Chapter Twenty-Five
chapter TWENTY-FIVE
E than knew he was dreaming. Knew that what was happening couldn’t be real because there was no way he could possibly survive the horror of that day all over again, yet he couldn’t force himself to wake up.
“I’m not scared. I don’t want this. I don’t want you. I’m not...”
Ethan watched Gavin’s throat work as he swallowed hard, his eyes darting around their surroundings. Ethan knew he was looking for someone or something, or maybe just an escape route. Whatever it was, Ethan could only focus on the words coming out of Gavin’s mouth.
“I didn’t want that to happen between us. You shouldn’t have made me.”
Ethan’s boot got caught on a log as he stumbled, the force of Gavin’s words nearly landing him on his ass. He couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think. Was the man he loved really saying he’d forced him to... ?
“What? How can you say that?” Ethan asked defensively, trying to swallow past the suffocating ball of emotions that had lodged in his throat. “I didn’t make you do anything. We made love, Gavin.”
Ethan watched as Gavin shook his head and then his eyes landed on something behind Ethan. Without thinking, he turned to see what it was.
Oh, shit.
“You little fucking faggot!” Gavin’s older brother Jimmy suddenly appeared behind Ethan. He was yelling, his voice so angry, so deadly, a shiver raced down Ethan’s spine as he tried to back up only to come up against the downed tree that Gavin had been sitting on minutes earlier.
Ethan had only met Jimmy once, and even then he got a bad vibe from him. But this man, this man was pure evil staring back at him like he was ready to murder Ethan.
“You sorry fucking cocksucker! I’ll teach you to prey on men, you fucking faggot!”
Before Jimmy’s rambling words could register, the pain did. Ethan watched as though in slow motion as the baseball bat swinging from Jimmy’s arms came around and made a direct hit with his... ribs.
Fuck. Can’t breathe!
Ethan curled over, the pain excruciating, all but crippling him as he gasped for air, trying to scream through the torment shooting fire through his rib cage. There were no sounds escaping, but Ethan was getting light-headed. His body crumpled to the ground as though his bones had all been shattered with that one well-aimed hit.
Ethan would soon learn that was just the beginning.
“You son of a bitch. Faggots aren’t welcome in this town.” Jimmy’s rage projected through his words, echoing off the water not far away as he brought the bat down on Ethan again, this time hitting his upper arm.
Ethan didn’t know what Jimmy was aiming for, but he couldn’t even move, couldn’t protect himself. Glancing around hysterically, he tried to find something to defend himself with, but the bat made contact with his left thigh and the fire that shot through him made him scream.
In his peripheral vision, he saw Gavin standing several feet away, his eyes wide with terror, but he wasn’t moving. Wasn’t trying to help.
“That’s right, you little fucking girl. Cry for me. That’ll teach you to fuck anyone in the ass. Especially my brother!”
Ethan forced his eyes open as he curled into a tighter ball, trying to protect himself the best he could. It wasn’t helping. Jimmy found every vulnerable spot with either the bat or his boot, sometimes both. And with every savage blow to his ribs and brutal punch to his face, Ethan feared he wouldn’t survive the next one.
Where the hell was Gavin? Why was he letting this happen? Had he told Jimmy that he had forced him?
Oh, God!
Pain. Every merciless hit had fire licking through Ethan’s body, his brain function dimming as he fought unconsciousness, obviously his body’s way of trying to save itself from the agony.
“Gavin!” Ethan yelled. Or at least he thought he was yelling. The sound came out more as a gasp. He needed help, unable to save himself from the brutality.
“Don’t say his name,” Jimmy roared. “Never say his fucking name again. He’s not a queer like you!”
Ethan couldn’t hang on. He tried to make his brain function enough to breathe through the pain, but it was too much for him to handle. There was nothing he could do as the blackness wrapped around him, sucking him under. He was hovering on the edge of consciousness, wanting desperately to escape, but knowing if he let go, he might never wake up.
He wanted to wake up. This couldn’t be the end. Couldn’t be the—
“Ethan! Wake up, baby.”
Ethan searched for the voice from inside the cruel dream, tried to pull himself out of the nightmare. The sweetest voice was calling him, and he knew he needed to get to him, needed to find Beau. Needed someone to save him.
Hard arms wrapped around him, gripping him tight and holding him close. Familiar arms. Not trying to hurt him.
There was no pain.
“E, baby, wake up,” Beau whispered against his ear, his lips warm where they touched him.
Ethan managed to force his eyes open. The room was dark, and it took a moment to orient himself, but he recognized his bedroom, his pillow, the spicy rich scent of Beau.
He was grateful when Beau didn’t say a word, didn’t ask any questions, just kept him securely wrapped in the safe circle of his arms. He had no idea how much time passed as he lay there, soaking up Beau’s warmth, listening to his heartbeat, feeling the flex of his muscles around him.
“I’m sorry,” Ethan said some time later when he managed to get his breathing regulated, his heartbeat back to a normal rhythm.
“Don’t apologize,” Beau said roughly, but softly, his arms tightening ever so slightly.
Ethan nodded in agreement and burrowed closer to Beau. He was facing away from him, and he was thankful Beau couldn’t see his face. Had he been crying? He knew in the past he’d awoken from the nightmare drenched in sweat, tears streaming down his face. He didn’t want Beau to see him like that.
He hadn’t had a nightmare about Gavin or Jimmy in a long time. Several months at least. And he knew what brought it on, but the memories were now at the forefront of his mind, and he knew it was going to take some time to push them back into that little box that he tried to keep them contained in, no matter how desperate they were to get out.
“E?” Beau’s voice was steady and strong, a lifeline that Ethan found himself clinging to.
“Yeah?”
“If you ever want to talk, just know I’m here.”
Ethan swallowed past the lump in his throat. He wanted to take Beau up on the offer, to share his deepest, darkest secrets with this man, but he knew it wouldn’t help. If anything, Beau would probably look at him differently. If he knew that Ethan was responsible...
God, if Beau ever found out that Ethan was responsible for what happened to Gavin, he would probably never want anything to do with him again.
BEAU HELD ETHAN close, Ethan’s back crushed against his chest with Beau’s arm curled beneath Ethan’s head. They had fallen asleep like that, had been like that for hours, and it wasn’t until Ethan began thrashing that Beau had awakened. At first he’d been confused about where he was. Then when he heard Ethan’s panicked voice, his guttural scream, Beau had been brought from his sleepy stupor and right into reality.
Ethan had been having a nightmare. A terrible one if Beau had to guess. Even now, he wondered if Ethan would even try to go back to sleep after that. Neither of them was moving and Beau wasn’t going to let him go if he didn’t have to, so he’d be happy to lay there for hours, awake, watching over him. He wanted to protect Ethan, even from himself, and if that meant he had to stay awake so that Ethan could get some rest, it was what he was going to do.
His offer to listen had been accepted exactly the way he expected. Ethan wasn’t going to talk. Maybe not ever, but Beau wanted him to know he was there. He would always be there. For as long as Ethan would have him.
Ethan shifted, reaching across the mattress, and Beau had to loosen his hold briefly. When he realized Ethan was reaching for the nightstand, a shiver of awareness raced down his spine.
“Turn over,” Ethan said, his voice much steadier than minutes before.
Beau watched him carefully for a moment before turning over onto his stomach, his head turned so that he could watch Ethan. He kept him in his sights as Ethan rolled a condom over himself before grabbing the bottle of lube that still remained on the bedside table. It was clear what Ethan’s intentions were, and if this was what he needed, Beau would give it to him. Not that he thought it would help, but if anything, it would allow Beau to feel closer to him. And he hoped Ethan would feel the same.
When Ethan eased over him, his slick cock sliding between his ass cheeks, Beau’s body hummed to life. The heavy weight of Ethan was like a blanket surrounding him, and Beau welcomed the skin-to-skin contact. Ethan’s chest was damp from sweat as he lay against him.
Neither of them spoke, nothing to be said, but Beau felt every emotion Ethan locked up inside as he slid his cock inside of him, slowly. Ever so slowly.
Beau gripped Ethan’s wrists when he propped himself over him, holding on to him while Ethan began a slow glide and retreat. He turned his head when Ethan came closer, trying to find his mouth in the darkness. When their tongues met, Beau pushed up so that he could have better access, Ethan’s fingers linking with his as he continued to bury himself deeper.
As Ethan found solace in Beau’s body, Beau found solace in the fact that Ethan was reaching out to him, needing him. Ethan might never be able to tell Beau what he needed, but Beau knew. Words weren’t the only way to be heard. And Beau heard Ethan loud and clear. This man might keep himself isolated, but his heart beat like everyone else’s.
“Beau,” Ethan whispered softly, his breath fanning over Beau’s lips.
“I’m here, E.” Always here. Beau left off the last words, but he prayed that Ethan knew that already.
Nothing else was said aloud from that moment on, but for a long time, their bodies spoke to one another. It was a give-and-take, both of them seeking what the other was offering, taking what was needed.
And in those moments, Beau realized he would never be able to walk away from this man. Not without having his heart shattered into a million jagged pieces.
Somewhere along the way, as he ventured down the winding, bumpy path that led him to Ethan, Beau had fallen in love.