Chapter 7
Iwasn’t surprised to find Chloe standing in the exact same place—just a dozen feet away—when Gray took off, looking equal parts worried and inquisitive.
However, I was surprised that when I turned on my heel to leave, I turned right back around and closed some of the distance between us, asking, “Can I come with you?”
Once again, I didn’t know if her shock was more out of the fact that I was talking to her, or the question in general. “Come . . . wh—to Lainey’s?”
I gave her a nod that didn’t show any of the uncertainty I felt, and watched as her doe eyes widened comically.
You know . . . if anything about this situation were comical.
“S-sure,” she said, clearly not knowing what to make of my question, but that endless joy that flowed out of her only seemed to grow. “I’d love that. Do you wanna drive with me?”
“I’ll meet you there,” I told her before forcing myself to walk calmly back to my Jeep. After all, I wasn’t sure what to make of my request either, and wasn’t sure why I wanted to be there, so I needed an easy escape.
I’d talked to Lainey much more than Chloe, but our conversations had still only been few and far between, and usually out of necessity. And girl talk wasn’t something I’d ever done.
But after the revelation about my dysfunctional family and the disconcerting conversation with Gray, there was this feeling deep in my stomach that I needed to be in that house with them.
I just didn’t know what to make of the fact that it also left me feeling emptier and smaller than I ever had before.
A feeling that only grew when Briggs answered the door, his permanent scowl shifting to a suspicious glare when he saw me standing with Chloe.
“Hi, so sorry,” Chloe began, holding the drinks up like an offering. “I didn’t know you would be here, so I didn’t bring anything for you. But I brought tea for Lainey!”
Briggs didn’t even glance her way as he mumbled, “Thanks, Chloe.”
When he didn’t move to let us in, Chloe hesitantly said, “We can always come back?” making the words sound like a question. “We should probably come back.”
At that, Briggs quickly blinked before taking in the two of us, as if just considering that we were there together.
Not that I blamed him.
He stepped back and opened the door wider. “Kaia just went down for a nap. Lainey’s on the couch and waiting to see you,” he said to Chloe, then stopped me with a pointed look as soon as I crossed the threshold. “Thatch just called and said I was needed over there. Do you need me to stay?”
“No.” The short word was filled with doubt and seemed to surprise him even more than my showing up had.
“You’re here to see my wife,” he said softly, the words somehow a statement instead of a question. When I nodded, he once again stated, “Not to give me a decision you shouldn’t be making yet.”
My hands curled into fists at my sides because I already knew what I would choose at the end of these two weeks, just as I knew I would try talking myself out of it. “Correct.”
His head slanted in a way that let me know he was questioning why I would be here to see Lainey, but I knew he wouldn’t ask.
Still, I found myself explaining, “Felt like I could use girl talk, or something.”
From the way Briggs’ eyebrows shot up at the words girl talk, I knew the idea sounded just as insane to him as it did to me. He also probably didn’t believe a word of it.
Thankfully, he just gave a subtle dip of his head and watched me pass.
With each step closer to the living room, where I could hear Chloe’s excited voice and Lainey’s responses—that were much more subdued than usual—my stomach twisted and dipped until I wondered if I was going to be sick too.
But that was ridiculous.
I didn’t get sick, and I didn’t have a reason to be now.
It was just girl talk. It was just . . . me, trying to figure out what exactly I was doing here.
I sank into the large chair, leaving me far from where Chloe was sitting on the opposite end of the couch from Lainey. Her wild blonde curls were also piled messily onto her head, and she looked pale and exhausted in a way I’d never seen her. And yet, she looked beyond happy that we were here.
She also hadn’t looked surprised when I walked in, so Chloe must’ve warned her.
Briggs dipped low to whisper something to Lainey before tipping her head back so she was smiling up at him, and I shifted my attention to the floor to give them some sense of privacy until he left.
“Swoon,” Chloe said, earning a laugh from Lainey.
Even though the sound ended on a confirming hum, Lainey teased, “Says the girl who sends me daily updates about her real-life novel.” Lainey made a face. “Y’all are almost too nauseating to be around.”
Chloe scoffed in mock-offense, and Lainey held up her tea in a placating motion.
“I said almost.”
Chloe just smiled as if she wasn’t bothered by that in the least before her expression shifted into something more mischievous. “Speaking of nauseating . . .”
I held back a sigh and resisted the urge to bounce my legs. If this was girl talk, I wasn’t sure I wanted it . . .
I still wasn’t even sure why I was here.
“I knew it!” Chloe whisper-cried victoriously before I realized she was actually crying over something I had clearly missed.
They both were.
And hugging.
I looked toward the front door, the urge to leave even stronger because I wasn’t a hugger. Or a crier—well, not including these past few months, because Hudson Gray liked to destroy things, like my soul. And why had I asked to come here?
“Are you so excited? Is Asher? How far along are you?” Chloe asked in rapid fire, bringing my attention back to them in time to see Lainey brush a few tears from her cheeks, her smile nearly as bright as Chloe’s.
“So excited. I mean, we were thinking it’d be a year or so, not immediate. And Asher’s terrified because I’ve been so sick, but we’re just—” A shuddering breath left her, her shoulders sagging a little in contentment. “We’re so excited.”
Pregnant. Got it.
“Congratulations,” I said, seeming to remind them that I was even there, given the twin looks of surprise.
“Thanks, Mallory,” Lainey said, recovering before Chloe, then added, “And I’m almost ten weeks, so we’re hoping this”—she waved over herself, indicating how she felt—“goes away soon.”
“Is it supposed to?” I found myself asking, once again earning a look of surprise from both women.
I would’ve been more self-conscious about my lack of knowledge with these things if they hadn’t given me these looks every time I’d spoken to them, even before today.
Just before Lainey graciously answered, Chloe’s head slanted to the side, her brow furrowing in suspicion and curiosity.
“Supposed to. Hopefully,” Lainey said on a desperate laugh. “Typically around twelve weeks. But I’ve been reading horror stories of women who go their whole pregnancy like this.”
I hummed in confirmation before deciding right then that I never wanted to get pregnant. Besides, how was I supposed to protect anyone, let alone myself, while pregnant?
“Pregnancy makes you weak, and bodies were made to be weapons.”
I shook my head and forced my dad’s words from my mind, then glanced back toward the entryway in time to notice the heavy silence pressing down on the room.
Awareness prickled on the back of my neck as I tilted my head to find Chloe and Lainey once again staring at me. But the stunned and uncomfortable expressions covering their faces then were enough to let me know I hadn’t just remembered my dad’s words.
I swallowed a curse. “I didn’t—that wasn’t directed at you. That was—” I forced another swallow as I tried to figure out a way to explain something that had always seemed so normal to me.
Well, I’d known for some time that my dad hadn’t been normal. But I’d only thought that had extended to how he’d raised my brothers and me, not how he’d treated my mom as well.
“My dad was . . . not kind,” I finally said. “He also had a very interesting way of viewing people and how they took care of themselves. He thought doing anything that didn’t prepare you for war was wasteful—that included having children. Which is funny, considering I’m the youngest of five.”
“That’s sad,” Chloe whispered.
I shrugged, then looked toward my escape again.
Nearly a minute passed before Chloe cleared her throat, cutting through the uncomfortable silence, and turned all her unending excitement on Lainey to ask, “Is that what made you realize you might be pregnant—the morning sickness? Or was it something else?”
“You’d think,” Lainey said with a hushed laugh.
“But things have been incredibly hard with my dad’s health declining, and my parents demanding I take over the farm even more forcefully and harshly than before.
So, I didn’t realize at first that my fatigue or nausea were from something other than stress.
Then my coffee started tasting off, and I thought it was our espresso machine.
” She pressed a hand to her face, trying to hide her embarrassed smile.
I couldn’t help but make note of everything Lainey was saying while also making my own personal list against it, even though I’d already ruled it out earlier.
Fatigue. Nausea. Taste.
Yeah, I was fine.
Relief eased some of the strain in my chest as Lainey added, “It’s kind of embarrassing that I didn’t realize anything was going on until I missed my period that month.”
“You shouldn’t be embarrassed,” Chloe started saying, just as the words, “You get yours every month?” thoughtlessly burst from me.
There were those shocked stares again.
Wide, unblinking eyes stared back at me before Lainey said, “Yes,” the word dragging out and sounding like a question. “Don’t you?”
“No.” My answer was quick and firm, but still sounded as confused as Lainey’s.
Just as I started wondering if there was something wrong with me, I wondered what was wrong with them? Getting it every month? That sounded awful.