Chapter 25
Chapter twenty-five
Annette
The soft rumble of thunder echoed through my room, and I drew in a stuttered breath.
My eyes burned, the well of tears having run dry hours ago.
Loose strands of hair framed my face, and the pins poked harshly into my scalp.
I sat up and removed them, each pull bringing a flash of memory to the surface.
Edward’s fingers gently tugging the pins free, his crooked smile as he stashed them in his pocket, the pure desire and longing in his dark eyes—had I simply imagined the depth of his affections?
Even now, doubt and certainty waged war within me.
I had felt so much, the tension between us as tangible and real as the rough stone of the ruins.
Surely, my intuition had not been so off course?
But then, had I not been wrong before? Mr. Wilcot’s charm had persuaded not only Margaret but also me into believing his affection was genuine.
The man had deceived us both. After their marriage, his true nature became clear, but by then, it was too late.
I realized my mistake. I thought back on the moments I had watched the two of them, seeing clearly the things I had ignored out of my selfish desire to witness their budding romance.
I closed my eyes. No matter how I tried, I could not find that same clarity in regards to Edward.
Nothing about the way he spoke to me or held me suggested his intentions were anything but genuine.
Yes, he had flirted and used his charm on me, but it was so different from the way Mr. Wilcot had wooed Margaret.
Was love truly so blinding, then? Would I require years to fully see his betrayal?
Would I ever cease loving him despite it?
I clenched the pins in my fist and threw them against the wall.
Drat the man for making me fall in love with him!
For making me want things I had previously been content without.
Having the vision of a bright future with a husband and children ripped from me in such a way pierced deeply.
I never wanted to feel like this again. If that meant giving it up, as I had originally planned, then so be it.
With renewed resolve, I stood and smoothed out my skirts. It was time I told Father his plan had failed. Time I informed him that, whatever his wishes, I would not be marrying Edward…or anyone.
I left the room and stomped down the hall.
A soft enter responded to my tap on the door.
I slipped inside Father’s bedchamber and found him situated in a sitting position, pillows propping him up and several extra blankets covering the lower half of his body.
Even from across the room, I noted the sallowness of his skin and the deep wrinkles in his face.
He had lost enough weight that his appearance was almost a ghost of its former self.
“My darling girl, come.” He gestured to the chair at his bedside, and I obliged the request. Father directed a wide smile at me. “Have you come bearing good news?”
I knew the precise news he hoped for, and guilt tossed my stomach.
For a moment, I reconsidered having this conversation and lying to him instead.
It would be better for his health if he believed me to soon be happily settled.
But it would tear him apart if he learned the truth, and I doubted I could prevent that from happening.
My heavy sigh drained the smile from his face, replacing it with a tight frown. “What is it? What has happened?”
I swallowed, and my words came out in a whisper. “Why did you do it? Why did you offer to pay someone to marry me?”
Father’s gray brows furrowed. “Oh, my darling. He promised not to tell you. I made him promise.”
“He didn’t tell me. The contract was delivered, and Russell confronted Edward about it. I overheard them arguing. But that does not change my question.”
Father looked slightly annoyed at that. “Russell is not meant to go through my mail. I am not yet in the ground.”
“Father, please.”
“Very well, I suppose you deserve an answer. May I preface with this? I only schemed because I wanted to ensure your happiness before I depart from this world.”
“My happiness?” I shook my head. “How could you possibly think paying a man to marry me would bring about happiness? It would be a marriage built on lies. There would be no real love between us.”
A small portion of his smile returned. “Ah, but there you are wrong. I would not have offered money to just any man. Lieutenant Paget was already half in love with you. He just didn’t know it. I was confident all he needed was a little push to fall the remainder of the way. As did you.”
“He is not in love with me,” I retorted, though something within me rebelled at the words.
Doubt crept in, slowly but forcefully, the memories of my time with Edward impressing upon my mind.
I still could find nothing, no hint of deception beyond his lack of honesty about the offer, in them to prove I had misjudged his intentions, despite now knowing the truth.
Father reached for my hand and clasped it between his own. “He does love you.”
Tears brimmed in my eyes. How I had more to shed, I could not fathom. “You cannot know that. I understand it is what you wish to believe, but—”
“He rescinded the agreement.”
Rescinded? Hope blossomed in my chest, but I beat it down. “What do you mean?”
“Edward came to see me this morning. He informed me that our agreement was null. He refused to accept any money from me, and do you know what he did after that?”
I shook my head, my mind spinning.
“He asked for my blessing to marry you,” Father continued. “What man who was willing to keep his end of a contract would give up such a large sum if he did not love you?”
My tears spilled over, rushing down my cheeks in rivulets. “He wanted to marry me without the money?”
“Indeed, my darling. Out of respect for you, he refused it. If that is not love, then I do not know what is.”
My mind raced. Edward had rescinded the offer.
Father believed it was out of love but…but I had also offered Edward money.
Financial support. Had that offering merely been a way out of tying himself to me?
Or had his refusal of the contract been for the reasons father claimed?
Drat it all, how was I ever to be certain?
A match with you is the only one I find tolerable.
Edward had never explicitly proposed, but he also had not corrected me when I mentioned becoming his wife. If he only wanted the money and planned to refuse my Father, there was no reason to let me think a proposal was forthcoming. There was no reason to speak of sharing a home or having children.
And he had given up a sure path to funds by rescinding Father’s offer. He had still requested my hand. Yes, he would have my dowry, but what man who sought only money would turn down such an agreement for more? A great deal more. There was but one explanation.
I pulled my hand away from Father and covered my mouth. Edward loved me…and I had told him I did not wish to see him again. Why had he not mentioned refusing Father’s offer?
I scoffed. It was not as though I had given him a chance to explain, nor would it have mattered if I had.
Discovering the truth had hurt too much at the time, left me too raw and vulnerable.
Any explanation Edward offered, I would have disregarded.
I wouldn’t have believed him. But having time to analyze our time together, having the truth from Father, changed everything.
The hurt remained. I could not see the actions of these two men as anything but a betrayal, but they had both acted with good intentions. They both loved me.
Edward loved me.
It would take time to mend the broken trust between us, but I wanted to. I wanted reconciliation. The mere thought lifted the heavy burden of my sorrow.
Swiping away my tears, I fixed Father with a stern look. “You have to promise me that you will not interfere anymore.”
He chuckled softly. “I promise, and if it is fine by you, I intend to offer the two of you that money regardless. You will put it to good use, I think.”
My initial reaction was to refuse, but Father was right. Edward and I would put the money to good use, and if it would help him rescue Adda, how could I say no?
I looked heavenward, then leaned forward and placed a kiss on Father’s forehead. “Very well, but no more meddling. This entire situation is muddy enough.”
Father beamed. “A little mud is often good for the soul.”
“What do you mean he’s gone?” I demanded, laying my palms flat against the table in the library and leaning forward.
My tone took Russell by surprise; his auburn brows lifted high on his forehead. “Just that. He’s gone. Left Kenwick.”
“Why did you chase him off!”
“Me?” Russell glared at me. “It was you who said you wished to never see him again.”
I shifted my weight. “I did not say never.”
Rus rolled his eyes and muttered something under his breath that suspiciously sounded like women are so fickle, but I ignored the comment. I did not have time for this. “Do you at least know where he has gone?”
“Not a clue. One of the footmen requested to speak with him. Not long after, I was informed of his departure.”
I leaned forward, and Rus pulled back with a grimace to put distance between our faces.
“One of the footmen?” I asked. “You are sure?”
“Yes,” he drew out the word, eyeing me with something akin to concern.
I pushed away from the table. “He must have gone after Hollinsby. Did anyone accompany him? It could be dangerous.”
“No,” said Rus. “He left on his own.”
“Then I must go after him.” I spun around but only managed three steps before Rus stood and grabbed my arm. He spun me to face him.
“Have you gone mad? You cannot go after him, especially if it is this Hollinsby he pursues. He told me everything, Netty. You are right about it likely being dangerous, and I will not have my sister embroiled in it.”