell you, and I didn’t,” Paisley said, her voice cutting into the silence. “How do you tell someone they might have a child, but you don’t know for sure? That it’s your fault you don’t know because you slept with someone else?”
“It’s not your fault. Already said that.”
Her fingers plucked at his shirt. “You’re too good to me, Ethan. I thought you’d be furious I didn’t say anything before now, but you’re not.”
“I’m furious, Payz. Just not with you.”
Rage was still a cold inferno deep inside. If Trey was anywhere near here, if he was waiting and watching and planning to make a move, well, it was gonna be his funeral. Because Ethan wasn’t taking prisoners. Not this time.
“Emma says we can do a paternity test. I’d want time to explain it to Violet, but if you want to do it, then we will.”
“Do you want the answer?”
She tipped her head back to look up at him. “I love Violet no matter who her father is.”
“I don’t need a test. Not unless it helps you in the divorce somehow.”
“I need to ask my attorney. You would do that for me?”
He lifted her hand and kissed her palm. “I would. But listen to me, honey. Violet is mine. You’re mine. I don’t need a test for that, but if it helps give you ammunition against Trey in the divorce, then I’m for it.”
She nibbled her lip. “He’s legally her father. But if you’re her biological father, then you might have to go to court for an acknowledgement of your rights.”
He closed his eyes, jaw grinding. The last thing he could do right now was go to court to fight for parental rights. Ghost would lose his shit.
“We’ll worry about that if we need to.”
Because no way was he going to tell her he wouldn’t fight for Violet. He couldn’t explain it to her without divulging secrets he was sworn to protect. Fuck.
“Okay,” she said, tucking her face against his neck and wrapping her arms around him. “I’m still sorry for everything that happened. I wish it would have been different.”
“Me too. But it wasn’t, and we’re together now.
Trey did this to us, Paisley. It’s nobody else.
Are there things I wish I’d done differently?
Hell, yeah. I wish I’d taken time to find you and make you tell me in person that you were done.
I wish I hadn’t had to leave on that mission in the first place. ”
“Did you do something important?”
“Yeah.” He couldn’t divulge everything, even now, but he could tell her a little. “We were sent to rescue Americans from a terror group that’d taken them hostage. They were threatening to behead them on national television.”
“My God.”
“We got them out. All of them.” It was a high level government official and his team who’d blundered into a place they shouldn’t have while on a tour of overseas military sites. HOT was called in. They’d been stretched a little thin at the time, which was why he’d been recalled for the mission.
“Then it’s good you went. Those people lived because of you. It might have turned out different if you hadn’t been there.”
“Maybe. I don’t know. Still wish I’d been with you.”
“Are you okay, Ethan? I know this is a lot.”
He pulled in a breath, let it out. His head churned with thoughts. His heart overflowed with chaotic emotions. He was processing it. Still.
Violet was his daughter, and she’d lived the first four years of her life without him in it. He’d missed everything. First steps, first words, first time she said daddy. He’d missed everything because Trey McCann was a psychotic creep.
“I’m working on it.” He shifted her until he could look into her eyes.
“I want to be her father. I’ve wanted it since we started talking that day in the square.
Even if she’s not biologically mine, which I don’t believe is true, I don’t care.
I still want to be her father. I want her to know what it’s like to have a man who loves her, who would do anything to keep her safe and happy.
I want her to feel like she can come to me for anything, and trust that I’ll be there for her.
I never want her to worry that I’d hurt her or you.
But I know all of this takes time. I don’t expect it right away.
I expect it to be work, but I need you to know I’m willing to do that work. ”
Her eyes brimmed with tears. Her chin wobbled.
“I love you, Payz. Always have. And yeah, I know this is fast and I know there’s a lot of water under the bridge, but I want this. I want to see where we go from here. I’m tired of wasting time. We lost five years. I don’t want to lose another minute.”
“I l-love you, too. I didn’t want to, not after it went so wrong before. I’m afraid, Ethan. Afraid he’ll come along and smash it all again. I don’t want him to ruin this.”
His heart soared that she loved him but his gut twisted at her fear. “He’s not ruining anything, Paisley. I’m not gonna let him. Not this time.”
He’d die to protect her and Violet, and he’d take fucking Trey down with him.
Paisley palmed his cheek tenderly before pulling him down for a kiss. Their tongues met and liquid fire raced through his veins, along his nerve endings, into his cock.
He wanted her. Needed her. It was a primal urge to claim her, make her his again. He couldn’t erase the past, but he could make the future what he wanted it to be.
Paisley clung to him like he was her lifeline. He wanted to strip her naked and bury himself in her.
It’d only been last night when he’d told her they needed to go slow. Take their time. Explain to Violet.
Last night might as well be ancient history, though. He’d discovered he had a child with this woman. And he loved her with everything he had. She loved him too. There was no fucking way he was taking his time, not unless she wanted it.
“Payz,” he said against her lips between kisses. “Need to know if you want to take this slow. Can’t keep kissing you if you do. And honest to God, I don’t mind. We’re going to rebuild our lives together, I swear to you, and it doesn’t have to happen fast—”
She slid her hand beneath the waistband of his jeans and brushed her fingers against his cock. “I don’t want to wait. It’s been too long, and I want this.”
He shuddered as she brushed the sensitive tip, as her finger found the moisture there and rubbed it into his skin. “Condoms,” he said hoarsely.
“We don’t need them. I have an implant. Unless you want one,” she finished, moving her mouth to his neck and nibbling the skin there.
A thrill slid down his spine, arrowing straight for his balls. He stood in one fluid motion, taking her with him, and started toward the main bedroom. The first time he took her, it would be in a bed.
The next time, well, that could be as hot and dirty as she wanted. Or it could be tame and sweet. He didn’t care, so long as it made her happy.
That was his primary goal in life now. Make Paisley happy.
He carried her to the bed and set her down, then reached for the hem of her sweet little dress.
When he had it off, when she stood before him in white panties and a white lace bra, emotion punched deep. This woman was his. Always had been.
And he was hers until the day he died.