Chapter 30
Evan
The information Logan had uncovered weighed heavily on my shoulders. Finally, we knew what the Clarksons had planned for Reid. The insane reason they were so insistent on his returning to their lands.
I still couldn’t quite believe it.
I’d passed through all the stages while Logan filled us in.
Denial. “They can’t be fucking serious. This has to be a joke.”
Anger. “I’ll fucking kill all of them. Every last one. This isn’t happening. Not even over my own dead body.”
Bargaining. “Is there nothing we can offer them as an alternative? What about the other clan? Surely they won’t want to go through with this if they know the consequences?”
The final two stages, depression and acceptance…those I hadn’t allowed myself to feel. To become depressed would mean I was considering the possibility that this might actually happen. That the Clarksons would somehow find a way to pull this harebrained scheme off.
That I might lose Reid in ways I hadn’t even considered.
As for accepting it? Absolutely not. It wasn’t happening.
I stepped outside the clan house and tried to pull myself together. We’d all been in agreement. We wouldn’t be handing Reid over.
Even if it cost us our immortality.
Now though, I had to tell Reid. How the fuck was I meant to add to the weight he already carried? I was supposed to be alleviating it, giving him the sense of peace he’d been sorely missing these last few months.
Instead, it was all about to come crashing down.
I rubbed at the back of my neck as I stared at the clouds in the distance. A storm was coming in, which seemed apt. Our life here was about to be disturbed. We couldn’t continue in this peaceful lull, not knowing what we did now.
A childish laugh snagged my attention. Another joined it, this one fuller, richer. One that had my wolf excited and my feet automatically heading in that direction.
I rounded the back of Becca’s house, a grin appearing at what I found. Reid was sat inside a cardboard box, his nose pink from the cold. Between his legs, bundled up in several layers, was Hayden.
The two of them seemed to be pretending they were on a race circuit. Reid was turning a paper circle in his hands, tilting the box from side to side as he made comical car noises.
“Watch out for the sheep,” Hayden cried dramatically. “Shoo, sheep!”
Reid made a high-pitched screeching noise. “Oh no! We’re losing control. Hold on tight.”
Wrapping his arms around Hayden, Reid flung them both to the side. Alarm buzzed through me as the box toppled, but evaporated at the sound of their laughter.
A voice at my elbow made me jump. “They’ve been at this for an hour now.”
“I’m glad they’re having fun.” I smiled at Becca, cooing at baby Freddie in her arms. “Is Ma here too?”
“She was, but she left a little while ago. I told Reid he didn’t need to entertain Hayden, but he insisted.”
“That doesn’t surprise me,” I said, suddenly transported back to thirteen years ago. To the lad who didn’t have anyone else to play with. Had he seen Hayden and realised that the only other child in the clan was his baby brother? Or had he seen himself in Hayden? “Reid’s imagination is fantastic.”
“As is Hayden’s.” She sighed. “It’s been honestly wonderful to have Reid here. He’s welcome back whenever.”
My heart warmed. “He’ll be thrilled to hear that.”
Becca chuckled. “Aye, until he realises Hayden has near unlimited energy and a smile ye can’t say no to. Sadly, I’m going to have to be the baddie and break up the fun. Josh’ll be home soon and it’s time for Hayden’s bath.”
“Let me do it.” I patted her shoulder. “I’ll send him in. Maybe then he’ll do it without a fuss.”
She rolled her eyes. “We can live in hope.”
Hayden’s dislike of baths was legendary. In the summer, we’d often take him to the lake with a bottle of shower gel, hoping to help Becca and Josh out by getting him clean that way.
Unfortunately, that option was out of the question this time of year.
Becca disappeared inside, leaving me to approach Reid and Hayden. “Excuse me, is this where we race our Formula One cars?”
“Evan!” Hayden scrambled up from the box in delight, flinging himself at me. Knowing to expect it, I tossed him into the air before hugging him tight. “We’ve been playing races.”
“I can see,” I said, lowering him carefully to the ground. “Looks like you’ve had a crash and everything.”
Hayden bounced on his toes. “Yes! But Reid held my head carefully. I didn’t get hurt.”
“That’s because Reid is really thoughtful and caring.”
Reid smirked at me as he got out of the box and dusted himself off. “Reid really is the best.”
Hayden’s gaze darted between us. “I’m thoughtful and caring too.”
“Course you are, buddy.” An idea occurred to me. A way to hopefully get Hayden indoors and into the bath without causing stress for anyone. “That’s why you’re going to do something super thoughtful and caring for your ma right now.”
His head tilted. “I am?”
“Yup.” I grinned, wiping a smear of dirt off his cheek. “You’re going to go in for yer bath, without a single complaint.”
Never one to just accept something, Hayden frowned. “How is that thoughtful and caring?”
“Well, it’s thoughtful because your ma is tired,” Reid said, his hand falling on Hayden’s shoulder as he joined us. “And if you don’t have your bath, she’ll be upset and frustrated. We don’t want that, do we?”
“No,” Hayden said slowly.
“And it’ll make your ma happy if she doesn’t have to fight ye on it,” I said. “Which means you’re caring for her by going straight in.”
Hayden’s brow furrowed as he considered it.
“Think how grown up you’ll be, too,” Reid added. “You’d be setting such a good example for your baby brother. He’ll look at you and go ‘wow, that’s what I need to be doing.’”
Reid’s words did the trick. Hayden gave a decisive nod. “Yes. I’m a big brother now. It’s very important.”
“It is.” Reid’s lips twitched. “The most importantest.”
Hayden bounced a few more times. “Will ye come back and play again soon?”
“Course,” Reid said, ruffling his hair. “Maybe next time we can race speedboats. How does that sound?”
Hayden’s eyes were like saucers. “Epic! See ya later.”
Just like that, he was off, the back door banging behind him.
“I’d say he moves that fast because he’s a shifter, but actually I think it’s just Hayden.”
“He’s a bundle of energy in the best possible way,” Reid said. “That was some class A kid manipulation by the way.”
“Meh. He’s indoors and happily taking a bath. No one is crying, so it’s a win to me.” I held my hand out to Reid. “Wanna take a walk with me?”
“Sure.” He slipped his hand into mine and we turned towards the woods.
Neither of us spoke until we were between the trees. Reid seemed happy to just be walking…and me? Well, I could have used another few hours before breaking this news to him. Weeks. Months. Years, even.
If I could delay this for him, I would.
But I couldn’t. The Clarksons were coming, whether we wanted them to or not.
When I finally found my voice, it wasn’t on the topic I was meant to be bringing up. “When I suggested taking the day to decompress, I didn’t think you’d be playing pretend with a four-year-old.”
“Me neither.” Reid chuckled. “It was fun though. He’s such a cute kid.”
“He is.”
Reid hesitated. “Is he…Does he have ADHD? Is that even possible?”
It didn’t surprise me that Reid had noticed. “Aye, he does. Supes can have neurodivergent conditions, as it’s not an illness, just their brains working differently.”
“Huh.” Reid bit his lip. “I didn’t realise that.”
He fell quiet, but the ease of earlier was gone. I nudged him gently with my shoulder. “You okay?”
“Yeah.” He blew out a breath. “Just processing, ye know?”
I nodded. “I do.”
He was silent for a few more minutes, but I could feel the tension rising in him. It was building to a crescendo that was going to burst at any second.
And I’d be right here for him when it did.
Reid came to an abrupt halt and I readied myself. “Like, I’m sorry, but what the actual fuck?”
My instincts told me to stay quiet. That Reid didn’t want a response, just someone to listen.
“There I am, spending my twenty-three fucking years believing that the only reason I have ADHD is because I’m human.
Just more evidence of why I’d never be good enough.
Not only that, but those twats made me believe I was fucking unlovable because of it.
They thought it made me weak. Not worth protecting.
They made me believe that all shifter clans were the same.
That I would’ve been treated like that wherever I grew up. ”
My wolf howled as Reid gave a shuddering sob before turning to me. “But it’s not true, is it?”
“No, sweetheart,” I said softly. “None of it was true.”
“And you know the worst thing,” he whispered, his hands twitching. “All the time I spent with Hayden today, all I could think about was how easy it was to make him happy. How easy it was to spend time with him. How easy it would be to love him.”
Tears were blurring my own vision now. Fuck.
“Why wasn’t it easy for them to make me happy?” Reid’s voice cracked, but he didn’t stop. “Why didn’t they spend time with me? Why didn’t they love me?”
I couldn’t stand it any longer. I didn’t have any answers for him, other than that they were cunts who should never have had children in the first place.
That didn’t mean I couldn’t comfort him though.
Gathering him in my arms, I hugged him tight. One of my hands went into his hair as I cradled his sobbing form, the other gently rubbing his back as I soothed him.
When he was able to catch his breath long enough to speak, it sent another piercing shot at my heart. “Why am I so unlovable?”
Never before had my path forward been clearer.
Easing him back slightly, I cupped his face. “Yer not unlovable, Reid. Far from it.”
He shook his head, tears continuing to stream. “Obviously I am, Ev. No one loves me.”
“That’s not true. I do.”
Reid’s breath caught. “What?”
“I love ye, Reid,” I said quietly. “I don’t know when it happened.
It seems to have snuck up on me like a silent wave.
I didn’t realise it was there until it knocked me off my feet.
But I’m so glad it did, sweetheart. Even if nothing more happens between us, even if what we have now is the extent of it, I’ll always know that my life is brighter because you’ve been in it. ”
“But…” Reid’s mouth opened and closed a few more times as he searched for something else to say. An argument that might change my mind.
As if that could exist.
I kissed him lightly. “I don’t tell ye this with any expectations, Reid.
And I don’t want you to feel any pressure either.
But I couldn’t let another minute of your life pass where you believed you were unloved.
Because ye are, sweetheart. I love you so much it terrifies me, because this feeling?
It keeps growing. I don’t know how much more room there is for it, but I know my heart will find the space, because it’s you. ”
“Goodness,” he said faintly. “This is quite a love declaration. Kinda wish I’d thought to whip my phone out so I could watch it back later.
” His face turned suddenly pensive. “Do ye think people used to set up video cameras to catch proposals? Oh, I wonder when the first recording of a proposal was taken.”
It was so beautifully him that I just smiled. “We should definitely add that to the list.”
“Sorry.” He flushed. “First time someone tells me they love me and I fall down a rabbit hole.”
“I love that ye did,” I said simply. “I love ye, Reid. All of ye.”
His throat bobbed. “That’s going to take some getting used to. Good thing we’ve got lots of time.”
The realisation of what I’d led Reid here to tell him smacked me in the face. I’d been so caught up in him, that I’d almost forgotten.
Almost.
Sadly, I didn’t think there was a way for me to forget entirely, even if I wanted to.
“About that, Reid…we need to talk.”