Chapter 12
Reid
Ispent the next couple of weeks mulling Chester’s words over. I’d always wanted the kind of love we spoke of, but believing I deserved it? That was a new concept for me.
The longer I sat with it, the more I wanted to do something about it. It had me itching to get out there and try to find someone.
There was just one thing standing in my way. Well, two, if I was being completely honest. Ever since the night a very naked Evan had burst into my flat, I’d had trouble getting him off my mind.
And I definitely hadn’t pictured him in all his naked glory while getting myself off in the shower.
Repeatedly.
Nope.
The bigger problem right now wasn’t Evan. It was a five-foot-two wolf shifter with a sassy attitude and the innate belief that he was always right.
“I’m just saying, you’re not going to find the love of your life in a nightclub,” Logan said as I raked through my wardrobe. “This is a stupid plan.”
I glared at him, draped over my bed and sipping boba tea. “What else do you suggest? It’s not like he’s going to just rock up to Thistle Do Nicely to sweep me off my feet.”
Logan’s drink rattled as he reached the end of it. After swallowing the last of the bright orange liquid, he wiggled his brows at me. “Finlay did.”
“And he’s with Chester, not me.” I held up a pair of skinny jeans and a sleeveless top that showed off my nipples. “Too much?”
Logan got to his feet with a sigh. “Not enough. If you’re going to insist on this, you should dress more appropriately.”
I stepped back, letting him rummage in my wardrobe. “Good luck trying to find anything. I swear my shit just goes walkabout, and I can only blame half of it on Bryce. Mac suggested that Cole should design me a new wardrobe. I should probably take him up on that.”
“Are they going with you tonight? I’m dying to meet them, you know.”
I shifted on my feet, thinking about the unanswered messages on my phone. The missed calls were mounting up. “No. I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
Logan had been right when he’d predicted we’d end up close. Which was a good thing…considering I’d taken a step back from everyone else.
Knowing I couldn’t just ghost them entirely, not when they had keys to my flat and stubborn natures to rival my own, I’d sent out a message in our group chat.
I’d kept it vague, saying that some family drama had come up and that I needed some time to myself.
That they didn’t need to worry, and I’d be back when my mind was more settled.
It wasn’t a lie. My mind was a fucking mess what with my family sniffing around, shifters standing guard outside my home, and the lying awake thinking about a man I really shouldn’t have been.
My friends wouldn’t be put off for long, but hopefully this situation with the Clarksons would be wrapped up sooner rather than later.
Whatever the situation actually was. None of us were sure what he wanted with me.
Privately, I hoped I’d never find out.
Logan popped his head out of the wardrobe. “You know we can keep all of them safe. You shouldn’t stop living your life just because that twat is sniffing around.”
Logan avoided saying his name outright. The last time he had, I’d ended up hyperventilating on the floor. It had shaken Logan up so much that he’d had to step out after for a few minutes of fresh air.
“I know.” I picked at a loose thread on my bedding.
“But the easiest way to keep them safe is to not see them at all. I’m not an idiot, despite what my family might think.
If they know who I care about, they will use that knowledge against me.
It’s easier to just keep my distance until the whole situation… goes away.”
Logan harrumphed from the depths of the wardrobe.
I could barely see him through the stacks of clothes.
Mac was right, I really did need to do something about the mess.
That didn’t mean Cole needed to design something though.
I was sure Ikea had options for online design.
Or I could take a trip to Aberdeen and go into the shop.
Ooh, that was a good idea. I could get a few packets of those biscuits, the ones sandwiched with chocolate.
Speaking of chocolate, I still hadn’t found the orange hot chocolate I’d thought about the other night.
It wasn’t like I even enjoyed hot chocolate enough to warrant having different flavours, really.
It was Instagram’s fault. Last year, I kept seeing all these posts about hot chocolate stations and just had to have one.
“Reid?”
I snapped my head up to see Logan staring at me, lips curled in amusement.
“Shit, sorry. Did you say something? My brain was off on an adventure.”
“It’s fine.” That was something I loved about Logan—he never judged me when I accidentally tuned him out. And he didn’t mind repeating himself either, which made my life so much easier. “I just said hopefully Evan will have a positive update when he gets back.”
All thoughts of anything aside from Evan vanished immediately as goosebumps covered my skin. “What? Where’s Evan gone?”
“To visit your old clan,” Logan said distractedly, holding up two tops as he tried to decide between them. “Well, he had. He was due back earlier today. He was trying to find out what they want with you.”
“What?” I leapt to my feet. “Why would he do that?”
Logan settled on the blue top, tossing the red one back into the wardrobe. “Here. This one will have the men forming a queue.”
I batted it away impatiently. “Logan, for fuck’s sake, why would Evan do that? I said I didn’t want anyone going there.”
“No, you said we can’t be violent.” Logan rolled his eyes. “Honestly takes the fun out of it, but whatever. It’s what you want, so we’re respecting it.”
I fell back onto the bed with a thud. “Has he been going there alone?”
“Aye.”
A lump formed in my throat as I caught Logan’s wrist. “You can’t let him. What if he gets hurt?”
Logan eyed me curiously. “Why do you care?”
My stomach hollowed out. “Why wouldn’t I care?”
“I didn’t think you liked him. In fact, I’m fairly certain you told him to fuck off out of your life.”
“That’s not how I phrased it,” I muttered.
“Sentiment’s the same.”
“That doesn’t mean I want him walking onto the clan lands alone,” I exploded, back on my feet once more. “Jesus, Logan. Is he trying to get killed? Doesn’t he know who he’s dealing with? Why the fuck would he do that?”
“Reid.” Logan grabbed my shoulders to stop me pacing. “Come on now. Why do you think he’s doing it?”
I swallowed my fear. “But…I told him I forgive him. I told him I don’t need or want him to keep me safe anymore.”
And you really thought he’d just accept it? For fuck’s sake, you got startled by a spider and he sprinted in to save the day.
Logan’s smile was sad. “Evan isn’t just a shifter, Reid, he’s a wolf shifter.”
I knew exactly what he was hinting at, but I refused to admit it. “So?”
“So he can’t just let this go. It doesn’t matter what you tell him, what any of us tell him, for that matter. He believes he failed to keep you safe as a child. That’s not something he can just let go of.”
“This is all my fault,” I whispered as my vision went blurry. “I should’ve kept my mouth shut. See? I’m always fucking up. Always ruining things.”
“Stop,” Logan said firmly. “You’re not to blame, and neither is Evan. Your cunt of a family are the only ones at fault here. And if you ask me, that’s not the question you should be asking.”
“It’s not?”
“No.” Logan gently wiped under my eyes. “You should be asking why the thought of Evan putting himself in danger upsets you so much.”
I snorted. “I don’t need to ask that. It’s obvious.”
Logan smirks. “Is it?”
“Of course it is. I don’t want anyone else to get hurt because of me.”
“Hmm.” Logan threw the top he’d picked out at me. “You’re telling me you’d feel this way if Calan was the one doing the visits?”
“Umm…” I hesitated. I mean, Calan was the pack enforcer. Would I be this worried? “Yeah. I would.”
Logan gave a hoot of laughter. “Sure, hun. Mm-hmm. I really buy that thirty-second hesitation there.”
I stripped off my shirt and threw it in his laughing face. “Fuck off. I wouldn’t worry if you were the one going. Psychotic little shitbag.”
“You say the nicest things.” Logan winked. “Tell me this—do you think Evan’s attractive?”
God, why did he need to ask me that? I was fucking terrible at lying, even to myself.
Which was probably why I kept wanking to the memory of Evan’s heavy, soft cock between his thighs. The size it might grow to when hard. How hot it’d feel in my grip.
Evasive manoeuvres were required. “What’s that got to do with the price of fish?”
“Pretend you didn’t know who he was,” Logan said as I busied myself with the top he’d picked out. “If he just happened to come into your shop one day and gave you that charming grin of his. Would you have asked him out?”
My head popped through the head hole just in time for me to glare at Logan. “You think his grin is charming?”
“I have eyes. Don’t worry though, Evan’s far too monogamous for me. I need at least two men to adore…and to adore me.”
I’d heard that from him before. “I’m sure they’re out there.”
“I live in hope.” Logan did a mock swoon. “But no changing the subject. Admit it, you think Evan’s fine.”
“So what if I do?” I said, shoving my feet into my shoes and refusing to look at Logan. “So what if he’s my exact type? I barely know the bloke, and even if I did, it doesn’t mean anything, Logan. It can’t.”
“Because of your past?”
I straightened up with a sigh. “Yes, but not in the way you think. Returning to shifter life isn’t what I want, Logan. I don’t want to be controlled or treated like a second-class citizen.”
Pity flashed through Logan’s eyes. “That would never happen with the McCarthys.”
“It’s not for me,” I repeated firmly. “Even if we didn’t share the past we do, Evan would never be someone I’d consider. Okay?”
“Fine.” Logan held his hands up. “I’ll drop it.”
My eyes narrowed. That was…easy. Too easy.