Chapter Nine
‘Oh God!’ Her son exhaled and hid his face in his hands briefly.
‘It’s okay, Aiden, take your time. We can sit here for a bit. No need to rush.’ Enya spoke slowly and softly, even though her mind screamed for him to get to the point and end the agony of her imaginings.
He nodded and gasped, as if it were difficult to get air into his lungs.
‘I’m not sure how to feel or what to say,’ he began. ‘I’m really tired. So tired. Exhausted, in fact.’
Enya nodded, knowing there were no prompts to help him with this. He needed to find clarity and express what it was that occupied his thoughts. Her son took one deep, long breath and gave the words free rein.
‘I met someone.’
‘You met someone,’ she repeated quietly, waiting for more, needing to hear him say it, to give her the details, as she tried and failed to mentally pave the fast-paced route from meeting someone to wanting to get married in such a short space of time.
‘We were on the same plane. She was heading out to Rome to work for a fortnight but then took a few days’ holiday so we could be together.
She had to leave yesterday and the moment she went, I felt lost. I hated being there without her.
She’s...’ He pursed his lips and blinked away the obvious emotion that rose at no more than the mere mention of her.
‘Her name is Iris Sutherland, and she’s’ – he swallowed – ‘she’s like. .. she’s everything.’
This was one of those times, and there had of course been others over the last three years, when she wished Jonathan were here to tag-team their response.
It was a well-practised method, one with a hand on the tiller while the other acted as lookout, helping them navigate choppy waters as and when they encountered them.
‘But... but... you can only have known her a maximum of three weeks, it doesn’t sound like you, love.
You’re not spontaneous, you’re considered, thoughtful, you don’t make snap decisions, you never have.
We sit for what feels like hours in a restaurant while you mentally tussle with whether you want the steak or the chicken! You take your time over things!’
‘Until now,’ he countered, ‘and I know it sounds nuts, Mum, but after seeing her, talking to her for no more than an hour, if she had said, Pack up, we’re off to go and live in deepest, darkest Borneo , I’d have gone.
I’d have trusted the feeling in my gut, handed my life over to fate, and I’d have gone.
’ He shook his head as if it were a fact that he too was still trying to come to terms with.
‘I mean, I’d probably have had to google where Borneo was first, but.
..’ He smiled weakly then, as if aware, as was she, that his choice came with consequences and heartache that rather robbed the news of its glitter.
His words and intentions were utterly terrifying.
Her son was declaring that he would run away with a complete stranger!
He would willingly throw away the lovely life he had constructed, they had constructed, for what?
Her second thought was for Holly, the girl who adored him, who had always adored him, Jenny’s daughter.
Enya felt the seeds of discord take root in her gut, aware that this was going to be one hell of a bloody upheaval for them all.
She did her best to smother the flames of anger that flickered inside her, knowing they were as unattractive as they were unfair, but what the bloody hell had he done?
‘Wow, I’ve never...’ She didn’t know if it was insensitive or helpful to admit that she had never felt that way.
She had loved Jonathan, loved him still, of that there was no doubt.
But that instant gut-pull of attraction that was strong enough for him to flirt with the idea of destiny , and the intervention of the universe?
No, nothing like that. It was a concept that she believed to be utter rubbish.
Bunkum. Something that only happened in movies and poems. It wasn’t real.
It couldn’t be real! An image of Dominic, the grey-haired car klutz, floated momentarily into her thoughts.
‘And you went from feeling like that to wanting to get married in three weeks?’
It was as close as she could get to screaming Are You Absolutely Mad? Knowing that kind of reaction would help no one.
‘Actually no, I pretty much felt like that after three days, less maybe, hours even! But as I said, it’s not just that I want to get married, we are getting married. I spoke to her dad on the phone, bought a ring, and we’ve... we’ve set a date...’
‘Oh my God, Aiden!’ She closed her eyes and let her head drop. It was worse than she had thought, not just a possibility, but they’d set a date? Bought a bloody ring ?
At this admission of all the things he had failed to do for Holly in the last decade, she felt truly sick. This was no flash in the pan, not a mere possibility, but was instead a crisis or, more fairly, a situation to be dealt with.
‘I don’t know what to say, love. I’m... I’m pleased for you, I guess.’
‘Wow, Mum! Go steady with that enthusiasm!’
He huffed, sat back in the seat and her heart sank, wanting so badly to be the person who cheered him on, who championed him, but this was lunacy.
‘I want to support you. I want you to be happy, I want that more than anything, but I’m also worried about how everyone will take the news.’ She pictured having to tell Jenny and Phil and her throat constricted. ‘And of course I’m a little heartbroken for Holly, more than a little.’
The thought of the girl sitting at home, so very excited for his return, did nothing to help ease her angst.
‘I know, and it’s not something I’m doing lightly.
Obviously, I didn’t want to tell her over the phone, it’s been awful, texting her, telling her I was busy, making excuses.
’ He sighed and rubbed his eyes, and she could see that the deceit had not sat easily on his shoulders.
Yet it angered her still; lying by omission had never sat well with her.
‘But life’s short, Mum. I think it’s time we stopped worrying about how everyone else thinks and feels, and started doing what’s right for us. ’
It was her turn to stare at him, unsure exactly what he meant by this, but knowing she had to tread carefully. ‘Aren’t you worried that maybe what you feel is a reaction to the novelty of being with someone else?’
‘No, definitely not.’ He was adamant.
‘You say that, but things can get, I don’t know, a bit stale when you’ve been with someone for a long time, and maybe what you feel for, the girl, erm...’
‘Iris.’
‘Yep, sorry, Iris.’ It felt bizarre, talking about her only child’s fiancée , a young woman she would not have been able to pick out in a line-up and who she knew nothing about.
Apart from the fact she too had spent time in Italy, and who at that very moment was walking around with an engagement ring on the third finger of her left hand that Aiden had given to her with a promise.
A girl who had a date set for her forthcoming marriage and was probably already thinking about frocks and flowers for her big day.
Enya felt the beginnings of a headache. This was a lot.
‘Maybe, maybe what you feel for her is so powerful because it’s new and exciting and a novelty, and it’s probably a lot about sex, new sex, different sex. ’
‘God, Mum!’ He pulled a face and turned his head to look out of the window.
‘You know what I mean!’ She didn’t want to be talking to him about sex any more than he wanted to hear her talking about it, but it felt important for him to consider all angles and not jump into something he just might live to regret.
A choice that could cause a bow wave that had the power to drown them all.
‘I’m trying to say and do the right thing here.
It’s like walking a tightrope between encouraging you to live your best life and not wanting you to make a terrible mistake. ’
‘Dad always used to say the best way to learn was to make a mistake.’ He looked right at her now.
‘Yes! He meant by putting the wrong fuel in the lawnmower, losing your wallet, missing a flight, getting on the wrong train, failing your cycling proficiency – not going on a course for three weeks and coming back with a whole other life plan, with a date set for a wedding to a complete stranger you met on a bloody plane!’ Momentarily she forgot to hide her concern and instantly regretted it.
‘I knew you’d be like this!’
‘Like what?’ She did her best to hide her indignancy.
‘Like . . . hoovering up my joy.’
‘What a lovely thing to say to me,’ she snorted. ‘I am your flag bearer, your advocate and I always have been, and to say that is just, bloody horrible!’ His words hurt; the thought that he might mean it hurt more.
They were silent for a breath.
‘I’m sorry,’ he whispered. ‘I’m just so sad to be away from her, saying goodbye was horrible. And I know it sounds weird, but even though I’m here in this car, I’m still wherever she is, mentally. I’m still with her, does that make any sense?’
She looked into the rear-view mirror, where she could see Jonathan staring back at her.
He looked less than impressed. She wondered if it was because she had allowed Dominic to creep back into her thoughts or because she seemed to be spectacularly messing up this pivotal conversation with their son.
‘Not really. But no matter how sad you are, you can’t take it out on me, because that’s not fair.’ She spoke frankly.
‘I know. I am sorry.’
‘That’s okay.’ She looked right at him, thinking how only three weeks ago she had longed to have his attention, a vital conversation like this, to feel needed, engaged, valued. What was it they said? Be careful what you wish for.
‘We’ve hardly slept.’
She discreetly pulled a face, wondering if this was how he felt when she had mentioned sex. ‘Well, I don’t need the details.’