38. Chapter Thirty-Eight
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Jackie
A s soon as I finish the interview, I get on the phone to Richard and Meryl. I feel like I’ve been misleading them for years; making them believe that I have the same passion for baking that Meryl does and that it’s what I want to do as a career for the rest of my life—and I need to come clean. Now that I realize how misguided I’ve been these past few years, I feel a sudden sense of urgency to clear up the past so that I can move on and dive headfirst into the things that really excite me.
I can’t decide if it makes me feel worse or better that Meryl is thrilled by my revelation. Which, I come to find out, isn’t even a huge revelation to her or Richard. Apparently, they’ve known for years that I don’t love baking; they were just waiting for me to figure it out for myself. They were hoping this road trip would help me come to that realization, and help me get closer to figuring out what does bring me true joy. Either way, I feel a huge sense of relief after I hang up. I feel like a weight has just been lifted off my shoulders.
This is what Meryl must have meant in that quote, about being true to yourself. You know you’re being true to yourself when it feels right .
I sit down at my computer, and before even opening Photoshop or CreatHire or anything else; I write an email to Silas. I know he won’t write back, but that’s not why I’m emailing. I’m emailing to apologize. And also because he didn’t give up on me, even when I kept rejecting his observations about my misguided goals. So I’m certainly not going to give up on him just because I know he’s going to reject my email. I’m still going to send it. And then another one after that. And then another one .
I even made a playlist for him which I attach a link to in the email. Even though I know he definitely won’t listen to that.
After I’ve clicked “send”, I put on my favorite playlist and blast it full volume—the one that’s a mix of Haim and Taylor Swift and Annie Lennox and Joan Jett. My Powerhouse Girl mix that always inspires me and puts me in the mood to do something—to be creative and driven and energized.
It works: my mood right now is all of those things.
I make a list, so that I can get all the thoughts flying around inside my head flattened out on paper. Also, because making lists is one of my favorite things to do.
Jackie’s End Of Summer List Of Things To Do
Create cover design schedule for the rest of the summer
Buy bulk candy (so I can go back to selling fewer cookies and free up more time to work on my cover design business)
Research how to create a business website
Create business website
Sign up for Photoshop advanced composting workshop
Research waterfalls in Connecticut
Make another playlist for Silas
And then I get to work tackling the first items on the list.