Chapter 40
CEZAR
I would’ve preferred waking up with another bullet in me. Whatever sounds I made weren’t human, but Lina was already there, asking if I needed water or anything at all.
She handed me a glass once the shaking eased enough for me to hold it properly. I drank half of it too fast, throat burning, while she stayed close in unusual silence. Her fingers dug into the blanket before she glanced at me again.
“What?” I muttered hoarsely.
“You kept saying someone’s name in your sleep.”
My grip tightened around the glass.
Fuck.
“Baciu,” she said quietly.
The room suddenly felt too small.
I stared down into the water for a long moment before leaning back against the headboard. My body fucking ached everywhere. Dorin’s drugs dulled enough of it to keep me upright, though not enough to stop the memories.
“He worked for my father,” I finally said. “One of the gardeners. Good man.”
Lina stayed quiet.
“He was raising his granddaughters alone after his daughter died from cancer a few years back. Two little girls, around six years old at the time.” My teeth clenched. “Father used him to punish me.”
The softness in her expression disappeared.
“I knew he was begging for his life,” I admitted quietly. “Begging for those girls.” I had to swallow past the pressure building in my throat. “And I couldn’t do a fucking thing about it.”
The memory returned with brutal clarity.
Lina’s hand settled carefully over mine.
“I made him a promise,” I said, barely above a whisper. “I told him, ‘I will make sure your granddaughters live a good life. I will protect them. I swear on my mom’s life.’”
I looked away, forcing the memory back down enough to speak.
“‘I will make sure they are safe from this world and from my father.’”
From me.
Lina reached over and carefully took the glass from me. I hadn’t realized how hard I was gripping it until she eased it loose and set it on the nightstand.
“Zar,” she said softly, “I know you.”
Zar... I’m so happy I’m home.
“I know you kept your promise.”
I looked away hard enough to make my muscles protest. Her fingertips grazed the nape of my neck before she cupped the side of my face, and I closed my eyes, giving in to the comfort of her touch. Neither of us said anything before I finally pushed myself to stand.
Lina immediately moved next to me when I swayed, bracing an arm carefully around my waist while I got my bearings.
Dorin’s drugs and the sheer amount of damage done to my body made walking feel fucking ridiculous.
I shuffled down the hallway like some ninety-year-old limping through the halls of a retirement home.
Still managed to slap her ass when she stepped slightly ahead of me, though.
“Fuck, Cezar…” She shot me a heated look over her shoulder.
I grinned despite the pain. I lusted after everything that made her Lina.
Most of my body might’ve been fucked, but my left arm still worked decently enough.
We made our way toward the kitchen, where Codrin sat at the table with an exhausted, worried expression on his face.
He must’ve stayed the night. Great. No way to hide this shit now.
He shot up from his chair the second he saw me.
“You need anything?” he asked anxiously.
“Nope. Lina already gave me a little rubdown. Not the kind I wanted, unfortunately.” I smirked at her before adding, “And Dorin loaded me up with enough drugs to kill a horse.”
Lina shook her head lightly.
Codrin attempted a smile. “Right back to your usual self, I see.” There was sadness in it, though. I couldn’t blame him. If I’d known he was around, I would’ve locked my door. A few more days, and I could’ve faked it like I always did.
Vali joined us for lunch. She and Codrin got along weirdly well. He had never held down anything more than a one-night stand. Maybe Father made him that way. Maybe someday we’d all be free to figure out who the hell we were supposed to be.
Lina strutted back to me, and I couldn’t help but watch her, clothed or not. Preferably not. She placed her hand on my face, squeezing gently but not letting go. “Be good. I’m going to get some groceries with Dorin.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
She and Dorin left. Vali flipped on the TV. Her men were around, but didn’t care about me anymore.
Codrin didn’t waste time.
“I know you don’t want to talk about it, Cezar. You never do. But I’m done letting you dodge everything. I know what I saw. How long has this been happening?”
I didn’t want to comply, but I did. “I’ll tell you on one condition.” I held out my good arm for him to shake.
“Okay…”
“You don’t tell Darius. And you don’t interfere. Let things play out the way they need to. If you promise me that, I’ll give you what I can.”
He didn’t look happy about it, but eventually nodded.
“It’s been going on for a long time. I don’t remember when it started. Way before Mom died.”
I could already tell he wasn’t going to keep his composure if he kept pushing. I was so used to whatever Father did to me that it barely registered anymore.
“You’re not going to tell me everything, are you?” He stared at the counter.
“No, Codrin, I’m not. The less you know, the better. You were never supposed to know any of it.”
“Why? Do you not trust me?” he asked, his voice laced with hurt.
“That’s not the problem, and you know it. I can’t give you the full story. Just trust that I’m… surviving.” Not okay. Just surviving. “When I’m with Petal, I’m fine.”
“You’re not, dammit! This isn’t how things are supposed to be. It was supposed to be us against the world, and then it was Darius and me against you. I’m so fucking sorry. You’ve always been the best little brother, and I’ve never been disappointed in you,” he cried.
“Codrin, you don’t need to be sorry. If I wanted that, I would have told you. Just let me handle this, okay?” I squeezed his arm reassuringly.
He scrubbed a hand over his face, fighting tears. “If you want me silent, I’ll be silent. But next time, you tell me. I can be there. You don’t have to be alone. I promise. I’ll do better.” He stood and hugged me.
I would never let them live the way I did.