Chapter 64
CEZAR
Codrin stayed where he was, caught between wanting to help and not knowing if he was allowed. I saw the regret on his face, the sadness in his eyes—but I couldn’t focus on any of that now.
“Codrin, I need you to find her.”
His jaw tightened. “Her?”
“She left.” Saying it made me realize I might actually lose her. “Tonight.”
“You sure?”
“I know how words sound when they mean goodbye.” My shirt clung to the shredded mess of my back as I peeled it off, needing the burn of a shower before I could face whatever was left of my life. “Find her, Codrin. If you love me at all.”
It wasn’t fair to say it like that, but desperation made men cruel.
He exhaled through his teeth. “I’ll have her location by the morning. Try to sleep.”
Right…
I knew he wanted to help, but I waved him off. He walked out, leaving me alone with the version of myself I refused to look at. I ignored the mirror, stepped into the shower, and let the water run down the drain in rivulets of red.
Sleep didn’t exist without Lina beside me. The night crawled on, every memory of her replaying until it felt like my life was flashing before my eyes—every touch and fight, every scar we left on each other. A lifetime condensed into the hours she was gone.
Codrin interrupted my darkness. He didn’t have to speak. I knew that he had found her. My Lina ran faster than anyone I’d ever hunted, but Codrin always knew how to find ghosts.
Let this be the end.
The phone was still warm in his hand when he told me, “One of our street boys saw multiple vans outside your place. Late. No lights.”
He kept talking, his voice a low growl I barely heard over the ringing in my ears. “Looks like they gutted the place.”
Gutted.
My heart sank. Our home—destroyed. She was gone.
“Keys.” My voice didn’t sound like mine anymore, but Codrin didn’t hesitate. He tossed them to me.
I made it halfway to the door when his hand clamped around my arm. “If she told you to leave—”
“She already told me to go.” A broken laugh ripped out of me.
“But she doesn’t understand. I won’t leave her.
Ever. Either she loves me in her own fucked up way, together, next to me, forever…
” My hand dragged through my hair, scalp burning, needing something, anything, to hold on to.
“… or she kills me. That’s it. Those are the only two endings. ”
I’d rather bleed out in her arms than breathe without her.
I’d rather die by her hand than live in the silence she left behind.
Don’t they get it? There is no me without her. There never was.
Codrin let go, and I walked away shaking so hard I could barely grip the handle.
Let her end me if that’s what she wanted.
Just let me see her one last time.
Let me die where I belong.
The engine roared, but all I heard was her name pounding through my blood. Lina, Lina, Lina. Petal.
Every streetlight reminded me of her eyes, every shadow of her hair, and I chased them like a starving man.
She left to save me. That was the lie I wanted to believe.
Another voice whispered something worse in my head. She left because she finally saw what I was. A ruined man consuming her light until there was nothing left. What a life we’ve lived. One deserving of a sad ending.
I laughed through the pain. So be it. If I’m her curse, then I’ll wear it. If I’m her grave, then let her fall into me. I’ll hold her until the dirt takes us both.
The gates rose ahead, jagged and black. I didn’t slow down. Metal shrieked, glass burst, but no one fired. They knew it was me. She knew I’d come. Maybe she thought she bought herself more time. She should’ve known better. There was no longer a version of her life without me in it.
Time for my judgment.
Hands wrenched me out of the car, guns digging into my ribs, shouts I didn’t hear. My eyes were wild, my breath rough as they bound my wrists. They forced me to kneel on the cold floor of this cold mansion that wasn’t our home.
I belonged on my knees for her, begging and bleeding. She was my safe place.
I swayed, vision distorted. The laughter wouldn’t stop.
Petal… I found you.
Now do it. Love me or kill me.
Either way, I win.