Chapter 4 #2
I wished to deny his claim. For months, I had looked up to Lord Paxton as an inspiration, as a man who would defy the illness that plagued him and fight for years to come.
I had not allowed myself to consider that time might soon strip the world of his goodness and passion.
Not until Annette told me of his worsening condition as we stood in that alley.
Even now, as my gaze wandered over him, I wished my observations away.
But what excuse could I give for his pale skin and thinning face?
Exhaustion seeped from his expression, almost palpable.
His condition twinged my heart. My father was a good man.
Our relationship, though, was not always amiable, especially with my frustrations over his lack of interest in my ambitions.
Lord Paxton had supported me from the beginning.
Encouraged me where my own father had not.
He was more to me than simply an ally, and my soul ached at the thought of losing him.
Warmth spread over my arm, and I glanced down to see Lord Paxton’s ghostly white fingers on the fabric of my coat sleeve. I met his gaze and saw so much reflected in his blue eyes. Pain, sorrow, and worry—every emotion tugged at my conscience.
“Please, Edward,” he whispered. “I do not enjoy speaking so morosely, but my time on this earth is limited. I haven’t the strength to keep going for years, perhaps not even months.
I wish to see my daughter settled so that my soul may rest easy.
I fear the burdens I shall leave behind.
Much as I love Russell, he is not ready to take on so much responsibility.
Not mature enough for the title he will soon bear.
Annette needs to marry now, or she may never do so.
My heir will certainly not provide the encouragement she requires.
I do not doubt she would manage the future on her own, but that is not the life I want for her.
Happiness, such as I have been privileged to experience, is my greatest wish for my children. ”
I swallowed, the weight of his pleading heavy on my chest. “She does not care for me. It matters not how noble the reasons are, how justified they may sound. She would never accept. I would fail, thus wasting everyone’s time in the process.”
Time was a precious commodity, especially for Lord Paxton.
The viscount squeezed my arm. “And if it is you who is wrong? Think of all that could come of it. Your happiness, Annette’s, and the good you will do together. Is that not worth taking a chance on? At worst, you fail to win her heart, but I beg of you not to concede before you’ve begun.”
My happiness—that seemed out of reach. I had not planned to marry any time soon.
My goals were too demanding, my ambitions a burden on my time.
When would I have the freedom to seek a woman up to the task of taking this journey with me?
One with the patience to bear the trials that would undoubtedly come and sacrifice, quite possibly, financial security to do so?
But with Lord Paxton’s offer, I would not need to step away from my goals to find a wife.
I would not need to worry how my efforts might put a financial strain on my family’s life.
Annette might be one of the most irksome women of my acquaintance, but I could not say I did not enjoy her company.
She was beautiful, witty, and possessed a passion unlike any I’d seen, though she hid it well.
Marriage to her surely could not be the most terrible thing.
I would have the capital to find Adda and seek justice.
That final realization pushed my reluctance deeper into the dark recesses of my mind. Adda was my priority, and the longer it took me to find her, the higher the odds I would never see her again. I could not live with the guilt of losing her, not after everything.
“I’ll do it.” The words tumbled out of me, and as a result, my heart pounded. Worry that I might regret this decision plagued me, but all I could think of was Adda. Was she alive? Had she somehow escaped Hollinsby? I needed answers. I needed to see her safe.
A wide grin spread over Lord Paxton’s face. “Capital! I knew I could rely upon you. I will speak to my solicitor about drawing up a contract.”
“Do not excite yourself. This may all be for naught. All I can promise is to try. I have no notion of how I might find success.”
“You shall, you shall.” His shoulders relaxed, and he closed his eyes with a deep sigh. “You must keep me informed of how things are going. I do enjoy our discussions, too. I’ve missed them. Visit me each morning, won’t you?”
“Yes…Theo.”
“And promise that you shan’t tell her about all this. Not a word until after you’ve wed. Do I have your vow in this?”
I hesitated momentarily. “You have my word. I shan’t tell her.”
“Good. Now, I think I should like to rest. I imagine you could use some before dinner as well.”
Rest was the last thing I would be able to do.
My thoughts were a storm of chaos. I’d yet to ask Lord Paxton what he knew of Hollinsby and the possible sale of the estate Cratchit had mentioned.
But such questions would have to wait. Lord Paxton’s eyes remained closed, and the man certainly looked as though he should rest.
Tomorrow morning, then.
I quietly slipped away and walked to the opposite wing of the house. Just as Apsley promised, my valise was waiting inside my room. Before my arrival, I had not known how long I would stay at Kenwick Castle. Truthfully, I’d hoped to be here not more than a few days, but now…
I scoffed, opening one of the trunks. It would take much longer to convince Annette to marry me. If I convinced her at all. My confidence in the matter was not precisely high, but the consequences for failing were. I had to try. If for no other reason, I would do this for Adda.