Chapter 3
Evan
I’d never experienced this before. A level of shock that had the blood draining from my face. Of horror that had my limbs turning numb. An utter disbelief that had my wolf howling and punching to be freed.
I’d fucked up.
I’d fucked up so badly.
“I had no idea,” I said over the ringing in my ears. “I’m so fucking sorry. I can’t believe this. I swear, Reid, if I’d known—”
“It’s too late.” Reid cut me off, looking at me with loathing.
I didn’t blame him. Not one bit. “What’s done is done.
But if you don’t get out of my sight in the next thirty seconds, I won’t be responsible for my actions.
I don’t give a shit who or what you are, I have enough rage to make it an equal fight. ”
I didn’t doubt it. Reid was glaring at me like he wanted to murder me. Knowing what I did now? I wouldn’t fight back.
I’d stand still and let him.
My lips thinned in disgust. At myself. At the past. At having made such a colossal fucking mistake. “I’m so sorry, Reid.”
His whole body started to tremble. I ached to comfort him, but I knew that was the last thing he wanted from me.
Chester put an arm around his shoulders. All the congeniality he’d shown when I’d arrived was absent now. He jerked his chin at me. “Get out. Now.”
My wolf was screaming at me to fix this.
To go to my knees and lay out endless apologies.
Or, better yet, to go to the Clarkson Clan and claw out Clyde’s eyes.
To tear out his tongue for lying to me. Break his fingers for allowing Reid to be hurt under his care.
Rip off his ears for not listening to Reid.
Maybe I should rip mine off too. I hadn’t listened either.
I walked back towards the door, not taking my eyes off Reid for a second.
He was so completely different from the child I remembered that it was no wonder I hadn’t recognised him.
His scrawny build had filled out into lean muscle.
Gone was the youthful roundness to his face, replaced by high cheekbones and a sweeping nose.
He wasn’t a child now, but a man. An extremely beautiful man.
Possibly the most beautiful man I’d ever seen.
A man who hated me.
The worst part was the innocence missing in his eyes. There was none of the impish joy I remembered, just a cold, dead fury.
Aimed at me.
I mouthed a final apology as my hand hit the door.
Then I was running.
I shifted as soon as I hit the tree line. My clothes fell to the ground, now nothing more than scraps of material. I didn’t care. Didn’t pay any attention to it. I let my wolf take charge, trying to escape the feelings threatening to drown me.
Horror.
Guilt.
Shame.
I should’ve known Clyde was lying to me back then. I should’ve listened to what Reid had told me.
And when I’d found out the details about the attack on Danny’s family that only the inner circle were privy to? I should’ve fucking sprinted back to their lands to check on Reid.
But I hadn’t. I’d left and got on with my life, like the little kid who’d asked for my help had never existed.
Worse, I’d forgotten him entirely.
I should’ve put two and two together the instant Finn had said there was a human who knew about shifters. He’d said his name was Reid, and it still hadn’t jogged my memory. What the fuck was wrong with me?
I’d never mentioned Reid’s presence in the clan to the others. It hadn’t seemed relevant in light of everything else I’d had to report on. None of them knew the Clarkson alpha had a human son.
But I knew. I should’ve figured out who Reid was the second Finn mentioned him.
My wolf tried to steer me towards the clan boundary, determined to hunt down Clyde and get some thorough answers.
I gritted my teeth and took control back from him long enough to point us towards our clan house.
We couldn’t go in all guns blazing. We had a clan to protect.
I wouldn’t do anything that would endanger them.
Even if I had endangered Reid. I hadn’t protected him. I’d acted in a way that went against my very nature.
It was something I’d carry with me forever.
Just as Reid appeared to carry it with him. My failure weighed heavy on us both.
The intensity of his reaction…I had to assume things hadn’t got better after my departure.
Oh god. What if they’d got worse?
I shifted and immediately vomited into a bush beside the clan house. The heaving only stopping when my stomach was completely empty.
What the fuck have I done?
I paused on the clan house steps just long enough to grab a pair of joggers. We kept a small stash of clothes there for times such as these.
Hauling them on, I raced through the house. I was too het up to think about knocking, instead just bursting into Finn’s office.
He jumped up at my entrance. “Evan? What’s wrong?”
I couldn’t answer him. My wolf was still pushing against my skin, begging me to go to the Clarkson lands. I dropped into one of the chairs, yanking at my hair in frustration. “Fuck!”
I felt rather than saw Finn come around the desk. He perched on the arm of the chair beside me. “Talk to me. Are ye in danger? Is anyone we know in danger?”
I shook my head roughly. No. But Reid had been in danger. Someone had been hurting him.
And I’d fucking left.
“Adamanthea?”
I gave a curt nod, pressing the heels of my hands against my eyes to try and erase the image of Reid’s ten-year-old face. The shine in his eyes as he begged me to take him away, to keep him safe. It was no good. I rocked back and forth in my chair.
How could I have left him there?
“Here.” Finn pushed a glass into my hand. Adamanthea was a rare substance that was capable of intoxicating supes. The amount he’d poured suggested he was worried about me. “Drink some of this and tell me what happened.”
I reached out with a shaky hand, almost spilling the liquid. It took a ridiculous amount of concentration to get the glass to my lips. To remember how to do something as basic as swallowing. It was like all my brainpower was taken up with Reid. With how I’d failed him.
“It’s so bad,” I whispered after taking a few sips. “So fucking bad, Finn. I feel sick.”
The alcohol wasn’t helping to settle my stomach. Then again, I didn’t think anything could.
He stiffened. “Is it Chester?”
He must’ve remembered my plan to go to Thistle Do Nicely today. “No, it’s Reid. And me. I canna fucking believe this.”
“Okay,” Finn said slowly, once again reminding me why he was the leader. He was rarely ruffled, always approaching problems methodically. “Start at the beginning.”
I took a deep swig of my drink. Fuck knew I’d need all the liquid courage to get through this. “Remember the diplomatic summit I had to attend?”
Finn’s brow furrowed. “The one, like, ten years ago?”
“It was thirteen,” I said quietly, staring into my glass. Reid had to be twenty-three now. How many more years had he suffered before managing to escape? “Thirteen years ago.”
“The one hosted by the Clarkson Clan, right?” Finn clarified. “The jaguar shifters.”
“Aye.” I knew now why I’d been chosen over the others to go.
I’d been born after the attack on our clan and hadn’t been privy to the details.
While I’d known about what had happened, I hadn’t carried the same prejudices as the rest of them towards the Clarksons.
Until now, I supposed. “There was a boy living there. A child.”
“A jaguar shifter?”
I shook my head once. “A human.”
Finn frowned. “Why did the Clarkson Clan have a human living with them?”
I lifted my weary eyes to meet Finn’s. I should’ve told him this thirteen fucking years ago. Maybe everything would be different if I had. “Because his parents are both shifters. His father is the clan alpha.”
Finn blinked in shock. “That’s not possible.”
“I didn’t think so either.” My glass was empty now. I turned it around in my hands to keep them busy. “They tried to keep him hidden, but he saw me playing football with a few of the other shifter kids. He snuck out and asked if he could join in.
“He was the image of his dad,” I continued, “but there wasn’t a lick of scent on him. He was just a kid. A normal human kid. Bit scrawny, but feisty as fuck.”
I saw understanding dawn on Finn’s face and swallowed back the bitterness. He’d made the connection far faster than I had. I bet he wouldn’t have forgotten about Reid.
Scratch that. He wouldn’t have walked away and left him there in the first place.
“He followed me around for the whole conference,” I said. “The alpha tried to insist he return to his quarters, but I told him I didn’t mind. The kid was funny. And he seemed kind of lonely, ye know?”
Finn nodded, his eyes sad. Like he could see where this was going. I hadn’t been able to see. I’d been there, with the kid fucking begging me, and I hadn’t been able to see the truth.
What the fuck was wrong with me?
I took a deep breath before launching into the final part of the story.
The bit that would reveal to my leader just how much I’d fucked up.
How I’d failed him. Fuck, how I’d failed my entire fucking species.
We were protectors. We were meant to look after the young, not ignore their pleas and fucking walk away.
“On the last morning of the summit, he turned up with bruises on his wrist and a black eye.” The glass cracked in my grip, but I didn’t stop.
I couldn’t. The words were pouring out of me in a torrent, a wound bleeding dry.
“Told me he’d fallen out of a tree the night before.
Several of the other kids corroborated his story, so I didn’t think anything of it. ”
“Why would you?” Finn’s tone was far gentler than I deserved. “That’s not the sort of thing you would’ve come across here. You were brought up to believe that all children are sacred and to be protected.”
“Don’t make excuses for me,” I said harshly. “Don’t. I don’t deserve them. You’ve not even heard the worst part yet.”
Finn nodded for me to continue. “Go on. I’m here. Whatever you’ve got to tell me, I’m here.”