Chapter 30
Something woke Ethan around dawn. Light filtered in through the blinds, but it wasn’t strong light. There’d been a noise, a soft scraping sound…
He turned his head to find Violet standing beside the bed, her eyes wide, holding a stuffed rabbit and blinking at him.
Shit.
He’d meant to go to the living room and get into his sleeping bag after he’d kept his promise to Paisley and made her come until she was boneless. He’d put on the athletic shorts he planned to sleep in and Paisley had dragged on her pajamas, her eyes sleepy, her face soft and smiling.
“Hold me for a few minutes,” she’d whispered.
So he had. Unfortunately, he’d also fallen asleep.
“Hi,” he said awkwardly, not wanting to make any sudden moves to scare the child. His child.
God, she was perfect. He already thought she was a sweet little girl, but there was something about knowing she was half of him that made her the most perfect little being in the world.
He tried not to focus on what he’d missed, but the sadness of it was there.
Would always be there. He wouldn’t let it rule him, though.
“Why are you in Mommy’s bed, Mr. Ethan?”
Beside him, Paisley stirred. She’d been dead to the world too, apparently. “Vivi?” she said, propping herself on an elbow. “Did you have a nightmare?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Do you want to get in bed with us?”
“Uh-huh.”
Ethan threw the covers back and sat up so Violet could crawl in beside Paisley.
He thought about leaving, but maybe it was better if he stayed.
He wanted to stay. Violet hadn’t seemed upset he was there, so maybe he should.
He caught Paisley’s eye and she nodded so he lay back down and pulled the covers up again.
“Did you have a bad dream, too, Mr. Ethan?” Violet asked.
He turned his head to look at her. She was curled on her side, beside her mother, hugging the rabbit and staring at him. Paisley had an arm over Violet’s side, blinking sleepily at him with a tiny smile on her beautiful face.
“Yeah, I kinda did. This is a safe place, right?”
“Uh-huh. Monsters can’t get you here.”
A sharp pain pierced his chest. So long as he was alive, he intended that to be true. “That so? Well, good thing we’re here, right?”
“Yep.”
Violet closed her eyes. So did Paisley. He watched them both, his heart suddenly pounding in his chest. He wouldn’t lose them again.
He couldn’t. How the fuck his own father—sperm donor—had let his children suffer the way they did, Ethan would never understand.
But he wasn’t ever going to be the kind of man who allowed his child to know what that was like.
He knew she would experience emotional events as she grew, that she would have loneliness and heartbreak and confusion. It happened to everyone.
That didn’t mean he had to let her feel unsafe. Ever.
He fell asleep with those thoughts in his head, then woke sometime later and slipped from the bed to go make breakfast for his family. Violet was on her back, one arm above her head, the other wrapped around her rabbit. Paisley was on her side, breathing softly.
He closed the door and went into the kitchen.
The house was small, but it was enough for three.
He stopped in the act of putting water in the coffee pot.
Was he really thinking of moving in here?
Making this a home? He looked out the kitchen window.
The yard was huge with mature trees and plants.
He could see a pool, not a big one, but something he could erect in a weekend.
Something to enjoy when it was hot the way it was now.
Maybe they could put something in the ground eventually.
Nothing big. A lap pool that Violet and her friends could swim in as they got older.
There was plenty of room to add an addition to the house. Extend the living space to make a new, modern kitchen and a family room. Maybe they could add a new main bedroom suite, give Violet the current one and reserve her room for another kid or two.
The thought staggered him. The water overflowed the pot as he cursed and flipped off the tap.
“Penny for your thoughts.”
He whipped around to find Paisley in the entry.
Her silky pajamas were short but she had a robe open over the top of them.
Her nipples were pebbled against the fabric and his dick responded.
He had to forcibly drag his attention away from thoughts of sucking those pretty nipples while she rode his cock.
If he didn’t, he’d drag her into the nearest closet and fuck her against the wall while praying Violet didn’t find them.
“Don’t want to scare you, Payz, but I was thinking of where to put another kid, should we be blessed with more.”
Her eyebrows rose. Then she laughed. “Oh, is that all? Here I thought you were doing calculus or something.”
“Calculating square footage and additions. If your aunt ever agreed to sell the place to us.”
Her mouth fell open. “You’d want to stay here?”
He shrugged. Not that long ago, he’d been determined to go back to DC and active ops when this was over. Now?
Now he was thinking of Sutton’s Creek for life. And it filled him with the kind of joy he’d never thought to experience. Belonging. Home. Family.
The things he’d always wanted and never really had other than with his team.
“This house has good bones. A big yard for adding on but still enough room for kids. And it’s classic.
Not only that, but we’re in the historic district.
A short walk to downtown and plenty of kids to play with.
But if she doesn’t want to sell, that’s okay too.
We could find something else. Diego’s always doing jobs in town, and he knows who’s planning to sell soon.
Might not be the historic district, but there are nice homes that aren’t as old. ”
She closed the distance between them, then threw her arms around him and stood on tiptoe to drag his mouth to hers and kiss him.
His body ignited as if it was made of straw.
He gripped her ass and dragged her against him, kissing her with all the fire he had in him.
When they separated, they were both panting.
“What was that for?” he asked hoarsely.
“For being you. For being a man who sees the beauty in simple things. For not wanting to impress people, but thinking of your family and what they need.”
“I’m not a perfect man, Payz, but when I tell you that you and Violet are my focus, I’m not kidding.”
“I know.” She squeezed his hand and then dragged in a breath. “Let’s get that coffee made, hmm? I could use some. You wore me out.”
Water poured, coffee made, breakfast in progress—fried potatoes with eggs, toast in the toaster—they moved companionably around the kitchen, setting the table, stirring the potatoes, whipping the eggs, getting the bread ready.
It was completely domestic and normal. The thing he’d wanted his whole life, if he was honest. Mostly as a child, but having it as an adult wasn’t bad either.
“What do you want to tell Violet?” he asked as they waited for the potatoes. “About this morning, I mean.”
“Ah. Well, she didn’t freak out that you were there. That’s a good thing.”
“Agreed.”
“She doesn’t understand, of course. She wasn’t allowed to get into the bed when I was with Trey. He didn’t like it.” Her fingers shook as she reached for her coffee.
He gripped her hand and lifted it to his mouth to kiss her fingers. “Babe. I’m sorry.”
“I know. She cried sometimes, and he got mad and yelled. But she didn’t have a negative reaction to you this morning, and that’s good. She seems able to separate you from Trey, and I am profoundly grateful for that.”
He was too, but his gut was ice. “If it’s better that I sleep in the living room, I will. We can introduce her to the idea slowly.”
Paisley shook her head. “No, she handled it well. I say we don’t go backwards here.”
He agreed, but he’d been prepared to do whatever made Paisley comfortable.
Whatever worked for Violet. He’d bend over backwards for that little girl.
He’d cut his arm off for her. If she was ever scared of him, it would kill him.
He knew it wasn’t realistic to think she’d never react if he raised his voice or had an emotional reaction to anything.
But he was fucking determined to be mindful of those things.
“She thought I had a nightmare. Does she have them often?”
“Not very often, but they still happen. I let her come to bed with me because it soothes her. Maybe I shouldn’t—”
“No,” he said. “She’s four, she’s been through a lot, and she’s scared.”
Her smile was wobbly. “You’re going to be a great father, Ethan Snow.”
Of all the things she could have said to him, that was by far the best. “Gonna do my best,” he said roughly.
She slid into his arms and hugged him tight. “I know you are. I’m sorry you got thrown in the middle of the deep end, but thank you.”
He squeezed her to him and bent his mouth to her ear. “No apologizing, Payz. I’m right where I want to be.”
Ethan was waiting at the kitchen table when Violet trudged in after Paisley went to wake her and get her ready for the day.
Paisley came behind her, dressed in another of those beautiful summer dresses she liked to wear.
This one was a maxi dress, navy blue, and she wore a cream colored button up sweater over top because it got chilly in the library.
Violet had on pink shorts and a cream top with pink flowers on it.
A pink headband held her hair back from her face.
She looked pretty and grumpy at the same time.
Reminded him of himself as a kid. He’d always been groggy and grumpy when he first woke up.
He’d thought it had to do with living on the streets, because he only remembered the time in an apartment as being perfect, but maybe he’d always been grumpy.
No longer, thankfully. He’d grown out of that when the US Army got a hold of him. Oh, and coffee. Coffee helped a lot.