Chapter Fourteen
chapter FOURTEEN
W hether it was because of the conversation or because of his nerves from sitting this close to Beau, Ethan’s appetite had diminished rapidly. Pushing his plate and the last untouched sandwich sitting on it away, he leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest.
Beau had insisted that he follow up on his statement. Part of him wished he hadn’t said a word. The other part wanted to get this out in the open. And he’d be the first to admit that Beau’s snide remark had rubbed him the wrong way, putting him on the defensive.
“Fine. So, tell me this... How is it that you spent the majority of your life not knowing you were gay?”
Okay, so that definitely didn’t come out sounding the way he had hoped. Obviously, by the frown on Beau’s face, he had taken it exactly how it sounded.
“Sorry,” Ethan began, but Beau instantly cut him off.
“No, don’t apologize,” Beau said with a hint of frustration in his voice. “I’m curious how all of a sudden you think you know me.”
Ethan stared intently at Beau, unsure what to say next. He’d already inserted his size fourteen boot right into his mouth, and he didn’t trust himself not to do it again. And Beau was right. Technically, Ethan didn’t know him. However, he did know Beau’s history.
“I’ve heard my fair share of stories about you and my brother.”
The shocked look on Beau’s face had Ethan wondering whether...
“Oh. My. Fucking. God,” Ethan exclaimed as he shoved back from the table in a rapid attempt to get to his feet. Catching himself before he nearly stumbled to the floor, Ethan began backing up as though Beau was actually coming at him. “You fucked my brother.”
In true Beau fashion, he didn’t budge from his chair, but he pushed his plate away. “I haven’t fucked your brother.”
Ethan didn’t believe him for one second. “No?”
Beau twisted sideways in his chair to face Ethan more fully. “No, I have not fucked your brother.”
Ethan watched him, noticing the way his eyes shifted away from his face briefly. Beau might not be lying, but he was hiding something. For the life of him, Ethan didn’t know what that could possibly be... then it dawned on him. “But he fucked you .”
Beau didn’t say a word, and the idea of Beau and Zane together suddenly made Ethan nauseous. Grabbing his plate off the table, Ethan hurried out of the room. Tossing the uneaten sandwich in the trash, he headed to the sink, his stomach suddenly churning. Turning on the water, he rinsed the plate and stared blankly into the stainless steel bowl, his hands shaking.
He was fucking shaking.
Why?
Why the hell did he care who Beau had been with in the past? It wasn’t like they had anything serious going here.
“It didn’t happen the way you think it did,” Beau said softly, his voice sounding much too close.
Before Ethan could escape, he found himself pressed between the counter’s edge and Beau’s hulking body. His breath hitched in his chest, and he gripped the edge of the counter until his knuckles turned white.
“It doesn’t matter how it happened,” Ethan stated firmly, his voice hard and cold but lacking the conviction he knew it should have.
“It does matter.” Beau set his plate on the counter and then took Ethan by the shoulders, turning him to face him.
Ethan forced his eyes closed, unable to look at Beau. Here he was, contemplating sleeping with this guy. The same guy who’d been with his very nongay brother. He couldn’t even process how it might’ve happened, and the more he thought about it, the worse he felt.
“Look at me, E.”
Ethan shook his head, unable to force his eyes open.
When Beau’s hands came up to cup his neck, his thumbs brushing along his jaw, he was tempted to cave. To give in to this man’s touch. God, how long had he wanted Beau? And now he had that opportunity, but he couldn’t even bring himself to look at him.
“Open your eyes,” Beau whispered, his voice sounding tortured.
Ethan opened his eyes, peering directly into Beau’s beautiful brown eyes.
“I swear to you,” Beau said, his voice soft and deep, “it isn’t what you think.” Beau paused, his thumbs continuing to brush along the underside of Ethan’s jaw. “You’re right. I’ve spent the majority of my life not knowing who I was. I always managed to pretend I was interested in women. And you might find this hard to believe, but I’ve never had sex with a woman one-on-one. It’s always been...”
Ethan searched Beau’s face, listening as his sentence trailed off. It didn’t take long before he could fill in the blank. “Only when Zane was there.”
Beau nodded, but he didn’t move away. Ethan could see the pain etched across his brow, in the gentle creases at the corners of his eyes. Studying him, Ethan let himself get lost in the warmth of Beau’s hands on his face.
“You love him?” Ethan asked, unsure he wanted to know the answer to that question.
“Yes,” Beau answered, quickly adding, “but not in the way you’re thinking.”
For some strange reason, Ethan believed him. At least Beau hadn’t tried to deny he had feelings for Zane. He wouldn’t have believed him if he did because Zane and Beau had been friends for most of their lives.
“I was confused, and I was definitely fooling myself. Being with Zane helped me to realize a vital piece of information about myself.”
Ethan kept his mouth closed, wanting Beau to open up to him, but not necessarily wanting to hear the details.
“Zane fulfilled a physical need. One that seemed important at the time. But he didn’t satisfy the emotional one.”
“And you think I will?” Ethan asked defensively.
He didn’t want Beau to make this more than it was. It was one thing to give in to the attraction, to finally succumb to the chronic ache that drove him batshit crazy whenever he thought about Beau. But it was entirely different for Beau to want more from him.
Ethan wasn’t capable of giving more.
“I didn’t say that,” Beau answered smoothly, the briefest of smirks on his lips. “But I will say that this is different. What I feel for you is... different.”
“If you’re looking for something more, I—”
“Don’t say it,” Beau stated steadily, his thumb resting against Ethan’s lips, effectively shutting him up. “Do me a favor, will you?”
Ethan found himself nodding.
“Don’t overthink this just yet. We’ve come this far. Let’s just see where it goes.”
Ethan wasn’t sure why, but he was giving in to Beau’s request. He was right. There was no reason to overthink this. No need to make it more complicated than it was. After all, Ethan had spent years immersing himself in meaningless, casual sex. Ever since Gavin. So there was certainly no reason why he couldn’t do the same with Beau.
And as much as he wanted to live by that mantra, why was it that Ethan already realized it wouldn’t be nearly that easy?
BEAU LOVED THE feel of Ethan’s skin against his fingertips. The gentle abrasion from the stubble along his jaw, the smooth texture of his kissable lips. But most of all, he loved the way Ethan submitted to his touch.
Despite that ever niggling feeling that he was about to get in way over his head, Beau was tired of waiting patiently for Ethan to decide what he wanted. Based on the look on his face right then, Beau knew Ethan wanted this.
Was Ethan scared of what that might mean? Sure. As was Beau. Didn’t mean they couldn’t pursue this. And he was being serious when he told Ethan that they should just see where it went. He wasn’t in a hurry to make this permanent, although he knew that could change at any given moment.
There was one thing Beau knew about himself: he loved easily. But he also knew he didn’t trust easily. Which was why he was fiercely loyal to the few friends he had. He considered Ethan a friend, one he cared about, but as the minutes ticked by, Beau found himself falling deeper and deeper for the man. Strange how there had been limited physical interaction, yet he’d already developed an attachment to him.
And he knew his feelings could quickly surpass infatuation and fall right into that love category that he generally steered clear of. Especially once they took this to the next level. There was a strange fluttering vibration filling Beau’s gut. Like an army of stallions had taken to running full-out, eager to pummel him from the inside out.
Tilting Ethan’s head back slightly, his thumbs pressed against the underside of his jaw, Beau slid his lips over Ethan’s. That all-too-familiar burst of sensation attacked his insides double time, sending a chill racing down his spine and coursing through him until it reached its final destination in his cock.
The kiss was gentle, tentative. More an exploration of lips than anything fast and frantic. Beau couldn’t help but notice how different it felt to kiss Ethan. Honestly, Beau hadn’t done much kissing in his lifetime. The interactions he’d been involved in were usually a lot less intimate. At least where he was concerned.
Although Beau had kissed Zane, he could clearly see the difference. That had been a brutal, take-no-prisoners kind of kiss that began and ended with two males fighting for dominance. Nothing else had registered at the time. But with Ethan, it wasn’t a competition to see who would win, who would come out on top. It was a mating of mouths, a simulation of what was to come. And Beau wanted to kiss Ethan for hours.
“Have you ever been with a man before? Aside from Zane?” Ethan murmured against his mouth, his breath coming in rapid bursts as the kiss lingered, their tongues stroking, searching.
Beau hesitated only briefly before he answered Ethan. He wasn’t going to start this off with a lie. “No.” Touching his lips to Ethan’s again, he tilted his head, taking the kiss deeper. Pressing the entire length of his body against Ethan’s, Beau soaked up his heat. Pulling back slightly, Beau looked right into Ethan’s eyes and said, “And when I was with Zane, V was there.”
Beau wasn’t sure why he was compelled to tack on that little fact, but he needed Ethan to know. To understand that being with him was completely different from what he’d done with Zane.
The flex of Ethan’s muscles against his chest, the hard ridge of their erections scraping sensually together through the denim that separated them had Beau heading into dangerous territory. As much as he wanted to take this slow, it had been a long time since he’d been with anyone. More than a year. Ever since Beau came to the realization that he was attracted to men, he hadn’t been with anyone. Unless his own hand counted.
And for all of these months, he had been aching for Ethan.
“Forgive me if I say I like the idea of you practically being a virgin,” Ethan said roughly, their tongues still dancing against one another.
Beau knew he was a far cry from a virgin in the literal sense, but when it came to this experience that rocked him to the depth of his soul, he felt as though he’d never had sex before with anyone.
Sliding his hands up to cup Ethan’s head more soundly, Beau pulled his mouth closer until their lips were grinding against one another, their tongues dueling as they attempted to get closer.
Ethan was the first one to pull away this time, and Beau stood before him, staring into his eyes, his chest heaving with an attempt to suck air into his lungs.
“If this is moving too fast for you,” Ethan began, “just tell me.”
Fast? Hell, Beau felt like they were running in quicksand, trying to gain traction to go somewhere but never quite moving. Beau shook his head, unable to find words. He was anxious to get closer to Ethan. A lot closer.
Before he knew what was happening, Ethan had linked their fingers together and was leading him toward an intricate steel staircase. Trying to pretend he wasn’t incredibly nervous, or overly excited, Beau followed behind him, relishing the feel of Ethan’s warm hand against his own.
When they hit the first landing where the staircase turned and went the opposite direction, Ethan stopped suddenly, shoving Beau against the glass window, his immense body pressing into him, their mouths once again fused together. Beau slid his hand behind Ethan’s head, gently cradling him as he let his fingers slide through the short, silky hair at his nape.
This man stole his breath.
When Ethan’s hands reached for his belt buckle, Beau held Ethan’s head, refusing to break the connection, unsure whether or not he was going to end up in a puddle on the floor at any moment. As Ethan devoured his mouth, Beau gave back as good as he got, trying to ignore the overwhelming feeling of Ethan’s hands as he lowered his zipper.
When Ethan managed to free Beau’s cock from his jeans, he was almost positive his ability to remain upright was about to be robbed from him. “Oh, fuck,” he groaned, his head thumping against the glass he was pressed up against. “Fuck. Ethan.”
Beau’s entire body was strung tight as a bow, the various sensations mixing into one, and he prayed he’d be able to keep himself together. He damn sure didn’t want it to end just yet, but if Ethan continued to massage his cock with skilled, measured strokes, he wasn’t going to be able to promise him anything.
“Does that feel good?” Ethan asked, his lips lingering on Beau’s neck, leaving a trail of burning kisses along the sensitive skin.
“God, yes.” Better than good. “Ethan,” he moaned.
“I’ve wanted to touch you for so long,” Ethan said, his lips leaving trails of blazing fire along his throat as his thumb stroked over the sensitive head of his cock, making him crazy. “I’ve fantasized about what you taste like, how hot you’ll be in my mouth. But before I get to that, I’m going to take my time.”
“If you’re expecting this to last, you might wanna slow down now.” The words sounded strangled coming out as he fought for air, and Beau couldn’t even open his eyes, the feeling was so intense.
Ethan chuckled, the vibrations sending additional shards of pleasure coursing through him.
Beau managed to force his eyes open so he could look to see what was at the top of the stairs. He wanted to go up there. Whatever it was, he prayed he’d have the option of sitting down because... “Fucking hell.”
One of Ethan’s hands had slipped beneath his shirt, the rough pads of his fingers scraping over his skin, moving higher until Ethan was pinching his nipple.
“I want to taste you. All of you,” Ethan said as he stared back at him, his hand still beneath his shirt as he forced it upward. “Take this off.”
Beau didn’t argue, just gripped a handful of his shirt behind his head and pulled it up and off. When Ethan’s breath caught, Beau’s body tightened even more. As he returned his gaze to Ethan’s face, the approving look had Beau once again searching for air.
Ethan’s hands returned to his chest, his palms flat as he trailed them downward over his pecs, his abs, and then returning to his cock.
“E, I can’t take much more,” he warned him.
“We’re just getting started,” Ethan said confidently, his mouth latching on to Beau’s nipple as soon as the words were out.
“That’s what you think,” Beau groaned, his hands clenching into fists at his sides. He wanted this to last forever, but at this rate, he was going to come in Ethan’s hand. And as much as he liked that idea, he knew he had to exert just a minimal amount of control.
When Ethan’s lips returned to his, Beau took two handfuls of Ethan’s shirt and lifted, breaking the kiss only long enough to remove the interfering garment. Once that was out of the way, they were pressed together, skin to skin, mouth to mouth, and Beau realized suddenly that “control” was no longer a word in his vocabulary.
As though Ethan could sense just how close to the edge he was, he broke the kiss as he took a step back, grabbing Beau’s hand as he moved to ascend what was left of the stairs leading up.
Once they made it to the second floor, Beau was momentarily distracted by the amazing space. Ethan’s master bedroom was actually a loft that was probably twice the size of Beau’s entire apartment. The glass and bamboo theme continued up there, and the furniture was more contemporary than what had been downstairs.
The posh black king-sized sleigh bed stood off to one side, positioned appropriately to overlook the backyard, the surrounding trees, and the pool, which looked considerably bigger from the second floor. On the other side of the room was a set of double doors, and beyond that, Beau could see what appeared to be a tiled shower. He didn’t even have time to consider what was on the other side of the sliding glass door that appeared to lead outside.
With Ethan still holding his hand, leading him closer and closer to the bed, Beau was still trying to remember to breathe.
Trying to take his mind off what was about to happen, he admired Ethan’s sleek, muscular back and what appeared to be a quote tattooed between his shoulder blades. He wanted to get close enough to read the calligraphy scrolled neatly over his spine but couldn’t find the strength to push himself in that direction. Shit. At this rate, Beau wasn’t sure he’d ever even make it to the bed.
His hands were shaking, his knees trembling. He felt like a teenager who’d never done this before. Granted, he hadn’t done this before because nothing compared to this. But it wasn’t like sex was new to him.
Then again, he had a sneaking suspicion that sex with Ethan Walker was going to take things to an entirely different level.